


These Demons

by AuroraNova



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, First Time, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-01
Updated: 2018-01-19
Packaged: 2018-09-03 11:01:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 41
Words: 97,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8709940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AuroraNova/pseuds/AuroraNova
Summary: When there's nothing left to lose Jack confesses why he's been treating Daniel badly. Fighting his demons and repairing their friendship is a long process.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've read many fics where the guys address Jack's behavior in seasons 4&5, confess mutual love, and live happily ever after. That seems too easy, so I present this as an alternate scenario.
> 
> Warning: while the story doesn't depict non-con there is mention of it. 
> 
> Disclaimer: Of course, I own nothing and am not making any money at all.

Daniel could deal with the increasing militarization of SG-1, even though he didn’t like it and would fight for exploration. He couldn’t deal with Jack anymore. Whatever the hell happened to Jack, he was creating a toxic environment and it was eating away at Daniel, eroding not just his sense of self-worth but his very soul. Therefore, Daniel had decided it was time for him to leave. And not just leave SG-1; he required a clean break.

It hurt, of course. He knew that in the long run this was going to be the best thing he could possibly do to take care of himself. It still hurt because SG-1 had been his entire life for over four years now and he would be walking away, not just from the team but the project altogether.

Good. Jack was in his office doing paperwork. Daniel told himself that handing his resignation to Jack instead of Hammond was a way to demonstrate that he had learned about the chain of command, after all. That was mostly a lie. It was really giving Jack one last chance to make things better.

The door was open so he knocked on the way in. “Coming to rescue me from paperwork?” asked Jack.

“No. To give you this.”

Jack took the resignation, scanned it, and promptly tried to give it back. “We need you, Daniel.”

“No, you don’t. You’ve made that abundantly clear lately, Jack. At least do me the final courtesy of not denying it.”

“Shit. You’re serious.”

“Completely.”

He eyed the resignation again. “This isn’t really about the militarization is it?”

“That’s the part that looked better on paper.”

“I… it wasn’t supposed to be like this.”

Daniel raised his eyebrows. “How exactly was it supposed to be?”

That was Jack’s last chance to salvage their working relationship, not to speak of their friendship. Daniel tried not to hope. He was still disappointed when Jack said, “I can’t.”

Even though he knew it was coming, it still hit Daniel like a zat blast. He turned, hoping to keep a little dignity intact by not letting Jack see his reaction.

“Daniel. I can’t _here_. Not on base.” Jack was desperate and… resigned? He was also offering Daniel a morsel of hope again. Whether that was cruel or kind it was too early to say.

Daniel debated with himself for a moment. On one hand, having Jack over to his apartment meant the conversation happened in his territory (and proved that he had paid attention to those tactics lessons). On the other, leaving Jack’s house would be easier than kicking the other man out of his apartment, and Daniel decided that was more important.

“I’ll be at your place at seven,” he said. “But it’s going to take a lot to change my mind.”

Jack nodded and Daniel left because there was nothing else to be said at that time.

* * *

 

Jack locked his door after Daniel left, sat down at his desk, and put his collection of curses to good use swearing at himself. This was all his fault. He knew that. He’d never meant for the situation to get so out of hand, to hurt Daniel and fuck with the team dynamic. All he’d wanted was a little peace of mind and a couple nights’ decent sleep.

Alright. The paperwork could wait. Jack needed to think this through and come up with a plan. Hopefully a much better plan this time.

It was do or die time with Daniel, obviously. Jack was man enough to admit that Daniel deserved the truth and anyway, there was nothing left to lose now. So, that being the case, he should clear the air with Carter.

Yeah, he’d do that. Just as soon as he talked Hammond into a couple of days stand down.  

* * *

 

Hammond’s concern over SG-1 had been growing for some time now and he’d been on the verge of talking to Colonel O’Neill about the problem. Since Hammond preferred to let team leaders address problems before getting involved himself he was more than a little relieved when Jack came in to ask for stand down.

“Dr. Fraiser was talking to us about accumulated stress last week,” said O’Neill, “and you know we just got Teal’c back in his right mind, Carter’s still dealing with paperwork trying to get Uncle Sam to foot the credit card bill Orlin racked up, and we had an alien messing with our heads _again._ ”

“And you think a four-day weekend is going to take care of all this?” Hammond was going to agree, of course, but it wouldn’t do to make it too easy on Jack. Besides, he wanted to hear the colonel’s reasoning.

“A four-day weekend is enough time to decompress without it feeling like punishment, sir.”

“Punishment?”

“You know how cranky Daniel and Carter get when they’re told to leave their toys here and stay home.”

That was an excellent point. “Alright, Colonel. Your team can have Monday and Tuesday off.”

“Thank you, sir.”

Hammond really hoped Jack had more in mind to help his team than two extra days off.

* * *

 

Since he didn’t really expect the conversation with Jack to be very fruitful, Daniel wanted to spend time with Sam and Teal’c before he left. To that end he made his way to Sam’s lab.

Jack was already there. Daniel was about to announce his presence when the other man asked, “Are we good, Carter?”

“We’re good, sir.”

“Great. See you Wednesday.”

“Wednesday?” asked Daniel.

Jack looked startled to see him. “Daniel, next on my list of people to inform that we have a four-day weekend. Alien messing with our heads again, accumulated stress, yadda yadda.”

That would give Daniel plenty of time to start his job search.

“Don’t stay up all night, kids.” With that, Jack was gone.

“Hi Daniel.”

“What is that?” Sam was prodding a machine that looked like it might once have been a microwave.

“I’m not sure. Orlin made it out of my microwave.”

“Is everything alright? With you and Jack?”

“Sure. We were talking about the alternate nature of alternate realities and the limitations of zatarc detectors.”

“Um, what?”

Sam walked over to shut the door. “He came down to tell me he’s done with the game we were playing.”

What the hell was Jack trying to do, trying to emotionally damage his entire time? Although, wait a minute, Sam seemed remarkably okay with this... Daniel was at a loss.

“The game we were playing. You know, where we pretended we were actually interested in each other if only the chain of command wasn’t in the way.”

“Game?”

Sam shrugged. “It wasn’t real. It was something we could use as a shield.”

Shield against what, Daniel wondered but didn’t ask. “Well. I’m glad you’re alright.”

“It’s funny, because when he started emphasizing how alternate realties are by nature not ours, I thought I’d be upset. Instead I’m just relieved that we’re done wasting time.”

Daniel was starting to wonder if _he_ had somehow ended up in an alternate reality. In the end he almost left Sam’s lab without suggesting they visit the chocolate festival that weekend, which was the entire reason he went to see her in the first place.

* * *

 

Jack wasn’t usually one to drink his dinner, a practice which reminded him of his alcoholic great-uncle, but in this case the thought of food made him nauseous. On the other hand, he was pretty sure he couldn’t have this conversation sober. To that end he rummaged around in his cupboards until he found the whiskey he’d gotten last Christmas and threw back two shots. The he put the bottle away before he was tempted to have any more.

He wasn’t even sure exactly how things had gotten so out of control, but he knew it was his fault. He knew he’d treated Daniel badly, grabbed onto the idea of Carter because it was comfortable, easy, wouldn’t ever happen. And now, as Grandma liked to say, the chickens were coming home to roost.

Fuck.

He was going to have to do this. The only chance to keep Daniel from leaving was the truth, Jack knew. Not just talking about feelings – that was hard enough – but baring his soul, confessing things he’d never told anyone.

The whiskey couldn’t hit fast enough.

* * *

 

There was a shot glass on Jack’s counter and he smelled of whiskey. Daniel thought this boded ill, but he declined to comment on it. Instead he followed Jack into the living room and said, “I talked with Sam.”

“Figured you would. Is she okay?”

“She is.”

“Good. I’ve caused enough problems.”

“Speaking of which, is this the part where I learn how it was supposed to be?”

Jack dropped onto his couch, unable to look at Daniel (another bad sign). “Look. I’m really gonna try here, but I need you to help me out. No questions, okay? Let me get it all out while I can.”

Daniel nodded and took a seat. He’d never seen Jack like this; it was an entirely new dimension of unsettled which suggested, at the very least, that Jack honestly didn’t want him to leave. Of course that meant very little if the circumstances driving him to leave didn’t change.

Jack stared at the floor. He opened and closed his mouth twice before he finally managed to start talking. “It goes back to Iraq. You know I’m bitter about that. I’ve never told anyone it’s because one of the guards got his kicks by sticking his dick down my throat six days a week.”

Oh God, that was heinous. And he’d never told _anyone_? Daniel could understand the potential for trouble there, though he wondered what it had to do with him. He didn’t ask, even as Jack continued to stare at the floor in silence for a minute before continuing.

“I let him. He said it’d be my ass instead if I fought. Eventually I used it to escape, so I guess something good came out of it.”

While Daniel still had no idea how he fit into this, he figured the fact that Jack was speaking of it to him indicated that, no matter what had happened, Jack did trust him. And apparently really did want him to say, if he was willing to spill his secrets like this.

“I’d figured out a while before that that I could play for either team, but it didn’t matter. I loved my wife, and I made a lot of mistakes in my marriage but cheating wasn’t one of them.”

Wait, Jack was bisexual? That… actually explained a lot. It also opened up a lot of questions which Daniel, as promised, did not ask.

“After my divorce I never even thought about guys. Not after Iraq. But I’d put it behind me and I was fine.”

Right. As fine as Daniel usually was when he claimed to be fine.

“I was fine right up until the day I realized that I love you.”

It took no effort at all not to interrupt with a question here because for once in his life Daniel Jackson was speechless.

“And then everything I’d buried came back. Nightmares, flashbacks. I thought if I had a little space I’d be alright, but that didn’t happen. Maybe I started blaming you for it, I don’t know. I never pushed you away because I didn’t care, Daniel. I pushed you away because, through no fault of your own, you woke up my demons.”

It made sense, in a weird way. Daniel was completely blindsided by the revelation that Jack loved him, and so many thoughts were swirling around his head that none of them settled, but he did think it was a cruel twist of fate that at one time he’d been interested in Jack. Not that either of them was in a place for that now.

“If anyone leaves it should be me. I’m the one who fucked things up so royally.” Still looking at his floor, Jack said, “There. You can talk now.”

“I don’t know what to say.”

“There’s a first.”

“Would you look at me?”

Jack eventually complied, more vulnerable than he’d ever been except when the alien impersonated Charlie.

“Nobody should have to go through what you did, Jack. It’s horrific. I’m glad that you trusted me enough to tell me all of this. It means a lot to me. I need a few minutes to process all of this, but I don’t want to leave. I’m going to go outside for a few minutes. Be back soon.”

Just as soon as he began to wrap his head around Jack’s confessions. For that Daniel hardly knew where to start.

* * *

 

Cassandra had given him a constellation map puzzle two Christmases ago and Jack dumped the pieces onto his coffee table just to have something to do. Sorting out the edge pieces was better than staring at the clock. Barely.

Daniel hadn’t left. That was a good sign, at least. And Jack had actually managed to get out the words so the evening was going about as well as he could hope.

Four minutes since Daniel went outside.

Jack was under no illusions that having this conversation would fix everything. Maybe Daniel would still leave, though hopefully he’d at least stay and let Jack retire, since this clusterfuck was all Jack’s fault. If nothing else Daniel knew the truth, and he was always fond of saying that the truth was worth any price.

Six minutes. Jack started sorting the edge pieces into top, bottom, left, and right. Talking about feelings was hard. Waiting to talk, he was beginning to suspect, was even worse.

At nine minutes Daniel returned and took a seat. “I’ve managed to get my thoughts in some semblance of order,” he said.

That made one of them.

“First, you said that if anyone leaves it should be you. Which I appreciate and to be honest can’t disagree with.”

O-kay, Daniel wasn’t pulling any punches.

“But I’d rather see if we can both stay.”

The tightness in Jack’s chest eased a little. “That sounds good.”

“Things have to change, though. I understand now why you – why the work environment got so bad, but I won’t put up with it anymore. It’s not fair to me, or quite frankly to Sam and Teal’c.”

“I know.”

“I mean it, Jack. Explaining what’s been going on is only the first step.”

“Is this the part where you suggest I see a shrink?”

Daniel’s tone changed, possibly at the self-loathing in Jack’s. “Actually, I think a therapist might be a good idea. Not for medication – God knows I’m never going to recommend that – but it might help. The stigma attached… well, you know how I feel about that.”

Jack did. Never mind the stigma, it all sounded dumb to him. Pay someone to sit and talk about feelings? Not Jack O’Neill.

“I had a therapist who helped me a lot after my parents died,” revealed Daniel quietly. “Just think about it, okay?”

He nodded.

“Second, and presuming that our working relationship gets back on track. I’ve missed our friendship. I’d like to see if we can rebuild that as well.”

“I’d like that,” said Jack with complete sincerity.

“As for anything more, I’m not even in a place to consider it. Neither are you for that matter. And I don’t know that I ever will be.”

“You mean you…” Jack’s brain just about shorted out.

“Aren’t entirely straight? No, I’m not. But as I said, that’s not immediately relevant.”

“Right.” Except the part where possibly they could’ve been together if Jack wasn’t so fucked up and hadn’t proceeded to wreck everything. He figured that living with that knowledge was going to be some kind of penance, though odds were Daniel didn’t see it that way. The truth at all costs, and all that.

“Again, I’m glad you told me the truth. It’s a lot to take in.”

“Yeah. But I know you and the truth.”

Daniel smiled a bit at that. “Yes. You know I’m here for you if you need, right?”

“That’s a hell of a lot more than I deserve.”

“Maybe, but I’m starting to see that you’ve been suffering plenty yourself.”

“Didn’t give me a right to make you suffer too.”

“No,” agreed Daniel. “It means that there were extenuating circumstances, and I think we should both try to make the future better instead of dwelling on the past.”

“That’s a pretty good plan.”

“I’m glad you think so.”

“Daniel?”

“Yes?”

“I’m gonna try not to be an ass, but if I slip up you can feel free to tell me I’m being an ass again. Call me out on it, you know?”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” He stood and stretched his neck. “I think we both need some time to process this. Any plans for the long weekend you arrange for us?”

“Fishing.” That, and figuring out how to make sure he didn’t blow this second chance Daniel was giving him.

“Of course.”

“You?” asked Jack, walking Daniel to the door.

“Sam and I are going to the chocolate festival on Sunday. I hear there’s someone selling the best chocolate-covered coffee beans you can get in five states.”

“Have fun.”

“Enjoy the fishing.”

“I will. And thank you for giving me a chance again.”

Daniel nodded. “Don’t make me regret it.”

That, of course, was going to be the hard part. Or rather, another hard part. Nothing about this was easy. Well, people liked to say that nothing worthwhile was easy. Jack figured he was about to see it the old adage was true.


	2. Chapter 2

Jack spent all of Saturday and Sunday thinking, which was unusual because he generally tried not to think very much while fishing. He even did research on the internet to go along with all the thinking.

He didn’t like his conclusion at all.

Daniel was right that just explaining himself wasn’t enough. Jack had to change his behavior, treat Daniel better and be a better commanding officer. After much soul-searching he realized that his current tactics weren’t working and reluctantly decided to give therapy a try. Not through the Air Force; he’d pay out of pocket for his privacy, thank you very much. No way in hell was he going to take any medication either. But he had to do something or he was going to keep right on ruining everything and that was simply unacceptable.

He’d always operated under the assumption that therapy was for wusses, not real men, so making the appointment wasn’t something he did lightly. Thing was, he couldn’t keep going on the way he had been or he’d lose everything that mattered in his life, namely, Daniel and the team. However, he really didn’t know how to break the nasty cycle he’d gotten into. He’d tried. He’d seen that Daniel wasn’t happy, knew it was his fault and tried to do better – and then he’d go three nights in a row with nightmares and in his sleep-deprived, flashback-prone state he’d snap again.

He missed his dad, the only other person in the world he could’ve talked to about this. The best he could do was remember his dad’s favorite piece of advice: “Everyone makes mistakes. A good man owns up to his and does better next time.”

So therapy it was. Crap.

* * *

 

Daniel returned to SGC on Wednesday feeling refreshed from the long weekend and cautiously optimistic that he might really be able to stay on SG-1 and be treated well. He had just started in on a translation when Jack walked into his office and, unusually, closed the door.

“Hey,” said Jack, not looking at all comfortable.

“Hey.”

“I, uh, wanted to tell you that I made an appointment with a therapist. A week from Friday.”

He hadn’t actually expected that, or at least he figured Jack would do it only as a last resort when all else failed, because he was a very stubborn man. “That’s great, Jack.”

“Right. So, I’ll see you at the briefing.” With that he made a hasty retreat.

Well. Maybe things really were going to turn around.

* * *

 

Hammond stopped just short of the briefing room when he heard SG-1 talking. It wasn’t eavesdropping because he was the general and legitimately concerned about his best team.

“Anyone have plans for tonight?” asked Jack.

“Not really, sir.”

“I do not.”

“I was going to clean my fridge, but I’m open to better offers.”

The colonel said, “I thought we could go out for a team dinner, maybe try that new hibachi restaurant that opened near Carter’s place.”

“That’s a much better offer.”

“I’m in.”

“I am also ‘in.’ What is hibachi?”

Hammond, confident that their four-day weekend had in fact done SG-1 some measure of good, chose that point to enter the briefing room. They could explain hibachi to Teal’c later.

* * *

 

Jack was glad he’d suggested the team dinner. Sure, the chef’s antics were kinda cheesy, but Teal’c at least was very intrigued that someone could toss a raw egg between metal spatulas without breaking it. Moreover, the food was delicious, there was plenty of it, and it was good to hang out with the team again. Nothing weird going on between him and Carter, no sidelining Daniel, no need for Teal’c to give him the Slightly Raised Eyebrows of Disapproval (not to be confused with the Slightly Raised Eyebrows of Amusement).

It took until they’d finished the miso soup to feel normal. It’d been too long since they hung out like this, the four of them, without a messed-up dynamic running under everything. Jack knew this was his fault (okay, Carter played along too, but she wouldn’t have if he’d acted like he should have in the first place). He was relieved that the others were happy to get back to when things were good.

Carter set down her fork. “I can’t eat another bite.”

“You have five pieces of steak left,” said Teal’c, which was to say that if she was done he wanted them. Carter pushed her plate his way and he helped himself.

“Did you ever watch _Star Wars,_ Colonel?”

“Yep. The first one anyway. T was right, it’s pretty good.”

“I thought you were joking when you said you hadn’t seen _Star Wars_ ,” said Daniel. “Even I’ve seen it.”

“Yeah, but you know me and ‘sci-fi.’”

“We will watch _The Empire Strikes Back_ in the near future,” proclaimed Teal’c, leaving no room for Jack to debate this.

“I haven’t seen _Star Wars_ in a while,” said Carter, “but the droids always seemed off to me. Or at least R2-D2.”

“Why’s that?” Daniel asked.

“If you have the technology to create a robot…”

“Droid,” corrected Teal’c.

“A droid that speaks English, why wouldn’t you put that in all of them? How’s anyone supposed to communicate with R2-D2 if there’s no interpreter around? Besides, even with another droid around it’s inefficient.”

“Hadn’t thought of that,” admitted Jack, “but you have a point.”

Daniel considered this. “It would be more efficient to program the robots – sorry, droids – than for humans to learn droid code. People could focus on learning Wookie instead.”

“R2-D2 was created for mechanical repairs,” said Teal’c. “Presumably this required minimal communication with humans. It was only because this specific droid exceeded the parameters of its intended use that the communication issue arises.”

“Maybe,” said Carter in a tone suggesting she wasn’t convinced.

Taking what victory he could, Teal’c said, “This was an excellent idea, O’Neill.”

“We should do it again soon,” agreed Carter.

Daniel suggested, “There’s a Moroccan place I’ve heard is good.” He was so tentative about the idea that Jack’s heart cracked a little. Daniel still expected anything he suggested would be shot down.

Before anyone else could react Jack said, “Moroccan next week?”

“Sure,” said Carter.

Never one to decline a meal out, Teal’c nodded his agreement. “We must all endeavor to remain out of the infirmary.”

“If that was supposed to be a joke,” Jack told his Jaffa friend, “it hits a little too close to be home to be funny.”

Teal’c didn’t care, but then he never cared what anyone thought about his weird sense of humor. It didn’t really matter. Jack was banking the memory of this team night in case he needed motivation dragging his ass to the therapist. Which, knowing himself, he almost certainly would.

* * *

 

SG-2 was training Lt. Col. Schneider who was going to lead a new team following up with places that SGC had already visited. Daniel suspected that SG-1 wasn’t given this training because they’d just thought that they were training Lt. Tyler. The good news was that everyone agreed Schneider was, in fact, a real and human Air Force officer.

While SG-1 was on a joint mission with SG-2 Schneider took the opportunity to learn from Jack as well. Therefore Daniel wasn’t surprised, when owls woke him up early one morning, to hear Jack and the lieutenant colonel talking. He was about to roll over and attempt more sleep when Schneider asked, “Are we really going to put this trade deal in jeopardy over some ancient squiggles?”

Daniel knew the Glemari wanted to seal the trade deal immediately, but something was off. The way some of the young women of the town were acting, combined with text which made mention of young women in a context he hadn’t quite deciphered, told him that there was more to the story. He was very interested to hear Jack’s response, so he temporarily abandoned getting more sleep in favor of eavesdropping.

“Daniel has an annoying habit of being right about these things.”

How quintessentially Jack. Still, the statement carried enough professional respect that Daniel could tell Jack’s attitude had improved.

“Look, Schneider, there are some ways that having a civilian on the team is different. Daniel’s always gonna be my last choice to throw grenades.”

He was well aware that he had the worst arm on the team, but Daniel didn’t see why Jack needed to publicize that information.

“And chain of command is a challenging concept for academic types. Not that they can’t learn, but Daniel’s take on chain of command isn’t like yours or mine. More of a necessary evil.”

Well, that was one way to put it.

“But there are also plenty of ways that having a civilian is pretty much the same, and this is one of them. You learn your people, get to know their strengths, and trust them to do their jobs. Ancient squiggles are one of Daniel’s strengths.”

This was good. Daniel couldn’t keep doing his job without any respect from his team leader; that was why he’d given Jack his resignation. If Jack carried through with this perspective, Daniel could stay on SG-1. He hadn’t wanted to leave the job he loved, so he was more than a little relieved.

“Makes sense, sir. I hadn’t thought of it that way.”

“Now, the biologists on base are different. Would you believe that we once barely escaped a herd of giant and very well-armored alligators, and they actually asked us to go back and catch them a live specimen?”

Daniel smiled and went back to sleep.

* * *

 

Schneider had gotten a first row seat to see that Jack hadn’t been exaggerating – Daniel really did have an annoying habit of being right about these things. Another trade deal down the drain.

Silver lining: Daniel was in a surprisingly good mood. Jack wasn’t sure why, but Daniel seemed happy with him. Jack couldn’t think of anything he’d done other than his job, correctly, and frankly if meeting that low bar made Daniel happy it said a lot about how badly Jack had been doing before.

“Trade’s off,” Jack informed Hammond. “Long story short, they insist on killing teenagers to bless their trade deals.” Okay, Daniel’s words had been ‘sacrificing virgins’ but that really came down to killing teenagers, didn’t it?

“Usually their trading partner would carry out the ritual sacrifice,” clarified Daniel, “but in this case they figured we wouldn’t approve and therefore planned to sacrifice twice as many young women themselves.”

The general frowned. He knew as well as Jack that someone at the Pentagon was going to consider the valuable trinium at stake and decide that whatever the Glemari did was really their own business. Because he was a good man, Hammond would make sure SGC stayed out of anything connected to murdering teenagers. “We’ll debrief at 0800 tomorrow.”

“Yes sir,” said Jack and Colonel Reynolds simultaneously.

On the way out of the gate room Schneider remarked, “Dr. Jackson seems awfully happy considering the circumstances.”

Jack wasn’t about to tell the real story here, so he settled for a half-truth. Okay, maybe a quarter-truth. “Ah, but he got lots of video of ancient writing and he’s got all afternoon to pore over it.”

That wasn’t technically a lie, anyway.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to all who've let me know they enjoyed the first two installments, and I hope you like this one.

The SGC mess hall rarely served lamb, which was regrettable as Teal’c was fond of that meat. He was therefore pleased to see that the Moroccan restaurant chosen by Daniel Jackson offered multiple lamb dishes. Lacking previous exposure to Moroccan cuisine he chose a meal at random. As O’Neill was fond of pointing out, Teal’c was not a picky eater.

He was in the habit of constant observation, and he had now spent enough time among the Tau’ri, or at least his teammates, to form sound theories based on his observations. For the past year O’Neill and Major Carter had conducted themselves as though they wished Air Force regulations did not prohibit a sexual and/or romantic relationship between the two. (Teal’c was still undecided if they had desired a sexual relationship, romantic, or both.) This had recently stopped altogether.

The cessation pleased Teal’c. He found their interest in each other brought out the worst in both of their characters, and while he was in no position to speculate on a sexual relationship he had grave doubts about the success of a romance between O’Neill and Major Carter. When Major Carter sought O’Neill’s approval and he sought her attention neither of them performed their duties optimally.

What intrigued Teal’c was that, as soon as O’Neill’s interest in Major Carter ended, he seemed more attentive to Daniel Jackson. That very day their archeologist had considered options for a safe journey to a ruined temple accessible only by an extremely aged and obviously unsafe bridge. Daniel Jackson knew the bridge was unsafe, of course; he simply considered every potential option, no matter how risky, before giving up on anything he deemed important. He could not in good conscience walk away from the ruins until discarding any possible hope of safe access.

O’Neill knew this, but in the past year he had made disparaging comments despite this knowledge. Teal’c would not have been surprised if O’Neill suggested that someone of Daniel Jackson’s intelligence ought to know better than to cross a bridge that was falling apart. Today, however, his reply was much more sensible: “Daniel, you and I both know that whatever knowledge may or may not be in there is not worth your life. So try to look on the bright side. We’re gonna be home in time to have real food instead of MREs for dinner.”

Why O’Neill and Major Carter had spent a year deluding themselves, Teal’c did not know. He was similarly unaware as to why precisely they stopped, though he was glad of it. How O’Neill’s interactions with Daniel Jackson interplayed was also a mystery. Nevertheless, Teal’c was gratified to witness the recent changes. He felt they would improve SG-1’s ability to perform as an effective team.  

Now, where was his meal?

* * *

 

Therapy was exhausting. Jack had spent ten minutes explaining how due to his job he might sometimes miss appointments without notice. Of course he’d pay. No, he couldn’t talk about his job. Then he spent another forty minutes talking about why he was there. To top it all off he left with a homework assignment. Jack hadn’t gotten homework since he graduated from the Academy and he sure as hell hadn’t missed it. In the next week he had to come up with two short term goals, two medium term goals, and two long term goals. The short-term goals were easy: not treat Daniel like shit, and have less nightmares. It was the other goals he hadn’t really considered.

The weird part was, as drained as he felt, he really didn’t want to be alone. God knew he didn’t want to talk more, just have some company. Teal’c was teaching some of the Marines Jaffa hand-to-hand combat, so that left Daniel. Jack pulled out his phone and dialed.

“Hey Daniel, you wanna get dinner?”

“I just put pork chops in the oven. You’re welcome to come over.”

“I don’t want to eat all your leftovers.” On SG-1 frozen leftovers were a godsend.

“I’ll forgive you if you bring dessert.”

“Be there in fifteen.”

There was a good bakery near Daniel’s apartment and Jack made it a few minutes before they closed. He showed up at Daniel’s door with half an orange cream cake.

Daniel approved of the cake; orange was one of his favorite flavors after coffee. “That’s a lot of cake,” he remarked happily.

“Figured if I’m eating your leftover dinner I might as well leave you with leftover cake.”

“It’s not necessary, but it is welcome.”

“I hope I’m not crashing any big plans,” said Jack.

“Not really. I do have _Mutiny on the Bounty_ if you’re interested in a movie.”

“Not ringing any bells.”

“I’ve decided to watch every movie that’s won an Oscar for Best Picture,” explained Daniel, because of course he had. It was a perfectly Daniel approach to movie watching. “This is the eighth.”

“So an old movie.”

“1935, I think.”

“Huh.” That was alright by Jack. Watching a movie worked very well with his desire to have company but not talk.

“We don’t have to.”

“No, that’s good. Just don’t expect me to sympathize with mutineers, y’know?”

“Oh please. If they have good reason you’ll sympathize with them for sure.”

Daniel was probably right about that.

* * *

 

As predicted Jack sided with the mutineers. Daniel didn’t know enough about that period in history to say if the movie was remotely accurate (the mutiny on the _Bounty_ was far too recent to be in the realm of his expertise), but the movie depicted Bligh as a complete bastard.

Daniel was of course aware that Jack had just come from his therapy appointment, and despite his natural curiosity he didn’t bring the subject up. In the very unlikely case Jack wanted to discuss the subject he’d bring it up himself.

He did his best to focus on the movie and, as always, not to think about Jack’s declaration of love. Daniel was in no way prepared to deal with that, not while they worked to get their working relationship and friendship back on track.

If only his brain would cooperate.

* * *

 

They’d already loaded up a FRED with small naquadah-containing meteorites, sixty-two of them which had been spread out over a square kilometer. Now it was Daniel’s turn to examine the weird-looking patch of statues. If Picasso had ever sculpted twenty-foot high people, Sam figured they might look more or less like these on P9X-427. It wasn’t her kind of artwork.

Daniel didn’t care that the statues were ugly, or that it was very cold and snow flurries were starting to fall. While Sam daydreamed about a warm bubble bath he diligently videoed the layout of the entire group of statues before moving on to each individual one.

You couldn’t rush Daniel with this kind of thing, but that didn’t stop the colonel from trying. “I’m freezing my ass off. Five more minutes, Daniel,” he said.

“I need at least twenty.”

“I know you find ugly statues fascinating, but some of us would like to get back to summer in time for _The Simpsons._ Wrap it up.”

Daniel looked up. “Jack, you’re being an ass again.”

Colonel O’Neill bristled for a minute, then visibly deflated. “I’m gonna take a leak. Teal’c, keep an eye out. We head back in twenty,” he added as he walked away.

That was interesting. Sam reflected on the exchange while Daniel went back to his video recording. She supposed the colonel was being a bit of an ass about Daniel doing his job, and when had that become normal? She began to suspect that she’d missed some things while she was busy trying to flirt without appearing to flirt.

Apparently Daniel had decided not to put up with it anymore. Good for him.

* * *

 

Hammond arrived to work late due to a flat tire. Evidently he’d driven over a shard of glass exactly wrong about a third of the way into the mountain. When he finally made his way to the briefing room he learned that SG-1 used the time to discuss, of all things, _Star Wars_.

“Han is kind of a jerk,” said Jack.

“I think they were going for charming rogue,” said Dr. Jackson.

“All that time he was after Leia to admit that she likes him, and when she finally tells him she loves him he just says, ‘I know?’ Way to be a jerk.”

The colonel had a point, Hammond thought.

Teal’c didn’t agree. “His care for Leia is demonstrated in his admonition to Chewbacca to protect the princess.”

“I never said he didn’t care, just that he’s a jerk. Daniel, Carter, back me up here.”

“He’s not exactly your typical Prince Charming,” conceded Major Carter carefully.

“As Leia is not a typical princess,” countered Teal’c.

“Don’t look at me.” Dr. Jackson again. “It’s been years since I saw it and mostly I remember not understanding why it’s such a big deal.”

The real surprise as far as Hammond was concerned was Teal’c’s passionate interest in _Star Wars_. Though it did center around freeing the galaxy from an evil empire and there were parallels to the fight against the Goa’uld. Which would make the Jaffa Storm Troopers… now he was getting entirely too caught up in this.

Meanwhile Teal’c was suggesting, “Perhaps we can watch _Return of the Jedi_ this weekend.”

“No can do,” said O’Neill. “I’m flying up for my grandma’s ninetieth birthday party and Mom’s already told me five times that she hopes nothing comes up at the last minute to keep me away. As though I have any control over these things.”

At least SG-1 wasn’t seething with tension anymore. Hammond didn’t know and didn’t want to know what had been going on there; he just counted his blessings and headed into the briefing room.

* * *

 

To his mother’s great relief and delight Jack was able to attend his grandma’s ninetieth birthday party. In fact all Grandma’s surviving children and grandchildren attended, along with most of her great-grandchildren.

Grandma was an excellent cook who’d taught her daughters to be excellent cooks, and with this high standard both of her sons had married great cooks. Therefore the party had large amounts of delicious food and if Fraiser had any idea how much Jack had eaten she wouldn’t have approved.

Unfortunately this meant that when lunch time came on Monday the mess hall offerings were even less appealing than usual.

“I got spoiled,” he admitted to Teal’c, reluctantly eating what passed for turkey tetrazzini. “Flannigans always eat well.”

“Flannigans?”

“Mom’s last name before she was married. I’m an O’Neill on my dad’s side and a Flannigan on Mom’s.”

“Your naming customs are complex,” said Teal’c.

Jack just shrugged. “They work for us.”

“Perhaps not. Have you heard Major Carter’s insistence that she will not forsake her family name should she marry?”

“Nope. Doesn’t surprise me, though. Carter’s put a lot of work into her career.”

“And changing the name by which she is known would negatively impact recognition for her previous accomplishments,” concluded Teal’c. “So she has said. I reiterate my assertion that your naming customs are complex.”

“Well, more complex than yours, yeah.”

“Significantly,” added Teal’c, and then he did one of his sudden subject changes. “Are you available this weekend?”

“Yep. Let me guess: _Star Wars_.”

“You must complete the trilogy, O’Neill.”

“So you’ve said. Bring Doritos.”

Teal’c inclined his head slightly in acknowledgment and finished his carrots.

Before moving on to dessert the Jaffa gave Jack a piercing look that could only mean he was about to say something Very Important. “Daniel Jackson has been much happier of late, has he not?”

“Yes,” agreed Jack.

“We must do everything in our power to ensure he remains so.”

There was a lot more behind Teal’c’s declaration than the actual words. As usual T left the impression that he knew more than he was saying without revealing precisely the extent of his knowledge. He was a master at that.

“I know,” Jack said. “Believe me, I know.”

After a moment Teal’c seemed satisfied by the honesty in Jack’s reply and thankfully let the matter drop. It was never fun to deal with Teal’c when he was displeased. Jack tried very hard to avoid that.


	4. Chapter 4

After his second therapy session Jack once again felt like some company and once again he called Daniel. This time he showed up bearing Chinese.

“Let me just make room,” said Daniel, gesturing to the papers spread all over his table.

Counting at least five different kinds of writing, Jack remarked, “That’s some translation.”

“It’s not a translation, per se. Some of us were talking about the Voynich Manuscript this afternoon.”

“And that is?”

“A famously untranslated piece of writing thought to originate in fifteenth-century Italy.”

“And you’re wondering if it’s alien?”

Daniel nodded over his armful of books and papers. “I think it’s very likely it’s alien, actually, though I haven’t identified it yet. So then I got thinking about other untranslated writings.”

“Found any Furling yet?”

“No, but there are distinct similarities between the Singapore Stone and the ruins on P3Y-228. The ruins of an obviously advanced, nonhuman society we found last month.”

Right. Jack remembered that one, the place had obviously been bombarded from air or space. There hadn’t been much left for Daniel or Carter to look at.

When the table was clear Jack started emptying his bag of takeout containers. He hadn’t been sure what Daniel would be in the mood for – unlike Jack who was always content with cashew chicken and lo mein, Daniel’s taste in Chinese takeout varied from meal to meal – so he ended up buying five main dishes and two appetizers.

“Hungry, Jack?”

“Didn’t know what you wanted, and this way we have leftovers.”

Daniel took three crab rangoons. “These are no good reheated. Thanks, by the way.”

“Sure.”

It didn’t escape Jack’s notice that Daniel was possibly the kindest, most forgiving guy on the planet. Here he was, letting Jack crash his Friday nights because he realized Jack wanted company after therapy, even after Jack had been such a jerk. It was, Jack knew, far more than he deserved, this friendship with Daniel. And it made him love the guy even more.

He wanted to do something or say something to demonstrate that he really was trying to do better, so when Daniel pulled out a bottle of hard cider (a drink they could agree was decent), he said, “I’m limited now. No more than two drinks at a time and no more than twice a week.”

This was because his therapist had concerns about him using alcohol as a crutch, possibly inspired by his admission that he couldn’t face telling Daniel the truth that night without a couple shots of whiskey. So, the two-by-two limit it was, and she sternly informed Jack that if he couldn’t abide by it he would need to stop drinking altogether. It was clear, from Jack’s perspective, that this was a test.

Jack was going to abide by the limit. He was trying really, really hard not to sabotage himself anymore.

Daniel stopped just before opening the cider. “I have Sprite, although I can’t promise it’s not flat by now.”

It hadn’t been his intention to skip the cider. Now that Daniel assumed it was, though, Jack realized perhaps he shouldn’t use one of his two opportunities right out of the gate. “Water’s good,” he decided.

Despite his boundless curiosity Daniel didn’t ask for details. This was good because Jack didn’t actually want to discuss them. Sure, his therapist was okay (for a therapist, anyway); she didn’t bat an eye at the whole gay thing, she was good about the top-secret job thing too, and she didn’t want him to take any pills. She did make him talk about subjects he didn’t want to, but that _was_ part of her job. A bigger part than he’d realized, actually. He’d hoped to do less of the talking.

And there was Daniel, not just giving Jack a second chance at friendship but being unobtrusively supportive while Jack wrestled with his demons. “I have _The Life of Emile Zola,_ ” he offered, “if you feel like watching another 1930’s Oscar winner.”

“Why not?” replied Jack, resolving once more that he wasn’t going to fuck this up again.

* * *

 

Monday afternoon saw SG-1 walking through scrub with a FRED full of probes that Sam was very excited to use. M9Z-734 orbited a gas giant, which presently appeared in the sky overhead as a huge, purple-blue sphere, and it wasn’t the only moon. Between the sun, the planet, and the two other moons, M9Z-734 had a complex gravitational balance which intrigued Sam and she was going to set up probes to measure tides.

She really wanted to measure the tides at other points across the planet, which wasn’t going to happen. Daniel could identify with her frustration. He had his share of missions where he only scratched the surface of their potential. At least she got to put a small series of probes out, to ensure that M9Z-734’s gravity was stable enough for the moon to serve as an emergency backup site for gate teams.

This mission didn’t offer anything archaeological, linguistic, or cultural, but since they were on a purely exploratory mission without real military potential Daniel was happy enough anyway. It didn’t hurt that the weather was mild, the planet overhead was striking, and the entire team was in a good mood.

Teal’c had finally gotten Jack to watch _Return of the Jedi_ and somehow (possibly because Jack was tired of hearing Sam theorize about gravity) that became the topic of conversation.

“I know they’re supposed to be ingenious and all, but it’s a pretty lousy empire that can be defeated by teddy bears with trees and vines,” said Jack.

“Do you not appreciate the triumph of good over evil?” asked Teal’c.

“I do. I also appreciate verisimilitude. Besides, it’s great that the Emperor and Vader are dead and all, but there’s still an evil empire. Which has the plans and capabilities to build more Death Stars, I may add. I think the celebrations were a bit early. It can’t be that hard to find a new emperor.”

Daniel agreed. “There are always people who would love to be emperor. The rebels could take the opportunity to dismantle the empire…”

“Presuming there are enough rebels. And lightsabers, or at least guns.”

“… but you have a very valid point about the plans and capabilities to build more Death Stars.”

Teal’c pointed out, “You have spoken more than once about the importance of appreciating even minor victories, O’Neill.”

“Sure, but the key is to know it’s a minor victory. Or a mid-level victory. And then keep fighting.”

Sam added her two cents’ worth. “I always thought it was gross that Luke and Leia turned out to be brother and sister after they kissed in the previous movie.”

“Then there’s that,” said Jack by way of agreement.

“I know they didn’t realize they were twins at the time, but kissing your brother?” Sam made a disgusted face. “Ew.” Since she was the only one of them with a sibling it was hard to argue with her visceral reaction.

Teal’c said, “Many people with limited knowledge undertake actions they would not, had they more information.”

“It’s still gross,” muttered Sam.

“At least that was an honest mistake,” said Jack. “The Stormtroopers are just idiots.”

“They already have superior force,” Daniel started.

“Not if they’re that easy to beat. Teddy bears with trees, Daniel. Think about that for a second.”

“… you’re not supposed to want them to be smarter too,” he finished. “And you know I like to cheer for the underdog.”

“I suspect that you are picking nits purely to be difficult, O’Neill.”

“Me? Being difficult just for the sake of it?”

“Imagine that,” said Daniel in the driest tone he could pull off.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” huffed Jack.

Sam’s ‘cough’ was clearly a laugh.

* * *

 

Inexplicable antagonism to _Star Wars_ aside, O’Neill was in high spirits, as were Major Carter and Daniel Jackson. Teal’c himself was quite content. While his expertise and passion lay in defeating the Goa’uld, he did not consider missions without obvious military application to be wasteful. On the contrary, he utilized such missions to further his education.

He had received very thorough training in many areas and nothing at all in many more. If knowledge was not directly applicable to serving Apophis Teal’c had no access to it until he allied himself with SG-1. Therefore he was happy to assist Major Carter with various examinations and tests as he learned a great deal in the process.

While Teal’c had great respect for Daniel Jackson’s immense knowledge, he was less interested in such subjects himself. Perhaps because Major Carter’s pursuits did not require such understanding of Tau’ri history, Teal’c found them more relatable.

Thus he aided Major Carter in the preparation of probes while O’Neill and Daniel Jackson set up camp. SG-1 was scheduled to remain on M9Z-734 only a single night, to Major Carter’s disappointment. SGC would collect the probes’ data every two weeks for at least several months.

In the process of setting up probes Teal’c learned a great deal about tidal forces and gravitational pull. He gained a new appreciation for Earth’s moon, without which, Major Carter explained, the planet would be vastly different and much less hospitable to life. Adding to his knowledge always pleased Teal’c so on a personal level the mission was a success.

Major Carter was pleased with their work, and by the time she was satisfied with the probes O’Neill was preparing dinner. In this case that meant that he was sharpening sticks upon which to roast hot dogs.

“Oh, something better than MREs,” said Major Carter, evidently pleased.

“That’s a low bar,” responded O’Neill.

Daniel Jackson examined the hot dog package. “These are the edible kind.”

“Yes, Daniel, I got the premium hot dogs just for you. I added a cooler to the FRED,” explained O’Neill. “No room for chips, but I brought some of those little ketchup and mustard packets.”

It was not, Teal’c knew, the most nutritious meal. Dr. Fraiser would certainly object to the lack of vegetables. Nevertheless it was inarguably better than MREs. SGC had received a large shipment of meatloaf MREs, to everyone’s displeasure. Teal’c would eat meatloaf MREs but much preferred O’Neill’s hot dogs.

After a brief break to relieve himself Teal’c returned to find his teammates cooking hot dogs and discussing something calls centaurs. He was not familiar with the term.

“If yetis are an alien race, then you have to consider all the other mythical creatures,” said Major Carter. “Unicorns, mermaids, centaurs…”

“The Loch Ness Monster?” interjected O’Neill. Teal’c knew of that mythical creature from _World Weekly News_ , though nobody had satisfactorily explained why it was, to use O’Neill’s words, “not the same level of crazy” as Batboy.

“What is a centaur?” he asked.

“A creature from Greek mythology that’s half human, half horse,” explained Daniel Jackson. “The body of a horse, but where a horse’s neck and head would be, there’s a human from the torso up.”

“I have not heard of any races fitting that description,” he informed them before selecting a hot dog and spearing it. “It sounds memorable.” He chose the word ‘memorable’ over other, less complimentary adjectives.

“It sounds nuts,” said O’Neill. “You can just say it.”

“It’s hard to see how a centaur could evolve.” Major Carter considered the idea for a moment. “You’re talking about two very different species.”

“More likely the idea of centaurs arose the first time Greeks encountered people who rode on horseback,” said Daniel Jackson. “If you’re not familiar with riding, it could look like a half man, half horse.”

“That makes sense,” agreed Major Carter.

“That being said, it wouldn’t surprise me if some mythical creatures are actually based on alien visitors.”

O’Neill interjected, “A whole race of leprechauns?”

“It makes about as much sense as Thor, I guess,” conceded Major Carter.

“That would beg the question: are pots of gold really pots of gold?” asked Daniel Jackson.

Major Carter considered for a moment before responding, “What if they’re a smaller version of the gate technology, but gold instead of blue?”

“Or it’s a way to disguise ships,” theorized Daniel Jackson.

The conversation itself was only of minimal interested to Teal’c, who was not well-versed in leprechaun lore. It pleased him, however, to see Daniel Jackson and Major Carter’s relationship improve. He did not know if it was conscious or not (the Tau’ri, he had learned, undertook a surprising number of campaigns without full self-awareness), yet it had been clear to him that when Major Carter sought O’Neill’s attention she viewed Daniel Jackson as a rival.

Whether it was a rival purely for attention, or for romantic and/or sexual attention Teal’c could not say, nor was it his place to speculate on the matter. Nevertheless, once Major Carter ceased her ‘flirtation’ with O’Neill her interactions with Daniel Jackson also improved.

Teal’c shared an amused glance with O’Neill and rotated his hot dog, quite content.

* * *

 

This time they were eating at a barbeque place recommended to Teal’c by Captain Rowland. Jack agreed with Rowland’s taste in barbeque. The ribs were better than he’d eaten in at least a decade. He didn’t have beer because it was Thursday night, which was the last day in his week between appointments, and he’d used up his beer allotment already.

“Cutting back, sir?” asked Carter when he only ordered water to drink.

“I think Fraiser might actually have a point about drinking my calories,” he replied. Carter shrugged and took a sip of her diet soda. Personally Jack doubted that diet soda was much better than regular – sure, it might not have calories, but he was suspicious of the long list of unpronounceable ingredients – though he thought it best not to share that with Carter.

Cassandra had recovered from whatever the hell it was Nirrti had done and was back to being a normal teenager. She’d started driving lessons with Carter, who mentioned that giving driving lessons was harder than she’d thought. This started an entire conversation on driving lessons and driver’s ed.

You never really get over the death of a child, and sometimes it hit Jack. This was one of those times, when he tried to swallow a mouthful of suddenly tasteless cornbread while mourning that he never got to teach Charlie to drive.

And Daniel knew, somehow. It didn’t occur to Carter and Teal’c probably didn’t get the cultural milestone. Daniel gave Jack a knowing look and launched into a long story about how he learned to drive, giving Jack time to pull himself together.

Another memory Jack would use to make himself go to therapy to do all that exhausting talking and introspection.

* * *

 

“Time to pack up, Daniel.”

“I need ten more minutes.”

Sam, remembering how this conversation went last time the colonel and Daniel had it, was interested in how it played out.

The colonel wasn’t an ass, but he also wasn’t changing his mind. “Nope. Doctor’s orders, remember? We’re not allowed out when the second sun rises.”

Janet made that call out of an abundance of caution. The second sun’s radiation was just slightly unusual, though Sam agreed with the decision to play it safe. She didn’t see any need to make herself the subject of a potentially dangerous experiment. Well, not any more than SG-1 already did on a regular basis.

“If we hurry on the way back I can get in another five minutes,” suggested Daniel.

 “I’m not taking that chance.” When Daniel looked about to protest, Colonel O’Neill shook his head. “Uh-uh, don’t argue. I don’t want exposure to that extra radiation Fraiser was worried about, and I don’t want the large needle in my ass I’ll get if she hears we were out in the second sun without a damn good reason.”

“I don’t think Janet would do that.”

“Not to you, maybe. Pack up.”

Daniel started packing up. Sam resolved to ask Janet if the colonel’s fears had any foundation. That wouldn’t be breaking doctor-patient confidentiality, would it?


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A somewhat shorter chapter, but not to worry, I'm already working on part six. =)

Jack was in charge of SGC during Hammond’s annual summer vacation, and after that he needed a break of his own. The whole team took a week of leave. Teal’c was going to spend time with his kid, Daniel bought himself a last-minute ticket to Oslo so he could visit a place influenced by the Asgard, and even Carter was going away.

“I’m getting a life as ordered, sir,” she told him.

“Really?”

“Yes. I’m taking my niece and nephew to Disneyland.”

“I’m very proud, Carter.”

“Thank you, sir.” A slight frown. “I think.”

As for Jack, he was heading up to his cabin. He’d stop and spend a couple days with his mom on the way, and then he had five glorious days of doing nothing but fish.  

* * *

 

The first night of his leave Jack came within a quarter inch of punching his own mother in the face.

“Jackie, it’s me,” she said, and the use of his childhood nickname was enough to get through, thank God.

He dropped his hands and focused on his senses the way his therapist suggested. He could feel the soft sheets of a real bed and smelled something cinnamon, so he wasn’t in Iraq. His mom turned on the lamp, illuminating a landscape portrait that had hung in the living room his entire childhood. Not Iraq. He was in the spare bedroom of his mom’s condo, the one she’d moved into after Dad died.

And now he had a seriously freaked out mother to deal with. Great. “Shit, Mom, did you try to wake me up out of a nightmare?”

“It didn’t stop,” she whispered, trying not to cry. “You were yelling and cursing and it just kept going.”

“Yeah,” he sighed. “That happens sometimes.”

“Deep space radar telemetry, my left foot.”

“This isn’t deep space radar telemetry.”

“I figured that out about four months after you told us, when you went missing.”

“No. I mean, this has nothing to do with my current assignment.”

“Oh.” She took a minute to compose herself, then suggested, “Have you considered talking to a professional?”

“I just started,” he admitted.

She knew that meant the situation was very bad, but thankfully just said, “Good.”

Jack hadn’t bothered anyone else with his nightmares since the months after his return from Iraq, when he sometimes slept in the spare bedroom so he didn’t freak Sara out as badly. He never had nightmares offworld because he slept too lightly, ready to wake up on a second’s notice. Now he just said, lamely to his own ears, “I’m sorry.”

“No harm done.”

Barely. He’d very nearly punched his mother out.

She stood up and gave him a forgiving look. “Get some sleep, Jack.”

He tried, but sleep was a long time coming.

* * *

 

After some debate between Oslo, Stockholm, and Copenhagen Daniel had settled on Oslo in part because he was able to save four hundred dollars on his hotel bill there over the other two cities. It wasn’t a cheap vacation, of course, but he rarely had opportunities to spend money because he was so busy. Plus he’d finally paid off his student loans and even his 401k was approaching respectability these days, so he decided it was okay to splurge on this spur-of-the-moment vacation.

The trip was just what he needed. He picked up a bit of Norwegian, though not a lot because it turned out that Norwegians learned English in school and many were delighted with an opportunity to practice it with a native speaker. He took a fjord sightseeing cruise; marveled at the length of the summer day; browsed the Norsk Folkemuseum; strolled through Vigeland Park; and spent an entire day in the Vikingskipshuset admiring the 900-year old Viking artifacts, wondering exactly how the Asgard fit into it all.

He even, to his great surprise, ended up spending an afternoon having a threesome. He’d been in Vigeland Park, admiring the sculptures, when he encountered a man and woman walking arm-in-arm who both proceeded to flirt with him. He’d never been part of a threesome and the experience was very enjoyable, if not mind-blowing.

What Daniel needed the most from his vacation was the freedom to do whatever he wanted, when he wanted it, for exactly as long as it pleased him. It so happened that it pleased him to spend some time in a great little used bookstore, and there was nobody waiting impatiently for him to finish or quibbling over the fact that he couldn’t read the language most of the books were printed in. There he found an interesting German book from 1876 on the Norse pantheon, which he purchased, and chatted with the store’s owner.

The downside to this was that he had nobody with whom to share anything interesting. Paging through his new book while waiting for lunch, Daniel realized just how much he would have to give up if he left SGC. It was his whole life: his job, his friends, the people who’d become his family.

He was grateful that Jack honestly seemed to be making positive changes. Going to therapy was a huge deal for his friend, Daniel knew. And yet, he didn’t want to give Jack the power to control his life. So, if Jack regressed to his unpleasant ways, Daniel resolved that he would try leaving SG-1 while staying on at SGC, keeping what made him happy.

Of course he hoped it wouldn’t come to that.

* * *

 

Jack’s favorite brook did not disappoint. Now he had a fresh-caught trout frying in a generous amount of butter, which as lunches went was pretty hard to beat. It didn’t hurt that he’d picked up first rate tomatoes from a little farm stand and was eating some while his fish cooked.

The day was marred by a small revelation that occurred to him while he was hiking back from the brook. As much as he loved it up at his cabin, even talked about retiring there, he wasn’t really ready to be there full time. He needed something more to his life, and couldn’t imagine the something more as anything besides SG-1. How could he fish two-thirds of the year while wondering how the fight against the Goa’uld was going?

No, he wasn’t ready to retire. On the other hand, he’d meant it when he told Daniel that if anyone went it should be him, since it was his fault the team got so screwed up.

He really did feel that he was doing better at not taking his frustrations out on Daniel. Maybe not much else had improved - to his great unhappiness Elaine, his therapist, insisted that progress was a slow process – but at least Daniel wasn’t suffering the brunt of Jack’s issues anymore. That was something, right?

So, no retirement in the immediate future, he decided. The cabin was great, fishing was great. Not all of the time, though, not while Jack could still be useful in protecting the planet.

Some fishing, however, was necessary to keep his sanity. He firmly believed this.

* * *

 

His car battery was dead and AAA was especially busy that morning, apparently, which meant that Daniel was going to be late for work if he waited. He really wished he’d remembered to turn his headlights off when he got back from the airport.

Sam would jump start his car, but Jack was closer. In the last month Jack had treated him considerably better, but some part of Daniel was still nervous when he called.

“O’Neill.”

“Hi Jack.”

“Good morning Daniel.”

“My battery is dead. I left the lights on.” That had been thirty-six hours ago so the battery was very thoroughly depleted.

Where a month ago he’d have expected a disparaging comment, now Jack just said, “Jet lag got to you, huh?”

“Apparently.”

“You’d better ride in with me. If you drive around long enough to recharge you’ll be late, and I just got off the phone with Hammond. He wants us in a briefing first thing. We’ll jump your car tonight.”

“Thanks Jack.”

“Sure. Be there in ten.”

Ten minutes later Jack pulled up in front of Daniel’s building. “I appreciate the ride,” said Daniel as he buckled in.

“No problem. How was Oslo?”

“I enjoyed myself, though the fifteen and a half hour days were a bit odd.”

“Fifteen and a half hour nights would be worse.”

“That’s true. Did you have a good vacation?”

“Yep. Caught a few real beauties.”

“I thought your pond didn’t have fish.”

“It does. Just not very many. Anyway, these were brook trout. They live in brooks, obviously.”

“So even if your pond does have fish…”

“Which it does.”

“…it wouldn’t have brook trout.”

“Nope.”

Leaving aside the questionable presence of fish in Jack’s pond (Daniel found it very suspicious that whenever Jack mentioned actually catching fish, it wasn’t in his pond), he asked, “Do you know what the briefing is about?”

“We need to go pull the Russians’ asses out of the fire. A whole team has gone missing.”

And so before they even got to the Mountain, it was back to work.


	6. Chapter 6

Their leave had been valuable, it seemed. O’Neill returned with renewed purpose, Daniel Jackson less tense, and Major Carter very enamored with her brother’s children, though she was displeased that Disneyland had been considerably more expensive than anticipated.

As for himself, Teal’c was grateful for every chance to visit his son. Rya’c was prone to chimeric moods at this point in his adolescence, which did not make for the easiest visit. Teal’c was nevertheless intensely proud of his son, and grateful that the Tau’ri considered leave a right.

Suitably refreshed, SG-1 was back in action. Having completed their unsuccessful joint mission with the Russians (which gave credence to O’Neill’s poor opinion of that nationality), they were now on a relatively primitive agricultural world and his teammates were discussing how the original human settlers might have arrived.

The people of P5C-228, or “New Somerset,” as they preferred to call their planet, were descended from participants in a Tau’ri migration with which Teal’c was not well versed. Daniel Jackson had once tried to explain some notable Tau’ri migrations, but at the time Teal’c had not been among them long enough to comprehend. Perhaps he ought to ask for a repeat of the lesson.

SG-1 was camped in a small park for the night, as it was obvious the local population did not wish to extend invitations into their homes for the night. Teal’c could not fault this caution.

“It makes perfect sense,” said Major Carter. “Ships sank all the time in the 1600s. It would be easy for the Goa’uld to abduct a shipload of people and everyone would just assume they died in a shipwreck.”

If the risk of death at sea was truly that high, Teal’c could not understand why anyone would voluntarily utilize such a dangerous mode of transportation.

“Maybe that’s what happened with the _Mary Celeste_ ,” said O’Neill. When the three of them gave him questioning looks he elaborated, “Abandoned ship, crew never found. There was a documentary on the other night when I couldn’t sleep.”

“We can’t rule it out, I guess,” conceded Daniel Jackson.

“What I don’t get,” continued O’Neill, “is why a snake would go through the trouble of abducting a ship full of people, then just dump them here and leave.”

On that subject Teal’c knew enough to theorize. He considered the location of P5C-228 as depicted in SGC’s galactic map and asked to confirm, “This would have been approximately three hundred and fifty years ago, correct?”

Daniel Jackson nodded. “Give or take, yes.”

“This region of space was under the control of Aruna, a minor Goa’uld noted in Jaffa stories for being less cruel to his Jaffa than is standard.” That was relative, naturally, but had nevertheless earned Aruna a place in Jaffa history. “Aruna fell to Yama, and this planet has since been on the outskirts of a region contended by several minor Goa’uld. Other planets nearby have naquadah mines of value.”

“So it’s possible that none of the other Goa’uld even knew Aruna had brought humans here, and they’ve been busy fighting over the naquadah-rich planets ever since,” concluded Daniel Jackson.

“It is possible. Agricultural colonies are much less prized than naquadah mines.” Armies had to be fed, of course, but food could be grown a great many places in the galaxy.

“So these people got lucky,” said O’Neill.

“They were abducted by aliens,” countered Major Carter.

“Lots of people were abducted by aliens, Carter. Most of them ended up as hosts or slaves. For alien abductees, these guys were lucky.”

“From a cultural standpoint it’s very interesting to observe how their devoutly Puritan views have evolved very little in isolation,” commented Daniel Jackson. Teal’c presumed this was a reference to the local religion.

“Well, they were pretty clear on the Jaffa being minions of Satan,” said O’Neill. From what Teal’c knew of the human anti-god known as Satan, he supposed this was not an unreasonable view.

Major Carter frowned. “And they’ve kept the sexism alive and well.”

“Just think, Carter, you could be a role model for a whole generation of girls here.”

“Their ancestors were fervent Protestant Reformists,” said Daniel Jackson, “and that actually included a more sexist worldview than Catholicism.”

“Why do you say that?” asked Major Carter.

“By eliminating saints and nuns, they removed the roles women were allowed in religion.”

“I never thought of it that way,” mused the major. “It makes sense.”

Teal’c did not understand the nuances of Tau’ri religion enough to understand the conversation that followed. O’Neill did not care to. Instead he turned to Teal’c and said, “About those minor Goa’uld fighting over this little corner of the galaxy.”

Always gratified to use his knowledge in the pursuit of defeating false gods, Teal’c began to relate the relevant military history to O’Neill.

* * *

 

This time Sam had chosen the restaurant they went to, her favorite Indian place. It pleased Teal’c to discover lamb on the menu, Jack was content to eat something he neither knew how to make himself nor found in the mess hall, and Daniel would rarely turn down a good curry.

“I’m thinking of buying a smoker,” announced Jack. “Carter, you were right about this coconut-stuffed naan. It’s great.”

“It is,” agreed Daniel, though it was sweet and he almost felt like he should’ve saved it for dessert.

“A smoker?” Teal’c’s face was a mixture of confused and disapproving. “Dr. Fraiser has been quite clear that smoking has many adverse impacts on human health.”

“Not that kind of smoker. This is one I could cook meat in.”

“Do you not already possess multiple means with which to cook meat?”

“Sure, but you can’t have too many.”

“The grill isn’t cutting it anymore?” asked Daniel between bites of naan.

“There’s just something about smoked brisket,” replied Jack.

“Now if you get this smoker you’re going to need to invite us over to try the results.”

“Not the first time. I’ll have to work out a technique first.”

Sam chimed in with, “It sounds like a lot of work.”

“It’ll be worth it,” declared Jack.

She shrugged and reached for another piece of naan. “I’ll stick with my oven and my microwave.”

“You can’t cook brisket in a microwave,” insisted Jack.

“Maybe not, but someone else can cook it and then I can microwave it.”

Jack shook his head ruefully. Further conversation was temporarily halted when their meals arrived.

“You are correct, Major Carter,” declared Teal’c after a bite of his biryani. “The food at this establishment is most enjoyable.”

While Daniel had eaten better vindaloo it hadn’t been in Colorado Springs. “Good choice, Sam.”

“Not bad,” said Jack. “Naan’s better, though.”

“One of these days you should order something besides korma or chicken tikka masala.” Daniel knew that Jack wasn’t as adventurous when it came to menus as he was. He still thought Jack could stand to branch out a little bit more.

“I’ve never had bad korma or chicken tikka masala,” countered Jack. “I take enough risks in my day job, I don’t need more at restaurants. Besides, that spankola at lunch today was lousy.”

“Spanakopita.” Daniel didn’t know why he bothered to correct Jack anyway. They were all aware that he knew perfectly well what had been for lunch and chose to mispronounce it anyway for reasons known only to himself.

“Whatever. It wasn’t good and I know I like chicken tikka masala.”

“It really wasn’t very good,” agreed Sam.

Teal’c nodded his agreement. “It was insufficiently filling.”

“Apparently I’m the only one who thought lunch was halfway decent.” Not great, but Daniel hadn’t minded the spanakopita. It was an improvement over the previous day’s green bean, barley, and pork casserole, at any rate.

The other three looked at him questioningly. It was, however, the entirely benign and fond kind of questioning look, the kind that Daniel had missed for far too long. He buried his smile in a mouthful of vindaloo.

* * *

 

Another Friday, another therapy session after which Jack didn’t want to be alone, another old movie with Daniel, who was starting the 1940’s in his Best Picture Winners list. The night’s feature was a Hitchcock film, _Rebecca_ , which thus far was not bad despite Jack’s overall preference for color in his movies.

Jack started to wish he’d gotten breadsticks with the pizza because he could go for a little more food. Before he could get very far with that thought Daniel paused the movie. “Do you want banana bread?”

“I’m sure I can make room.”

“Hannah, my neighbor, made it,” explained Daniel. Jack followed him into the kitchen to get more water. “I helped get a bat out of her apartment the other night.”

“Don’t you have a superintendent for things like that?”

“He either has several children who are constantly getting themselves into trouble, or he’s lying about his kids to get out of working after hours.”

“Pretty sure someone who wants a 9 to 5 shouldn’t take a superintendent job.”

“I’m sure he wouldn’t be the first.” Daniel handed a plate with a generous slice of banana bread.

Now, Jack enjoyed homemade banana bread as much as the next guy who never made any himself. His enjoyment was shadowed by a twinge of jealousy, to which he knew full well he had no right but which settled in his gut anyway. “Hannah?”

“She lives two doors down. Her great-grandsons trashed a window screen,” said Daniel, unknowingly allowing Jack to relax with the mention of ‘great-grandsons.’ This was obviously not an apartment romance in the making. “A baby bat flew in and didn’t want to leave.”

“Nice of you to help.”

“I wasn’t expecting baked goods in return, but I’m not sorry. It’s good banana bread.”

“Yeah,” agreed Jack, hoping his little fit of jealousy hadn’t been obvious. “It is.”

* * *

 

Daniel didn’t want to think very much, at this point in time, about the fact that Jack loved him. Unfortunately his brain lacked an on/off switch and while he focused on other things well enough most of the time, the topic kept popping into his head when he had nothing else to divert his mental energies.

There had been a time, when he’d given himself permission to move forward with his life after Sha’re’s death and before Jack took to acting cruelly, when Daniel had been interested. He’d dismissed that as ridiculous because of course he thought Jack was one hundred percent heterosexual.

He knew that Jack was in no way ready for a relationship. Hell, Jack had spent the last decade repressing any interest in men and somehow that kind of worked for him. Until, apparently, he realized he was in love with Daniel. That would, Daniel supposed, make repressing a lot harder.

Jack was treating him much better these days, and Daniel could once again see why he’d been interested in Jack, back when it was a simple attraction and easy enough to dismiss. Now, when they were still repairing their friendship and Jack was dealing with his trauma, was not the time for these thoughts.

Not to mention the rather significant detail that Jack was in the Air Force and Daniel’s team leader. As a civilian Daniel was free to conduct his personal life as he saw fit. Jack was not so fortunate. Even if they were both in a perfect state of mind for a relationship, plenty of good reasons might interfere.

Daniel considered himself bisexual, if unevenly so in that he was more often attracted to women. There was no denying that he found Jack attractive, but there was a lot more going on. It would, he suspected, be frighteningly easy to fall in love with Jack. He did not want that. Not now, not anytime soon. Maybe not ever because there were so many variables in the situation.

All of this gave him a greater understanding as to why, faced with his own demons, Jack had reacted by pushing him away and lashing out. Not that Daniel had any intention of doing the same, but he did see how Jack ended up on that destructive road.

He rolled over and hoped he could stop thinking long enough to fall asleep.

* * *

 

Daniel was, as usual, making notes in his field journal before bed, so Jack took out his pocket notebook and started in on the latest addition to his collection. He called it Squirrels of the Galaxy. It wasn’t much, really: some sketches of the little animals they encountered along with descriptive notes. Not claiming any great artistic talent, Jack only started because he got bored waiting for Daniel to turn off the light in the tent and honestly wasn’t sure why he kept all of these pages. It might have something to do with the fact that Daniel, once he realized what Jack was up to, insisted the project would be a valuable resource in the future.

He outlined the shape of a weird creature they’d encountered that afternoon while Carter was talking solar power with the locals. The folks here had no technology of military value, but they had some renewable energy advances that Carter thought promising and which they were willing to share.

Plus, the mayor had set SG-1 up in their “travelers’ house,” a two-bedroom place with indoor plumbing and real beds. The beds weren’t what you’d call generously sized and Jack’s toes hung off the edge, but it beat sleeping on the ground. Though the house slept eight SG-1 got it all to themselves. Not bad for offworld accommodations.

The creature he drew was called a maloot according to the mayor’s aide. It was more or less the size of the chipmunks which scampered around Jack’s backyard, but with a longer tail and an extra set of ears. That was the most interesting feature: in addition to one, unremarkable set of rodent ears, these guys wore a larger, twitchier pair off to the sides. Jack sketched them in and noted, _bigger ears never stop moving_.

Daniel still hadn’t finished his notes by the time Jack was done. “Daniel?”

“You want to turn out the light.”

“Sooner rather than later, yes.”

A sigh from Daniel’s bed. “This society is a fascinating look at the development of Germanic tribes without pressures from the east. Or Rome, for that matter.”

“Okay, but don’t you want to be well-rested when they bring out their oldest scrolls tomorrow?” Jack sure did, because if he started yawning Daniel would more than likely take offense.

“I guess that’s not a bad idea. Just a couple more minutes.”

Jack stretched out on his back and waited. After all, Daniel’s enthusiasm was one of the things he loved about the guy. He then promptly canned that thought. No thinking un-colonel-like thoughts about Daniel offworld. Instead he considered the situation and came to the conclusion that yes, it made sense to split the team up the next day. Carter would get a lot more out of visiting the wind energy farm than the scrolls, and it seemed worth the risk to send her and Teal’c off while Daniel looked at scrolls and Jack stood around in case anything bad happened.

So, pretty much the usual. Jack had a lot of practice standing around in case anything bad happened while Daniel looked at antiquities.  


	7. Chapter 7

Daniel was engrossed in UAV footage when Jack entered his office to announce, “The good news is that the virus SG-2 brought back appears to be a non-fatal cold.”

“That’s good,” muttered Daniel, still trying to make out more details in his UAV footage.

“The bad news is that the virus is like nothing we’ve seen on Earth.”

“That’s not exactly a surprise.”

“No, but it means Fraiser thinks we all have a good chance of catching it. No immunity, you know. Which leads us to the really bad news: lockdown won’t be lifted until we’re all better.”

SG-2 had come back from their latest mission sniffling, Janet had identified a virus, and as usual SGC went into lockdown. There was always a risk that they could bring back a deadly disease and therefore appropriate measures were taken to prevent spreading alien illnesses.

Daniel had really hoped this lockdown would end in time for him to attend an archaeological program being held at Colorado Springs University the next evening. Clearly his luck wasn’t that good.

“Fraiser’s team thinks there’s a risk someone could study this thing and realize it’s like no other virus on Earth,” said Jack.

Daniel could only hope the lockdown ended while the movie he and Janet wanted to see was still playing at the nicer indie theater.

* * *

 

Jack wanted a mission to take the team’s mind off the almost-certain destruction of Tollana and everyone on it. Instead he got stuck in lockdown quarters with a cold.

It was bad enough that his sinuses were in open rebellion, causing most of his face to ache, and he couldn’t breathe through his nose. At least if he’d been at home he could go to bed early in his own, much more comfortable bed, and then in the morning flop on his couch and watch TV. Here he was stuck with a lousy bed and no TV.

Obviously he needed to buy a television to stash in his office.

He always kept a few books around for circumstances like these but had already finished one and didn’t want to read any more. The batteries in his Gameboy died, so he’d found a pack of cards and resorted to cheating at solitaire to entertain himself. No cheating was too frustrating. Cheating was too easy. Therefore he welcomed the distraction of a knock on the door. “Come in.”

“Hi Jack.” It was Daniel, sounding like his sinuses were in much the same state as Jack’s. “Do you have an extra yoyo I can borrow or something?”

“It broke, but I have an extra deck of cards. Wanna see who can build a better house of cards?”

Daniel sat on the floor, back to Jack’s bed. “Define better.”

“Taller. Wider. Basically, any kind of bigger.”

Daniel took the cards and started stacking.

“Figured you’d be catching up on translations and things.”

“Things?”

“Those journals you have the Air Force subscribe to, the articles and books you’re always talking about writing for if and when the program goes public. You know, things.”

At that Daniel cracked a weak smile. “I was until my sinus headache got too bad. I was starting to see spots.”

Concerned, Jack asked, “Did you talk with Fraiser?”

“She’s sick right now. I checked in with Dr. Allen. He told me to stop working and rest.”

“And you actually listened,” marveled Jack.

Daniel’s first attempt at a house of cards collapsed in on itself. “We do get multiple tries, right?”

Jack was feeling generous. “Sure.”

It came as no surprise that Daniel, sick as he may be, was still busying thinking. After a couple minutes of testing different building strategies he announced, “I keep thinking about the Tollan.”

“Yeah.”

“I wonder if anyone on Tollana survived.”

“I doubt Tanith would be content until they were at the very least bombed back to the Stone Age.”

Daniel nodded. “Probably, but what about their colonies?”

Jack had no answer. He did have another concern, “Then there’s the matter of this nameless Goa’uld who apparently has more powerful weapons.”

“That too.”

“Though I’m guessing his weapons are in short supply if he needed the Tollan to make more.”

“Small consolation,” replied Daniel.

“I know.”

The conversation was a downer and Jack, who was already miserable enough with his alien cold, was happy to let the subject drop. They focused on their card houses for a bit and Jack was feeling good about his when someone else knocked on his door.

“Come in.”

Teal’c looked bored. He had been sick for about half an hour before Junior fixed him up. While there were obviously a lot of drawbacks to hosting a larval snake – the complete dependence on it for survival came to mind – it did have its advantages.

“I have come to return _The Hunt for Red October_ ,” he announced. Only Teal’c would worry about returning a novel during a basewide cold epidemic. “As you predicted, I appreciated it, though I found some research on your ‘Cold War’ necessary to fully understand the context.”

“If you have a few minutes, we’re almost ready for a judge.”

“Speak for yourself,” said Daniel.

Teal’c eyed their card houses. “A judge for what?”

“Who has the better, bigger house of cards.”

The Chin Tilt of Puzzlement came as no surprise.

* * *

 

Hammond liked to be aware of most things that went on at SGC. Not everything; he absolutely did _not_ want to know what happened in the section of level 17 where the security cameras mysteriously malfunctioned through nearly all of the lockdown. Many pieces of information he chose not to act on, such as several betting pools on which the Air Force would frown but which he felt were harmless enough.

Nevertheless he preferred to know what happened on his base, up to and including the rumor mill. He may or may not have recruited Walter’s help with the rumor mill report. SGC was too vital, and there were too many unscrupulous folks inclined to abuse it for their own ends, to ignore the big rumors.

For instance, Hammond had been growing concerned about the rumors centering on Colonel O’Neill and Major Carter. SGC didn’t need that kind of scandal, especially with Simmons nosing around. Fortunately those rumors had petered out to a level Hammond was content to ignore. It was a small base and there were inevitably rumors about romances and liaisons. There was no permutation of relationship between the members of SG-1 that hadn’t been batted around at some point; Hammond was confident that O’Neill and Teal’c were not, in fact, having a torrid affair. He had heard it all, even the outlandish theory that Siler tried to get injured so he could spend more time with the object of his affection, Dr. Fraiser. He’d gotten a good laugh out of that one.

The romance rumor du jour was centered on Captain Isaac Swanson of SG-4 and Dr. Abby Harnick, SG-11’s anthropologist. They were on different teams and Harnick wasn’t military, so if this turned out to be one of the true rumors Hammond didn’t need to worry. In fact none of the rumors currently travelling around base were unduly alarming, an unusual and pleasant surprise after a lockdown. The previous lockdown had seen Hammond dealing with drunken lap dances, a topic of conversation he never again wanted to have with airmen.

Evidently there was a new betting pool, this one on what kind of talking animal (excluding mimicry) would be encountered first. If Hammond were a few ranks lower he’d have put his money on the cat family, just for the hell of it.

* * *

 

“I put twenty on raccoons. Anyone else in this pool?”

“What pool is this, sir?” Sam hadn’t really been paying attention because she was busy examining her readings as they walked toward the source.

“What kind of talking animal we’re going to find first in the galaxy. Mimicry doesn’t count, by the way.”

“And you went with raccoons?” They weren’t the first species that came to her mind. Dolphins and whales, maybe.

“They’re smart little bastards,” explained the colonel. “Always figuring out how to use human civilization for their own benefit.”

“We can’t keep them out of my building’s dumpsters,” said Daniel.

“My neighborhood has more problems with squirrels.” In fact Sam had to make sure the lids on her trash cans were sealed tightly when she put them out or the squirrels would spread her trash up and down the sidewalk overnight.

Colonel O’Neill said, “I think there are already a few people who went with squirrels.”

“Have the expectations for linguistic ability been clearly defined?” asked Teal’c.

“It has to be inarguably speech.”

“You do realize that there is a lot of room for reasonable people to debate what constitutes speech and a language, right?” said Daniel.

“Some people think whales and dolphins have a kind of language,” pointed out Sam.

“Key word: some. The pool is for an _obviously_ talking animal.”

Daniel asked, “What if nobody can translate this language?”

“Or does it have to be a language recognized by the gate’s translation system?” suggested Sam.

“No, Carter. Daniel, if nobody can translate it we’ll just send you in. Problem will be solved.”

Sam checked her readings again. “I think the unusual magnetic activity is centered on the top of that hill.”

As they turned slightly towards the hill Teal’c announced, “Upon our return I will place my bet in this pool.”

This caught them all by surprise including the colonel who said, “You? In a betting pool?”

“I am attempting to further my understanding of your culture.”

“What are you going to bet on?” asked Daniel.

Teal’c considered this for a moment before declaring, “Otters.”

That was an interesting choice. Sam wondered at Teal’c’s reasoning. Colonel O’Neill shook his head. “All the different animals you saw at the zoo and you’re going with otters?”

“Yes.”

“Alright then. I’ll be happy to take your money when we meet talking raccoons.” Suddenly he stopped. “Hey Daniel, come look at this.”

“What?”

“You’re the expert, but I don’t think rocks naturally come shaped like feet.”

“Feet?” Daniel hurried to catch up.

“Well, a foot anyway.”

Daniel started clearing away grass, delighted with this discovery. “It’s definitely been carved.”

“Carter, Teal’c, you two might as well head up the hill.” The colonel looked at the hill, no more than half a mile distant, and set down his pack. “We’ll catch up. Or we’ll still be here. Check in every half hour.”

“Will do, sir.”

“Thanks, Jack,” said Daniel.

As Sam continued on she was struck by how happy Daniel was to get this unexpected chance at archaeology, without begging the colonel for it. Colonel O’Neill was less angry these days; Sam tried not to think of how he seemed more easily angered, especially by Daniel, when she’d been caught up in their flirtation game.

* * *

 

After they left Tanith destroying Tollana and then spent a week in lockdown with colds, Jack was particularly glad to have a mission going well. In fact all four of them were having a pretty good mission.

Carter thought they’d discovered someone’s old magnetism experiment and while the technical details sailed over Jack’s head, she was happy enough to spend a couple days poking around the machines and he was happy enough to let her. Evidently whoever set up the experiment had fascinating technology (then again, when _didn’t_ Carter find technology fascinating?) and some fancy way to measure magnetism.

Teal’c had been going stir crazy in lockdown without even the option of teaching hand-to-hand combat since everyone else was sick, so he was pleased to be back in the field. He also took the opportunity to learn about magnetism from Carter, which was all part of enjoying the freedom to learn whatever he wanted. Jack respected that though he had no personal desire to follow suit.

Speaking of taking opportunities, Daniel had set himself up with a little dig site, all measured out in a grid with string and everything. It was the best he could manage proper archaeology in the field, he explained. Then he happily got to work excavating a broken statue. In particular he was delighted to discover fragments that had bits of writing carved into the stone.

As for himself, Jack was content to have a cheerful team, pleasant weather, enough of a breeze to keep the bugs away, and a nice easy path to the gate in case things went to hell. It didn’t hurt that he’d managed three solid, nightmare-free nights of sleep in a row and it warmed his heart to see Daniel enjoying himself so much. It meant a lot to Daniel that he didn’t have to plead for the chance to dig, either. Jack finally felt like he was getting back to being the capable team leader he used to be.

All in all, life was pretty good.

* * *

 

The broken statue on P8B-401 was not one of Daniel’s more significant finds in terms of archaeological significance. It established nothing beyond the fact that at one point the area of the planet near the gate had been populated by people who were probably human (at least the statue appeared to be a human man), and they had a written language. The language might have been derived from cuneiform, but Daniel wasn’t a cuneiform scholar and in any case the examples he had were so far removed from cuneiform found on Earth that it was impossible for him to be certain.

All the same he was pleased that he got to work on this, a project with absolutely zero military potential. Sure, it was because Sam’s exploration of the magnetism might prove more useful to the Air Force, but Jack hadn’t begrudged Daniel the archaeology. In fact he was the person who found the first piece of statue and suggested Daniel get to work on it.

Daniel finally began to relax and trust that Jack was serious, that the situation wasn’t going to go back to being so miserable and therefore he would be staying on SG-1 for the foreseeable future. It was a good feeling.


	8. Chapter 8

“I like it better when the bad guys don’t try to hide the fact that they’re bad guys,” declared Jack.

Without ever discussing it they’d developed a ritual of Jack coming over to Daniel’s apartment on Fridays after his therapy (another thing they never discussed). Sometimes Daniel cooked, sometimes Jack picked up takeout, and most of the time they watched a Best Picture winning movie.

This particular night Daniel felt like salmon and had cooked a good meal of salmon, mashed potatoes, and broccoli. Jack contributed the caramel sundae supplies for dessert, which they were assembling when he started talking about the Aschen.

“Is this enough caramel for you?” asked Daniel, holding out the bowl.

“Yep.”

Daniel doubled the amount and stuck it in the microwave. “I still wonder about that alternate future sometimes.”

“It didn’t sound like a good one.”

“No. I do wonder, though, why the Aschen are so anxious to sterilize other planets and push them back to an agricultural economy.”

“They really hate doing their own farming?” suggested Jack. “Pre-emptively making sure that other races don’t develop enough to pose a threat? Practicing their population control so they perfect it before applying it to their own population?”

“We’ll never know.”

“I can live with that, since we thwarted their evil scheme.”

“We spend a lot of time thwarting evil schemes,” pointed out Daniel.

“Someone should keep a list.”

“I think the collection of mission reports works for that.”

“Nice to know they’re good for something.”

“They’re going to be a valuable historical record.” Daniel had said this before but the point bore repeating.

“If someone writes a biography of me, I hope they use a flattering picture on the cover. Not too many greys.”

“We’ll all get biographies once the program goes public.” Whether they were alive by then was the bigger question. If the Air Force had its way they’d all be long dead as the program would stay secret indefinitely. Daniel wasn’t convinced it would work out that way. The more people who were in on the secret, the greater the risk of revelation. Not to mention the possibility that aliens would take the choice out of the government’s hands.

“Let’s hope that’s decades in the future.”

“Enough decades and you won’t need to worry about the cover photo.”

“Or hordes of reporters.”

“Which would be understandable.”

“Sure. Doesn’t make me want to deal with them any more.”

That was fair enough, Daniel supposed. Meanwhile he’d gotten a look at the sundae Jack was building. “Five cherries?”

“It’s the little things that make being an adult worthwhile,” replied Jack.

“I thought it was the right to self-determination, but I guess multiple cherries on your sundae works too.”

* * *

 

Jack’s therapist said he was making progress. He didn’t feel like he was, aside from not being a jerk to Daniel.

“Jack,” she said, “You’re actively dealing with trauma that you spent a decade repressing. That alone is a huge step. Not to mention that you don’t seem so ashamed.”

“I survived. I escaped. Nothing to be ashamed of.”

“Not ashamed of being raped.” Elaine insisted that oral rape was, in fact, rape. Jack had never really thought of his experience that way before, and it did make sense. It also made sense that he was struggling with it, since rape was a big friggin’ deal. “You were ashamed of coming here, of needing help.”

Oh. That. “I, uh, did some reading on that website you told me about.”

“The online support group for male survivors of sexual assault?”

“Yeah.”

“And you found it helpful?”

“Some of it. There were a bunch of other people on the message boards talking about how much therapy helped them. So that was good.”

“Why was it good?”

Always with the whys. “Because it means I’m not the only one who couldn’t just forget about it and move on. A couple of the guys were military too.”

“And that’s significant because?

“It means I’m not pathetic?” tried Jack.

“No, you aren’t pathetic. You’re human, and I’m glad the support group is helping you to see that.”

“Thing is, it’s more complicated for me.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Well, it’d be a whole lot easier if I was completely straight.”

“Maybe. Maybe not.”

Jack was pretty sure on this point. After all, he’d been doing just fine until he realized he loved Daniel, and loving included wanting, and _that_ was where the trouble started. If he’d never gone and fallen for someone with a dick, he could’ve kept all his nasty memories of Iraq nicely buried for the rest of his life.

“But the fact is, Jack, you aren’t completely straight, and you’ve been very clear about your feelings for Daniel, so we have to work with the situation as it stands. You should keep reading on the message boards, though. I think you’ll find you’re not the only one who’s attracted to men.”

“Keep reading. Is that this week’s homework?”

“It is now.”

“Gotcha.”

“You know it’s anonymous,” she said.

“If that’s supposed to make _me_ want to post, it’s not gonna work.”

“Just don’t rule it out that quickly.”

Jack shrugged in a way he hoped would get Elaine to drop the subject. No amount of anonymity in the world could be enough to make him post on that message board. Not just because it was against his nature, though there was that aspect too; SGC was far too vital, and Simmons far too problematic, for Jack to do something so foolish as post on the internet that he was in love with a man on his team.

* * *

 

It was a few days into his recovery when Jack remembered. Unfortunately his arm was still pretty useless, and while he was very grateful that the bulletproof vest kept him from death or serious organ damage it did not prevent bruised ribs, bruised skin, and general back pain.

Carter was on leave recovering from her ordeal at Conrad’s hands; Fraiser insisted so Carter consented to a vacation visiting her dad. Teal’c had been added to a rescue mission while his teammates recuperated. Therefore there was really only one person Jack could call.

“Hey Daniel. Do you have time to come help me bring some old _National Geographics_ to a homeless guy?”

“Um, can I ask why?”

“Promised them in exchange for information on Carter’s abduction.”

“How about tomorrow after work? Some of us are still expected to show up, you know.”

“And some of us would happily trade with you if it meant we hadn’t been shot. After work is fine. I’m not going anywhere.”

“I’ll call when I leave the mountain.”

“Great. Thanks.”

With Daniel’s help – okay, to be honest Daniel did pretty much all of the work, but Jack was wounded – he got eleven years’ worth of _National Geographic_ boxed up. He hung on to the most recent year’s issues.

“I had no idea you kept such a collection,” said Daniel.

“It’s a quality publication.”

“You sacrificed them for a good cause, anyway.”

“That’s what I figured.”

It took twenty minutes of driving around before they found the homeless guy. Daniel parked the truck and Jack got out. “Remember me?”

“Did you find your friend?”

“We sure did. Brought you the magazines.”

“I thought you weren’t going to.”

“I’m a man of my word. Anywhere specific you want these?”

He led them to the edge of the woods maybe a quarter mile away. “Here’s good.”

Daniel unloaded the boxes, to the homeless guy’s great delight. “Thanks, man. These are great.”

“Glad you like them.” Jack slipped the guy a twenty which was eagerly pocketed.

“Really, thanks.”

“No problem. Appreciated your help the other day.”

As they drove away Daniel mused, “We didn’t get his name.”

“I was a bit preoccupied with finding Carter at the time.”

“Today. We see a homeless person and don’t even think to extend the common courtesy of asking their name.” Daniel frowned. “We can do better than that. He’s a human being.”

“Yeah,” agreed Jack. “At least he has plenty of good reading material.”

“This is the kind of thing that proves the Nox right,” said Daniel.

“Does it help that I gave him twenty bucks?”

“Money is all well and good, but it doesn’t replace basic human decency.” Daniel shook his head. “Why didn’t I realize that in time?”

“Daniel? I’m not trying to be heartless here, but can you maybe put the self-flagellation on hold until we’ve gotten back to roads that were paved in the last decade?”

Daniel, thankfully, swerved to avoid the worst of the next pothole. “Sorry. Is your arm bothering you?”

“I’d be thrilled if it was only my arm.”

“Okay. Focusing on getting the smoothest path back to your place.”

“Appreciate it.”                                                                                                                     

* * *

 

Even when Jack was back to work Daniel didn’t see as much of him because Janet wouldn’t clear him to go through the gate yet. According to Jack, having to sit around with nothing to do but paperwork was worse than the actual gunshots.

Friday evening Jack showed up with Thai. “Good news,” he declared. “Fraiser cleared me for the offworld training mission next week.”

“That’s great.”

“Yeah. It’s not getting back out to exploring, but it sure as hell beats flying a desk.”

He was grabbing glasses for water when Jack’s tone turned quiet. “Daniel?”

“Yes?”

“I’m, ah, supposed to talk with you about something.”

Something important, from Jack’s tone and hesitance. Probably at the suggestion of his therapist. Daniel set down the glasses to show he was paying attention. “I’m listening.”

Jack fidgeted with the takeout bag for a moment before getting out the words. “My therapist thinks that my guilt about how shitty I was to you is holding me back. When I said that I didn’t know how to just forgive myself, she said I need to talk to you about it. So, here I am, talking.”

In a way, even if it wasn’t something to be proud of, Daniel was glad Jack felt guilty. It demonstrated that Jack understood the depth of pain he’d caused.

“I failed as your friend, and then I let my personal issues get involved with the team and I failed as a commanding officer. And somehow you’re still willing to let me crash your Friday nights because you know I want company. You’re being so damn good to me and I don’t deserve it.”

Jack’s therapist was right. They definitely needed to talk about this.

“I’m not going to lie. You treated me like I just got in the way and it was very difficult. Obviously, since I was all set to leave the team.”

“Like I could forget that.”

“When you explained why, I understood where you were coming from and I saw that you were suffering too. You’ve been following through on not making the same mistakes. The difference over the last two months has been remarkable.”

“That doesn’t make everything okay.”

“No. It makes it the past. And I’m supporting you through a challenging time because that’s what friends do.”

“I don’t deserve your friendship.”

“Don’t you think I should be the one who decides that?”

“But -”

“Jack,” he interrupted. “Let it be the past. I am.”

“Just like that?”

“Just like that.”

“Okay. I’ll try.”

* * *

 

Daniel replayed his conversation with Jack mentally most of the following week. Seeing Jack’s guilt, mulling it over in his mind for several days, led him to the obvious conclusion.

He was cooking the next Friday and planned the chicken to be done a little later than Jack usually showed up.

“They had cinnamon buns,” said Jack, setting a bakery box on the counter.

“Oh good. I haven’t had a cinnamon roll outside of the mountain for a while.”

Jack made a face of disapproval. “They always skimp on the frosting in the mess.”

“I know.” He moved close so he was just on the edge of Jack’s personal space. “What we talked about last week. You need to know that I forgive you.”

“Daniel…”

He tentatively put a hand on Jack’s shoulder. It may not be Daniel’s usual style but Jack was a very tactile person. “I forgive you, Jack, whether or not you believe that you deserve it.”

“I don’t.”

“Doesn’t matter. You have no say in the matter.” Forgiveness was Daniel’s choice, and he decided it was the only way forward. If he held on to resentment and Jack held on to guilt they could never really have a healthy friendship.

Jack’s response this time was to wrap Daniel in a hug. “I’m not gonna make you regret it. I swear I won’t.”

This time, Daniel believed him.


	9. Chapter 9

Jack was completely blown away by Daniel’s forgiveness and still didn’t think he’d earned it. He intended to, though. He’d be worthy of Daniel’s forgiveness if it was the last thing he did.

And maybe he couldn’t quite forgive himself just yet, but he was focusing on the present and the future instead of the past. Less beating himself up, more devoting his energy to being a better person.

While Jack worked on doing better and wrestling his demons, life at SGC continued along as normal. Normal at SGC was, naturally, a bit different from what usually constituted ‘normal.’ For one thing, wooly mammoths hadn’t been common on Earth for a good long time but SGC had an entire biology team studying them somewhere on a planet in the Orion constellation. Meanwhile, nobody outside of SGC considered forty light years a short trip, though Carter insisted that in galactic terms it was right next door.

SG-1 had a pretty tame month, all things considered. Sure, there was the planet they left in a hurry because the local bird population was yanking their hair out (Teal’c suggested perhaps the rest of the team should all follow his lead and shave their heads, a proposition the three of them firmly rejected). And getting caught in a monsoon wasn’t going to top anyone’s list of best missions either. All things considered, though, it wasn’t a bad month.

Teal’c had discovered Tolkien and was engrossed in _Lord of the Rings_. Carter tinkered, as usual; with her latest doo-dads at work and with her motorcycle when she actually left the mountain. Daniel completed a rough draft for one of his ‘when the program goes public’ book chapters and brushed up on his cuneiform.

As for Jack, he gradually made headway on the nightmare situation. He still had entirely too many, but he was more often than not able to fall back asleep now. That was a small improvement but it meant less sleep deprivation so he’d take it. He also experimented with his new smoker until he was satisfied with his brisket. He’d had worse months.

* * *

 

Teal’c did not care for P4B-208. Major Carter theorized that the planet was presently experiencing an ice age, and to his untrained eye there was more than adequate ice to earn this assessment.

UAV surveillance showed what appeared to be a crashed al’kesh on the planet’s surface 3.2 kilometers from the stargate, and the mission had, regrettably from Teal’c’s perspective, been assigned to SG-1. They were therefore making their way through shin-high snow to the crash site, clad in what he had been told was appropriate weather for the climate.

“At least it’s not snowing,” said O’Neill from his position behind Teal’c. They walked single file; O’Neill had led for the first half of the walk before switching off with Teal’c.

“Damn it, my glasses are fogging up again,” said Daniel Jackson. It had become apparent immediately that the fabric face masks they wore were not designed for those who required glasses.

“Just follow me,” replied O’Neill. “Your eyesight can’t be too bad for that.”

“No. It’s annoying, though.”

From her position at the end of their line Major Carter remarked, “I think the glaciers have been receding lately. This was probably about as far as they got.”

“How,” began O’Neill before interrupting himself, “wait, scratch that. I’m just gonna take your word for it.”

“I’m happy to explain if you change your mind, sir.”

“We are fortunate,” Teal’c informed his teammates upon seeing the al’kesh. “The al’kesh is more exposed than it was when the UAV flew over.”

“I guess the wind is good for something,” said O’Neill.

Teal’c examined what he could of the al’kesh as they walked around it. “This is a recent model,” he informed his teammates, “not more than two thousand years old.”

“How old do they have to be to qualify for antique plates?” asked O’Neill. A puzzling question. How spacecraft related to dinnerware Teal’c could not begin to guess. He intended to inquire, but Major Carter found the door and he set aside O’Neill’s odd comment to assist her in prying open the door.

“Good thing the door was on the windswept side,” she noted when they had opened it enough to allow entrance.

“Any chance you can get the heat working, Carter?” asked O’Neill while Daniel Jackson attempted to clear his glasses with his breath.

“Doubtful. By the look of the bodies this has been here a while and the heat already gave out.”

Daniel Jackson made a noise of disgust. “I’d have been happy to go my whole life without seeing what half-decomposed frozen bodies look like.”

Major Carter suggested, “Maybe you should let your glasses stay fogged.”

“Alright,” declared O’Neill, “let’s figure out if there’s anything to salvage here so we can go home.”

“Sounds good,” agreed Daniel Jackson, now actively attempting to avoid seeing the corpses.

“Not having a TGIF kinda afternoon,” muttered O’Neill. “Anyone want to come try brisket tomorrow? I’ve got smoking it down pat now. I’ll provide the meat, potatoes, and beer.”

It gratified Teal’c to witness that O’Neill’s renewed enthusiasm for team activities showed no signs of abating. Moreover, as a general rule Teal’c was inclined to accept invitations to eat off base. The mess hall did not tend to provide the highest quality in Tau’ri cuisine. Plus he was curious as to how this smoker of O’Neill’s operated. “I will attend.”

“I’ll bring dessert,” offered Major Carter.

Daniel Jackson said, “I’ll bring salad.”

“I will provide a shrimp ring,” Teal’c declared. He had recently made the discovery that a shrimp ring was always welcome whenever he was expected to contribute food.

“Alright.” O’Neill rubbed his gloved hands together. “Let’s get this done before we get frostbite.”

Teal’c thought that an excellent plan.

* * *

 

When Jack didn’t answer the doorbell Daniel made his way around the back. Sure enough, Jack was on his deck setting out glasses and a pitcher of water.

“Hey,” he greeted. “I’m glad you brought the salad.”

“You are?”

After a quick check to make sure they were alone Jack confided, “Carter’s salads are boring.”

“Probably because she buys the Caesar salad kits.”

“Could be. I’m not the world’s biggest salad fan, but if I’m gonna eat salad I’d like more than just lettuce, you know?”

Daniel did know. He felt the same way so when he bothered to make a salad, which honestly wasn’t very often, he put in a bunch of different vegetables. After setting the bowl down he leaned against the railing to take in the scene.

Jack looked good. His eyes were brighter, not so weighed down with exhaustion. He was happy, explaining how he’d prepared the meat for the smoker, obviously pleased with his new toy. Daniel must’ve gotten caught up in observation because Jack asked, “Daniel?”

“Hmm?”

“You kinda zoned out on me.”

“Oh. I was just thinking that you seem better. Happier.”

“Yeah,” Jack said after a few long seconds. “Starting to sleep better, finally. That makes a big difference.”

“I’m glad.”

“So am I. You know me, I like quick solutions. It’s about time I started seeing some results.”

There was no quick solution for Jack’s problems. Daniel was incredibly proud that Jack had committed to the work that therapy involved and glad it was starting to pay off.

The conversation ended when Sam and Teal’c joined them, Teal’c full of questions about how the smoker worked and, once he learned that the meat took hours to cook, why Jack burdened himself with such an inefficient method.

Jack promised it would make sense as soon as they tasted the brisket, and he was right. “This is fantastic,” Daniel said after his first bite.

“It’s very tender,” agreed Sam. “You’re right, sir, it’s really good.”

“Indeed. Perhaps the mess hall should acquire smokers,” suggested Teal’c.

“Never gonna happen.” Jack served himself potato salad, pleased with everyone’s reaction to his brisket. “Pass the salad?”

“What other meats do you smoke?” asked Teal’c.

“I’ve done ribs, but I need to perfect the process. Pulled pork. One of these days I’m gonna try smoking a whole turkey.”

“Will the feathers not catch fire?”

“Whole is relative,” explained Jack. “You buy them beheaded, de-feeted, and plucked. No feathers.”

“De-feeted?” echoed Daniel. “I don’t think that’s a word.”

“If it isn’t, it should be.”

“It’s far too whole for me,” said Sam. “Give me chicken breasts I can just dump barbecue sauce on and put in the oven.”

“Barbecue sauce in the oven? Carter, that’s practically sacrilege.”

Sam didn’t like to cook and therefore didn’t care to put much effort into it. Her meal preparations were basic, just enough so that she didn’t have to rely on takeout all the time. Takeout all the time got old fast. Unbothered by Jack’s recrimination, she added, “Sometimes I use cream of mushroom soup instead.”

Daniel decided to follow Teal’c’s example and focus on savoring his brisket.

* * *

 

At his therapy session Elaine asked Jack, “How are you doing with the alcohol limits?”

“Still haven’t gone over. Last weekend some of us were at a bar celebrating Ferretti’s promotion and I took some barbs about getting old since I only had two beers.”

“And you resisted the peer pressure. That’s great, Jack.”

Jack frowned slightly. “You make it sound like middle school when you say ‘peer pressure.’”

“Haven’t you realized by now that I believe in calling a spade a spade?”

He wasn’t entirely sure about this. He didn’t pay her to debate what exactly constituted peer pressure, though, so he dropped the point. “Anyway, all good on the alcohol limit. Some weeks I don’t even have all I could.” There were evenings when he got home late and just wanted a single beer before bed. Technically he was allowed two drinks twice a week, but that didn’t mean he had to use them all.

“I’m glad to hear it. Alcohol is fine in moderation. It is not a healthy coping mechanism. Now, on to healthier habits. We started talking about hobbies last week, and you stated that your job doesn’t leave you a lot of time for hobbies.”

“That hasn’t changed.” Technically his Squirrels of the Galaxy sketches might count as a hobby, but there was no way Jack could explain that little diversion without saying anything classified. “I do fish when I get the chance. Found a great little pond forty-five minutes from my house.”

“What else could you do for fun?”

He considered that for a minute. “I haven’t gotten my telescope out in a while.” Mostly because he was very busy out among the stars which didn’t leave a whole lot of time for looking at them.

“That’s a fine thing to do. So is fishing. The whole point here is to have your life be more than just your job. From what little you’ve said it sounds like your work is demanding and I can only assume it’s not low-stress.”

“That’s one way of putting it.”

“And on top of that you’re processing a significant trauma and addressing your sexuality. You need to decompress.”

Jack couldn’t even begin to explain how SGC had a way of coming first in his life, so he nodded. “That’s what fishing is for. I can get the telescope out too.” He’d enjoyed that before, when he made the time. “The whole sexuality thing,” he began.

“Yes?”

“What if I’d realized earlier, before I was married?”

“I’m afraid I don’t follow,” said Elaine, patient as always.

“If I’d had any good experiences with another guy’s dick, would Iraq have fucked me up so badly?” The question had bugged him lately.

“There’s no way to know.”

“I was looking for ‘yes’ or ‘no.’”

“Sorry. Therapy isn’t as black and white as you’d like it to be, Jack.”

“Not as fast, either,” he muttered.

“So you’ve said.”

It was helping, slowly, so Jack resigned himself to the idea that, at the current rate, he was looking at a minimum of several more months before he was where he wanted to be, headspace-wise. This dealing with trauma business was damn hard work.


	10. Chapter 10

SG teams missed their scheduled check-ins on a fairly regular basis. The frequency of this occurrence did nothing to ease the knot that formed in Hammond’s stomach every single time.

Today, as so often was the case, it was SG-1. On the plus side, once Walter fired up the stargate he easily raised their errant team on the radio.

“We read you, SGC,” reported Colonel O’Neill. “Sorry about this missed check-in. We’re trapped at the moment.”

“Trapped where?” asked Hammond.

“Apparently we arrived just in time for the spring flood. You know how the temple is on a little hill in a valley?”

“Yes.”

“Well, now it’s an island. The water’s only about four feet deep but the current looks very strong. And it’s freezing cold.”

“We can see the stargate with binoculars, sir,” added Major Carter. “It’s above the valley so it’s safe from the flood.”

“Are you safe?” Hammond wanted to know.

“No immediate danger,” replied O’Neill. “Daniel thinks this hill might have been man made specifically to worship the spring flood.”

The archaeologist’s voice came from further away. “Not to worship the flood. They worshipped Ea and the temple was giving thanks to him for the life-giving flood waters. At least that’s my best guess at this point.”

“So the flood waters probably fertilize this valley every year, and we came at a bad time,” concluded Carter.

All things considered it could have been much worse, and that knot in Hammond’s stomach relaxed. “Do you have any idea when it will be safe to leave?”

He could envision Carter shaking her head. “It’s impossible to say, sir.”

“We’ll check in again in four hours,” he said. “If it becomes necessary we can use a UAV to airlift you supplies.”

O’Neill replied, “Here’s hoping it doesn’t get that far, General.”                  

* * *

 

Jack had to give the guys who built this temple credit. It was at least a few thousand years old and only had one tiny leak in the north corner. So while it poured outside SG-1 stayed nice and dry. That was quality craftsmanship for you.

Granted, three of them were extremely bored. Daniel, of course, was not. He was still trying to figure out whether Ea (who was, Jack now knew, a big deal in ancient Mesopotamia) had been a Goa’uld or not. Teal’c hadn’t heard of any snakes named Ea, but since they were talking thousands of years ago that was hardly definitive.

“I’m leaning toward the theory that Ea was Goa’uld,” declared Daniel, who’d finished videotaping every square inch of the walls in detail and was now in the analyzing stage of his research. “For one thing, Ea came from the Sumerian god Enki, who created men to be slaves to the gods.”

“That sounds like something a snake would say,” agreed Jack. How Daniel kept all these myths straight was beyond him. Sure, Daniel did research before a mission and had undoubtedly brushed up on his Mesopotamian history for this one, but still. He had to be a literal, Mensa-level genius, Jack was sure of it.

“And these relief carvings show guards which could be Jaffa,” continued Daniel. “The style has similarities to other temples we know were made for Goa’uld rulers. I wonder… ”

Having nothing better to do Jack was desperate enough to learn more about this Ea-Enki guy. He could only amuse himself with his yo-yo for so long. “So you said he was associated with water.”

“Ritual cleansing water in particular, though the Sumerians worshipped Enki as god of water.”

“It’d be easier to keep track of these gods if everyone could make up their minds and stick with who was god of what.”

“Nobody can even decide how to view the Christian God and that’s taking away the complications of polytheism,” pointed out Daniel. “And you must be really bored if you’re interested in Mesopotamian deities.”

“I was supposed to be intimidating the hell out of new recruits today.” Much more entertaining that sitting around in an old temple which had absolutely zero cool things like, say, powerful weapons. Or at the very least an alien chess set.

“I’m sorry you’re missing your fun.”

“Yeah, well, at least you’re getting something out of this.”

Daniel smiled. “I am, and so is scholarship in general. Or it will eventually, whenever the program goes public.”

Jack glanced at the carving closest to him and his eyes widened when he realized what he was looking at. “Whoa, this was not a family-friendly temple.” Hell, PBS wouldn’t be able to show the carving without blurring out the giant erection.

“That happens a lot. Archaeologists see a lot more depictions of penises than people realize. Translations and works for the general public tend to tone it down, though that’s starting to change.”

“Huh.” What else could he say?

“Sumerian depictions of Enki include a lot of graphic representations of his masculinity.”

“I thought you said this was Ea.”

“Based on… uh, details you’re probably not really concerned with, yes. Ea was adapted from Enki and this temple reflects aspects of the Akkadian culture, not Sumerian.”

“But they kept the unrealistically massive dicks.”

“Clearly.”

Teal’c chose this moment to chime in. “I have heard rumors suggesting that certain Goa’uld prioritize male host bodies with large genitalia when available.”

Carter groaned. Jack couldn’t see but odds were good she rolled her eyes as well.

“That’s very interesting,” said Daniel, naturally. “Do you know why?”

“No. It is possible they do so in order to perpetuate the myth that they are gods.”

Daniel nodded. “That makes sense. Certain physical characteristics are associated with gods and goddesses across many cultures.”

“There are some things it’d be nice to leave behind when we’re on different planets,” said Carter.

Jack spotted a carving depicting a woman with a figure that was impossible barring surgical intervention. “If it makes you feel better, these people had an equal opportunity approach to unrealistic depictions of the human body.”

“You know what, sir? It really doesn’t.”

Well, he tried.

* * *

 

This was meant to be a simple one-day mission, which meant by the end of day two SGC had to send supplies. The rain had stopped but the flood failed to recede, no doubt because it was being fueled by snow melting in the distant mountains. Considering the width of the valley, even if the current wasn’t a concern Sam doubted the wisdom of immersing themselves in the water. It was barely above the freezing point.

The situation wouldn’t have been so bad if there was interesting technology. Then she could’ve been like Daniel, who would prefer a pillow but was otherwise content to explore the temple. Sadly there was nothing for Sam to do except observe and think, neither of which led to any pleasant conclusions.

It only got worse when SGC radioed that they were launching the UAV and Colonel O’Neill said, “Major, you’re with me. Teal’c, eyes open. If this place is booby-trapped now would be the time we find out.”

“That’s unlikely,” replied Daniel without looking up from the base of a statue, where he’d settled to work on a particularly tricky translation.

“So are pet dragons and we encountered those last week.”

Sam didn’t bother correcting the colonel. Statistically it wasn’t unlikely that somewhere in the galaxy they’d find animals which shared enough characteristics to be considered dragons. The animals in question were winged reptiles (not terribly efficient fliers, they could only manage short distances) which, once bonded with a human, would spit acid in defense of their person. They seemed close enough to dragons and Daniel had been excited about the potential influence on Earth’s dragon lore, but just now she didn’t feel like getting into the whole statistics angle.

Once they were outside the colonel checked that his radio wasn’t transmitting before asking, “Something on your mind, Carter?”

She didn’t exactly want to talk about it, but probably needed to and maybe she even deserved the answer. “Off the record, sir?”

“Of course.”

“You’re happier lately.”

“Fair enough.”

“Once we stopped… the game… you started to get happier.” She stopped here, hoping he would understand so she didn’t have to say the words, didn’t have to actually ask if he was happier because they stopped playing the game. If the idea of her had made him miserable.

Luckily he did get it. “I’m happier because I’m getting my shit together, if that’s what you mean.”

“Oh. That’s better.”

“Not really,” he said, and Sam didn’t quite follow.

“It’s better for my ego,” she admitted.

“I fucked up, Carter. That whole game, as you call it, was me trying to distract myself and avoid actually dealing with crap. I used you and that is not okay.”

He was being surprisingly forthright here, which meant Sam ought to be in return. “I think we were using each other.” It was true. Whatever he’d been trying to avoid by playing at the idea of a relationship with her Sam didn’t know, and while admittedly curious she knew it was none of her business. For her part, she didn’t want to spend the rest of her life alone but she was afraid of trusting a man again after Jonas turned out to be such a spectacularly terrible person. Colonel O’Neill was a safe fantasy.

“Maybe, but I’m your CO.”

The radios crackled to life. “SG-1, the UAV is away.”

At first she could barely see the dot coming through the gate even through the binoculars. “We have a visual,” reported the colonel.

The UAV dropped supplies by parachute a few minutes later before swinging back around to the gate. These new UAVs came with programmable arms which allowed SGC to remotely dial the gate and bring the UAV home, which had been a tricky and expensive development since the arms couldn’t be controlled in real time but was now saving a fortune in abandoned UAVs.

The colonel said into his radio, “Packages received and appreciated, SGC.”

“We’ll check in with you in six hours.”

“Roger that.”

“SGC out.”

Checking his radio again the colonel turned to her and asked, “Are we okay, Carter?”

“We’re good, sir.”

Yes, they’d used each other, but it could have been worse. They came to their senses before anything truly disastrous happened, neither of them were heartbroken, and they were moving on. Colonel O’Neill claimed to be ‘getting his shit together’ and he was on to something there. Sam should take a cue from that and work out her own issues so that she was capable of being in a real and healthy relationship, providing the right man came along.

Now that was a challenge, being that so much of her life was classified. On the other hand it didn’t really matter if she wasn’t in the right headspace, so she should put first things first.

* * *

 

They got back to Earth just in time for Jack to make his appointment. It was though the universe didn’t want him to miss a therapy session, though Daniel kept that thought to himself.

Daniel was in the mood for comfort food after three and a half days of MREs, so he made them tuna noodle casserole for dinner, in great part because that was the only comfort food dish for which he had the ingredients. It was time to go grocery shopping.

Jack insisted on taking care of the dishes after. While at it he mused, “The galaxy sure has a lot of temples.”

“That’s because the galaxy has a lot of narcissistic aliens who like to pretend they’re gods,” pointed out Daniel, wondering what Jack was getting at.

“Well, yeah. Kinda makes me wonder how many people worshipping in those temples knew, or know, that the Goa’uld aren’t gods.”

Now Daniel saw where this was going and he tried not to be too obvious in his pleasure. A few months ago Jack would’ve brushed off any vaguely anthropological discussion and here he was bringing up a very reasonable question. Despite his proclivity for playing dumb (something Daniel couldn’t for the life of him understand) Jack was an intelligent and observant man. It was good to see him comfortable expressing that.

“Since the ancient Egyptians overthrew the Goa’uld I’d say at least some of them realized,” he replied. “It’s also probable, I think, that other people across the galaxy knew, but we can’t overestimate the awe-inspiring power of advanced technology.”

Jack considered this for a moment. “I guess if the plow is your most advanced technological achievement it’d be easy to see zats, al’kesh, and ring transport as godlike power.”

“Exactly. Not to mention that every society needs some way to explain their experiences. Traditionally religion serves that purpose. It still does for a lot of people today, though I think science is growing popular as an alternative. Of course, some people practically turn science into a religion.”

“Don’t let Carter hear you say that.”

It was good advice though it didn’t change Daniel’s opinion. Daniel respected scientists who were open to change and understood the limitations of their own knowledge. He’d also encountered some who were as rigid in their mindset as any religious iconoclast. When being right about one’s worldview and looking down on those who didn’t share it became someone’s priorities instead of true knowledge, well, that sounded an awful lot like religious zealotry to him.

“Either way,” he said, “when a culture has religion already in place and then comes into contact with aliens possessing technology so far advanced that they can’t begin to understand, it’s easy for them to either decide that the aliens are one of their gods, or alter their existing religion to fit the new arrivals. Humans instinctively want to make sense of their world.”

“Then you get temples,” concluded Jack.

“Of course, faced with someone claiming to be a god who, for all you can comprehend, might very well be one, it might be a good idea to build the temple to stay on their good side.”

“Better safe than doomed to hell?”

“Exactly.”

“I can appreciate risk mitigation,” Jack decided, and apparently this satisfied him on the topic. “What’s tonight’s movie again?”

“ _All the King’s Men._ ”

“Sounds like something out of a nursery rhyme.”

“It’s about a corrupt politician.”

“Just as old a concept as nursery rhymes,” declared Jack, proving once more that his brain was never predictable.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have very exciting news: I've signed a contract for my first m/m romance novel! It's called Survivors, written as Jessie Pinkham, and the projected ebook release is May. So I'm sure you'll all forgive me taking longer to update this fic, but I promise I'm not abandoning it. =)

“We’ve been working together for four months now,” said Elaine toward the end of Jack’s therapy session. “I’d like to take the last few minutes to consider what you’ve accomplished – which, despite your impatience, is not insignificant - and what you want to work on going forward.”

“Okay.”                                        

“Let’s start with what you’ve accomplished. What comes to mind?”

“I’m back to being the CO I should be, that my team deserves.” In this, at least, Jack was entirely confident.

“Excellent. What else?”

“I’m treating Daniel a lot better. I’m not perfect, but I never was to begin with.”

“That’s an important distinction. Expecting perfection is only setting yourself up to fail. Go on.”

“I can fall asleep after nightmares most of the time now, and it’s been a few weeks since I had more than one a night.” Sleep made everything else in his life easier, for which Jack was grateful. “And, uh, I can realize that Daniel is hot without having a flashback or a panic attack, although thinking about specifics… well, that’s still iffy.”

“Iffy because it reminds you of being raped or iffy because you feel uncomfortable fantasizing about your best friend?”

Damn, Elaine didn’t miss anything. “Both?”

“Jack, you know my stance on one-word answers.”

“Yeah. Unhelpful, et cetera.” He paused for a minute to sort out his feelings. “I know that Daniel would never… he’s far too good a person to do anything I didn’t want if we were together. It still brings up bad memories.”

“That’s understandable. You haven’t entirely separated the general idea of sex with another man from your nonconsensual experiences.”

“Right. And then he’s my best friend and he’s on my team. I definitely should not be thinking about him in a sexual way.”

“So you’re adding a burden of guilt on top of everything else.”

Jack shrugged. “That’s what happens when you break the rules.”

“Let’s look at this another way. You love Daniel, don’t you?”

“Yes.” That was never in question.

“It’s not unusual or wrong to have sexual thoughts about the person you love, is it?”

“When you put it that way, no.” The problem being he was not supposed to be in love with Daniel in the first place.

“Alright, we can discuss that more next week. For now I’d like to set a few goals that we can work on for the next four months or so.”

“Less nightmares and flashbacks.”

“I figured you’d say that.”

“Maybe work on that whole separating gay sex in general from my experiences thing.”

“Another very good goal.”

He didn’t know exactly how to express his last idea. “I guess just feeling less stuck, y’know?”

Elaine had an impressive ability to understand even concepts Jack struggled to put into words. “You want to move forward instead of constantly letting the past interfere with your present?”

“Right. I know that’s not gonna happen overnight,” (if he’d learned one thing about therapy it was that nothing happened instantly) “but I want to feel like I’m getting there.”

“You already are.”

“Doesn’t feel that way.” How could it when he woke up from vivid nightmares at least three nights a week?

“Maybe not, but I promise you are.”

There was really nothing else Jack could do but take her word for it.

* * *

 

Jack moved around SG-1’s locker room brooding. His stormy demeanor had already seen Sam and Teal’c out hastily, assuming that if anyone could get through to Jack it would be Daniel. They had no idea just how true that was.

Daniel doubted the mission was the problem. They would soon gate out to explore an abandoned naquadah mine, an assignment that intrigued Jack mostly because MALP footage showed enormous reptiles which Jack decreed to be miniature dinosaurs over Sam’s more cautious approach to species categorization.

There were two days in the year Jack was reliably in a bad mood, Charlie’s birthday and the anniversary of his death. Jack tried his best to avoid being on base for both, and in any case they couldn’t be the cause of Jack’s current foul mood because it wasn’t either day.

“What’s the matter?” Daniel asked finally, deciding on the direct approach.

“Not your concern.” Jack’s tone was dangerously close to a growl.

Daniel debated whether to call Jack out on this or not. If Jack didn’t want to discuss whatever was bothering him, that was his prerogative, but he didn’t need to be so rude about it.

Jack, to his credit, realized that his response leaned toward the jerk end of the spectrum. He sighed. “Shit. Can I try that again?”

“Yes.”

“It’s nothing to do with you or the team.”

“Alright. You don’t have to talk about it, you know. We’re just worried.”

“I’m that obvious, huh?”

“The black cloud over your head gives it away.”

Jack leaned against his locker, fiddling with his sleeve for a minute before quietly stating, “My aunt has cancer. Inoperable brain tumor.”

Daniel knew Jack hated it when people’s response to bad news was to say they were sorry, so he suppressed that thought even though it was true. “Oh, no.”

“Yeah. Aunt Hannah’s always been my favorite aunt. We lived nearby so when I was a kid I spent a ton of time playing at her house with my cousins. And now she’s only got a few months left.”

“Are you going to visit?”

“Already booked a flight for next weekend.”

“You’ll let me know if there’s anything I can do?”

“You could tell Carter and Teal’c so I don’t have to deal with Carter’s sympathy, well-meaning though it may be.”

“Consider it done.”

“Thanks.”

“Any time, Jack.”

* * *

 

“Jack’s favorite aunt has an inoperable brain tumor and only a few months left to live,” explained Daniel Jackson. “He doesn’t want to talk about it. At all.” Turning to Major Carter he elaborated, “Not even to hear that you’re sorry.”

“Got it,” replied the major, “though I don’t know what’s so bad about a little sympathy.”

“It changes nothing,” answered Teal’c.

Daniel Jackson said, “That’s what Jack thinks.”

Major Carter frowned slightly. “It means that people care.”

Teal’c did not understand the Tau’ri customs associated with expressing sympathy. He and O’Neill were friends and therefore Teal’c was naturally sorrowful for the pending death of O’Neill’s aunt. The sentiment needed no verbalization as far as he was concerned.

Most Tau’ri disagreed, and this was perhaps one reason that Teal’c and O’Neill understood each other. They shared the opinion that often the important statements in one’s life were made through actions, not words.

Nevertheless, Teal’c deemed it positive that O’Neill was no longer keeping himself aloof from Daniel Jackson. While he did not pretend to comprehend how their friendship worked it was plain that both were happier for it, and that was enough for Teal’c’s satisfaction.

* * *

 

Jack managed to keep himself together all weekend, despite his mom’s admonitions not to bottle his feelings up. Grief was the worst emotion, not just because he was too intimately familiar with it (though that was certainly true). There was no outlet for grief. Jack preferred anger because anger at least had a target. Anger was easier.

On the other hand anger hadn’t always served him particularly well. He almost destroyed himself after Charlie’s death when he directed his anger inwards, and it turned out that not letting himself be anything except angry over Iraq hadn’t been a great long term plan, either.

So in the privacy of his own living room Jack himself feel sorrow. Fuck, it hurt, reminding him why he preferred any other emotion. It wasn’t like the black hole of grief after Charlie died – nothing could be that bad – but it was still awful.

Aunt Hannah had basically raised him for close to a year when he was in first grade. Years later as an adult Jack learned it was because his mom had a third miscarriage that sent her spiraling into depression (and which ended his parents’ attempts to have another child). His dad was busy working and taking care of Mom, so Aunt Hannah stepped up, having Jack over every day after school until bedtime and most weekends as well.

They’d remained close after that and to the present day the only person Jack kept in touch with more than Aunt Hannah was his mom. Not that Jack claimed to be great about calling, but he made an effort. As a natural consequence of this, out of all his cousins he was closest to Aunt Hannah and Uncle Jeff’s kids and he could tell her diagnosis hit them hard as well.

Life was so fucking unfair. Give Carter and Goa’uld healing doohickey and Aunt Hannah would be cancer-free in a matter of minutes. That was the hardest part for Jack. He had to listen to his cousin Beth talk about how there was nothing that could be done when Jack knew there was a perfect cure. All he could do was bite his tongue and buy a ticket to visit for Thanksgiving and it absolutely sucked.

* * *

 

Jack was more subdued than usual this Friday, something Daniel suspected had less to do with his therapy appointment and more to do with his aunt’s failing health. Sure enough, after eating his calzone with uncharacteristically little enthusiasm he said, “I’m used to knowing classified information, you know.”

“I know.”

“So I’ve got a lot of practice dealing with not saying stuff. I can’t remember the last time it was this hard.”

“Because?” prompted Daniel, not wanting to make any assumptions.

“Because I have to listen to everyone talk about how nothing can be done for Aunt Hannah when I know Carter could cure her in a few minutes with a healing doohickey.”

“That sucks.” Really, what else could he say?

“Yeah.”

Jack started in on his fruit salad, probably out of habit rather than real desire to eat it. For his part Daniel didn’t try to make Jack feel better because that was impossible. Nothing he said would change the fact that his aunt was dying and Jack didn’t want platitudes along the lines of hearing that she was at least surrounded with love or that she’d had a great life. Those were true so far as Daniel was aware, yes. Jack already knew them and it didn’t address his central problem relating to Goa’uld healing devices and his aunt’s death.

No, all Daniel could do was be there for Jack and give him more of his favorite, the raspberries.

* * *

 

Whatever else was going on, the universe was a cool place. P1C-227 reminded Jack of that in a spectacular fashion.

There was a partially grown-over trail leading from the gate across a field to a river. Daniel believed, based on the trail and several other factors including a stone altar in front of the DHD, that the area was inhabited by nomadic folks who were currently not in the immediate vicinity. SG-1, he suspected, arrived at the wrong time of year to meet the locals. Jack was inclined to take his word for it.

While Daniel was bummed about the missed opportunity to meet and greet, Carter was excited because the planet’s moon was weird, according to the MALP scans of the night sky. She couldn’t explain the weirdness just yet. Jack was okay with that if it meant they got a peaceful mission of stargazing.

Carter set up her equipment, including a telescope that Jack was absolutely going to commandeer at some point that night. The rest of them set up camp, finishing in time to watch the sun set over the river.

“I should’ve brought a collapsible fishing pole,” Jack decided.

Teal’c said, “There is no way of ensuring any fish you might catch are safe for consumption.”

“Who said anything about consumption?”

An hour or so after sunset the moon rose. The mission had been timed to coincide with a full moon, which gave them quite a show.

Daniel threw down a blanket and lay on his back. “It’s amazing how much you can see without light pollution.”

Teal’c was, unsurprisingly, the least impressed member of the team. If you knew him as well as Jack did it was obvious the big guy was bored. “I do not see anything remarkable about this moon.”

“It’s very smooth,” replied Carter. “Not many craters at all.”

Jack wondered if it was too soon to commandeer the telescope.

* * *

 

Daniel would’ve preferred to visit P1C-227 when the locals were around. All the same, he thought this mission was good for Jack and it was a pleasant evening for stargazing so he didn’t really have much to complain about.

Jack had reluctantly let Sam have the telescope back. He looked through his binoculars for a while and spotted a galaxy, which made him happy.

Sam alternated between the telescope and her computer, making occasional “hmm” noises while she puzzled out the mystery of the moon. She, like Jack, was unquestionably enjoying herself.

Teal’c was just bored. Not bored enough to play Jack’s game of making up constellations, though. Daniel didn’t mind the game. Considering that their last mission they narrowly escaped suffocating to death in an ancient trap and the mission before that saw them spend two days hiding in a swamp from Jaffa, this was a nice change of pace.

“That one looks like a snowman,” Jack said, pointing though that didn’t really narrow down the sky very much.

“Where?”

“Above your crocodile head and a little bit to the left. See the three stars in a row that look like buttons?”

Daniel found the stars in question. “Yes, but I think a snowman is really stretching.”

“It’s a snowman that’s starting to melt.”

He could only imagine how high Teal’c’s eyebrows were getting during this conversation. The game stopped when Sam announced, “I have a theory.”

“Don’t keep us in suspense,” said Jack.

“Part of the moon’s surface is smooth, like it hasn’t been exposed to the solar system’s natural debris for very long.”

Jack nodded. “Yeah, there’s a big area without any craters I could see.”

“The rest of the surface looks the way you’d expect, suggesting part of the moon is newer. I don’t know the conditions of this solar system well enough to guess at a timeline, but I’m talking millions of years newer than the rest of the moon.”

At last Teal’c was intrigued. “How is that possible? Did two moons collide and subsequently join?”

“I don’t think so. This is too precise. I think someone deliberately repaired this moon.”

Now that sounded like an interesting story. “Why would anyone bother repairing a moon if the planet wasn’t inhabited, or at least visited?” Daniel asked nobody in particular. “It’d be a lot of trouble to go to for no reason.”

Sam nodded. “On the other hand, if someone accidentally caused enough damage to the moon that it impacted the planet’s population, they might feel obligated to fix it.”

“I really wish there were people around to ask.” Daniel suspected that something cataclysmic enough would make it into oral histories. “They probably have stories about it, if their ancestors were here.”

“I want to meet the people who not only have a conscience but the ability to fix a broken moon,” announced Jack.

Daniel added it to his list of aliens he’d like to meet. By now it was a very long list.


	12. Chapter 12

It was a family tradition that every person at the Thanksgiving table would name something for which they were grateful. Jack was immensely grateful that he hadn’t permanently screwed up his friendship with Daniel or the dynamic of SG-1 but he couldn’t say that so he instead remarked that he was thankful to have a career which made a difference. That was also true, far more than his family could fathom.

Later, when the food had been eaten, the football game was on, and his cousin Ralph’s teenage daughters were plotting out their Black Friday shopping strategy, Aunt Hannah got Jack alone outside under the guise of taking out the trash.

“What are you really thankful for?” she asked.

“I _am_ thankful my career matters,” he said, hoping she’d drop the subject. For good measure he added, “You know I can’t talk about it.”

“I do know, which is why I found it odd that you brought it up until I realized that you were using it to avoid mentioning what you’re really grateful for.”

“Aunt Hannah…”

“Don’t you Aunt Hannah me. Nobody else noticed, but it was clear as day to me and your mother. You know she’s not going to pry, but I don’t have the luxury of waiting however many months or years you intended to keep this to yourself.”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Thank you.”

“For what?” he asked, confused. Usually when he shut down conversation topics he didn’t get thanked.

“Not pretending that I’m not dying. Everyone else wants to act like I have all the time in the world. Now, Jack, I could be mistaken, but I don’t think I am. You’ve met someone, haven’t you?”

Damn it, couldn’t a person have a little privacy in this family anymore? “I told you I don’t want to talk about it.”

“That’s a yes. Let me guess, it’s complicated.”

Apparently talking wasn’t optional. Jack sighed. “Yes.”

“Actually complicated, or you’re afraid of risking rejection and rocking the boat complicated?”

“About as actually complicated as it gets.”

She nodded. “Someone at work, then.”

“Aunt Hannah, I really…”

“Don’t want to talk about it. I know. It’s just that dying gives a person a different perspective on everything. Don’t waste time, Jack. Don’t make it more complicated than it really is, because you deserve to be happy.”

Oh. She was still worried about that. Jack had admittedly not thought he deserved to be happy for a while after Charlie died, and though he’d never really forgive himself he’d learned to accept that leaving his gun out where he son could get to it didn’t need to define his entire worth as a person. If nothing else he’d saved the world a lot and that had to count for something, right?

“I know,” he told his aunt. “Being happy isn’t why it’s so complicated.”

“The work angle?”

“Yeah.” Not to mention the guy angle, and the ‘still proving he can trust my friendship after I was a bastard to him while trying to avoid PTSD and he may never want me as more than a friend because of it’ angle.

“Don’t let it be more complicated than it really is,” repeated Aunt Hannah.

“If we threw in an evil twin it’d be complicated enough for a soap opera.”

She laughed. “See, it could always be worse.”

Jack wasn’t sure, but since she finally let the subject drop he let his aunt have the last word.

* * *

 

Daniel was the second person to arrive for the briefing Monday morning. “How was your Thanksgiving?” he asked Jack, who was already seated and sipping coffee.

“Pretty good. We ate well, as always. Could’ve done without getting roped into Pictionary. I suck at that game. You?”

“Teal’c and I got our money’s worth at the buffet. Especially Teal’c.” Daniel thought it was nice to spend the holiday with a friend and also nice not to have a giant pile of dishes when he was done eating. Teal’c, for his part, was a big fan of buffets.

“No surprise there.”

“I think he ate half a pecan pie.”

“Were the employees giving him the evil eye this time?”

“They were too busy. Anyway I think the evil eye incident was mostly because of all the crab legs he ate.” It had been Teal’c’s first time having crab legs and he really, really liked them.

“Those were good crab legs.”

Daniel wanted to know how Jack was doing in regards to his aunt, but he knew inquiries wouldn’t be appreciated so he instead remarked, “I’m curious to hear how Sam’s Thanksgiving went.”

“Yeah, her gating out with a twenty pound turkey was interesting.”

Sam left to spend Thanksgiving with her dad, who wanted to make as traditional a feast as he could among the Tok’ra. According to Jacob the Tok’ra already had food that tasted exactly like cranberry sauce and something that would work in place of potatoes. He’d asked Sam to bring turkey and stuffing mix, and she brought pie as well because she didn’t think highly of Tok’ra desserts.

Sam joined them, prompting Jack to say, “Carter, we were just wondering how your Thanksgiving feast turned out.”

“Not bad except the attempt at pie. It’s a good thing I picked some up here. The mashed glait-na wasn’t the same as mashed potatoes, but Dad did a great job with the turkey.”

“The Tau’ri excel at pies,” stated Teal’c as he entered the briefing room. “However, I do not understand the devotion to pumpkin when there are many other delicious varieties of pie.”

“It’s tradition, and delicious,” answered Jack.

Daniel had a lot to be thankful for that year, considering that a few months earlier he thought he’d be leaving SGC altogether. They were working well as a team again, his friendship with Jack was getting back on track, and he’d resolved not to give up a job he loved without a fight. Now if something could just be done about the military’s myopic focus on weapons…

* * *

 

Some people sure got worked up about the sanctity of their temples. If limiting access to holy places was so important, they should put up No Trespassing signs.

The team had been doing their usual thing. They gated in and started walking toward the city when Daniel got distracted by a temple, as he was wont to do. Jack followed him inside while Carter and Teal’c checked out the exterior. Carter thought the temple was partly made of naquadah, not a usual construction material, so she was perfectly content to examine it.

Teal’c alerted Jack to company, which meant when the local anti-sacrilege squad arrived Daniel was the only person in the temple. To say the locals were pissed at him was an understatement.

“How were we supposed to know this temple is off-limits?” Jack asked, quite reasonably to his mind.

“If you came through the chariot of the gods you should know.”

Jack frowned. “Okay, here’s the thing. We didn’t. It was an honest mistake.”

“So you say. The gods will judge.”

He didn’t like the sound of that. “How exactly do the gods judge around here?”

The shortest member of the temple police muttered something the gate translation system didn’t catch. Jack was fairly certain he’d been insulted. Meanwhile the leader announced, “Through lions.”

Lions. That was suitably vague. “Could you be a little more specific?”

“The defiler will battle a lion. If he has the gods’ favor he will be victorious.”

Daniel said something about ancient Rome and beast-fighting gladiators. Jack didn’t catch the specifics because he was envisioning Daniel fighting a lion. Or trying to fight one in between bouts of sneezing; did a cat allergy extend to lions?

The whole scenario was unacceptable. Daniel against a lion? Not if Jack could help it. Fighting their way back to the gate was out, since they were surrounded by twelve guards armed with staff weapons. Jack didn’t care for those odds. Nor did he care for the fact that these humans had access to staff weapons.

The temple police were grabbing Daniel, so Jack said the only thing he could. “I’m the one who sent him in the temple. He’s my responsibility. Take me instead.”

“Jack!” protested Daniel, predictably.

“Truly?” asked the leader.

Jack looked to Teal’c for backup. T would understand that Jack had a much better chance of taking out a lion than Daniel. “O’Neill is indeed our leader,” confirmed the big guy. In an inspired bit of improv he added, “Daniel Jackson was hesitant to enter the temple, but O’Neill insisted.”

That sold the anti-sacrilege squad. “Very well. We must hold accountable the one who is responsible for the act.”

_Thank you, Teal’c._

“What about he who committed it?”

“He will return immediately through the chariot of the gods,” decreed the guy in charge. Jack couldn’t have asked for a better punishment. “Should he ever return his life will be forfeit.”

Normally Jack would send Teal’c back with Daniel. In this case he thought better of it, because if anyone on his team was going to watch him potentially get mauled to death by a lion, he figured Teal’c would be the least traumatized. Besides, presuming Jack won he might still be injured and need help getting back to the gate, a task for which Teal’c was better suited than Carter. “Carter, you’re with Daniel.”

“Jack,” began Daniel, who needed to shut up before the temple police changed their mind.

“Daniel. Go back to SGC. Teal’c and I will be back as soon as I reduce this planet’s lion population by one.”

Carter, bless her, dragged Daniel along. Half the anti-sacrilege squad went with them and Jack couldn’t do much more than hope that the leader was serious about letting Carter and Teal’c go back home. As it was Jack was busy surrendering his weapons and being frog-marched to the city.

It had been years since Jack considered himself Catholic. These days if he had to align himself with a particular worldview he’d go with agnosticism, but suddenly he found himself remembering Sunday School where he’d learned the story of Daniel in the lion’s den.

Well, better Jack in the lion’s den, in this particular case. Sure, he might die a supremely unpleasant death. His Daniel would be safe, though, and that was the important thing here.

Whoever said there were no atheists in foxholes had never met Carter. Jack, while skeptical on the existence of any higher power, was a little more typical. _If there is anyone up there, a little assist in the lion department would be great._

* * *

 

Hammond didn’t bother going home. It wasn’t as though he’d be able to relax. He stayed in his office waiting for SG-1’s IDC to come in, not getting as much paperwork done as he might have if Jack O’Neill wasn’t across the galaxy fighting a lion.

Jack’s logic was solid. He was more likely to win than Dr. Jackson and, if one was being particularly detached from the value of human life, Dr. Jackson’s skill set was irreplaceable.  Hammond, in O’Neill’s shoes, would’ve done the same thing.

The problem with being the general was sitting helplessly wondering what was going on lightyears away. It never got easier.

Dr. Jackson refused to leave the gate room. He and Major Carter had been sitting there for hours and technically should’ve moved, but Hammond didn’t have it in him to order them out. They weren’t bothering anyone and honestly, it was probably safer for everyone if Carter stayed in the gate room. Otherwise she’d throw herself into some experiment or artifact, and some of her work… well, it was really best if she wasn’t at certain projects when distracted by worry.

Nine and a half hours passed this way before they received SG-1’s IDC. Hammond’s heart was somewhere near his throat, where it spent entirely too much time. This job was hell on his blood pressure.

He could breathe more easily when he saw O’Neill return, very much alive even if he was leaning on Teal’c. He allowed SG-1 a moment while he made his way down.

Jack was worse for wear. He was using Teal’c as a crutch to avoid putting weight on his swollen left ankle, both hands were covered in scratches, and his right cheekbone was an unhealthy shade of purple. It would be a surprise if he didn’t have more injuries under his uniform.

“Good to have you back, Colonel,” Hammond said.

“Thank you, sir. It’s good to be back.”

This, Hammond thought, was a conversation they had entirely too often.

* * *

 

All things considered, Jack had felt worse. Every rib on his right side was bruised but hey, none of them were broken. He’d come away from the fight with an impressive collection of bruises and scratches, plus a sprained ankle. Nothing dangerous, just inconvenient and unpleasant.

Daniel appointed himself Jack’s nurse, to nobody’s surprise. He drove them back to Jack’s house, despaired at the contents of Jack’s fridge (or more accurately, the lack thereof), and ordered takeout.

“I’ll get you groceries tomorrow,” he announced once they’d eaten.

“You don’t have to.”

“Jack,” here Daniel gave him a hard look, “you could’ve died.”

“But I didn’t.”

“You have tooth marks on your neck.”

Yeah, it had been a close call. “True, but I cut the lion’s throat before he got his teeth in too deep.”

Finally Daniel got to the point. Jack had known this conversation was coming ever since he took Daniel’s place. “How was I supposed to live with myself if you died after you insisted they take you instead of me?”

“And how was I supposed to live with myself if I didn’t?” countered Jack. “If one of us had to fight a lion, it needed to be me or Teal’c. We have a better chance of winning than you. Or Carter, for that matter. If I didn’t make it, T was under orders to tell you I had no regrets and I wanted you to live a happy life.”

Daniel crossed his arms and glared. “Like that would’ve made a difference.”

“Look, there is no universe where I wouldn’t have done the exact same thing, okay? It’s my job to keep the team safe.”

Yes, there was also the fact that Jack was not about to let the man he loved fight an angry lion with nothing but a dagger if it was at all within his power to fight himself instead. That was on top of it being his job. He’d have done the same thing for Carter. Maybe not Teal’c, because the big guy could hold his own against a lion at least as well as Jack.

“So you were just doing your job? You’d have done the same thing for Sam or Teal’c?”

“Carter, yes. T, probably not. Don’t tell anyone, but I think he might even be better against a lion than I was.” Not that Jack did badly; he’d survived, after all, and that was more than could be said for the lion.  

“Exactly the same thing?” pressed Daniel.

Jack wasn’t sure if Daniel wanted the answer to be yes or no so he hedged his bets. “Okay, I might not have worried so much about her feeling guilty. Otherwise, yeah.”

This earned him a slight head tilt. Daniel was thinking hard again.

Jack felt confident that he’d done the right thing and it all worked out reasonably well. Now he just wanted to sleep. “I’m gonna hit the sack.”

“I’ll be in the guest room if you need anything.”

Jack was almost into the hall before Daniel said, “Jack?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.”

“Anytime, Daniel.”


	13. Chapter 13

Getting out of bed was a major production when his entire body was stiff and achy. Jack figured this was to be expected the morning after wrestling with a lion, but all the same it seemed slightly worse than he’d expected. That could’ve been the years of previous exploits catching up with him. One of these days he wouldn’t be fit for field duty anymore, but he really didn’t want to think about that so he pushed the thought away and headed for the bathroom.

He stayed in the shower until he ran out of hot water and used the time to consider getting a Jacuzzi. One of the models with a door so he could just walk in, presuming the doors didn’t leak which, to be honest, he had his suspicions about.

By the time he was dressed (in retrospect, a t-shirt which had to be pulled over his head was not the best choice, his protesting shoulders informed him) and left the bathroom he smelled breakfast. Daniel must be up early.

“Good morning,” he said, heading for the coffee pot on the crutches Fraiser insisted he use.

“Good morning,” replied Daniel from in front of the stove. “There’s not much to work with, but I’m frying eggs. We each get two and a half. After breakfast I’ll shower and get you groceries. Make a list.”

“You might need to wait a little longer for hot water.” Jack stirred a spoonful of sugar into his coffee, pleased to note it was almost cool enough to drink.

“That bad?”

“Just sore.”

Daniel’s look clearly conveyed that he wasn’t buying Jack’s nonchalance but wasn’t going to actually call him on it.  

Jack grabbed an orange. He usually bought oranges because they lasted a reasonable amount of time. He kept the perishables to a minimum; there were few things less pleasant than coming home from a mission gone wrong to food that might qualify as hazardous waste. Of course, with crutches came difficulty transporting his coffee and orange.

Daniel plated the scrambled eggs, and while Jack was considering tossing his orange on the table and hoping it didn’t roll off, Daniel solved that problem too by bringing coffee, orange, and eggs to the table.

“Thanks,” said Jack.

“It’s the least I can do.” Daniel sat with his own breakfast.

“You don’t owe me anything.”

“Debatable, but let’s eat before the eggs get cold.”

It was a reasonable enough suggestion so Jack dug in.

* * *

 

Logically Daniel knew Jack was right. Fighting a lion didn’t fall under Daniel’s strong points and Jack was better in combat. Daniel had still spent the entire time he and Sam waited in the gate room wondering how he could ever live with the knowledge that Jack had died to protect him.

And yes, if he was honest with himself part of him wondered if he’d regret never trying for a romantic relationship with Jack. Not that he was ready; he trusted Jack as a friend once again but wasn’t ready to risk more just yet. Besides, Jack wasn’t in a place for a relationship either. Daniel had definitely heard him having a nightmare the previous night.

This line of thinking forced Daniel to admit to himself that he hoped they’d eventually be ready, that the prospect of being with Jack held no small appeal despite numerous obstacles (most of which were the fault of small-minded and prejudiced military regulations). It wouldn’t be easy, but if they could both move forward from the past he thought they could be really good together.

It was somewhat dangerous to consider because the last thing he needed was to push before they were able to create a healthy relationship, not to mention the thought was intrinsically frightening because what if they didn’t work as a couple? Could they manage to salvage their friendship from the ruins of a romance? As a rule Daniel didn’t like to let fears dictate his choices, but his friendship with Jack wasn’t something he’d risk lightly.

For now he’d keep his focus where it was, on his friendships (not just with Jack but with Sam, Teal’c, and Janet as well) and his work. He’d try not to think of a potential relationship with Jack, though compartmentalizing wasn’t a skill he’d claim. If he could compartmentalize the way some people (i.e. Jack) could, he wouldn’t be effective at his job. It did make his life harder sometimes, though.

Meanwhile, Jack desperately needed groceries and Daniel could make himself useful that way. Maybe if he focused on helping Jack recover, other thoughts would be easier to push to the background. The strategy was worth a shot, anyway.

* * *

 

Fortunately it was Jack’s left ankle that was sprained, which meant he could still drive, though he was glad he didn’t have to go grocery shopping. That required both walking and free hands. All the same he managed to get himself to his therapy appointment, grateful the building had an elevator.

Elaine’s eyes widened when she saw him hobble in. “What happened?”

“It’s a long and classified story.”

“Right. Are you going to be okay? Are those… they can’t be teeth marks?”

Oops. He meant to cover those with a bandage before he left, but then Fraiser had called to check up on him and he had to leave or else he’d have been late. “Whatever it looks like, I swear it wasn’t a vampire,” he said, falling back on his weird sense of humor.

She raised her eyebrows but didn’t press the issue further. This kind of thing was why Jack found it difficult to have much of a social life outside of SGC, and he honestly didn’t know how married people managed it.

“Did you read the chapter I photocopied for you?” she asked. Last week’s homework had been reading on finding joy in sex after sexual trauma. Elaine loved giving him reading assignments.

“Half of it. Then Daniel stayed over the last couple nights and it was too weird to read with him in the living room.” Jack stuck to his book on World War I pilots with Daniel around, because it was just too strange that Daniel was the person he wanted to be having joyful sex with.

“Daniel has been staying over?”

“Don’t read too much into it. He feels obligated.”

“Why?”

“The sorry state of my body is the result of some fast-talking. I took his place. And because I know you’re gonna ask, no, it’s not just because of how I feel about him. It’s my job. I had a better chance than he did.”

“You sound very certain of that.”

“I’d have done the same thing for Carter. Not T… Murray, but he’d have held up just as well as I did.”

“Alright then. Let’s talk about what you did read, shall we?”

“Reading discussions. This feels like a weirdly personal version of high school English,” he groused, but he complied anyway.

* * *

 

Sam and Teal’c arrived at the restaurant ahead of Daniel and the colonel, giving Teal’c time to take in the Christmas decorations covering the lobby. This was his fifth December on Earth and he was familiar with the seasonal festivities now, though mostly he remained bemused and/or baffled.

“Who is the individual represented over the door?” he asked.

She’d learned a long time ago not to assume anything was obvious when it came to Teal’c and human culture. “Santa Claus.”

“The girth seems insufficient.”

Sam couldn’t help but crack a smile at that. The restaurant had embraced a Victorian Christmas theme. “This looks like an older version of Santa, from before we decided on the image we have today.”

Teal’c disapproved of Santa anyway. He maintained that human parents were teaching their children to worship a false god and nothing Colonel O’Neill said could convince him otherwise.

Speaking of the colonel, Sam heard the distinctive sound of crutches and turned around. “Good evening, sir.”

“Major, Teal’c. We’re waiting for Daniel?”

“He is exiting his vehicle now,” reported Teal’c from the window. “Major Carter was explaining that Santa Claus has not always been depicted as rotund.”

“She was, huh?”

“He asked about the decorations.”

The colonel looked at the Santa in question. “Not very jolly, is he?”

“Indeed not,” agreed Teal’c.

“He’s still got the presents covered, though.”

Sam was saved from this discussion when Daniel joined them. “Hi guys.”

“Great, we can get a table and order appetizers,” said the colonel. “I’m starving.”

“How was your checkup?” Daniel asked.

“Fraiser says I have to stay on these damn crutches until the New Year. Everything looks okay, but the ankle is taking its time to heal.”

Daniel frowned. Sam knew it still bothered him that Colonel O’Neill could’ve died taking his place, sensible though the decision was.

“She predicts a full recovery, but it’s desk duty until then.”

Honestly, he hadn’t missed much in their last mission. It had been the kind of routine mineral survey that bored him out of his mind.

“On the bright side,” said Sam, “you won’t get called away for Christmas.”

“There is that. What’s everyone doing for Christmas?”

“I have received permission to spend five days with my wife and son,” stated Teal’c.

Sam shrugged. “Not really sure. Dad’s hoping he can come visit for a few days but I haven’t heard back from him yet.”

Daniel said, “I’m thinking of a short trip to Egypt. What about you, Jack? Visiting your family?”

“Yep. Gotta find Christmas presents for my mom and my cousin.”

“You only give gifts to two of your family members?” Teal’c asked, puzzled.

“We pick names at Thanksgiving,” explained the colonel. “Or Mom picks for me if I’m not there. So instead of getting something for everyone, I just have to get one person’s gift. And Mom’s, of course, but that’s different.”

“It’s nice to see that not everyone embraces unrestrained consumerism,” commented Daniel.

This reminded Sam that she needed to get gifts for her niece and nephew. She’d call her brother to run her ideas by him before making any purchases.  

“Through the wonders of technology I can do my Christmas shopping without dragging myself around the mall,” declared Colonel O’Neill. “Another one for your virtues of science list, Carter.”

“I’ll be sure to add that if I ever start writing it down, sir.”

* * *

 

Jack must’ve heard Daniel pull into the driveway because he opened his front door for Daniel, who headed straight to the kitchen with bags of groceries.

“The few remaining tomatoes looked terrible,” he informed Jack, “so I got you cherry tomatoes instead.”

“That’s fine.”

It took a second trip to get everything inside, at which point Daniel remarked, “You’re in luck; I got the last six pack of this swill you like so much.” When it came to drinks Daniel opted for rum, hard cider, vodka, or even mead – really any type of alcohol was preferable to beer and Jack’s preferred beer was especially bad. Give him rum and orange soda any day.  

“It just goes to show you that plenty of other people agree with my taste,” replied Jack, doing his best to contribute to putting away the groceries when he didn’t have any free hands due to crutches, which was precious little help.

Daniel told him, “I’ve got this.”

“I hate being useless,” muttered Jack.

“You’re not useless. You’re recovering.”

“They’re not mutually exclusive. Have you bought your ticket to Egypt yet?”

“Last night. And travel insurance, of course.” That was always a wise investment if you worked for SGC. “You?”

“Yeah. I fly out the 22nd and come back the 27th.”

“I’m flying out late on the 21st, back on the 27th. It’s not as long as I’d like, but I’ll at least get to see some of the new finds on display.”

Daniel wasn’t especially invested in Christmas the way a lot of people were and never cared in the past when they ended up working through the holiday. His parents weren’t big fans of how holidays were commercialized and that shaped his view on Christmas considerably. (That and his lack of family.) Going to Egypt was considerably more exciting to him than any specifically Christmas plans would have been.

“I’ll be sure to think of you when I’m choking down Grandma’s fruitcake,” said Jack.

“Why does anyone bother making fruitcake? Nobody likes it. And since when do you pretend to enjoy something you hate?”

“It’s a Christmas tradition Dad taught me when I was maybe five. Kinda late to stop now.”

Teal’c had a point. Some Christmas traditions were entirely nonsensical.


	14. Chapter 14

Christmas Eve was celebrated at Aunt Laura and Uncle Roger’s house, and Jack could tell as soon as he hobbled inside that Aunt Laura had given her grandkids free reign in the Christmas decoration department. He’d never seen so many construction paper chains in one place.

After explaining that yes, he’d sprained his ankle and no, he couldn’t talk about how, he completed his annual tradition of pretending to enjoy choking down a slice of his grandmother’s fruitcake. Though never enjoyable, it admittedly hadn’t killed him yet. That done he was free to enjoy the rest of his Christmas Eve. One of his cousins had made lemon meringue pie and he took a slice to get the taste of fruitcake out of his mouth.

Aunt Hannah had lost weight since Thanksgiving and according to his mother suffered from increasing headaches. Jack therefore consented to Pictionary because it made his aunt happy, though he’d never claim that he contributed much to his team’s victory.

He hadn’t inherited the game-loving gene shared by so many of his maternal relatives. Jack was much more like his father. He’d been told more than once that he was an O’Neill through and through. The O’Neills had never been as close-knit a bunch as the Flannigans, but he’d made plans to visit his dad’s brother the day after Christmas. At least there would be no games involved in that visit.

Around four in the afternoon the kids settled in to watch _Rudolph_ while the adults had eggnog. The teenagers’ eggnog was served before Uncle Roger added bourbon, causing the teens to protest that they should be allowed to try the alcoholic version. All they were able to win was a concession that they could have a glass of alcoholic eggnog the Christmas they were eighteen.

It never failed that Jack’s heart ached thinking of Charlie, who’d loved Christmas Eve. He’d have been one of the young teens this year and Jack had to wrench his mind away from the subject, which was one for private contemplation and anyway would only encourage him to drink too fast. He was still on the two-by-two drink limit.

He’d just finished his first glass and delayed another when his phone rang. Daniel’s name flashed on the screen so he announced, “Excuse me, I need to take this.”

“Jack and his top-secret, have-to-take-this work,” muttered Ralph.

He ignored that and answered the phone. “Hello.”

“Hi Jack. You’ll never guess what I found.”

He was sure he wouldn’t. “Is this going to cut my leave short?”

“No, nothing like that.” Since Daniel was calling from his secure cellphone (how exactly a cellphone could be secured Jack neither knew nor cared enough to pay attention to Carter’s explanation) he proceeded to expound. Jack turned down the volume on his phone to avoid anyone overhearing and hobbled out of the living room.

“There’s an excellent exhibit showcasing new finds from the Early Dynastic period,” began Daniel, all excited. Consider that it was getting late in Egypt, he was probably too excited to sleep. “Keep in mind that we’re assuming the Goa’uld were kicked out of Egypt somewhere in either the Early Dynastic or Old Kingdom eras.”

Jack couldn’t for the life of him keep track of when which snakes were where on Earth so he appreciated the reminder. He made his way to a spare bedroom where he could have a bit more privacy, sitting on the bed beside a pile of coats. “Okay, so this stuff could’ve been around for, y’know.”

“Exactly. It’s all fascinating on multiple levels, of course.”

“I’m sure it is for the archaeologically minded.”

“If you know what you’re looking at, there’s a half-finished scene which depicts an al’kesh. Don’t worry, nobody who hasn’t seen an al-kesh will be able to identify it.”

“Dare I ask what people think it is?”

“A bird of some kind. Actually some scholars are taking this as evidence that the Bennu inspired the Greek concept of the phoenix, instead of the other way around.”

“O-kay.” Scholarly debates aside, there seemed to be little risk of this revealing the Stargate program and Jack was content with that. “Lucky it wasn’t finished.”

“For the program, yes.” Daniel, ever the optimist, liked to think that humanity would handle the revelation about aliens reasonably well. Jack seriously doubted that. “And again, if you know what you’re looking for, a couple of the ceremonial staffs are clearly staff weapons.”

“Easier to explain away than the alternatives.” Jack wasn’t about to start saying ‘zats’ or ‘hand devices’ in his aunt and uncle’s house. Daniel would know what he meant, anyway.

“Yes. That’s not the most interesting thing, though. I’ve found a few references to the rebirth of the gods.”

Clearly Daniel was calling because he wanted to share his excitement. That suited Jack just fine – he was always happy to hear from Daniel – so long as it was understood that his enthusiasm was limited to being glad Daniel was enjoying himself. He wondered if Daniel even remembered that it was Christmas Eve.

“Rebirth of the gods, huh? Is this going where I think it’s going?”

“If you think it’s going to the taking of new hosts, yes. To everyone else it would read like a myth, naturally.”

“Naturally… wait a second, rebirth? Do you think Jesus was, y’know?” He trailed off here because while he couldn’t use the word Goa’uld he couldn’t say snake either. Aunt Laura was a devout Catholic and he didn’t want to know how she’d react to hearing the phrase ‘Jesus was a snake’ in her house. On Christmas Eve, no less.

“I seriously doubt it. The Goa’uld are selfish bastards. Turning the other cheek, feeding the hungry and visiting the imprisoned isn’t their style. And the Tok’ra are too busy fighting the Goa’uld to concern themselves with the affairs of humans in that manner.”

Jack may not have considered himself a Catholic anymore, but part of him was still relieved at Daniel’s analysis. Sooner or later that evening his mom was going to bring out the song books, and it’d be a hell of a lot harder to sing ‘Joy to the World’ knowing Jesus was a Goa’uld.

* * *

 

Daniel belatedly recognized that Jack’s family had already started their Christmas Eve celebration when he called. It hadn’t been his intention to take Jack away from time with his family; he mistakenly guessed his call would be prior to the commencement of festivities, and there weren’t many people with whom he could talk about his discoveries.

He realized this when he heard an unknown voice say, “Jack, we need another unbiased judge for the sugar cookie decorating contest.”

“I’m sorry,” Daniel said, “I didn’t realize your Christmas Eve had started already.”

“Nothing to be sorry for.” To his family member Jack said, “I charge a two-cookie judging fee.”

“I’ll let you go.” Besides, it was really past time for Daniel to get to bed.

“Always happy to hear from you.” Jack sounded genuine, even though Daniel had interrupted his Christmas Eve to talk about archaeology. “Merry Christmas, Daniel.”

“Merry Christmas. Enjoy your cookies.”

“Oh, I will.”

* * *

 

Among the many products of Tau’ri innovation the Swiss Army Knife was notable for its compact practicality. Teal’c carried a deluxe model and found it highly useful. Therefore he brought Rya’c and Master Bra’tac each a Swiss Army Knife.

“It has eighteen tools,” he explained, “including two blades.”

“It doesn’t look like a weapon,” mused Master Bra’tac approvingly. “The size means it would be easy to overlook in a search.”

“What is this?” asked Rya’c, having selected a screwdriver.

“A screwdriver. A variety of Tau’ri tool.” Not all functions were equally useful. Teal’c did not suppose the ‘Phillips head screwdriver’ would be of utility anywhere other than Earth. He had, however, found that the toothpick was admirably suited for cleaning mud out of the delicate components of his staff weapon.

Rya’c admired the saw. “This is a very clever compilation of devices.”

Drey’auc was uninterested in Swiss Army Knives but pleased with the box of truffles Teal’c had brought for her. She had been fond of truffles since Teal’c first introduced her and Rya’c to the confection, though Rya’c did not care for them.

Christmas, like most Tau’ri holidays, was often perplexing. Nevertheless Teal’c appreciated the value placed on spending time with one’s family. He would never condone the false god known as Santa Claus; the tradition of decorating trees seemed both pointless and odd; and he could not fathom the appeal of a singing snowman.

“Father,” Rya’c announced, “I must show you how much my aim with a zat’nik’tel has improved.”

Spending time with family, at least, was a Christmas tradition Teal’c could fully embrace.

* * *

 

It was Jack’s first night off crutches and he was determined to enjoy himself. The whole team ended up making an evening of it at the pool hall. Carter took the opportunity to offer the rest of them pointers because she was frighteningly good at pool.

“When will you be restored to full field duty?” asked Teal’c.

“Hopefully next week.” Fraiser was, as usual, going with the ‘better safe than sorry’ philosophy. It made sense, even if Jack wasn’t thrilled about the restriction. At least he could walk normally now.

“It’ll be great to have you back, Colonel. Teal’c, you’re hitting the cue ball with too much force for a short shot. Try about thirty percent less next time.”

Even Jack could see that one. While Teal’c generally knew his own strength, he didn’t always know it in relation to human games. The time Teal’c wanted to go bowling Jack was pretty sure he left a dent in the lane.

Daniel and Carter were sitting this game out while snacking on nachos. Jack always got the impression that Daniel didn’t care about the game of pool nearly as much as he did hanging out with the team and people watching. Which, when Carter was involved, was just as well.

“I’m sure you’re ready to leave desk duty behind,” said Daniel.

“Damn right I am. I didn’t join the Air Force to do paperwork.”

“Does anybody?”

“Not sure. Maybe the admin types do.”

“I joined to work with the cutting-edge science,” said Carter, as though they didn’t already know that. “I don’t think I’ve heard of anyone who joined to do paperwork.”

Teal’c added his two cents’ worth. “Your bureaucracy demands an unreasonable amount of paperwork.” After a moment of consideration he clarified, “Though it is preferable to other systems with which I am acquainted.”

Nobody was going to argue that point. Paperwork sucked to be sure, but it beat being a Goa’uld slave by a long shot. Multiple long shots put together, even.

While Teal’c pondered his options (he never rushed his pool games) Jack noticed a group of women evidently intrigued by Daniel, or at least one of them was because the gaggle of them kept looking over his way and then talking amongst themselves. If Carter hadn’t been at the table across from Daniel he’d no doubt have been visited by an admirer or three.

He knew that he had zero right to get annoyed when Daniel attracted admirers. It didn’t stop him from feeling jealous. Matters weren’t helped when Daniel went over to the jukebox and the women were blatantly staring at his ass. Jack didn’t just want Daniel because he was attractive; he loved Daniel for all of who he was.

It took considerable effort to shove the thought away and focus on maintaining his lead over Teal’c. If he wasn’t so good at compartmentalizing thoughts Jack really didn’t know how he’d function.

* * *

 

Sam didn’t think she’d ever been so bored on a mission. She tried reminding herself that she was on a planet thousands of lightyears from Earth, which shouldn’t be boring. The sky here was even lilac instead of blue, and how could that be dull?

Even a lilac sky across the Milky Way could be boring when she was fishing.

Colonel O’Neill was enjoying himself immensely, of course. His first mission in six weeks and he got to fish. He’d been thrilled when SG-1 was informed that they might talk with the community representatives while catching dinner. While Sam was slowly losing her mind waiting for the cork to sink under the pressure of a fish, the colonel swapped notes on various kinds of fishing. The concept of ice fishing intrigued the locals to no end, as they reported that ice thick enough to walk on formed perhaps once a generation. 

While Daniel didn’t care much for fishing, he was more than happy to listen to this planet’s oral history and mythology. If that involved pretending to fish, he was fine with letting the colonel watch his cork too and reeling in his catch when Colonel O’Neill elbowed him discreetly.

Teal’c didn’t enjoy fishing any more than Sam did, but being Teal’c was much more stoic about his boredom. Anyway he counted himself fortunate that there were no mosquitoes trying to feast on him.

If she hadn’t already realized it, this would’ve shown her that the idea of her and the colonel as a couple was ludicrous. How had she ever thought she could be happy with a man whose favorite pastime was fishing?


	15. Chapter 15

Over the years SG teams had developed their own unique, team-specific rules. These ranged from the eminently practical (after one sunburn too many SG-4 never failed to apply sunblock prior to gating out) to the purely superstitious (whenever SG-7 gated out on the 7th of the month they had some kind of pre-departure ritual, the details of which they declined to share).

SG-1 had only one rule as far as Hammond knew, which was that Teal’c was not allowed to go first through the gate solo lest anyone think he was a precursor to a Goa’uld invasion. The rule was Teal’c’s own suggestion. SG-1 wasn’t a superstitious bunch and Hammond appreciated that.

So when Colonel O’Neill walked down the ramp announcing, “We have a new rule, sir,” Hammond wondered what had transpired on P9Z-181 to prompt this new rule. He didn’t need to ask as O’Neill went on, “No eating rare meat offworld.”

That went a long way to explaining why Major Carter was holding her stomach and Dr. Jackson looked alarmingly pale. “You’d better report to the infirmary, then.”

“On our way.”

Damn. It was a bad sign when Jack O’Neill checked himself into the infirmary without complaint.

* * *

 

“It’s gonna be a long time before I want duck again,” said Jack.

“I may never eat duck again,” Sam replied.

Daniel said, “I never liked duck in the first place.” It was too fatty for his taste.

“I do not believe this was the fault of the fowl,” declared Teal’c, who was unusually peevish because his larval symbiont wasn’t much help against whatever it was they’d eaten. “It is the fault of those who improperly prepared it.”

“It’s called gagging by association,” said Jack.

“That’s not a medical term, Colonel.” Janet looked over her papers. “Your self-diagnosis was essentially correct. All four of you have food poisoning from a bacteria not known on Earth.”

Sam ran to the bathroom. Again.

“Normally this is a condition that calls for rest and monitoring. However, since we don’t know what this bacteria could do, I think it’s best to give you antibiotics and keep you at least overnight. If you start to dehydrate we’ll give you intravenous fluids.”

“Please tell me you have anti-puking meds.” Jack’s tone skirted the edges of begging.

“The body reacts for a reason,” said Janet. “Your bodies are trying to make sure all the offending bacteria are expelled.”

“We already expelled everything we ate back on…” Jack didn’t finish his sentence because he headed for the other bathroom.

Daniel had a feeling it was going to be a long night.

* * *

 

The anti-puking medication made no difference that Jack could discern. He spent six hours dry heaving and while that might not have been the most miserable six hours of his life, it was definitely in the top five.

Daniel and Carter weren’t faring any better, though Teal’c had already been released to kel-nor-eem in his quarters. Junior fixed him up after only an hour of dry heaving.

Eventually Jack managed to fall asleep and got almost three hours before he woke up and puked again. Then going to take a leak was a big production that involved dragging the IV stand across the infirmary, though to be fair it was still better than a catheter.

Daniel was awake, looking as lousy as Jack felt. Carter was asleep; quite frankly Jack envied that.

“I’m seriously considering insisting that meat offworld be cooked well,” he said.

This earned him the best incredulous expression Daniel could manage. “So that only ruins a perfectly good piece of meat on Earth now?”

It sure did on Earth. Medium was the way to go. On other planets, though… “Key words: perfectly good. Out there we don’t know if we’re eating good meat or a bacteria colony.”

Daniel ordered his steaks medium too, but he nodded. “Rare is definitely out.”

“Oh yeah. Not even up for debate. If anyone tries to offer me rare meat I’m gonna have to do something drastic like claim to be a vegetarian.”

“Right. Drastic.”

Daniel’s attempt at sarcasm lost most of its effect when immediately followed by retching.

* * *

 

“Sorry about last week,” Jack told Elaine when he arrived for his usual appointment.

“You did warn me that sometimes you’d miss appointments without notice.”

“Yeah, but I could’ve given you notice this time. I was too busy being miserable to think of it. Nasty case of food poisoning.”

She winced. “That’s always terrible.”

“It sucked. The good news is it didn’t kill me.”

“That is good. How have you been, aside from the food poisoning?”

“Fine. Not much to say.” By which he meant there wasn’t much he could say.

“And how’s Daniel?”

“He’s good.” He’d spent the last day and half happily examining his latest example of linguistic evolution. It turned out that ancient Egyptian evolved in lots of different ways all over the galaxy. “I think maybe he’s really starting to trust that I’m not gonna go back to treating him badly. Like when we were sick…”

“Daniel got food poisoning too?”

“Bad team dinner. Won’t be going back there. I was pissy, but not directed at him, and he didn’t have that whole pleasantly surprised thing going, like he expected I’d take it out on him.”

“That’s excellent, Jack. You’ve been doing a lot of work to get to a better place and I’m glad you and Daniel are able to keep your friendship.”

“Me too.”

“Now tell me, how are you doing at taking care of yourself?”

“Pretty well. I get plenty of exercise.” Sometimes more than he’d like in the running from Jaffa department, but always lots of walking. Plus he hit the weights a couple times a week, and sometimes sparred with Teal’c. Nobody could say he failed to exercise.

“You’re eating healthier snacks?” Elaine felt that proper nutrition was a good foundation for therapy, and she frowned on excessive junk food consumption. In Jack’s case, cake and Oreos.

“Less Oreos, more trail mix and apples.”

“I’m glad to hear it. How about relaxing?”

“I’ve been out with my telescope when the sky is clear.”

“Good. It all helps support the work you’re doing with me.”

“So you’ve said. I’m thinking of going ice fishing Sunday.”

“That sounds like a good plan for you.

“Glad you approve. I was going to do it anyway.”

* * *

 

“I like my therapist,” declared Jack over their usual Friday dinner. He mentioned therapy next to never, so Daniel was intrigued.

“Oh?”

“She says I should make more time for fishing. To decompress.”

Daniel preferred his piano but he understood the principle. “And that’s without knowing how stressful our job can be.”

“I think my occasional unannounced disappearances are a big clue there.”

“That doesn’t get into the times the fate of the planet hangs in the balance.”

“Nope,” agreed Jack. “That’s gotta call for even more fishing.”

“I don’t think the Air Force sees it quite the same way.”

“Too bad. Hey, this is good stroganoff.”

“Thank you.”

“So what’s the movie tonight?”

“ _Lawrence of Arabia_.”

“Not a musical?” asked Jack hopefully.

“Not a musical.” While not especially fond of musicals, Daniel would watch them for the sake of seeing every Best Picture winner. After _West Side Story_ Jack had declared his intention to skip further musicals.

“Okay. I brought popcorn.”

“Extra butter?”

“Not microwave popcorn. Air-popped with real butter is better.”

“But I don’t have an air popper.”

Jack pointed to a bag with his fork. “You do now.”

“Oh. Thank you.”

“Sure.”

This Friday routine they’d developed was another way to decompress, one of which Daniel found himself growing increasingly fond.

* * *

 

“How was the Star Wars convention?” Daniel asked Teal’c while SG-1 trudged through chest-high fields of grass on P9C-438. He was stuffy despite his allergy meds.

“It was a memorable experience.”

“Good memorable or bad memorable?” asked Jack. Not his thing, but Teal’c had been looking forward to the convention ever since Captain Saunders told him Star Wars conventions existed. The one in Denver over the weekend had been Teal’c’s first opportunity to attend.

“Good, though I do not understand why anyone would pay significant sums of money for an autograph.”

“Me neither,” said Daniel.

“At least get a picture with the person.” If given the choice, Jack would prefer a picture with Mary Steenburgen over her autograph.

“Captain Saunders was very pleased to obtain Peter Mayhew’s autograph.”

“Who did he play?” asked Carter, though she didn’t sound especially interested in the answer. Neither was Jack, really.

“Chewbacca.” A pause, and Teal’c continued, “I purchased a piece of artwork.”

Jack privately found Teal’c’s love of Star Wars amusing. “Decorating your quarters?”

“Yes.” A pause, and then Teal’c went on, “Some individuals attended in very elaborate costumes. Several tried to place my tattoo within the Star Wars universe.” Judging by the hint of a smirk, that had entertained Teal’c greatly.

“Probably not many in Leia’s gold bikini,” said Carter. Ah, she had a feminist rant about that just waiting to explode. Jack could tell.

“Five,” replied Teal’c.

Carter made a harrumphing sound to indicate… whatever it was she meant to indicate.

“I particularly appreciated the panel discussions. One on creating aliens with makeup and prosthetics was quite enlightening.”

Jack would stick with his ice fishing.

* * *

 

As well as Daniel could figure it out, their current hosts were the descendants of Aztec peoples abducted before European conquest. They’d been left alone for generations because Ra had abandoned the planet when a plague hit but they identified Teal’c as a Jaffa immediately nonetheless. It took a couple hours before they stopped giving him wary glances.

“Nice climate,” remarked Jack. “I can see why this place made a good agricultural colony.”

“Since the plague freed our ancestors we grow what we please, and we thrive,” said the Chief Elder’s wife. “You must stay for a meal.”

“We’d be honored,” replied Daniel.

“Out of curiosity,” asked Jack, “how do you cook your meat around here?”

She cocked her head in confusion. “Until it loses all redness.”

“Excellent.”


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am ever so excited to announce that my novel _Survivors_ is now available! For a limited time it's 25% off buying [direct from the publisher](http://www.evernightpublishing.com/survivors-by-jessie-pinkham/). Or you can [buy on Amazon](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B071VKHXJN/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1494427981&sr=1-1). I've wanted to be a published author since I was a little girl, so today is really a dream come true for me. 
> 
> And now, on with the story. I should warn you that I cried a little writing this chapter.

“That was the weirdest homework assignment I’ve ever done.” Jack crossed his arms and eyed Elaine critically. “Bar none.”

“So it made you uncomfortable?”

“Of course it made me uncomfortable. You told me to look at pictures of shirtless men.”

“What about it made you uncomfortable?”

“All of it.”

“Jack, you’re not being very cooperative today.”

“I looked at the damn pictures, didn’t I?”

“And what about doing so made you uncomfortable?”

Fine. If she wanted to know that badly he could list it all out. “Typing ‘shirtless men pictures’ into my search bar. Pictures coming up. Looking at the screen. Like I said, all of it.”

“Why did it make you uncomfortable?”

She was really on a roll today. Jack sighed. “It just did, okay?”

“No, that is not an adequate answer. Did you feel threatened? Unsafe?”

“No. They were just pictures.”

“Did you enjoy it?”

Jack said nothing, but he managed a small nod.

“ _Now_ we’re getting somewhere.”

Great. One of them was happy.

“That’s excellent, Jack. Truly. It’s a great step in the right direction for you. Tell me more.”

He stared at his shoes. “I decided I’m not such a big fan of the hulking Mr. Universe look.”

“Why not?”

“Kinda intimidating. And in real life I think I’d feel puny in comparison.”

“Puny as in self-conscious or puny as in unsafe?”

“Probably both.”

“Alright. But you enjoyed some of the pictures?”

“Yeah.”

“Did you masturbate?”

“What? No. Why are you asking me that?”

“It’s perfectly fine if you did.”

“I cannot believe I’m having this conversation.”

“This is fantastic progress. You were able to find a man attractive without feeling unsafe. That’s a big deal.”

“They were just pictures.”

“Do you think you could’ve done that six months ago?”

“I guess not.”

“Then why are you so grouchy?”

“Because you’re asking about my jerking off habits, which are personal, thank you very much.”

“I’m doing my job. The one you need to me to in order to help you.”

“Can’t you do your job without asking me about jerking off?”

“Not as effectively.”

Jack knew when he was beaten and Elaine’s body language confirmed it. Yeah, seeing Elaine was helping him, but sometimes he still had a hard time remembering why he was paying to be given the third degree.

* * *

 

_The ruins were consistent with a Goa’uld pyramid_ , typed Daniel. _The amount of damage made it impossible to determine anything further without undertaking excavation. Major Carter concurs that the damage could have been caused by an explosion, a scenario I consider more likely than gradual degradation over time. This fits with the Jaffa legend of rebellion against Bastet as related by Teal’c, though it cannot be considered definitive proof._

He sipped his coffee and considered the next paragraph of his mission report. There really hadn’t been much to work with in a single afternoon. A site like this could be a lifetime’s worth of work to uncover and piece together.

Jack ambled into his office. “Are you free for dinner tonight? Teal’c’s hankering hibachi.”

“I have a department meeting until 5:30. I’m free after that.”

“So let’s say we leave at 17:45.”

“Sure. Is Sam coming?”

“Nope. She already promised Cassandra a driving lesson.”

She had mentioned finally convincing Janet that Cassie was ready for night driving. “Okay. Same place as last time?”

“Yep.”

“Count me in.”

“Great,” said Jack. “I’ll leave you to… whatever you’re doing.”

“Writing up my report on yesterday’s mission.”

“Ah. I just finished mine. Now I’m off for a surprise inspection of the armory.”

“You enjoy those far too much.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Jack knew perfectly well what he was talking about, and heading out the door didn’t make for the most convincing defense. Daniel shook his head at Jack’s retreating form and got back to his report.

* * *

 

By the time Teal’c’s food reached his mouth he had only three grains of rice and one slice of onion. He scowled at his inadequate dining implements.

“You know, it’s a lot easier if you give up on the chopsticks,” said O’Neill.

Undoubtedly this was true, but it was not in Teal’c’s nature to so easily admit defeat. He had witnessed others eat efficiently with chopsticks, therefore the task was possible.

His next attempt netted a piece of pork and five grains of rice.

“And I think this place closes in less than four hours,” added O’Neill.

“There’s nothing wrong with eating with chopsticks,” said Daniel Jackson, though he did not eat thus himself.

“Sure, if you know what you’re doing.”

“And how do you learn without practice?”

“I’m not sure once every six months counts as practice.”

Teal’c objected to that remark. He could not practice often since the mess hall did not supply chopsticks. “At least I have not given up entirely.”

“Suit yourself.” O’Neill shrugged. “Personally I like to eat my food while it’s still warm.”

That was a valid point. Perhaps he ought to, as the Tau’ri said, swallow his pride. In so doing he would be able to swallow considerably more of his dinner. He reached for his fork.

O’Neill managed to refrain from overt gloating.

* * *

 

“You worry far too much about what you are and aren’t allowed to feel,” said Elaine. “Your emotions are what they are, Jack. Labeling some of them as unacceptable doesn’t change them.”

If nothing else this topic was preferable to his sexual fantasies. “I have no right to be jealous like that.”

“It’s perfectly reasonable to be unhappy when someone else is flirting with the man you love.”

“‘Flirting’ isn’t really accurate. It was more like ‘throwing herself at.’”

“My point remains. The emotion was understandable, not wrong. You can be wrong in how you act on the emotion, but it’s not fair to yourself to judge your emotional reactions so harshly.”

“I was fine in the acting on department.”

“Meaning?”

“Meaning I did nothing.”

“So you, what, ignored her?”

No. Ignoring the Chief Priestess of the Celts on P4Z-294 wasn’t an option. “I was polite and professional.” Meaning he let Daniel do most of the talking so he didn’t say anything that could come back to bite him later. “And I didn’t lash out at Daniel.”

“That’s very good. Did he seem interested?”

“No.” In the culture, naturally. In intimate time with the Chief Priestess, not at all. He didn’t appreciate her quip that he would father intelligent children.

“So you don’t have anything to worry about aside from your concern that you have no right to be jealous.”

“I don’t. I have no claim over him.”

“No, but you want to be in a monogamous relationship, don’t you?”

“Well, yeah. Not sure I’m relationship material though.” He was not as fucked up as he had been, but still kinda fucked up.

“You’re getting there. In the meantime, the fact that you want to be in an exclusive relationship with Daniel is a perfectly valid reason to be jealous when someone else expresses interest in him. Haven’t you ever had a friend with feelings for someone who got upset in similar situations?”

It’d been a while, but, “Yes.”

“And did you tell your friend they had no right to be jealous?”

“No. I told him to ask her out already, which doesn’t apply here.”

“Jack. You need to give yourself permission to feel.”

He sighed. “Are you sure? Because sometimes not feeling is a whole lot easier.”

“And how has that been working for you?”

Damn. She had him there. “Not the greatest.” Sara had complained about that in the last couple years of their marriage.

“There you have it. This week I want you to take time to let yourself feel.”

“I’ll pencil it in my schedule.”

* * *

 

Jack was skipping the next Best Picture winner because _My Fair Lady_ was a musical. Apparently he’d been serious about renouncing musicals. So they were playing chess instead when his phone rang.

Jack checked his phone. “It’s Mom. Mind if I take it? I can call her back if it can wait.”

“Go ahead.” Daniel could use the time to figure out his game plan. Much as he didn’t like to admit it, he was decidedly mediocre at chess. Jack usually beat him.

“Hi Mom.”

Maybe he should sacrifice a rook. Jack knew he often based strategies around his rooks, so the mix-up might give him an edge.

“I’ll get there as soon as I can. Yes, I’ll let you know once I book the flight. Okay. Talk soon.”

Never mind chess, then. “Flying up?”

“Aunt Hannah’s gone downhill fast. She’s on home hospice now and it’s a matter of days.”

“Need a ride?”

“Nah, I’ll drive, but thanks. Gotta run.”

“If there’s anything I can do, call.”

“Okay. Bye.” With that, Jack grabbed his coat and left.

Daniel put away his chess set, feeling unpleasantly powerless.

* * *

 

Aunt Hannah looked awful, tiny and frail in the bed. Jack swallowed hard. He was grateful to have a few minutes alone with her, but seeing her like this made his heart ache.

“Jack,” she said. “I’m glad you came.”

“Of course I came.”

“How are you? I’m tired of talking about how I am.”

“I’m okay. Gonna miss you like crazy.”

“I’ve had a good life. Maybe not quite as long as I’d have liked, but a very good one, so I can’t complain too much.”

He sat and grabbed one of her hands between both of his. “The rest of us will do the complaining for you.”

“Oh, no. I’d rather you remember me fondly and go on living your life. Speaking of which, how are things on the romantic front?”

“Still complicated.”

She frowned. “Don’t let it be too complicated. Life’s too short to waste time.”

“I’m working on it.”

“That’s unsatisfyingly vague. Why won’t you talk about it, Jack? What are you afraid of?”

“I’m not -”

“Oh yes you are. I saw your reaction just now.”

“I don’t -”

She gave his hand a squeeze. “Tell me, Jack. Let me help you feel better one more time.”

Maybe it was his grief, maybe it was knowing that Aunt Hannah was the family member most likely to accept his sexuality, or maybe he was just tired. Jack broke. Brushing away a tear, he admitted, “He’s a civilian on my team.”

“Well, that is complicated.”

“And I didn’t treat him well when I realized how I felt. Turns out I have PTSD from the shit I went through in Iraq. Like I said, I’m working on it.”

Aunt Hannah pushed a button so her bed rose up, then leaned over for a hug. “Is that what you were so afraid of? Admitting that you love a man?”

He nodded and hugged her back, carefully.

“A very nice gay couple moved in across the street a couple years back, and it got me thinking. Besides, some things don’t seem to matter so much at the end,” she added. “I just want you to be happy. And I do hope you’re getting some help for your PTSD.”

“I’m seeing a therapist, and Daniel and I have gotten our friendship back on track. But there’s still the civilian on my team part, and I don’t even know if he’d be interested. He’s not entirely straight, but I screwed up pretty badly for a while and I don’t know if I ruined any chance.”

“You’re a good man, Jack. He’d be lucky to have you. And if it’s something you both want, you’ll make it work, whatever sacrifices that means. My father barely spoke to me for three years when I accepted your uncle’s proposal, you know.”

“Really?” Grandpa had never struck him as the not-speaking type.

“Oh, yes. He disapproved of me marrying a Methodist. I was supposed to marry a Catholic, you see. But I decided Jeff was worth dealing with my father’s objection, and once Beth was born your grandfather came around. My point is, complicated doesn’t mean impossible.”

Jack hadn’t admitted his interest in men to anyone besides Daniel, and his therapist who didn’t really count. He felt better knowing that Aunt Hannah wasn’t disgusted. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Good. Hand me my water?”

He was going to miss Aunt Hannah so much, but now wasn’t the time to let himself feel. He’d do that later, when he could fall apart a little bit.

* * *

 

Aunt Hannah died Sunday afternoon. Jack received permission from Hammond to take Monday off, so he booked his flight back to Colorado Springs for Monday later morning, then another trip for the following weekend so he could attend the funeral.

“I’m so glad you weren’t incommunicado,” said his mom Sunday evening, after they’d reminisced and cried a bit. Okay, a bit in Jack’s case and a lot in his mom’s. She was a crier. Jack wasn’t particularly, but he felt he should get full credit in the letting himself feel department.

Damn, he was tired. All that feeling grief wore him out.

“Me too. I got to say goodbye.” And Aunt Hannah had succeeded in making him feel better one more time.

He looked on the coffee table. The day before Aunt Hannah had given him of her paintings. She’d taken up watercolors in her later years and wanted him to have one to remember her by. He wasn’t going to need any help remembering, but he’d hang the beach scene in his living room all the same.

“Do you think you’ll be doing this very dangerous job for much longer?” Mom asked.

Jack sighed. He knew she worried and there was no way he could explain how important his job was. So he settled for the truth. “Depends how much longer my knee holds out.”

“I don’t want to go through this with losing you.”

“I know, Mom.”

“Maybe that makes me terribly selfish, but I’ve been worrying about you your entire adult life now.”

“It’s not selfish. I get it. I just can’t retire quite yet.”

She accepted this with nod. God knew he’d put her through more than her fair share of stress through his career.

“Hannah was so good at calming me down when I hadn’t heard from you in too long.”

Jack hadn’t known that.

“I’m going to miss her so much.” Mom wiped away tears again.

Jack gave her a hug. “Yeah. We all will.”

He resolved to call more often.

* * *

 

It had not escaped Teal’c’s notice that some Tau’ri were excessively public in their grief. It struck him as unseemly, though he accepted that it was simply a different custom.

O’Neill was no less private in his grief than any Jaffa warrior. He accepted nothing more than the briefest condolences from Major Carter. Teal’c, understanding this method of grieving, met with more success in his efforts to offer support. O’Neill was agreeable to extra sparring and visiting the movie theater, both excellent methods of distracting oneself from fresh loss.

It was Daniel Jackson, however, who O’Neill truly allowed to see his mourning. Teal’c understood this early one morning when he completed his kel’nor’eem early.

Major Carter still slept in the tent she shared with Teal’c. O’Neill had joined Daniel Jackson, who stood last watch. Teal’c did not intend to eavesdrop, but he had excellent hearing.

“Hanging in there,” said O’Neill. “Did I tell you she basically raised me for a year?”

“No.”

“Mom wasn’t well, Dad was busy working and taking care of Mom. I spent more time at Aunt Hannah and Uncle Jeff’s house than ours. So she was like a second mom. Shit, is it a jerk move to complain about losing her as an adult when you-”

Daniel Jackson interrupted, “No. Grief is grief.”

“I guess you’re right about that. Still wish I could’ve gotten Carter up there with a healing doohickey.”

That explained much. Teal’c now understood why O’Neill raged against his aunt’s inevitable death: because it was avoidable, but the requisite technology was classified. It was unfortunate.

He did not wish to intrude, so he began to unzip the tent.

“Sounds like T is up,” said O’Neill.

“One of these days Sam is going to get up first.”

“You keep saying that, but it hasn’t happened yet.”

“Morning Teal’c,” said Daniel Jackson.

“Good morning.”

Teal’c started his day pleased with the knowledge that O’Neill and Daniel Jackson had not just repaired their friendship. They had strengthened it as well.


	17. Chapter 17

It was February 15th, which meant they’d made it through another round of Teal’c’s annual failure to understand Valentine’s Day. You’d think the big guy would have a handle on it by now, but every year he found a new aspect that baffled him. This year it was boxes of kids’ valentines. Last year had been Cupid’s arrows.

It’d been Carter’s turn to make coffee that morning, which meant the coffee was not as good as Daniel’s but about on par with Jack’s. She did love it hot, though. Jack preferred not to burn his tongue.

“Daniel, Carter, do you think you’ll be done before lunch?” They were due to gate back at noon.

Daniel answered first. “Yes. I just need to get video of the monuments.” He’d given up on translating the writing on the spot, if he ever could.

“This technology clearly responds to biological cues we aren’t producing.” Carter frowned. “So I doubt that we could get it to work without a long-term project.”

Jack wasn’t so sure about the clearly responding to biological cues part. It seemed just as likely that the machines simply didn’t work anymore, but he didn’t feel like listening to Carter’s long and undoubtedly technical counterargument so he kept his mouth shut.

“Perhaps we do not have enough arms,” suggested Teal’c.

It was true that the one intact statue showed someone with three sets of arms. Daniel thought that might account for the intricacy of the written language. The characters were pretty complex and Jack would’ve liked to have seen somebody write with three arms at once.

“It’s possible.” Carter got her pondering look. “Maybe you need multiple hands providing the same biofeedback.”

Carter could think about six-handed biofeedback. Jack was more interested in other possibilities. Doing dishes would take no time at all with six hands. Although… “I’d hate to meet a six-armed guy in hand-to-hand combat.”

Teal’c nodded. “As would I.”

Finally, a theoretical opponent that even got Teal’c concerned. It’d only taken four and a half years to find one.

* * *

 

“What’s the movie tonight?” asked Jack.

“ _A Man for All Seasons_. It’s a historical drama set during the reign of Henry VIII.”

Jack was satisfied, probably because it wasn’t a musical. The Academy really loved musicals during the sixties, and Daniel was getting tired of them as well.

“Remind me when that was.”

“The first half of the sixteenth century.” Which Daniel knew because he’d looked it up when he got the movie.

After a second of consideration Jack said, “That’s when guys all wore tights, right?”

“Probably not all, but the upper classes seemed to like them.” Early medieval Europe was by no means Daniel’s specialty. All the same it didn’t take a great deal of historical knowledge to figure out that different socioeconomic classes dressed differently.

“It’s good to live in an era where jeans have been invented.”

“Jeans are good. Indoor plumbing is better.”

“Excellent point. Popcorn now or later?”

“Later,” Daniel decided, since he was full.

He enjoyed their Friday evenings, had come to look forward to them. By this point Daniel couldn’t fool himself into thinking that his feelings toward Jack were entirely platonic. No, they weren’t ready for anything but platonic. He knew that. He also knew that he’d like to curl up on the couch together while they watched _A Man for All Seasons_.

To push such thoughts out of his mind he shared with Jack some of his brief research into the historical background on the movie.

* * *

 

Daniel yawned. Again. He’d looked tired the previous day, and now he looked downright exhausted. It was a bad sign when he could barely muster up the energy to eat his key lime pie. Key lime pie was one of the mess hall’s better desserts.

“Daniel, you look like you’re about to fall asleep,” said Carter. She was right, and falling asleep in the mess hall during lunch rush would be no small feat.

“My downstairs neighbor is dogsitting for her brother while he’s on his honeymoon. She works nights and the damn dog barks all night when she’s gone.”

Jack frowned. Daniel hadn’t mentioned that the day before, though to be fair he’d been very excited about UAV footage at the time. “How much longer is this dog gonna be downstairs?”

“Six more nights.” Another yawn. “The neighbor didn’t seem to care that the rest of us can’t sleep.”

This wouldn’t do at all. “You can use my guest room,” offered Jack.

“Thanks. I think I’ll take you up on that.”

“Let me drive you to your place to pick up what you need. You’re in no shape to drive.”

“It’s probably best I’m not on the road.”

Things were dire indeed when Daniel let himself be taken care of without even a token protest.

* * *

 

Thirteen and a half hours of sleep did Daniel much good. He still needed the alarm to wake up – after all, he’d basically missed three nights’ of sleep – but woke up feeling like he’d be able to function.

He found Jack in the living room reading _Newsweek_.

“Good morning.”

“Morning. How’d you sleep?”

“Wonderfully.” In fact he’d only woken up once for a quick bathroom trip, a vast improvement over every ten minutes because of a stupid dog. “Do you need the bathroom before I shower?”

“Nah, I’m good. Already showered.”

Daniel was used to being self-reliant, to the point where he sometimes struggled to let people take care of him. While showering he reflected that it was nice to have someone take care of him. Jack had done everything the night before, from driving to dishing out the Chinese he ordered for dinner, while Daniel had been too exhausted to look after himself. All in all it made Daniel feel very cared for.

It felt good to once again associate Jack with being cared about.

* * *

 

 “How’s your week been?” asked Elaine, as always.

“Pretty good. Daniel’s been staying at my house. He couldn’t sleep because his downstairs neighbor is dogsitting an incessant barker, so I offered him my spare room.”

“And how do you feel about that?” Her favorite question.

“It’s nice having him around. I can’t get used to it because it’s only for three more nights. But it does mean I wasn’t searching for any more pictures of shirtless guys.”

“Why not?”

“Because my computer is in my living room.” Jack saw no need to get himself a laptop. He didn’t even use his computer that much, though he played games on it sometimes when he had nothing better to do.

“And you’re not comfortable having Daniel see you. Alright, fair enough. I also want to check how you’re handling your aunt’s death.”

“Okay. I miss her.”

“Of course you do.”

“I’m gonna keep missing her. I still miss my dad and it’s been almost three years since he died. But she wanted us to remember her fondly and keep on enjoying our lives, so that’s what I’m doing. She had a good life, y’know?”

“I’m glad to hear you acknowledge your grief. It’s healthy.”

“Hey, I may not be the most emotive guy, but I’m no robot.”

Although, come to think of it, his robot double had emotions too. The same emotions Jack did, which is why they almost got into a fistfight. It probably said something about his psyche that he fought with other versions of himself, but he didn’t really want to delve into that so it was just as well the subject was classified.

* * *

 

Fortunetellers were scam artists trying to make quick money off the gullible and the desperate. Sam had no use for that kind of nonsense. Even though the so-called wise woman on M4Z-320 wasn’t asking for money Sam still wasn’t interested. It apparently wasn’t optional, though. Something about knowing the kind of people they were welcoming into their village. Why they couldn’t know the kind of people they were welcoming into their village with regular conversation, Sam couldn’t begin to say. That was Daniel’s department.

At least she wasn’t the only one taking this lightly. Colonel O’Neill was, if you knew him well enough to notice, clearly repressing several snarky comments. Teal’c’s expressions were tough to read, but Sam was pretty sure she saw a mixture of bemusement and bafflement. Daniel alone was interested, no doubt for the anthropology of it.

The wise woman, Mehera, led SG-1 into a circle made of stones. Quartz, from the look of it. A few other people from the village council hung around outside the stones. Apparently fortune telling was a spectator sport on this moon.

“We will begin with you,” Mehera told Sam. “Hold out your hand like so.”

Palm reading it was, then. Sam held out her hand as instructed and put on her best serious face.

“You have suffered loss and betrayal,” said Mehera after a moment. How incredibly generic. Sam doubted there was an adult on Earth who _hadn’t_ suffered loss and betrayal.

“You walk an uncommon path.” Another obvious line. After all, SG-1 had just walked through the stargate from another planet. Calling that an uncommon path was a safe bet.

“I can see little of your future,” continued Mehera. Surprise, surprise. “There is satisfaction, accomplishment. This much I can determine. Respect well earned. A good future.” She dropped Sam’s hand. “Your disbelief prevents me from seeing anything more.”

Way to deflect the blame. Sam tried to look chastised.

“I am not offended. Your beliefs are not mine to determine.”

Good. At least she hadn’t committed a diplomatic faux pas by failing to believe in fortune telling. That would’ve made for an awkward mission report.

Mehera moved on to Teal’c and declared. “You walk no path at all. You forge your own.” Again, considering he was the only non-human Mehera had ever seen, this wasn’t a stretch. “You also disbelieve. I cannot see your future.”

Wasn’t that convenient? Sam really had to work not to roll her eyes.

“I see beyond, however. Stories will be told of you for generations to come, stories of a great man.”

Teal’c nodded his head respectfully at this pronouncement, while Sam started to wonder if these lines were coming out of some universal fortunetelling handbook.

Mehera took the colonel’s hand. This ought to be good.

“A cynic, a skeptic. Is belief so uncommon among you?” The wise woman shook her head before refocusing on the colonel’s hand. “You fight enemies seen and unseen. You will rest from your battles, but not for some time yet. More than this I cannot say.”

Colonel O’Neill managed to keep an admirably straight face through all this.

Finally it was Daniel’s turn. Mehera took his hand and smiled. “Neither disbelief nor belief. I am pleased one of you comes with a mind open to possibilities.” She stared intently at Daniel’s palm before continuing. “The time is coming when you must choose if you will risk much for greater reward. Fear serves ill in such times. You must look past the heartbreaks of the past to reach for a future full of happiness and love.”

That was a slightly more specific fortune than the rest of them had received. Only slightly, though. Didn’t everyone have to make risk versus reward decisions? Sam wasn’t impressed.

Daniel, however, did a good job of looking genuinely thoughtful and the colonel looked… huh, Sam had never seen that expression on him before. Must be something about pretending to take this somewhat seriously.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now we're into March 2002, which means some references to the second half of season 5, at least until I take it AU. Yes, change and resolution is going to happen, I promise!
> 
> Note: I know Jack's file in one episode ("The Entity" maybe?) had him born in 1952, but I find that a bit old to work for various reasons, and the same episode listed Daniel's birthday in April when he said it was in July (thank you Stargate Command Wiki), so I have made Jack a few years younger.

As a rule Hammond preferred to get his exercise outdoors, but they were in the middle of a cold spell and he liked feeling his toes, so the gym on base it was. This worked out well in that he got to hear Teal’c’s unique perspective on _M*A*S*H_ while the Jaffa was spotting O’Neill on the free weights.

“Klinger is a dishonorable individual.”

“He’s comic relief,” said O’Neill, grunting as he lifted weights overhead.

“He devotes much of his energy to the attempts to shirk his duty.”

“You’re really not getting the comic relief factor, are you?”

“You culture has strange reactions to men wearing female clothing, but the opposite is not true.”

“Used to be. It was a big deal that Amelia Earhart wore pants.”

“Nevertheless, Klinger remains dishonorable. He has been called upon to serve and fails to do so to the best of his ability.”

“He does his job just fine,” countered O’Neill.

“He undermines the entire operation with his attitude and his actions.”

“You’re not considering that his zany antics brighten everyone else’s day.”

“Worse still, this fictional portrayal encourages future recruits to believe that Klinger’s behavior is acceptable if they do not wish to fulfill their obligations.”

Come to think of it, Hammond concluded, Teal’c had a point, and that was before one even got to _M*A*S*H_ reflecting the Vietnam War.

O’Neill, meanwhile, gave up. “Okay, okay. Klinger is dishonorable. I can see I’m not gonna convince you otherwise.”

“Indeed not. I would be very concerned if any of the recruits we are to test exhibited such behavior.”

“We don’t have a draft anymore, T. I don’t think you need to worry about that.”

There may not have been fresh air, but Hammond did at least get some entertainment with his indoor exercise.

* * *

 

“Next time we test recruits, someone else can get zatted,” said Daniel when he entered the briefing room. The post-zatting headache took a full night’s sleep to get rid of and he’d rather avoid it in the future.

Jack nodded. “Gotcha.”

“At least none of them were attempting to feign mental illness,” said Teal’c.

“Um, what?”

“Teal’c started watching _M*A*S*H_ ,” explained Jack. “He’s not a fan of Klinger.”

Daniel thought for a second. He hadn’t seen the show in a long time. “The guy who wears dresses?”

 “Yes. The dishonorable individual attempting to shirk his duty,” added Teal’c. “A very poor role model.”

“I don’t think he was supposed to be a role model.”

“I already tried explaining comic relief. Again.” Jack shook his head in regret. “Instead he tried to argue that Klinger should’ve been executed.”

“Isn’t that a little harsh?”

Not to Teal’c, who said, “It would send the message that willfully undermining a military operation is not tolerated.” After a moment of consideration he amended, “Of course, imprisonment could be considered as a more humane alternative.”

If you considered _M*A*S*H_ as an allegory for the Vietnam War, there was nothing humane at all about conscripting men to fight it. Daniel, however, knew better than to get into that argument on base. Besides, Sam rushed into the briefing room with General Hammond half a minute behind her, which meant Daniel had to get everyone up to speed on the ancient Nubians.

“Good morning,” said Hammond as he took his seat.

“Good morning, sir,” replied Jack on behalf of the team.

“P8C-439. Dr. Jackson, why don’t you begin?”

Daniel fired up his PowerPoint presentation. “Nubia refers to a region currently encompassing northern Sudan and southern Egypt. In ancient times they had significant interactions with the Egyptians, sometimes peaceful, sometimes military…”

* * *

 

“Daniel?” asked Jack while they were waiting for the gate to activate.

“Yes?”

“By any chance do we get ‘nubile’ from the Nubians?”

“No. It comes from Latin relating to nuptials, as in marriageable.”

“Oh.”

“Sorry to crush your dream of a planet full of nubile young women.”

“That’s not why I asked. I was just curious.”

“I am unfamiliar with this word,” said Teal’c. “What does it mean?”

Sam smirked and looked away to fake complete innocence.

“Ask Jack. He’s the one with the dirty mind.”

“SG-1, you have a go.”

While walking up the ramp Jack complained, “It was a reasonable question.”

It actually was, but Daniel was having too much fun teasing to admit as much.

* * *

 

The Planet of the Nubians was one of their shorter missions. The locals wanted to present SG-1 as offerings to whichever System Lord they worshipped – Daniel and Teal’c had three possible candidates from the snake list – and the team made a hasty retreat back to SGC. They were gone less than ten minutes.

On the upside, Jack got to leave early for once, so he and Teal’c made a last minute decision to attend an Avalanche game which turned out to be particularly exciting hockey.

Anyway, when Elaine asked how he week had been he could honestly answer, “Pretty good. Saw a great hockey game and I only had two nightmares.” Now, one of the two had been a doozy combining his assault in Iraq with the prospect of suffocating in a death glider, but still, going by the numbers that was one less nightmare than he’d been having in a week.

“That’s excellent, Jack. I’m very glad to hear it.”

“I also realized something.”

“What?”

“I’d thought it would be great if I could have my cake and eat it too. Meaning that if by some miracle Daniel was interested in being more than friends, the best case scenario would be that and keeping my team.”

“You said thought. Past tense.” That was Elaine’s way of encouraging him to continue.

“Yeah. It dawned on me that my best case scenario was a terrible idea.”

“Why? Because of your oath?”

“No. I’ve been known to ignore stupid rules from time to time.” Just ask some of his commanding officers. The implications for the stargate program were a bigger concern (he’d hate to give the NID any ammunition), but his main reason was simpler. “Because it wouldn’t be fair to Daniel if I treated him like a dirty secret.”

“So you’d want to be out.”

Jack wasn’t sure he’d go that far. “Define ‘out.’”

“How about you define what you have in mind?”

“What I should technically be able to do under DADT, but in reality I can’t.” Everyone knew DADT was a joke, and of course there was the NID again. “Not parades or anything. To take him out to a nice dinner, and not be paranoid about how many nights one of us slept over. That sort of thing.”

“Would this involve letting anyone else know about your theoretical relationship?”

That was scary. On the other hand, Daniel deserved better than to be a dirty secret. In this fantasy scenario, that was. “Eventually. One step at a time.”

“What about your career? I know your team means a lot to you, and it seems as though most of your identity is wrapped up in your career.”

She probably had a point there. Jack had one, too. “It’s only a matter of time before I’m pulled off field duty. I’m forty-five with a bad knee, and I never wanted to fly a desk even if that was an option. I’m not saying it’s gonna be an easy transition, but it’s an inevitable one, y’know?”

“I’ll take your word for it,” said Elaine. “I think you’ve had a very mature realization, and you putting Daniel first like this, even in a hypothetical scenario, shows how far you’ve come since we started.”

“Maturity is good and all,” he said, “but in this hypothetical scenario I’m still kinda freaked out about the sex angle.”

“Only ‘kinda’ is also an improvement. Speaking of that, however, did you make time to look at pictures again this week?”

Damn it. This again. Elaine wanted him to gradually get used to the idea that men could be hot and, as she called it, ‘disassociate male sexuality from your trauma.’ Which sounded great in theory, but in practice involved far too much talking about getting turned on and his jerking off habits for Jack’s liking.

Where was a small SGC emergency when he needed one?

* * *

 

Daniel expected commentary from Jack on the walk back to the stargate, and he wasn’t disappointed. As soon as SG-1 was well out of earshot of the village, Jack said, “Thank God for whoever invented the television.”

“Philo T. Farnsworth,” said Sam.

Even Daniel had to admit, “It wasn’t the most exciting cultural ritual.” He considered himself open-minded when it came to other cultures, but that didn’t mean he appreciated everything. There wasn’t much to appreciate in this one.

“I think it’s a strong contender for most boring.” Jack shook his head ruefully. “An entire ritual based on watching paint dry. I take back any time I ever said it’d be more interesting to watch paint dry.”

“It is a nonsensical pastime,” agreed Teal’c.

Sam hadn’t been impressed either. “At first I thought they meant some sort of group meditation, which isn’t my thing but would make more sense than what we actually did.”

“This is a new one for the mission reports: Spent fifty minutes watching paint dry on a log. Carter, are you _sure_ these people weren’t all high? ‘Cause that would explain a lot.”

“There was no evidence of intoxicating substances, sir.”

“I think they just like watching paint dry,” said Daniel. “Or at least the downtime. You saw how they had previous logs on display.”

“They were quite proud.” Teal’c’s voice had a hint of bafflement. “In particular they liked the multicolored logs.”

“Right,” said Jack. “Gotta remember to write in my report that we got the honor of four colors. Good thing there’s nothing worth coming back here for, or we might find out if it’s possible to die of boredom.”

“I doubt it is.” If boredom could kill Daniel wouldn’t have survived his second semester of college, when he’d landed the dullest professor on campus for 8am Chemistry 101.

“I’d rather not find out from personal experience,” Jack said. “And I still haven’t ruled out these guys being high. Maybe some kind of long-term exposure that didn’t affect us.”

“It’s theoretically possible,” conceded Sam, “but they didn’t seem high other than their interest in watching paint dry.”

“Is excessive interest in drying paint a notable trait of intoxicated individuals?” asked Teal’c.

“Excessive interest in generally boring things, yeah. That’s drugs, not booze,” clarified Jack.

“The prohibited intoxication.”

“Right.”

“I do not understand why anyone would voluntarily consume substances with such effects.”

“Beats me,” said Jack. “I don’t want to know why people do half of what they do. Like watching paint dry.”

“And you don’t even have to try to make sense of it as a cultural ritual.” That part of his job usually wasn’t a problem for Daniel, but he was struggling with this one. When he tried asking questions to get context he just got told this was their way and the way of their people from time immemorial.

“Better you than me,” said Jack.

“Thanks for the support.”

“Hey, you have the degrees for it.”

“I believe we can agree that none of us envy you, Daniel Jackson.”

“Teal’c’s right,” said Sam. “But I have peanut butter cups hidden in my lab if you want.” She looked at Jack, then added, “Respectfully, sir, you’ll never find them.”

Jack, of course, wasn't deterred. “That sounds like a challenge to me.”

“You might break something,” she added.

“Thus incurring General Hammond’s wrath,” concluded Teal’c.

Jack stalked ahead muttering, “Damn it, my whole team is against me.”

Daniel thought maybe he’d bring in peanut butter cups the next morning.


	19. Chapter 19

Jack didn’t like this. He didn’t like it to start with, and the more he thought about it the less he liked it. Daniel was pretending to be a Goa’uld slave with only Jacob Carter for backup, and not even very close backup. That alone wasn’t a great start. Plus, the Tok’ra came up with this whole plan and they didn’t have the best track record. Moreover, there was the whole committing mass murder thing. Sure, most of the hosts would probably take death over continuing to have their bodies stolen, but the point was, this was _Daniel_ they were asking to kill a bunch of people.

No, the whole plan was a bad one in Jack’s book. Killing lots of System Lords at once sounded great in theory. He liked that part. It was the ‘sticking Daniel alone in the middle of a snake convention’ part he hated, mostly. Jack actually wished he spoke Goa’uld so he could’ve gone instead.

* * *

 

Daniel hadn’t killed the System Lords, which was probably a good thing with the new threat of Anubis (and wasn’t that a frightening thought). He hadn’t saved Sarah either. Jacob was content with the intelligence he’d gathered, and they’d managed to save Jack, Sam, and Teal’c, so the entire mission wasn’t a waste, but still, he thought of Sarah out there, a prisoner in her own body, and felt a deep sense of failure. He wouldn’t wish that on anyone and certainly not someone he’d once cared about.

Meanwhile, Jack wasn’t in the best of moods either. He managed not to say anything until they were alone in Daniel’s apartment for their usual Friday evening dinner and a movie, when he showed up with pizza and a scowl.

“You were supposed to release the poison and get out.”

“I know, but it’s actually a good thing I didn’t, with Anubis…”

Jack cut him off. “I don’t care about that. We never should’ve sent you on the mission in the first place.”

“Who else could’ve done it?”

“I don’t know. Let the Tok’ra figure out some other way to administer the poison. Don’t tell me it wasn’t possible.”

“They didn’t have time.”

“So they say.”

Daniel decided to get to the heart of the matter. “Are you mad at me, even though it worked out?”

“Yes. No. Maybe.”

“Well, that clears everything up.”

“I’m mad that we put you in the situation. I’m mad that you prioritized saving your ex over getting out safely.”

Now they were getting somewhere. “We didn’t make a good couple.” In no small part because he’d been afraid of really letting Sarah in. “I did care about her and I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t try to free her. Don’t tell me you wouldn’t have done the same thing.”

Jack couldn’t deny it, so he dropped into a chair and sighed. “I don’t like it. What would we do without you, Daniel?”

There was no good answer to that. Daniel hated the thought of losing Jack, or Sam or Teal’c, but they knew their jobs were dangerous. “There are no guarantees, and we have dangerous jobs. That hasn’t stopped us from doing them yet.”

“I know. But I wasn’t even there.”

“You didn’t make that call.”

Jack flipped open the pizza box. “No good answers, I get it. I just… I don’t know what we’d do without you. I really don’t.”

Daniel suspected this was more personal than professional. The answer was the same either way. “You’d go on fighting the good fight.”

“Daniel…”

Jack’s eyes were full of emotions Daniel couldn’t quite identify, or maybe he wasn’t quite ready to face.  He knew that if Jack died, he’d be devastated, even more than Sam or Teal’c, much as they both meant to him. And he could understand Jack not wanting to face the opposite possibility, but that didn’t mean either of them was going to stop doing their job.

“This is our life,” he said softly. “We both know that.”

Jack nodded. “It’s not a bad life.”

“Very rewarding.”

“True. Nobody else gets to see double moonrises halfway across the galaxy. Not to mention we do want to keep the planet safe from this Anubis bastard.”

It was, Daniel concluded, a high-stakes game of risk vs. reward they played.

* * *

 

At this point in the mission, Jack could contribute nothing more than staying out of Carter’s way while she and the engineering team fixed up the ship. He didn’t like sitting around uselessly while an asteroid was hurtling its way toward the destruction of Earth.

For that matter, he didn’t like thinking about the little discussion of his diplomatic shortcomings that he saw in his future, provided of course they managed to save the planet again. He was a soldier, not a diplomat. It hardly seemed fair to send him on diplomatic missions and then get upset when he screwed them up.

Not to mention the whole ‘send Daniel to a System Lord reunion by himself’ episode had brought home that if – no, when – Jack had to retire, Daniel would be heading into danger without him all the time, and he fucking hated the idea. So all in all, he wasn’t in the best of moods.

Carter had recruited Teal’c to help with the repairs, leaving Jack and Daniel to amuse themselves. Daniel was doing that with a book, naturally. To be specific, his recent trip to Moscow apparently inspired him to read something in Russian.

“What did the grass do to offend you?”

“Huh?”

Daniel pointed to the ground where Jack sat. Sure enough, without consciously realizing he’d pulled up quite a bit of grass.

“I’m thinking of planting my apple core,” he said. “I can be the galactic version of Johnny Appleseed.”

That had just been the first quip that came to mind, but now that he thought about it, it wasn’t a bad idea.

Daniel called BS with his eyebrows. Jack yanked up a few more blades of grass and admitted, “I hate being useless. There’s an asteroid flying toward Earth and Carter doesn’t even want my duct tape.”

“You brought duct tape?”

“We’re here to fix something, aren’t we?” Jack wanted the duct tape to be useful. Then he might be useful, too.

* * *

 

Sam and Teal’c kept busy with the ship, both running it and in Sam’s case learning everything she could about it. That left Daniel and Jack to sit around waiting until they arrived in their own solar system. They were both fully caught up on sleep, and Daniel finished all the books he'd brought.

Jack burned through all the batteries for his Gameboy, and in his boredom he found a use for his duct tape: he sliced in thin and laid out a chessboard, then fashioned duct tape chess pieces. They weren’t the nicest to look at, but they did work. Daniel colored one set black with a marker and the two of them had been playing chess since breakfast. It was dinnertime.

“This Protected Planets treaty isn’t worth crap,” said Jack, “but there’s something to be said for dealing with the asteroid ourselves.”

He started to counter argue, “Just because the treaty has limits -”

“Yes, it does make it crap,” interrupted Jack.

“We’ll have to agree to disagree.”

Jack shrugged. “What else is new? You ready for dinner?”

“As ready as I’m ever going to be. I’d be a lot more enthusiastic if it was real food instead of another MRE.”

“Now there’s something we can agree on.”

Sam joined them, feigning great surprise. “You two actually agree on something?”

“We’re both sick of MREs,” said Daniel.

“Say, Carter, these ships produce a lot of power, right?”

“That’s right, sir.” She eyed Jack warily, waiting to hear what he came up with.

“So much that a freezer and a microwave would only be a drop in the power bucket? Maybe a fridge too?”

“In theory that would be possible, though we’d have to work out some kind of interface since the ship isn’t set up to have appliances plugged in.”

Jack was very pleased with himself for the idea. “Then we could have real food.”

“That would be an improvement.” She pawed through a crate of MREs. “Any requests?”

“Do we have any pasta?” asked Daniel.

Sam flipped through several before pulling out a meal. “Cheese tortellini.”

“That’ll work. Thank you.”

She handed it over and turned to Jack. “Colonel?”

“Anything that’s not vegetarian.”

“Beef teriyaki?”

“Sure. Thanks.”

Sam selected an enchilada for herself and they all got to work heating up their food. Teal’c would probably be down for his dinner once Sam went back up to the bridge.

“I see your duct tape has come in handy after all, sir.”

“It’s useful stuff, Carter.”

“I know. Just… less useful for starship repairs than on Earth.”

Jack looked around the room. “Do you think WD-40 would fix the squeaky door? I should bring that next time.”

“It might,” said Sam. “Trying wouldn’t hurt.”

For some reason that thought actually cheered Jack up a bit.

* * *

 

“You have to admit, this just goes to show the Protected Planets Treaty is crap,” Jack told Daniel. He thought the naquadah asteroid was pretty solid proof.

“It’s not exactly a shock that the Goa’uld don’t honor their promises,” said Daniel.

“Yeah, well, I wasn’t planning on entering into any treaties with them anyway. In this case, the pen is not nearly as useful as the P90.”

The fact that Daniel didn’t argue showed just how far beyond redemption he considered the Goa’uld.

“Anyway, we saved the planet again. Cheated death again. Another successful mission.” All in all, Jack figured things turned out pretty well. Though next time he met up with the Asgard he was definitely going to bring this up.

“And Tuesday we’re going to P4Y-028.” Daniel got happier just talking about it. Visiting abandoned ( _hopefully_ abandoned) pyramids had that effect. “It looks like the sands have only recently shifted to uncover the pyramid again, so I’m optimistic that it’s well preserved.”

“Another desert. I can’t wait.”

“Sam thinks the desert could be even larger than the Sahara, maybe bigger than Antarctica. To engulf even one of the smaller pyramids it has to be impressive.”

Jack wasn’t sure ‘impressive’ was the right word. “For the record, as effective a tactic as expanding desert may be against the Goa’uld, I’m still against it.”

“I think we’re beyond that point on Earth anyway.”

Just as well. Jack very much wanted the Goa’uld gone – preferably in a permanent fashion – but he’d still like Earth to be livable afterwards.

* * *

 

O’Neill had matured over the past months. Teal’c noticed that his friend, while obviously bored on their current mission, was not malicious in his boredom, and in fact approached the mission in a more professional fashion. It was good to witness.

Nevertheless, when Daniel Jackson discovered a sealed room containing eight staff weapons, O’Neill was considerably more interested. “This is more like it.”

“This is the least interesting thing I’ve found,” said Daniel Jackson.

“For you,” countered O’Neill. “I don’t understand hieroglyphs and tiny statues. I understand weapons.” He fired one at a nearby sand dune. “Sweet, they still work.”

Teal’c informed them, “They are designed to be extremely durable. So long as the chamber was properly sealed the staff weapons should have remained operational indefinitely.”

“I wonder how they keep the power from depleting over centuries.” Major Carter peered at a staff weapon as though she wished to disassemble it.

“That I do not know.” Teal’c had never concerned himself over such details. It was sufficient for him to know that the power was reliable.

He heard the sound of a stargate in use. So did his teammates, as they all turned to look.

O’Neill remarked, “We just checked in forty minutes ago. Let’s get behind this thing just in case it’s unfriendlies.”

Teal’c brought all eight of the newly discovered staff weapons with him, then peered from behind the pyramid as a group of Jaffa came through the stargate. “Ten Jaffa. A scouting party.” Evidently the Tau’ri were not alone in discovering that this pyramid was newly exposed. Through the binoculars he looked to the Jaffa’s heads. “They serve Yu.” As a ned’ron emerged before the stargate disengaged he added, “The ned’ron will have at most two inside.”

“Can that thing fire?” asked O’Neill.

“No. It is a machinery transport.”

“Okay, not a tank. I’m gonna creep around the other side and take out as many of these guys as I can,” whispered O’Neill. “Teal’c, Carter, cover fire. Daniel, dial home as soon as you can.”

Since the scouting party had noticed SG-1’s footprints Teal’c could think of no better plan, though he did not like that the Jaffa split into two groups.

He, Major Carter, and Daniel Jackson held their fire until O’Neill shot two Jaffa in quick succession. Thereupon the firefight commenced in earnest. The element of surprise served SG-1 well and they eliminated one group of Jaffa with ease. The remaining seven were split: two, three, and the two firing from inside their ned’ron. This made their task more challenging.

The path to the DHD was clear. Daniel Jackson sprinted to it under heavy cover fire from Major Carter and Teal’c, who was operating one staff weapon with each hand. It allowed for very poor aim, but cover was more important than accuracy until Daniel Jackson was safely shielded behind the DHD. Once he was relatively safe, Teal’c abandoned the second staff weapon. Three Jaffa were now using the ned’ron as cover, and one still fired from inside. Meanwhile Daniel Jackson had dialed Earth and transmitted their iris code.

Teal’c handed Major Carter a staff weapon. “This will penetrate the ned’ron.” The two of them blasted at their opponent’s shelter while O’Neill attempted to hit individual Jaffa who peered up to shoot.

Meanwhile, the pyramid was taking heavy damage. Teal’c felt pieces of it hitting his face on a regular basis. The ned’ron was sturdier, though it too began to suffer.

He and Major Carter ducked out of the way just in time to avoid the debris from a staff blast. “Can you throw a staff weapon to them?” she asked.

“Yes.” He did not, however, see how that could be advisable.

She spoke into her radio. “Colonel, I have a plan.”

“On my way.”

O’Neill raced over to join them. “Okay, Carter, what’s this plan?”

“C4 on staff weapons. Teal’c throws them over, we use the explosion as cover to get to the gate.”

Now Teal’c understood and was willing to participate. It was, in fact, a very good plan. O’Neill was certain to agree, as he was fond of remarking, “C4. Never leave Earth without it.”

“Do it,” said O’Neill. “We’ll keep them busy. Teal’c, roll Daniel a couple grenades.” He turned on his radio. “Daniel, we’re rolling you grenades. Bigger fireworks to follow. When you see ‘em, run for the gate.”

“Got it,” replied Daniel Jackson.

Teal’c rolled two grenades, then resumed firing. Debris from an incoming staff blast nearly blinded him, but he paid no heed to the trickle of blood running down his cheek. It was a very minor wound, of no consequence.

Daniel Jackson managed to damage the ned’ron, though not enough to slow the rate of fire they were receiving.

Major Carter was efficient. She handed him three staff weapons with C4 attached, which he threw in quick order. When he turned, she had fallen to the ground with a neck injury that was clearly not minor. She was losing a significant amount of blood.

“Fuck. Teal’c, carry Carter. I’ll detonate.”

As soon as O’Neill detonated the C4 they raced for the stargate, O’Neill firing wildly behind him. Daniel Jackson made it through first. Teal’c was a minute behind and hit the ramp yelling, “Medical emergency!”

O’Neill echoed that and added, “Close the iris.”

“Sam’s unconscious,” said Daniel Jackson, trying to stop the flow of blood.

It was only when Teal’c relinquished Major Carter to the medical team that he realized how much of her blood was soaked into his clothing.

* * *

 

Hammond hated this part of his job, standing around waiting to learn if someone would live, if they had a chance at a full recovery. It didn’t take a medical degree to know that Major Carter was in bad shape. Blood had been pouring out of her jugular vein and that had deadly potential.

He didn’t even know what had happened yet. P4Y-028 was not the safe archaeological expedition they’d expected, that much was clear. He’d give it half an hour for the other members of SG-1 to get cleaned up and their less serious wounds tended to, and then he’d pay a visit to the infirmary.

* * *

 

Daniel was sitting between Jack and Teal’c when Janet finally, finally came out. “She’s going to be fine.”

He knew the worry wasn’t a physical weight, but his chest felt lighter all the same.

“You got her back just in time,” continued Janet.

“Thank God,” whispered Jack.

Daniel asked, “Can we see her?” Not that he didn’t trust Janet, but he’d feel better seeing Sam with his own eyes.

“One at a time, and then I want you two” – she looked at Daniel and Jack – “to get some sleep “and you” – this to Teal’c – “to kel-nor-eem.”

Now that he knew Sam would be okay, Daniel thought sleep sounded like an excellent idea. She looked bad, pale and weak with her neck bandaged, but she was breathing on her own and Janet wasn’t worried, so he went to crash in lockdown quarters. Then he’d go out and get Sam some flowers, which cheered her up more than she liked to admit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will be the last chapter that fits in with canon. From here on out two roads diverge in a wood, and I take the one not traveled by canon. ;)


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Buckle your seat belts and keep your arms and legs inside the vehicle at all times. We're about to leave canon far behind.

Jack hadn’t been so nervous since… well, since that night Daniel came over to learn why he had been such an ass. At least this time he was entirely sober. Mostly because he was driving, but still. Progress.

Daniel opened his door. “Oh, hi Jack. Come in. Is everything okay?”

Time to man up and face the truth. Only, maybe he’d sit down first. Yeah, that was better.

“Jack?”

“I swore to myself I wasn’t gonna bring this up, that I’d leave the ball in your court. But I kinda need to know. So.” He forced himself to actually look at Daniel. “Is there any chance for us?”

* * *

 

Daniel’s evening had veered into unexpected territory. He considered the question carefully, even though he was pretty sure he already knew the answer. It was in the way he sometimes wished to curl up with Jack when they watched a movie, when he acknowledged how much the thought of losing Jack frightened him, in the way he looked forward to their Friday evenings, and the warm feelings he often experienced around Jack.

Still, it was scary. Jack’s friendship meant so much to him. Risking that was dangerous. He’d be devastated if a relationship between them didn’t work and it ruined their friendship. What if Jack couldn’t handle being with a man after all, or they just failed as a couple for any of a thousand prosaic reasons?

What was it the wise woman had said? _“The time is coming when you must choose if you will risk much for greater reward. Fear serves ill in such times. You must look past the heartbreaks of the past to reach for a future full of happiness and love.”_

And he knew that if he let fear make this decision he would regret it for the rest of his life. So he looked Jack in the eye and said, “Yes. There is.”

* * *

 

Two things happened simultaneously once Daniel answered: Jack could breathe again, and without thinking about it he launched himself across the sofa to give Daniel a hug.

“I’m so glad,” he said, the words wholly inadequate. Words weren’t his strongest point, but he figured Daniel already knew that.

Daniel hugged him right back. “Why did you need to know?”

Oh. Back to Earth here. He sighed. “I’m not supposed to tell you this, but Hammond knows I’m gonna tell all of you anyway. Just pretend you’re surprised tomorrow.”

“At what?” Daniel asked, caution in his voice.

“They’re breaking up the team.”

“They can’t do that!” Daniel pulled back, angry. Not at Jack, at least.

“Yeah, actually, they can.”

“Why? That’s so stupid. We have the best track record, we work well together…”

“Daniel.”

“Why, Jack?”

“They’ve decided that you are Carter are too valuable to risk.” It made sense, really. Jack understood the motivation. “And no, I don’t mean never going offworld again. I mean as a first exploration team member.”

“That’s ridiculous.”

“Daniel, Carter almost bled out a week and a half ago on a mission that didn’t require her expertise. Not long before that all of us almost died on a mission where we didn’t need your expertise.”

“So they’re going to lock us away until it’s perfectly safe?”

“No. You know that’s not realistic. Try to look at the bright side: you’ll have more time for archaeology and linguistics, like you always want. You’ll be leading an archaeology team, have more time to look at your finds after. Carter’s gonna get her own command, a science team.”

“And you?”

“I’m retiring.” That, of course, had been why Jack needed to know if they had a chance.

“What? Oh, no, Jack, you can’t retire because of me.”

“Hey. Listen. Retiring after SG-1 was always Plan A, and I knew it was coming sooner rather than later.” And honestly, he’d feel better with Daniel not going into such dangerous situations. Anything offworld could turn dangerous, but this wouldn’t be as risky.

“Was it really Plan A?”

“It really was. Sure, I could do the whole fly a desk, married to the job thing, but it’s not what I want.”

“What does the Air Force have planned?”

“Paperwork. Also, they’re looking to get T to lead a new kind of team. A strike team. There’s some concern about him leading, so they were gonna have me oversee the strike teams, but they’ll have to find someone else. Too much politics. That’s a very distant Plan B.”

It was true, every word of it, and Jack was so elated that they had a chance that he didn’t care one bit about retiring.

“I do want more time for archaeology and linguistics, but I never wanted to break up the team,” said Daniel.

“That’s the military. Nothing is permanent.”

“So this isn’t something we can fight?”

“No. It’s something we make the best of.”

Daniel thought about this for a minute, then nodded.

“Also. Uh, once I’m retired and all, just let me know when you’re ready, okay?”

“Are you ready?” asked Daniel.

“Not to jump into bed, no. Stuff like dates? Yes.”

Jack had date ideas, too. For one thing, he remembered a couple years ago when Teal’c was asking about human courtship Daniel had mentioned he’d always thought a hot air balloon ride would be romantic. Therefore, a hot air balloon ride he was going to get.

“Okay. I think I’ll be ready sooner rather than later. I still don’t like breaking up the team, though.”

“I was hoping for another year or two myself.” On the other hand, that would’ve been a year or two of definitely not being with Daniel, so… yeah, Jack could work with this whole retirement thing.

* * *

 

The meeting with Hammond went basically how Jack had expected. As the others filed out Jack asked, “May I have a word, sir?”

“Certainly.”

“I’m putting in for retirement.”

Hammond frowned. “I know you’d rather stay on field duty, but you had to realize that would come to an end.”

“This isn’t just about a desk job. It’s time.”

“I’m not sure you realize how precarious the political situation is with the strike teams. There’s been a lot of resistance to Teal’c leading the first team, and to be frank it’s reassured a lot of people that he’d be reporting to you. And I shouldn’t need to mention that you’re in line to command this facility.”

“I’m honored, sir, I really am.”

“But the future promotion isn’t going to change your mind, is it?”

“No.”

Hammond wasn’t afraid to play dirty. “Then I’ll have to resort to appealing to your sense of duty. We need you, Jack. We need you overseeing the strike team program to get it right, not to mention get the right man leading Strike Team 1. We need you so that this place doesn’t end up being given as a command to someone with the right connections and the wrong approach.”

Damn it all. Jack sighed. If it hadn’t been for Daniel that spiel would have him seriously reconsidering his retirement. Hammond clearly sensed that, because he asked, “Is there anything I can do to change your mind?”

“No.” The word lacked 100% conviction even as it left Jack’s mouth.

Hammond knew it, too. “That sounded like a maybe.”

“There’s someone else I’d need to talk to.”

“By all means. I’ll be in my office. Dismissed.”

“Sir.”

This was insanity. Bacon would sprout wings before he’d get any kind of exemption from DADT. Although… technically, he didn’t need an exemption, he just needed to be allowed the freedom to actually follow the policy, which was to say as long as he was discreet he’d be left alone. That was if Daniel even was okay… and it would mean flying a desk which he didn’t even want, dammit. A man couldn’t retire in peace around here anymore.

* * *

 

Daniel was making no progress on a translation when Jack came in. “You have a minute?”

“Sure.”

He closed the door. “Hammond says I’m needed here. Political crap about Teal’c having a team, in line to command the base, et cetera.”

“Have you changed your mind about retiring?”

Jack stuck his hands in his pockets. “I don’t want to fly a desk.”

“But you are very conscientious about your duty.”

“I’d think about it. If, well, Hammond asked if there’s anything he could do to convince me to stay. I doubt it’d happen, but hypothetically, how would you feel if I got some kind of official exemption from DADT? Or hell, just permission to actually follow it without being discharged.”

“Jack, I don’t want you to retire for me. If you think the program needs you – and I agree it does, God help us if Hammond retires and we get a terrible general in charge – then stay.”

He shook his head. “You don’t get it, Daniel. I absolutely refuse to treat you like a dirty secret. It’d ruin us, and anyway you deserve better. I’m okay with discreet, but if we’re going to do this we’re going to do it right. That means I can take you out on a nice dinner date and not worry about how often we spend the night together or leave together. That stuff is not negotiable, okay?”

Daniel was stunned at how much thought and care Jack put into this, and it reinforced that he’d made the right decision. He wanted to kiss him right then and there.

“Okay. I’m fine with discreet. Eventually I’d like to get to the point where we could tell our closest friends, but I don’t need to be able to make out with you in the mess hall.”

Jack exhaled loudly. “Am I insane for even suggesting this for a job I don’t really want?”

“You say you don’t want the job, but what are you going to do if you retire, fish and hope Anubis doesn’t destroy us all?”

The lack of immediate response told Daniel he was onto something even before Jack said, “Retirement has always been Plan A.”

“We wouldn’t be having this conversation if part of you wasn’t interested in the job.”

“Only because Hammond gave me a guilt trip about duty.”

“If you want to suggest it, I would be absolutely fine with discretion.” A new thought occurred to Daniel. “However, if the base needs you that badly but would rather you retire just because of us…”

“I don’t like where this is going, Daniel.”

“…then I would seriously consider leaving as well.”

“I was afraid you’d say that. Please don’t.”

“Why not?”

“You’re a civilian. The rules are different for you.”

“Why should I stay here if they don’t want you just because we’re together? It doesn’t make sense. If they don’t want you they shouldn’t want, or have, me.”

“It makes perfect sense because you never swore an oath which prevents you from seeing a guy.”

Daniel didn’t agree, but he supposed he might be jumping the gun a bit. “Well, I guess it doesn’t matter much until you talk with Hammond.”

“Right.” Jack looked unenthusiastic about that, understandably.

“I’ll support whatever you decide.”

“Thanks. I’m gonna talk with Hammond, though I suspect that might be a sign my head injuries have caused undetected brain damage.”

“It’s nothing to be ashamed of, you know. Not being straight.”

Jack’s gaze was intense while he said, “I could never be ashamed of you, Daniel. There’s a lot going on here, but that isn’t part of it, okay?”

“Okay. Let me know how it goes.”

“Will do.”

Daniel wished he could be present for the conversation, but the most he could do was wait.

* * *

 

Jack wasn’t gone long enough to have left the base entirely. He might have made a phone call, but Hammond’s money was on the someone else being on base. He really hoped it wasn’t Major Carter, because that was a can of worms nobody wanted to open.

The colonel closed the door behind him and stood stiffly, radiating discomfort. “I’d just like to preface this by saying I’m not expecting it, and we wouldn’t be having this conversation if you hadn’t specifically asked, sir.”

“Alright.”

“Since you successfully appealed to my sense of duty, I’d consider staying.” Jack’s eyes struggled to stay on Hammond. “If I could get some kind of exemption from Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. Sir.”

Well, damn. Trust Jack O’Neill to open the biggest can of worms possible. Hammond repressed a sigh. “Nothing can be easy with you, can it? Have a seat, Jack.”

* * *

 

Hammond hadn’t kicked him out. That was something, anyway. Jack sat.

“Maybe exemption isn’t the right word. Permission to actually go by the policy, be left alone as long as I was discreet,” he clarified. “And I want you to know something, General. I haven’t touched him, haven’t even been on a date. I want to do this the honorable way.”

“I appreciate that,” said Hammond, even though he didn’t look very appreciative.

“Of course, this is assuming you’d even want me around.” That was an entirely different question.

“My views are slowly evolving with the times,” replied the general, which was a nice way of saying next to nothing. “More importantly, while this is certainly a complication, it doesn’t change my belief that your continued presence is the best thing for this program.”

Jack felt significantly better. “I’m glad to hear that, sir.”

“And I may be wrong, but I have my suspicions that if you leave, I’ll have a very disgruntled archaeologist on my hands.”

It didn’t come as a shock that Hammond guess it was Daniel. “I told him it has nothing to do with him, but you know how he is about matters of principle.”

“Yes. I’ll see what I can do, but I can’t make any promises.”

“I know, sir. Like I said, I’m not really expecting it. But you asked.” If nothing else Jack could rest assured that he’d given the Air Force a chance to keep him if they really needed him that badly. He doubted it would happen – too many bigoted people, and even more who might not care but would happily play on bigotry for their own ends.

He did wonder how he got into these situations. He wasn’t even entirely used to thinking of himself as bisexual, for crying out loud.

“I appreciate your honesty,” said Hammond. “If you’ll hold off on the retirement paperwork for the time being, I’ll do what I can.”

Jack nodded.

“Let me make some calls.”

That was a dismissal. He stood and saluted. “Thank you, General.”

Now to fill Daniel in, and if Jack was very lucky, talk him out of doing anything stupid like giving up his own job.


	21. Chapter 21

Once Jack got Elaine up to speed she said, “You’ve told me what’s happening in your life. How do you feel about it?”

Like he didn’t see that coming. He was reasonably sure therapy school devoted an entire semester to asking clients how they felt. “Pretty much every positive emotion there is that Daniel is interested in a relationship, and giving me a chance. I’m still on cloud nine there.”

“I’m very happy for you.”

“Thanks. And you know, that cloud nine actually carried over to talking with Hammond. It was a case of, well, he asked, and if Daniel will have me everyone else can go to hell if they don’t approve, y’know?”

“So coming out to your commanding officer wasn’t frightening?”

“I can’t say it was fun, but…” he shrugged. “I’m too old to turn it into some big drama. Anyway, worst case scenario is the Air Force says ‘thanks, but no thanks,’ which I’m expecting. No big deal since I was gonna retire anyway.”

“You don’t think the exemption is likely.”

“Nope.”

“Does that bother you?”

“It’s not fair, but life’s not fair. I only suggested it because Hammond asked.”

“And you feel a sense of obligation?”

Well, yeah. It was hard not to feel a sense of obligation when you knew what Earth was up against. “Apparently. And this way I don’t have to feel selfish.”

“Why selfish?”

“For putting my happiness first.” As in, first above _the entire planet_. Not that Jack had any illusions of the sort that he alone was vital and irreplaceable to saving the planet – plenty of people could get the job done – but he did have a good track record. And Hammond wanted him to stay, so there was that.

“It sounds like you’re actually putting Daniel’s happiness first, since you gave your reasoning as ‘he deserves to be more than a dirty secret.’”

“Sure, but I want him to be happy with me.” The ‘with me’ part being key.

“Still not selfish.”

Maybe she couldn’t understand without knowing about the Goa’uld. “Either way, now they know. If they want me enough, I’ll stay and fly the damn desk.”

“Keep fighting the good fight?” Elaine asked.

“Not the way I’d prefer, but I’d still be part of it.” Okay, there was some appeal in that. Not the desk part, the still being involved in protecting Earth part.

“I think it was very brave of you. I do, however, want to caution you that involvement with Daniel has the potential to trigger you.”

“I figured. I told him I wasn’t ready to jump into bed. Do you think maybe that experiencing good stuff will help?” He sure hoped so.

“It might. There’s no one size fits all path to healing, Jack. We’ve talked about this.”

“Yeah. I keep hoping that one of these days I’ll find something nicely black and white.”

“And here you’ve told me you aren’t an optimist.”

* * *

 

Hammond considered his next moves very carefully. What Jack wanted really wasn’t unreasonable, since it was technically the point of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell. However, it would make a lot of people very unhappy.

In all honestly Hammond found the whole concept of homosexuality baffling in that he couldn’t begin to fathom the appeal. His personal discomfort with gay sex wasn’t the point, though. Since taking command of SGC Hammond had learned a great deal about what existed in the universe, and suffice it to say everything he’d seen broadened his mental horizons. If Colonel O’Neill wanted a relationship with Dr. Jackson, that was their choice and Hammond had bigger issues to concern himself with, namely making sure the Goa’uld and/or Replicators didn’t take over Earth. 

He seriously doubted that Jack would end up commanding SGC with this revelation, barring a sea change at the Pentagon. That was a shame, but he couldn’t do a thing about it. What he could do was fight to keep Jack in the Air Force now to contribute to the program. There was nobody better qualified to oversee the new strike teams and Hammond wanted the best.

After due strategizing he decided his first call ought to be Senator Ames, who not only sat on the Armed Forces Committee but had also become a vocal champion of gay rights since his daughter came out as a lesbian. If Ames couldn’t help him, Hammond doubted anyone could. He dialed with some nerves.

“This is General George Hammond,” he said into his phone. “No, I can’t leave a message. Yes, I’ll wait.”

A few minutes later he finally reached Ames. “Senator, I have a delicate situation that might interest you, and I could use your advice…”

* * *

 

Only he and Jack, Daniel thought, would end up having their first fight before their first date. He didn’t feel good about staying at SGC if seeing him was the only reason Jack had to leave. Jack, ever the pragmatist, failed to see the problem. Or maybe he saw the problem but didn’t realize its scope.

“It’s not right,” he repeated.

“I’m not saying it’s right, Daniel. I’m saying it is.”

“It’s okay for me to be in a same-sex relationship, but not for you.”

“Yep.”

“That makes absolutely no sense. If I’m not destroying morale or being blackmailed or whatever reason they use to justify their bigotry, how come it’s a problem with you?”

“You probably know more than I do about the anthropology behind it.”

“Sociology.”

“Whatever. The point is that you can’t leave a job you love, where you’re irreplaceable…”

“You don’t get to dictate that.”

“I’m not dictating. I’m telling you not to die on the wrong hill.”

“The wrong hill? Systemic homophobia is the wrong hill?”

Jack made a weighing motion with his hands. “Systemic homophobia. Fate of the world. Yep, wrong hill.”

“Then why are you leaving, if you’re so worried about the fate of the world?”

“I’m replaceable. Plenty of colonels, distinct shortage of genius archaeologist-slash-linguists.”

“You. Are. Not. Replaceable.” He punctuated this with a glare.

“Well, Thor does like me,” conceded Jack, “but I’m sure he’ll find someone else to name a ship after.”

“Please tell me you’re only pretending to be flippant about this. Also, please stop.”

“Look, I’m not saying that I couldn’t contribute to the program. Hell, that’s why I told Hammond in the first place. I’m just saying that my skill set isn’t as difficult to find as yours, okay?”

That might be true, but… “I still think you’re undervaluing yourself.”

“I’m beginning to think you’re avoiding our original point of contention.”

“I haven’t forgotten it.”

“I didn’t say forgetting, I said avoiding.”

“Fine. What do you expect me to do, Jack? Participate in and justify their baseless prejudice with my silence and continued presence? Because that’s what I’d be doing.”

Jack frowned ever so slightly. “Can’t you think of it as compromising for the greater good?”

“I don’t compromise on matters of principle.”

“Maybe try it this once?” Now Jack was really reaching, and he knew it.

“No.” Daniel crossed his arms. “I could talk to General Hammond, explain that if you…”

“No. Absolutely not.”

“You’re dictating again.”

“It’s a benevolent dictatorship.”

He waited for Jack to explain, and it needed to be good.

“You want to walk out the door? Fine. I think it’s a bad idea, and I hate the idea of you giving up a job you love, a job where you’re needed, for me. But if that’s what you want to do, I can’t stop you. Just, whatever you do, you do _not_ go to Hammond and say we’re a package deal. You wait until my retirement is a done deal and then you go quietly. Or hell, go screaming if that makes you feel better.”

“When does the benevolence come in?”

“If you go to Hammond with an ultimatum, and you win, _they will own you_.”

Okay. That didn’t sound good.

“Don’t ask me to live with that,” continued Jack. “I won’t. I can’t. I hate the idea of you leaving, but I could learn to live with it if you’re this hell-bent on your principle. I could never learn to live with you being a puppet for whoever is in power at any given time. You wanna talk about compromising principles? That’s the biggest compromise of all.”

How had he failed to see that? Daniel considered all the myriad ways that could go badly. Maybe he’d let Jack’s talk of being irreplaceable inflate his own sense of importance, which was embarrassing and stupid and carried unpleasant echoes of Shifu’s teaching dream. “You’re right. I couldn’t live with that either.”

Relief was written all over Jack’s face. “Good.”

“I might still leave.”

“My objection has been noted, right?”

“Yes. You know what? We’re both coming at this from the perspective of what we think is fair or unfair for the other.”

Jack nodded. “So we are. I just want you to do what’s right for you, not what you think is fair for me.”

“What’s right for me is not to condone homophobia and bigotry.”

“I was afraid you’d say that.”

“What’s the point of fighting for our freedom from the Goa’uld only to be denied it by other humans?”

“You can’t seriously make that comparison.”

“Alright, it’s not the same, but I still have a point. Society talks about valuing freedom, but for a lot of minorities that’s just talk and not a reflection of day to day reality.”

“Yeah.”

“And you,” he swallowed, then figured he might as well voice the fear. “You know that being with me will make everything harder.”

“Isn’t that what this whole conversation has been about?”

He spelled it out. “I don’t want you to regret it when you could have an easier relationship.”

Jack grabbed Daniel’s left hand in both of his. “I don’t want an easier relationship. I want you. I may not have any experience with this but trust me, I’ve seen enough homophobic shit to get a good idea what I could have to deal with and I don’t care. If you’ll have me everyone else can go to hell as far as I’m concerned.”

The sincerity and emotion in Jack’s voice was so strong Daniel could have no doubt. “I’m glad,” he said.

That got him a smile from Jack.

“Let’s wait and see if Hammond can get your permission to, God forbid, actually follow the law that was supposed to be slightly less bigoted than before. Then we can figure out where to go from there.”

“Okay,” agreed Jack. “One step at a time.”

For a first fight, it hadn’t been terrible. They’d talked like mature adults and come to some sort of understanding. It was too bad about the lack of make-up sex, though.

* * *

 

Jack might not have Daniel’s understanding of ancient traditions, but he appreciated the more applicable traditions. With that in mind he headed to Carter’s lab with a bottle of good vodka. (Technically the tradition was whiskey but Carter didn’t like whiskey, so he improvised.)

He stuck his head in her door. “You have a minute?”

Carter looked up from whatever doodad currently intrigued her. “Of course, sir.”

She looked a lot better now. Fraiser wouldn’t clear her for offworld missions yet on account of low iron reserves, but Carter no longer looked like a ghost and that was a real improvement. Seemed to be getting her energy back, too.

“I haven’t officially congratulated you on your command,” he said, vodka held casually behind some machine.

“Thank you, Colonel. I never thought I’d have such mixed feelings about my own command. SG-1 was something special.”

“That it was, Carter. But you know how it goes.” That was military life for you.

“I do, sir.”

“Little tradition here.” He handed over the vodka. “I got liquor from my CO before my first command, same as he did for his, and now it’s your turn. You’re not supposed to crack it open until the first time you want to slap someone on your team.”

Carter grinned. “Thank you, sir. May I ask how long before you opened yours?”

“A week and a half.”

“Any words of wisdom for me?”

“You know that’s not my strongest point.”

“You’re a good commander, Colonel.”

“Thanks. I guess if I had to give a piece of advice, it would be not to try and emulate someone else’s command style. Find yours and own it.” Jack had never personally suffered from that problem, but he’d seen guys who had admired someone and tried to copy a command style that didn’t fit their personality at all. Command styles were surprisingly nuanced.

“I’ll keep that in mind. Thank you.”

Jack hesitated. If he thought he’d be sticking around he’d have told Carter that his door would be open if she needed, but it seemed disingenuous to say that when he expected to be putting in for retirement. In the end he settled on, “You’ll be great.”

It was simple, yes, but he meant it 100%.

* * *

 

Daniel was getting impatient. It had been over a week now since Jack spoke with Hammond and they were waiting in limbo. Maybe it was a good thing – maybe it meant the answer hadn’t been a resounding “hell no” – but he really wanted to know so they could figure out how their lives were going to look moving forward.

Plus, he’d decided he was ready to start this relationship, but he knew Jack would prefer to be retired or have his exemption, so that added to his frustration over waiting.

In the meantime they’d gotten to _The Godfather_ in the Best Picture winners, and it was a depressing movie. To Jack’s disbelief Daniel hadn’t seen it before, and he didn’t think he’d missed much.

“Come on. The scene which goes from the christening to the assassinations? That’s classic,” insisted Jack.

“It was well-made movie,” agreed Daniel. “It’s also an extremely depressing one, since it’s the story of a good man being corrupted.” After a second he added, “Well, you think he’s a good man in the beginning at least. By the end, I can only conclude he was never that good, or his moral character is weak.”

“I think he was as good a man as you can reasonably expect for the son of a mob boss. You’ve gotta feel bad for his wife, though. She didn’t sign on for that life, but it’s not like you can take your kids and divorce a mafia boss.”

“Not likely to end well,” agreed Daniel. “Like I said, depressing.”

“Not the most uplifting movie, no.”

Daniel decided to move the conversation along to something more cheerful, and about which he’d also been wondering. “If you retire, what will you do?”

“I’m not sure yet. I’ll get a decent pension, so I don’t need to worry about finances. Might get a job for something to do. Might volunteer. Probably get a dog. We’ll see.”

“A dog, huh?” It wasn’t really a surprise.

“You like dogs, right?” Jack asked. They both knew he really meant _would you be okay with me having a dog around?_

“I don’t dislike dogs, but I can’t say I’m interested in taking on the responsibility of one for myself. If you get one I’ll do the fun stuff like petting it and leave picking up dog mess to you.”

“Basically you want to be the fun dog uncle.”

“More or less.”

That answer satisfied Jack, happily. Daniel had no issue with Jack getting a dog but he couldn’t lie and say he wanted to be a dog owner himself. Meanwhile he began to think that, officially together or not, they were acting an awful lot like a couple, and he was once again impatient to move forward.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A shorter chapter this week, because it just works. Enjoy. =)

Jack had too much free time on his hands while waiting to find out if he’d be staying in the Air Force. For one thing, he was working normal hours. For another, none of the paperwork he was tackling was mentally engaging.

At some point it occurred to him that he wanted to make sure he didn’t repeat previous mistakes with Daniel. This required serious self-reflection, which he didn’t enjoy but made himself do anyway because Daniel was worth it. In fact he devoted most of an evening to the task.

He decided that he was able to be a better significant other for Daniel than he’d been a husband for Sara by the end. He’d gotten so used to having to keep classified information from Sara, so used to not being able to lean on her for support when things went to shit, that it became his default, and after Charlie died he was in no condition to change his default. He couldn’t let her in. Maybe letting her in wouldn’t have saved their marriage, maybe it would have. They’d already drifted apart some by then because they defined their relationship around Charlie. When Jack was home he wanted to spend time with Charlie because his son grew up so fast and he assumed his wife would always be there.

So, lessons learned. One, he needed to let Daniel in. Jack didn’t think he was doing too badly in that department. Sure, he’d need to do it even more when they were a couple, but he thought he could handle it. He’d already let Daniel in more than anyone else, including Sara, much as he’d loved her.

Two, he needed to make Daniel a priority and not take him for granted.

Wait… they hadn’t talked about kids. Daniel was younger, he might want children. He’d never mentioned it but… oh shit.

It was nine-thirty at night and Jack tried telling himself he’d ask in the morning, but all he managed to do was stare at his ceiling worrying that Daniel would want a child. Jack didn’t think he could do that, even for Daniel. Not at his age, not after Charlie. It’d be like having a constant reminder of his son and his failure as a father.

He reached for his phone.

* * *

 

Daniel didn’t tend to get many calls at quarter to ten in the evening unless it was SGC calling with some emergency. His caller ID said _Jack_ which could well be an SGC issue.

“Hello.”

“Hi Daniel.” So, not an SGC emergency then, which was strange because it wasn’t like Jack to call this late. “I didn’t wake you up, did I?”

Of course not. Daniel rarely went to bed before ten unless he was sick, injured, or gatelagged. “No. I’m putting laundry away.”

“Good.”

Jack sounded slightly nervous, so Daniel asked, “Something on your mind?”

“Yeah.”

After a moment of silence he said, “Are you going to make me guess?”

“Do you want kids?”

They hadn’t discussed that, though Daniel was pretty sure he’d mentioned in the past that fatherhood wasn’t a priority. Time to say it again. “Fatherhood has never been a priority for me.”

He could hear the relief in Jack’s voice. “Good, ‘cause I’m too old.”

“You really aren’t.”

“Doesn’t matter. I don’t think I can go down that road.”

Daniel wondered why. Did Jack think it would seem like trying to replace Charlie, or was this related to the burden of guilt over his son’s death that he could only ameliorate or, as he put it, learn to live with? If they were having the conversation in person he might have asked, but over the phone he couldn’t see Jack’s body language, which was often more informative than his words.

“That’s fine with me. If you changed your mind I’d be open to reconsidering, but I’m perfectly content without children.”

“I’m not gonna change my mind. Some wounds are too deep, y’know?”

He understood how that worked, anyway, even if he didn’t know all of Jack’s reasoning. “I know.”

“Okay.” Jack yawned. “I think I can sleep now.”

“Goodnight, Jack.”

“Night, Daniel.”

He gave Jack a tremendous amount of credit for taking this soon-to-be-relationship seriously. Now the Air Force needed to hurry up and make a decision so it could actually be a relationship.

* * *

 

On his way to Hammond’s office Jack figured out what he’d say: “I figured it’d be a no, sir. Thank you for trying, and I’ll have the retirement paperwork in by lunchtime.”

“Close the door, Jack.”

Yep. It was a no, alright.

“You can shred that retirement paperwork,” said Hammond with a smile.

Okay, this was no what he’d expected. “Really, sir?”

“Have a seat.”

He sat and marveled at what the general had managed to get done.

“Senator Ames and I were able to convince the president,” began Hammond. Ames… not ringing any bells, but Jack would look that up later. “Fortunately the president understood my reasoning that it’s imperative SGC operate with the best personnel available. I don’t think it hurts that you’ve impressed several of our allies. You’re a sort of test case, Jack.”

“Never thought I’d be happy to be a lab rat.” It was actually a bit disconcerting.

“The understanding is that you will be discreet. Not paranoid,” Hammond emphasized, “merely discreet. Dr. Jackson is of course not bound by the same rules, but we hope that considering the situation he’ll agree to discretion as well.”

Right. Daniel could technically cover his office in rainbow gay paraphernalia, but that wasn’t his style. “He’s fine with discreet. I’m sure he’ll want to tell a few people at some point, but neither of us needs to start putting flyers around the base announcing it.”

“Very good. I probably don’t need to tell you that this has negatively impacted your chances of commanding the base.”

No, he didn’t need to say that. Jack already knew. “I figured, sir, and it’s fine.” Daniel would have thoughts on that, no doubt. It really was okay, though. “I was happy to retire anyway, remember?”

“I did have to appeal to your sense of duty.”

“Yeah. So much for getting a dog.” That part was a disappointment. On the other hand, feeling useful in the face of threats to Earth was a pretty big upside. Not to mention that he wouldn’t have to feel guilty if Daniel left because of him. And hey, now if Jack wanted to retire in a few years Daniel could stick around as long as he wanted.

“I appreciate your willingness to stay. Your offworld experience is just what we need for the strike teams, and frankly I don’t have time to personally oversee the details of each strike team mission. I’m confident those will be in good hands.”

Hearing that felt good. “Thank you, General. I’ve been talking with Teal’c about his team and we’ve narrowed down a list of candidates.”

“Good. We’re looking at Major Young for the second strike team. He’s up for lieutenant colonel and he’s got a knack for infiltration.”

Jack nodded. “I can see him for it. He’d need a good sniper, though.” Young wasn’t the strongest at long-range shooting, but he was damn good at sneaking around and leaving C4 behind.

Much as part of Jack had looked forward to retirement, part of him was happy to still be in the game, desk and all.

* * *

 

After Colonel O’Neill left – undoubtedly on his way to Dr. Jackson’s office to share the good news – Hammond sat back in his chair to savor his political victory.

It hadn’t been easy getting Jack’s exception, and Ames had been very helpful in that regard. Hammond’s main argument had been simple: SGC needed the best to protect Earth, and it would be foolish to let the most qualified man leave over something that had no impact on his ability to do the job. Jack wouldn’t be directly overseeing Dr. Jackson, so that was no issue, and speaking of the archaeologist, did the president really want to risk losing him too? Because that was a distinct possibility. No, Dr. Jackson hadn’t made any threats. He didn’t have to. There was no ultimatum, which would have weakened his position anyway. Hammond simply knew the man.

In the end, while Ames’s politicking was useful, Hammond felt his own plain reasoning had appealed to the president and the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs, who was much more reluctant but couldn’t say he cared for the idea of being a Goa’uld slave, nor for that matter explaining to the Asgard why one of their favorite humans had been dismissed from service. Mostly the Goa’uld slave part, though.

Now Hammond could get back to running his base, secure in the knowledge that he was keeping good people.

* * *

 

Jack walked into Daniel’s office and closed the door. “I got the exemption.”

Language that might have evolved from ancient Assyrian forgotten, Daniel jumped up and barely restrained himself from hugging Jack. “That’s wonderful news.”

“Really didn’t expect it. Apparently Hammond started threatening the brass with being Goa’uld slaves. No pressure or anything.”

“He wants you because you’re the best. I’m so pleased that the military was able to see beyond its usual narrowmindedness.”

“So I’m sticking around. Gonna be in charge of the new strike team program.”

From what Daniel knew of the planned strike teams, it seemed like a good fit for Jack. Teal’c would be happy, too, because he wasn’t inclined to take orders from just anyone. He respected Jack and they’d worked well together from the beginning.

“Are you busy tomorrow night?”

“Nope,” said Jack, “Why?”

“I’d like to take you to dinner.”

For a second Jack was surprised. Daniel felt it was important to remind him that they would have a different relationship dynamic than he might be used to, and asking him out instead of waiting for Jack to do the asking was one way of pointing that out.

Jack seemed to get it, because after his surprise he smiled. “I’d like that. Don’t make plans for Saturday, okay?”

“Okay.”

They were really going to do this, at last. Daniel was a little nervous because Jack’s friendship meant so much to him. Mostly, though, he was excited. They’d been through enough together for both of them to really believe they had a shot at permanence. Or at least Daniel had gotten that impression…

“Jack?”

“Yeah?”

“We are looking for long-term here, right?”

“Long as it gets,” confirmed Jack.

Maybe they were too old to stand there smiling like besotted teenagers, but they did anyway.


	23. Chapter 23

It was weird being the one picked up for a date. Jack figured Daniel did that on purpose, as a reminder that this would be a different kind of relationship, and that was okay. It wasn’t like he was having some crisis of masculinity. The way Jack saw it, after some discussion with his therapist, his career spoke for his masculinity and loving Daniel didn’t make him any less of a man. If anything, Daniel made him a better man.

So, slightly weird but he could get used to it. He was nervous at first. After all the time and everything they’d been through, he was still afraid Daniel might change his mind. Not to mention he didn’t know how a guy was supposed to act on a date with another guy.

It wasn’t until they were pulling into the parking lot that he realized he didn’t need to worry about how he was supposed to act. This was Daniel, who knew him and wanted to be together even knowing all the less than wonderful things about Jack. He could just act like himself.

With that in mind he asked something that he’d wondered about. “Do you think you’ll want to come up to the cabin sometime? You don’t have to fish,” he hastened to add. “It’s nice. Peaceful. And my pond is part of a connected group that’s good for canoeing.”

“I’ve never been canoeing.”

“It’s not hard.”

“Have you ever fallen in?” asked Daniel as they walked across the parking lot. Jack took note of the fact that this was a nice restaurant. A real date kind of place.

“Once. I was seven or eight and didn’t listen to my dad.”

“Didn’t listen about what, specifically?”

“He told me not to jump up. I did anyway. Turned out he was right.”

Daniel’s amusement was written all over his face. “I’ll remember not to make the same mistake.”

“Good idea.”

“And I’m going to hold you to canoeing not being hard.”

Jack smiled because that was a yes, Daniel would come to the cabin with him. “Gotcha.”

* * *

 

Daniel had selected an upscale Mediterranean restaurant for their first date. He was happy to see that by the time they were seated Jack relaxed considerably. This was an extension of their friendship and he didn’t want either of them to be nervous or overthink too much, even if he did tend to overthink sometimes.

When Jack relaxed sometime around when their water arrived, Daniel was able to as well. His own fears were more that Jack would have second thoughts about being on a date with a man, but that didn’t seem to be the case.

It wasn’t like most first dates. No getting-to-know-you questions or worrying if the other person even liked him. They chatted as they usually did, about subjects ranging from Jack’s annual optimism that this might be the Cubs’ year to Daniel’s thoughts on the limitations of digital books. (Sam foresaw a near future where print books no longer mattered, a take with which Daniel disagreed. Jack worried about eye strain.) It was enjoyable because it was still them as friends, just with an undercurrent of more.

He wasn’t ready for the date to be over when dinner was, so he suggested, “It’s a nice night to walk around the park.”

“Yeah,” agreed Jack. “Park’s a few blocks east, right?”

Daniel didn’t think in terms of east and west but rather left or right. “If east is left, then yes.”

As they neared the park they passed a woman walking a beagle. Jack looked at the dog wistfully. “The biggest drawback to not retiring is no dog.”

“Not flying a desk?” He wasn’t teasing; he was genuinely curious.

“Well, after Hammond’s guilt trip I’d feel bad sitting on my ass while the rest of you save the world.”

“Or maybe part of you wasn’t ready to retire but you didn’t want to acknowledge it before.”

Jack was quiet for a moment before admitting, “Maybe. Not sure how long I’ll be okay with the desk-flying thing, but it’s good for now. I think it helps that I’ll be planning important missions and not just filling out paperwork in triplicate.”

Reasonable enough. Daniel was still awed that Jack would’ve retired to be with him, even if he claimed retirement after SG-1 had always been the plan. “I know Teal’c is glad he’ll still be reporting to you.”

“Yeah, he’s not good at pretending, at least, to respect someone because of their rank, but he and I work well together.”

Jack looked over with an expression Daniel couldn’t place. He gave up and asked, “What’s on your mind?”

“Reminding myself this is real.”

Daniel smiled. He could understand that perfectly. “It’s real.”

Jack’s grin was all the confirmation he needed that their first date was going beautifully.

* * *

 

Teal’c’s first preference would have been to continue as a member of SG-1 with O’Neill, Daniel Jackson, and Major Carter. As that was no longer a possibility, he was content with leading Strike Team Alpha, particularly as O’Neill would coordinate and oversee the strike teams. It pleased him that he would continue to work with O’Neill and that he would have increased opportunities to deal damage to false gods.

He approached O’Neill’s office with personnel files in hand. The strike teams would be a mix of Air Force and Marine service members, a distinction the Tau’ri found important for no reason Teal’c could discern. The unnamed individuals collectively referred to as ‘the brass’ had concerns about Teal’c, who was not a US military officer, leading a strike team. O’Neill’s supervision calmed them some, as did Hammond’s promise that no individual would be forced to accept a position under Teal’c’s command against their will. To Teal’c’s immense gratification he had no difficulty finding team members willing to accept his authority. In fact, the first day his strike team was announced twelve Marines sought him out to express interest in serving on his team. The number had since grown and included Air Force personnel as well.

“Hey, T. How goes it?”

He sat and placed the personnel files on his desk. “Numerous skilled individuals have expressed interest in my team. I am pleased.”

“It’s what I figured. The brass can worry from Washington, but people who’ve seen you kicking ass for years don’t care if you have a commission. You have experience which is a lot more valuable for these missions.”

Teal’c nodded his appreciation and acknowledgment. “I am leaning into Captain Villanveva for my second in command.”

“Leaning toward.”

He noted the correction and continued, “I have witnessed his unconventional approach to offworld training exercises and believe he would be an asset.”

O’Neill located Villanveva’s file and read it. “Damn good shot. Commendations. Looks like a good choice on paper, so if you’ve seen him in person and want him I say yes.”

Teal’c had not foreseen any reason for O’Neill to object. However, O’Neill was often unpredictable so he had not been certain of agreement. “With that decision made, I believe we are in a better position to evaluate other members.”

“Anyone specific in mind?”

He had further narrowed his list of candidates since last he spoke with O’Neill, but he was curious so he changed the subject slightly. “You are more enthusiastic about your new assignment than in our previous discussions.”

“Yeah.” O’Neill shuffled personnel files as a distraction. “I’d always planned to retire after SG-1. Thought I would for a while there.”

It was fortunate that he had changed his mind. Teal’c said, “Despite your distaste for desk piloting, I believe you still have much to offer the fight against the Goa’uld.”

“That’s what Hammond said. I think a few more years might be good, kinda a transition from field duty before I retire. Besides, this strike team program isn’t as boring as most desk jobs.”

“I am pleased that we will continue to work together.”

“Me too,” said O’Neill. “Let’s extend our track record of kicking snake ass.”

While Teal’c would not have chosen those words, he heartily agreed with the sentiment.

* * *

 

“Hi,” said Sam, sticking her head into Daniel’s office.

He replied, “Hi Sam.”

She took that as the invitation it was and walked over to his desk. “Saturday looks like a nice afternoon for that motorcycle riding lesson.”

He was curious what riding a motorcycle felt like and Sam was happy to help him with the experience. Her timing wasn’t good, though. “Sorry, I have plans.”

“That sounds like a date.”

“Well, yes.”

Delighted with this new information, she pressed on. “So what are you doing?”

It was as good an opportunity as any. Daniel hoped that Jack would be comfortable telling Sam and Teal’c about their relationship at some point. He expected Teal’c would be happy for them, if his strident disapproval of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell was any indication. (You could always rely on Teal’c objecting to any policy which limited freedom.) He was less certain of Sam’s reaction and decided to test the waters. Most likely she’d be fine, or at least come around to the idea.

“I’m not sure. He’s surprising me.”

Sam just looked at him for a long moment before walking to the door. For a heart-stopping moment he feared the worst, but all she did was shut the door and drag an extra chair by his desk.

“You’re gay?” she asked at last.

“Bisexual, actually.”

“Oh.” Another long moment. “Did I miss something, or was I not supposed to know?”

“I never had any reason to mention it before.” And, of course, he worked on an Air Force base.

That got him a knowing smile. “Now you do. That’s wonderful, Daniel. What’s his name? When do we get to meet him?”

Damn. Now came the lies. Or… well, using Jack’s middle name wasn’t a _complete_ lie, was it? “Joseph, and I hope soon.”

“I…” Sam trailed off and started again. “I don’t have experience with this. I hope I don’t accidentally assume or say something offensive.”

Her concern was touching. “Don’t worry about it. The only offensive thing you could’ve done was decide I was no longer worthy of your friendship.”

“You didn’t think I would, did you?” She sounded hurt.

“No. I didn’t, but when you’re not strictly heterosexual it’s always a possibility.”

“See, I’m already showing you how much I don’t know. I didn’t even think of it that way.” A pause, and then, “Have you told anyone else?”

“Jack.” Hammond had figured it out, but he wasn’t getting into that since it involved the specifics of their situation.

“He didn’t give you any hassle, did he? Because if he did, I can start rearranging everything on his computer.”

Daniel had to smile at that. “Thanks, but there’s no need.”

Sam was more than fine with his news, and that boded well for convincing Jack that it would be okay to tell her and Teal’c about their relationship. Not immediately – Daniel wasn’t going to push that much – but sooner rather than later.

* * *

 

Sam surprised herself with how unbothered she was to learn that Daniel was bisexual. Maybe it was five years of seeing so many different ways people lived, or maybe it was just because Daniel was one of her closest friends and she couldn’t think of anyone more deserving of happiness. Either way, he was happy. She could tell, and this suggested more than a few dates. She didn’t ask for the details she wanted because it was clear Daniel didn’t want to delve into them just yet.

She’d miss being on the same team as Daniel. SG-1 was special. It was never permanent, of course, and she was excited to get her own command. It would come with new challenges; Colonel O’Neill had mentioned earlier that morning that his door was open if she wanted to vent about command, which was to say that he’d be there if she needed help finding her footing as a CO. Sam had never backed down from new challenges and as much as SG-1 would always have a special place in her heart, she was looking forward to the new adventure.

This time, though, her new assignment wasn’t taking her to a new location, which meant she’d keep seeing her friends here. She appreciated that, especially in regards to Daniel and Janet. After all, it’d be hard to meet Daniel’s boyfriend from thousands of miles away.

* * *

 

Friday they had their usual dinner. When they were ready to watch _The Godfather Part II_ , Daniel hesitated, looking at the couch.

“What?” asked Jack.

After a pause Daniel explained himself. “I don’t know if I should sit on the other end like always or closer to you.”

Jack was willing to bet he meant that he wanted to be closer but didn’t know if Jack would be okay with it. He patted the space right next to him. “C’mere.”

He’d been right. Daniel gave him a little smile and sat down. Jack decided to go for broke and put his arm around Daniel’s shoulders, which earned him a tentative hand on his knee.

“This good?” he asked.

“Yes.” Daniel relaxed into the embrace. “Very good. Are you ready to start the movie?”

“Ready when you are.” Not that he needed a movie to be happy right then, because he was absolutely fine just sitting on the couch with his arm around Daniel. A movie was a handy excuse, anyway.

Yeah, he could totally get used to this.


	24. Chapter 24

En route to whatever surprise Jack had in mind for their Saturday morning, Daniel took the opportunity to mention, “I told Sam I’m bisexual.”

“And?”

“And she offered to mess up your computer if you didn’t take the news well.”

Jack considered for a moment. “I figure you’ll want to tell her and Teal’c.”

“When you’re ready.”

“I’m working on it, okay?”

“That wasn’t impatience. I don’t want to push.”

“It’s good that she’s okay with you.”

“She wants to meet my boyfriend.”

“You told her you have a boyfriend?”

“More or less.”

“Oh.”

“She doesn’t know it’s you,” he promised.

“I’m not upset. Just… she’s okay with you having a boyfriend. Teal’c hates Don’t Ask Don’t Tell because it reminds him of Apophis limiting freedoms. That doesn’t automatically mean they’ll be okay with _us_.”

“They’ll be happy for us.”

Jack’s slight frown indicated he wasn’t so sure. “I’ll keep working on it.”

“That’s all I ask. I’m perfectly happy to get used to their being an ‘us’ before we announce it.”

Jack relaxed his grip on the steering wheel. “Sometimes it still feels too good to be true.” As they passed a road sign he added, “We’re almost there.”

“Almost where?”

“Nice try.”

He didn’t expect Jack to spill their destination, and in truth he didn’t care. They both enjoyed the game of him trying to get the secret out of Jack.

“I’m thinking of getting a new car,” he announced.

“Tired of taking yours in for repairs?”

“Yes. The brakes are making noises again.” While Daniel would never say vehicle mechanics were a personal strength, it hardly took extensive knowledge to realize that screechy noises weren’t a good indicator.

“At this point a car payment might be cheaper than fixing the one you’ve got, and more reliable.”

“That’s what I think.”

“Want some company when you look at cars?”

Daniel was grateful for the offer, as he’d been about to ask. He had some concerns about being taken advantage of due to his lack of vehicular acumen. Jack at least did things like change his own spark plugs. Daniel had AAA and by this point knew the names of all three of his mechanic’s children, whose upcoming vacation his patronage helped fund. “Yes, thanks.”

“Sure. Just let me know when.”

“Probably in a couple weeks.” First he wanted to sit down with his budget.

“Sounds good, as long as no crises come up.”

“Which we can never guarantee.”

“We won’t be heading out as much, but I have a feeling we’re still going to have our share of emergencies.” Jack made a smooth left turn; he was an excellent driver.

“Undoubtedly.”

He’d miss being one of the first people on a new planet, and he’d miss SG-1. As a team they were special and he still thought the Air Force was stupid to break up their synergy. Yes, he’d always said he wanted more time for research, but he’d never meant at the cost of SG-1. Be careful what you wish for.

Still, it wasn’t all bad. He would get more time for research, proper digs, and maybe even a halfway normal sleep schedule. In theory he’d be spending less time in the infirmary. And, of course, there was their new relationship with the blessing of Jack’s dispensation, which never would’ve gone through when they were on the same team.

If nothing else, it’d be a pleasant change of pace not to be held captive and/or shot at, and he wouldn’t have to personally be involved with as much militarization.

Jack turned onto an unpaved driveway leading to a large field where Daniel spotted a half-inflated hot air balloon.

“You remembered,” he said.

“Yep.” Jack grinned.

It had been some three years ago when Teal’c wanted to know about human courtship and Daniel made an offhand comment about hot air balloon rides being romantic. He certainly hadn’t expected Jack to remember.

“Wonderful surprise, Jack.”

“Glad you think so.” He parked the truck. “Ready?”

“Absolutely.”

Being on the receiving end of a romantic streak was new to Daniel and he enjoyed it already.

* * *

 

Jack had never been on a hot air balloon ride either, and he liked it. He generally liked flying of any sort and wouldn’t have minded learning how to pilot the balloon in other circumstances, namely not being on a date.

As nice as the ride was, though, there was no comparing it to the look on Daniel’s face when he figured out what they were doing. Jack felt so damn good knowing _he_ was the one who made Daniel that happy.

“Is that the park where we took Teal’c for his first picnic?” asked Daniel, pointing to the northeast.

“Looks like it.” That had been an interesting experience, partly because the big guy asked question after question about human culture and partly because he was extremely offended by the ants looking to share in the meal.

You couldn’t ask for better weather. Jack leaned over so his shoulder was pressed against Daniel’s and watched a flock of birds flying below.

“This is wonderful, Jack.”

He looked over at Daniel’s smiling face. “Yeah, it is.”

* * *

 

After the ride, which was everything Daniel could’ve hoped, Jack took him to a pizza place for lunch. “It’s all rustic and wood-fired,” explained Jack, “plus you can get all sorts of unusual toppings. I came here once after a training exercise.”

“Would this be the paintball fight kind of training exercise?”

“Yep.”

Daniel didn’t understand why Jack and some of the others on base couldn’t just admit they enjoyed paintball fights. He didn’t mention it because he was distracted by the chalkboard menu, which featured an impressive list of toppings and some signature creations.

“Wow, this is no ordinary pizza place.”

Jack grinned. “Nope. Thought you’d like it.”

After some consideration Daniel decided on a shrimp and crab pesto pizza with fresh mozzarella, which Jack duly ordered and paid for. When it came, Daniel moaned appreciatively.

“This is amazing.”

“I’m glad,” said Jack. “I thought you’d like it, but pizza isn’t usually the classiest date choice.”

Daniel delayed another bite. “I don’t need impressing with anything fancy. You know that.”

Jack shrugged uncomfortably. “Yeah, but for one thing, I like making you happy, and for another, I don’t want you to think I’m not trying, or taking you for granted just because we’ve known each other so long.”

That was just crazy. “I haven’t thought anything of the sort.”

“Okay. Good. Cause I’m not, you know. Taking you for granted. I’m honestly amazed we’re here.”

“I know,” said Daniel.

“You do? It was up to you.”

“Part of me thought you’d decide it was just easier to be with a woman.”

“Maybe, but you’re worth the effort.”

Daniel felt a smile grow to encompass his whole face. “I’m so glad.”

* * *

 

Jack walked Daniel back up to his apartment, because that was the gentlemanly thing to do. Then he debated with himself while Daniel fished out his keys. He wanted a kiss goodbye, and he didn’t think it would be a problem of the flashback-inspiring variety, but he wasn’t sure.

After a moment he decided to go for it. When Daniel turned around, apartment door now open, he said, “Daniel?”

“Yes?”

There was entirely too much space between them. Jack rectified the problem. He leaned in slowly, giving Daniel time to decline wordlessly. Only he didn’t. Instead he smiled and tilted his head just so to give a good kissing angle.

And so Jack put one hand on Daniel’s shoulder, mirrored the angle of Daniel’s face, and kissed him. It was a gentle, almost experimental, but no less heartfelt for that. Daniel’s lips were smooth and nimble as he carefully returned the kiss and put a hand on Jack’s waist.

It lasted a few beautiful seconds before they pulled apart, both of them smiling. Daniel spoke first. “I had a wonderful time today, Jack.”

“Me too. Talk soon?”

“Of course. Enjoy the rest of your weekend.”

“You too.”

Reluctantly, he turned and walked away. Jack knew he was grinning like a look as he left Daniel’s building, and he could not have cared less.

* * *

 

Daniel fully intended to suggest that he and Jack get together midweek. The plans had to change when some general from the Pentagon flew out to talk about the new strike teams and then SG-4 managed to get themselves captured by people whose language didn’t translate literally (according to Walter, there was a _Star Trek_ episode about this). So it was Friday evening before they got to see each other beyond passing, and at that Daniel barely got home before Jack arrived.

When he answered the door, Jack said, “Oh good, you got home. I take it you’ve added another linguistic miracle to your list?”

“I don’t know about that, but SG-4 is back.”

“Sounds like another linguistic miracle to me. Nicely done as usual.”

“Thanks.”

“Chinese okay?”

“I’m so hungry I’d eat the meatloaf on base.”

Jack’s eyebrows shot up in alarm. “Situation critical, then. No time to waste.”

Daniel grabbed glasses from his cupboard while Jack took out plates. “I didn’t have a chance to get _One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest_.”

“No problem. We can watch something you have, or just skip the movie. Saving SG-4’s assess had to take precedence.”

Jack was fidgety as he sat down to eat. Playing with lo mien wasn’t his usual style, so Daniel asked, “Something on your mind?”

After a moment of twirling his noodles, Jack sighed and said, “I suck at this.”

“At what, exactly?”

“Talking about feelings. Even when I try, I can’t find the right words and more often than not I screw it up.”

“This isn’t news to me, and I asked you out to dinner anyway.” Daniel didn’t expect Jack to change just because they were dating.

“I don’t want to screw us up.”

Daniel could understand that fear. “I think we’ve made it through enough that we’re in a good place now.”

“I’ve still got baggage from Iraq.”

He swallowed a bite of egg roll. “I know. That hasn’t scared me away.”

“What if it should have?” asked Jack.

“Should have why?”

Jack grimaced and stabbed a piece of beef. “What if it ruined me?”

“You’re not ruined, Jack. I enjoy your company and I’ve enjoyed your dates.” Belatedly, Daniel realized what Jack was hinting at. “Is this about sex?”

Jack nodded and finally ate his well-tenderized piece of beef.

“People manage healthy sex lives after assault all the time. Far too often, in that sexual assault is horrifically common, but that’s besides the point. You’re strong and determined. I’m sure that when you’re ready, we’ll be able to find fun things to do in bed.” And didn’t he have some ideas about that.

“I want to be enough for you,” said Jack at last.

Daniel would have preferred to have this conversation after dinner, but he was the one who asked what was on Jack’s mind. “Do you think I have some kind of list of sex acts that we absolutely have to perform?”

“I don’t know. I’ve never been anything but straight.”

“Yes you have. You weren’t acting on it, maybe, but you still were bisexual.”

Jack waved a fork in the air. “Fine. I’ve never been in anything but a straight relationship so I have no idea what I’m doing or supposed to be doing or whatever.”

“That’s the thing about sex with a man: it’s much more negotiated. With a woman what happens in bed is more or less assumed, and that’s not the case with a man.”

“That doesn’t mean you don’t have certain things you want.”

“All I want is for us to be able to have a good time together in bed.”

Jack looked dubious. “Seriously?”

“There are lots of ways two men can give each other orgasms.”

“Yeah, and most of them still freak me out.” Another piece of beef fell victim to Jack’s merciless stabbing.

“Not all of them, though?”

“No,” said Jack, staring at the beef he was poking. “I, uh, kinda like the idea of you naked as long as it’s only hands involved.”

“See, we can work with that.” And how. Daniel liked this suggestion very much.

“That’s the end of the list, Daniel. For now, maybe forever. I’m trying, but I can’t make any promises.”

“I’m not asking you to make any promises, and I’m certainly not asking you to do something you aren’t comfortable with. Ever. Also, if it makes you feel any better, I’ve never been that big on anal.”

“Really?”

“Really. There are plenty of bi and gay men who aren’t, much as popular conceptions say otherwise.”

“But doesn’t that make giving head more important?”

“Not necessarily. Our sex life can be whatever we want it to be, and I for one am not worried about it. We’ll figure it out as we go.”

“Huh.”

“For the record, I’d be perfectly happy to give oral without reciprocation in kind.”

“You would?”

“I enjoy it, so yes.”

“Huh,” Jack repeated, less worried at last.

“Just tell me what you’re ready for, and we’ll work out what we like. It’ll be fun.”

“I liked how we watched the movie last week,” said Jack.

“That makes two of us. I’m sure we can find something to watch tonight.” Daniel didn’t care what. He’d be perfectly happy to watch CSPAN if it meant he was curled up on the couch with Jack.

“There’s always _Wheel of Fortune_.”

This was the first time Jack expressed any interest in _Wheel of Fortune_ , so he had to feel the same way about curling up on the couch together, which made Daniel smile.


	25. Chapter 25

Unsurprisingly, Jack did not like Daniel being offworld without him. He’d figured this would be the case. Sure, Daniel was on a planet already scouted by SG-2, and the archaeology team had four Marines looking after them. Jack of all people knew how quickly something could go bad offworld, and Marines weren’t the same as Jack.

He was keeping himself busy, at least. While Daniel explored a _very_ dilapidated old pyramid, Jack worked with Teal’c and Major Young to finalize Strike Teams Alpha and Bravo, which now had the complete four members each and had begun team training exercises.

General Hammond had kindly updated Jack when the archaeological team made their daily check-ins, which was good for Jack’s sanity. Still, when he was at home without work to occupy his mind, he worried about Daniel.

He did not know how Sara managed to put up with his career all those years. At least Daniel wasn’t supposed to be heading into danger anymore, which was some small comfort. Not that much, but Jack would take what he could get.

* * *

 

Of late, O’Neill maintained ongoing Friday evening plans with Daniel Jackson to watch movies which had earned an inexplicably named Oscar award. Teal’c did not concern himself with the opinion of an award that failed to recognize _Star Wars_. Nevertheless, he was honored when, during Daniel Jackson’s absence, O’Neill invited him to spend Friday evening playing pool.

On the way to the pool hall he informed O’Neill, “Wednesday I will undergo a procedure to remove the symbol of Apophis.”

“That’s great.”

“Anise has been very helpful.”

O’Neill frowned. “You do realize her track record sucks, right?”

“Dr. Fraiser and Major Carter have also approved the method.” This failed to convince O’Neill, but it was not his decision to make. “The symbol is a tactical disadvantage, and I do not wish to be branded like your livestock.” He said this while arranging a bandana to cover the mark in question.

“Have you been watching cowboy movies?”

Teal’c had, though his movie viewing was immaterial. “My choice has been made.”

“I hope it goes well for you.”

O’Neill’s support was appreciated. “You will be among the first to know.”

“Are they gonna heal you up with a healing doohickey?”

“They did not use the term ‘doohickey,’ but yes.”

“It’s a perfectly good word.”

“The more delicate aspect of the procedure is removing the metal in a controlled manner.”

“That sounds delicate, alright. Should make going out easier, too, once it’s done.”

“Indeed. I look forward to it.”

“Does this have anything to do with leading your own team?” asked O’Neill as he pulled into the parking lot.

“No. I consulted with Dr. Fraiser about options for removal several months ago.”

“Oh. I guess it would suck to have a snake’s symbol on your head.”

“It is unpleasant. I have also discussed removing Rya’c’s symbol, a process that Dr. Fraiser assures me is much less complicated due to the lack of metal.” Drey’auc was less concerned with removing her own symbol, saying it was a part of her past that she accepted. Teal’c suspected she simply did not wish to travel to Earth.

“Visual confirmation that he’s growing up to be his own man,” said O’Neill. “I get it. I’ve heard tattoo removal hurts like hell, though.”

“Anise has developed a less painful alternative.” Not entirely without pain, and moreso for Teal’c’s procedure than his son’s. He was unconcerned. Ridding himself of the false god’s mark would be worth a considerable level of pain.

O’Neill observed, “She could probably make a fortune.”

“I doubt she wishes to go into business on Earth.”

“Maybe she’d let Uncle Sam have the patent? It’d help offset the expenses of the program that the bureaucrats like to bitch about.”

“Perhaps you can ask her.”

“Uh-uh. The less I have to deal with Anise, the better.”

“You are devoted to your grudges as ever, O’Neill.”

“I like consistency.”

“I doubt that is your primary motivation.”

“I don’t like sneaky snakes, whether they’re Tok’ra or Goa’uld. Ready to shoot some pool?”

“I am.” Teal’c did not understand why the word ‘shoot’ was used, as no shooting was actually involved in the game. Nevertheless, he enjoyed the activity and had progressed in his ability so that he sometimes was victorious.

It was always amusing to watch O’Neill sulk when he lost.

* * *

 

As far as Daniel was concerned, his first post-SG-1 mission was a success. Firstly, he got to train Miranda del Mar, SG-2’s new archaeologist. Zach Alderman, her predecessor, had found himself with custody of his sister’s two young orphaned children and Daniel admired the man’s insistence that he couldn’t be a single guardian while on SG-2. Miranda was a bright young mind who’d been ostracized in academia for her unusual take on religious roles in ancient Egypt, and having worked with her Daniel felt confident she was going to do very well at SGC.

They didn’t make any truly astonishing discoveries, but the hieroglyphs detailing how the people of M9Z-224 were taken from Earth were certainly interesting, and the entire expedition gave new insight into Nekhbet. They’d also found two bricks of refined naquadah, which pleased the military to no end.

He reported for his standard post-mission physical and found Jack sitting in the waiting area. “What’s wrong?”

“Oh, nobody’s hurt. I’m waiting to see how Teal’s tattoo removal goes. He decided not to waste any time as soon as Fraiser approved the procedure.”

No surprise there. Daniel suspected Apophis’s mark bothered Teal’c far more than he let on.

“How was the dig?” asked Jack. “Find anything cool?”

“No big honkin’ space guns, but two bricks of naquadah.”

“What about archaeology things?”

Daniel did a double-take. “You’re asking about archaeological details?”

“The layman’s version.” When Daniel didn’t reply, Jack elaborated, “Hey, this stuff matters to you.”

He found his voice again, touched that Jack cared. “Yes. Yes, it does. We got some very interesting new insights about Nekhbet, not to mention the story of being forcibly relocated.”

“Good. Glad you found something for your trouble.”

When Teal’c walked over, Daniel was still smiling from Jack’s inquiry.

“T, man, look at you!”

Teal’c’s forehead was free of the gold mark and he didn’t have so much as a scar. “I am very pleased with the results of the procedure,” he said.

“You won’t need your hat collection,” Jack noted.

Daniel said, “It couldn’t have gone better. You’ll be able to pass for a human when we go out now.”

“Yeah, until he tells a joke,” muttered Jack. “Still, looking good.”

Sam came out talking with Anise about containing liquid metal, a discussion Daniel wasn’t interested enough to follow. “We should go out to celebrate,” he said.

Jack looked at his watch. “It’s almost dinner time.”

“I regret that we must return,” said Anise.

Jack opened his mouth, undoubtedly to say nobody had invited her, so Daniel cut him off before he offended an ally. “Maybe next time.”

Thankfully, Jack managed to confine his remark to a very unconvincing, “Right. Next time.”

They had more fun celebrating Teal’c’s new freedom from Apophis’s mark without Anise, anyway.

* * *

 

Jack crossed his arms and gave Elaine one of his best intimidating glares. Unfortunately she was more or less immune. “I don’t want to talk about it,” he said, to underline the point.

The problem with his therapist was that she realized just fine, but she didn’t care. “This is an important part of your healing process.”

“It can be an important part of my healing process that I don’t talk about.”

“Not nearly as effectively.”

He tried glaring again.

“Talk, Jack.”

“You should work for the CIA,” he complained. “They’re always looking for good interrogators, or so I’m told.”

“Stop trying to distract me and tell me what it was like to masturbate to fantasies of Daniel.”

He’d had less miserable experiences being interrogated by hostile forces. “It was fine.”

“‘Fine’ is not a sufficient answer and you know it.”

Jack thought he’d have preferred a Goa’uld hand device about now.

Elaine sighed. “How about I ask you questions about the experience, and you can answer them?”

“Okay.” He was trying, honestly. Just, this sort of thing was _extremely_ personal and he didn’t think it was anyone’s business but his own, even though Elaine insisted it was hers while she was helping him.

“Were you able to fantasize about Daniel without guilt?”

“Yes.”

“What changed?”

“I wasn’t supposed to fantasize about him while he was my best friend and on my team. Now we’re seeing each other so it’s okay.”

 “Two sentences in a row. See, you can do this. Now, did you orgasm?”

“That’s -”

“Is my business, actually, so tell me, yes or no?”

He managed to mumble, “Yeah.”

“Good. That’s excellent, Jack.”

What would be excellent would be Elaine dropping this line of questioning. Naturally, Jack wasn’t that lucky. She pressed on. “What was it like? Give me some adjectives.”

“Guilt-free,” he said, because that was both true and easy to state.

“And?”

“Good.”

“That’s a very vague adjective.”

Hey, she asked for adjectives and he gave her two. That was complying. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“I want you to say how you felt.”

“I’m no good at that. We’ve talked about this.”

“Practice leads to improvement. Think of it as a muscle. I can’t just start lifting fifty-pound dumbbells, but that’s no excuse for not lifting the three pound weights.”

Jack wasn’t much for metaphors, but this one made sense. He thought for a second before trying. “Well, I didn’t freak out at the thought of him being hard.”

“Very good. Keep going.”

“I, uh, kinda like the idea of Daniel getting turned on by me.”

“As you should. What else?”

“Enjoying it was a nice payoff for all this torture you’re putting me through.”

“Healing isn’t a comfortable process. Sometimes it’s downright painful, but what’s on the other side makes it worthwhile. You’re doing well, even if you’re spending more time outside your comfort zone that you’d prefer.”

“I don’t think I’m ready to move beyond fantasy.”

“This isn’t a race. From what you’ve said Daniel sounds very supportive.”

“He is.” Amazingly so, in fact.

“What’s the difference between fantasy and reality?”

It was such a stupid question Jack didn’t know how to respond.

Elaine reworded it. “What makes fantasy Daniel safer than real Daniel?”

“Control.”

“Could you elaborate, please?”

“I get to control everything in a fantasy.”

“True. Have you spoken with Daniel about being allowed to set the pace and make decisions, at least when you first start to be sexually active together?”

“Not exactly. I think it’s implied.”

“You know what they say about assuming.”

“Yeah.” That probably meant another thing he’d have to talk about with Daniel.

“Talk to him about it.”

Yep, he’d seen that one coming a mile away.

* * *

 

“Is it alright if I ask you something about your therapy?” Daniel asked while the popcorn popped.

Jack didn’t look thrilled. To his credit he nodded anyway.

“Is there anything else I can do to support you?”

“You’ve been supporting me since the beginning,” said Jack, which from him really meant a lot.

“Well, yes, but that was as your friend. I’m asking as your boyfriend now.”

“Boyfriend?” Surprise was written all over Jack’s face.

“Is it too soon? That’s how I think of us.” They both knew this wasn’t a casual relationship, after all.

Jack leaned over and gave him a quick kiss. It was good to see him more comfortable with their physical affection. “It’s good. Just different. To answer your question, I’ll let you know if there is, okay?”

“Make sure you do,” he said, since Jack’s history of speaking up about personal needs wasn’t great. “I don’t want to make anything worse for you just because I don’t know.”

“Right now, slow is good.”

Daniel could do slow. Sure, he’d love to jump into bed with Jack, but there were more important considerations. Namely, Jack’s comfort.

“My therapist said I’m supposed to talk with you about having more control when we do start, y’know, fooling around.”

“I guessed that would make it easier for you.”

Jack looked relieved. “Good. I thought it was implied, but she got on my case about what happens when you assume.”

“I have no problem letting you call the shots until you’re more comfortable.”

“How long are we talking?” asked Jack, ever the practical, linear thinker.

“Not in terms of time, in terms of you being ready.”

“I don’t deserve you.”

“Don’t say that.” He grabbed Jack’s hand to give it a squeeze. “I wouldn’t be here if you weren’t worth it, Jack.”

That earned him a soft smile which conveyed everything Jack felt fare more effectively than words ever could.

* * *

 

Saturday afternoon Jack accompanied Daniel car shopping. Daniel wanted a car that was only two or three years old, with low mileage and the very subjective ‘easy driving experience.’ When Jack tried to get a definition for that he didn’t end up with much more than an automatic transmission.

Daniel was checking out a three-year-old Pontiac under the watchful eye of a car salesman who extolled its low mileage and single-owner status. Everything was fine until Daniel asked, “Why is the headrest damp?”

“Oh, the sunroof developed a minor leak. It’s due to be fixed later this afternoon,” said the salesman.

Sure it was. Jack shook his head. “You don’t want this one, Daniel. Damp means there’s a distinct possibility of mold.”

Daniel frowned and got out of the driver’s seat. “Let’s keep looking.”

The salesman wasn’t quite able to disguise his frustration. Jack gave the man his best “don’t fuck with me” smile and was gratified to see a slight but immediate droop in the salesman’s posture.

Who said car shopping wasn’t fun?


	26. Chapter 26

Sunday morning found them car shopping again. Jack was very helpful, notwithstanding entertaining himself by intimidating any overeager car salesmen.

Daniel was strongly considering a Honda with barely 15,000 miles in a nice shade of blue when the salesman’s phone rang. “Excuse me,” said the salesman, stepping away.

“You wanna get this checked out by your mechanic?” asked Jack.

As long as his mechanic approved, Daniel though he’d buy the car. At least, he did until he heard the salesman speaking Greek on the phone, which quickly changed his mind. He slammed down the trunk harder than necessary and shot back some Greek of his own. The salesman almost dropped his phone in shock.

“Uh, Daniel?” asked Jack.

“We’re leaving.”

“Right. Leaving.” Jack followed Daniel back to his car. “Mind telling me why? I’m guessing it had something to do with whatever language you were just speaking.”

“Greek.”

“He wasn’t giving a recommendation on where to get the best baklava, I take it.”

“No. He was making a hateful and bigoted comment.”

“What did he say?” asked Jack.

“You’re sure you want to know?”

Jack nodded.

“There was one adjective I didn’t catch, probably something colloquial, but the rest roughly translates to ‘I’m about to sell a car to a couple of queers. I know, it’s so disgusting I could almost throw up, but their money is as good as anyone else’s.’ To which I replied, ‘You’re not going to see a cent of my money, you hateful bastard.’”

“Oh,” said Jack. He was silent while Daniel pulled out of the dealership’s lot.

This was Jack’s first personal experience on the receiving end of homophobia and Daniel desperately hoped it didn’t freak him out too badly.

Jack looked toward the salesman as Daniel drove out of the dealership’s lot. “How do you say ‘go fuck yourself’ in Greek?”

Daniel headed back to Jack’s place because he didn’t feel like car shopping anymore. “He’s not worth the energy.”

Jack was quiet again. Finally Daniel could stand it no longer. “Say something, Jack.”

“The satisfaction would’ve been worth the energy.” He looked over at Daniel. “I’m not regretting us, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

Maybe just a little bit.

“Kinda wonder what made him think we’re more than friends, though.”

“He’s not the first.”

“What?” asked Jack.

“Remember that German restaurant we went to a few months ago for team dinner?” Sam picked the place because she’d heard the black forest cake was to die for.

“Yeah.”

“With the two college-aged German women sitting across the aisle from us?” Nieces of the owner, Daniel had gathered.

“Sure. Not understanding most of what they said brought home how I’ve lost what little German I once knew.”

“They thought we made a very handsome couple, but if we were on a double date, they didn’t see Sam and Teal’c working out.” They also suspected Jack would be a stallion in bed, but Daniel thought it best not to mention that detail yet.

“We didn’t do anything!” protested Jack.

“Some people are good at intuiting this sort of thing. Of course, some people also make baseless assumptions and happen to be right once in a while.”

“No kidding. Carter and Teal’c?”

“I know.” After a moment he added, “Let’s get ice cream.”

“You don’t have to feed me ice cream to heal my battered ego. Some asshole got offended that we’re together. I don’t care what he thinks.” Jack reached over and put a hand on Daniel’s knee. “Aunt Hannah was right about not wasting time, and you make me happy. That’s what matters.”

“You make me happy, too.”

“If she were still with us she’d be demanding to meet you.”

Jack didn’t get into what other family members might think of their relationship. It wasn’t time for that discussion, either, so Daniel replied, “I’d have liked that. And we’re still getting ice cream.”

“Not that place with the flavorless stuff.”

“No. I’m never going back there.”

All told, the incident hadn’t been that terrible. Jack seemed unaffected, and while he sometimes liked to act unaffected when he was anything but, Daniel was good at telling the difference. Besides, when Jack made up his mind about something he didn’t let people convince him otherwise.

“I could go for a sundae. Maybe caramel for a change.”

Yes, Jack was just fine.

* * *

 

Seeing Teal’c without his gold tattoo took a little getting used to. Jack did a couple of double-takes before he no longer felt something was missing. For his part, Teal’c was thrilled. You had to know him to tell how he felt, but that was par for the course with the big guy. He made subtly into an art form. If you knew what to look for – the twitch of his lower lip, the extra blinks, the slightly relaxed shoulders – it was clear that he was very, very happy without Apophis’s mark, and Jack couldn’t blame him.

“The team exercise was satisfactory,” reported Teal’c.

Jack missed the days when he was out in the field. On the other hand, his new job was better than sitting on home learning to whittle or whatever the hell it was people did when they retired. His first round of retirement hadn’t exactly been a resounding success, so he wasn’t an expert on the subject.

“You say satisfactory, but your tone doesn’t.”

Teal’c gave the quickest of nods. “We met the stated goals.”

Jack waited for the ‘however.’

“However, we did not function as a team. We functioned as individuals with a shared goal.”

Last time Jack checked, that was the exact definition of a team. Granted, he hadn’t checked since the Kennedy administration, but he doubted the meaning of team had changed much. “I don’t follow.”

“We did not operate as a unit.”

Oh. Now he got it. “You’ve only had one training exercise. You have to give it a little more time.” When T didn’t say anything, he said, “Let me guess, that’s not how it works for Jaffa.”

“You guessed correctly.”

“Right. But you’ve also said Jaffa warriors are supposed to suppress any personality on the job.”

“That is true.”

“So, when people are allowed to have personalities, it takes time. We didn’t magically gel overnight on SG-1.”

“I had anticipated that my team would ‘gel’ faster, as unlike SG-1 all involved are familiar with the stargate program.”

Ah-ha. He’d thought SG-1 was the outlier, not the norm. “Nope. Look, if your team has problems, we’ll make changes, but this isn’t a problem. It’s normal at this stage.”

“Shall we plan another training mission, then?”

“Yes. And go do something. Team dinner or whatever.”

“Lieutenant Jorgensen has indicated an interest in bowling.”

“Sure, if you’re into bowling, that’ll work.”

Teal’c nodded. “I am pleased that you reconsidered your idea to retire, O’Neill.”

Jack cracked a smile. “Me too.”

* * *

 

Sam had plans to meet Daniel for lunch, so she set aside her latest calculations when he came by her lab. The math wasn’t adding up anyway, so maybe a break would bring her some new insight.

“Ready?” asked Daniel.

“Yes.” She locked down her computer and stood to go. “Do you know what’s on the menu today?”

“No idea. Nyan recommends the bread pudding, though. Apparently it’s a new recipe.”

Sam took that under advisement. “How was your weekend?”

“Not bad. Jack’s helping me look for a car.”

“How much fun is he having intimidating salesmen?”

“Too much.”

“I figured.”

Once they were safely in the elevator she ventured to ask, “How’s Joseph? When do we get to meet him?”

“Soon, I hope.”

“That’s what you said last time.”

“He’s never been out before, so I don’t want to push.”

This only fueled her suspicion that Daniel’s boyfriend worked on base. After all, Daniel was like her: work was his life. “You did tell him we only want to meet him because we care about you, right? I mean, sure, the colonel will try to intimidate him, but don’t let that scare him.”

Daniel smiled slightly and raised his eyebrows. “I can handle Jack.”

An image of an official USAF document came to mind and in her mind’s eye she saw one line: _Colonel Jonathan Joseph O’Neill._

And somehow Sam knew. Maybe it was women’s intuition, which she’d never believed in but her mother had sworn by, or maybe it was all the little things she’d noticed without really understanding. In any case, a very brief seismic shift occurred and then everything fell into place.

“Oh my God,” she said. “It’s him. It’s been him all along.”

Daniel swallowed hard but his gaze never faltered. “I never wanted to lie to you. Everything was the truth, other than using his middle name.”

“I know. It’s fine. Really, Daniel, it’s fine.” He hadn’t really deceived her, after all, and she understood that he couldn’t tell her the whole truth without the colonel’s permission.

He looked relieved. “I hope you’ll tell him that in person.”

“I will.”

“He has a dispensation from the Air Force,” Daniel continued. “He was going to retire when they disbanded the team because he wanted to do this right. There was no us before he had permission.”

Sam wasn’t so sure about that. Not that she doubted Daniel, but emotional involvement could precede a relationship by quite a bit, and she suspected in this case it had.

“Hammond asked what it would take to get him to stay.”

“And he said an exemption?” Sam was impressed. That took guts. Not to mention that receiving the exemption spoke volumes about the colonel’s importance to the program.

Daniel nodded. “We’ve agreed to be discreet. It’s still new, but we’re serious.”

“I’m happy for you both.”

“Thanks, Sam.”

The elevator doors opened so she worded her next sentence very carefully. “The four of us should go out for dinner again soon.”

“Yes,” agreed Daniel with a smile. “We should.”

* * *

 

Jack spent the morning and first part of the afternoon designing new and innovative ways to keep the SFs on their toes. He’d just emailed his report to Hammond and was about to get lunch when Daniel walked into his office, closed the door, and sat down.

“Sam knows.”

“What?”

“She figured it out and she’s happy for us. I didn’t say anything, Jack.”

He took a moment to process this. He’d hoped to have more say in the conversation with Carter. On the other hand, this relieved him of a great deal of awkwardness, so in the end it probably worked out for the best.

“She’s really okay?”

“She’s been okay since she learned I have a boyfriend, and now she thinks the four of us should have dinner together.”

“I guess we need to clue Teal’c in, then.”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah. Surprised, but hey, that’s one less awkward conversation I have to have, and if Carter’s cool with it, then this was surprisingly painless.”

Daniel relaxed. “I know you wanted to wait, and I’m sorry.”

Jack shrugged. “Not your fault Carter picked now to get so perceptive.”

Besides, it actually felt kind of good. Daniel wanted Carter and Teal’c to know, and now Jack didn’t have to worry or feel bad that he was preventing something Daniel wanted. Sure, they still had to tell Teal’c, but Jack had never been as concerned about telling the big guy. Just one thing to check, though.

“We’re not telling them about the rest, right?” he asked.

“The rest? Oh, you mean… God, no, never.”

Good. He didn’t think Daniel would breathe a word of his demons, but it still felt good to hear that out loud.

“Okay. Let’s tell Teal’c and get this over with.”

On the way to Teal’c’s quarters Daniel made light conversation. “As a team leader, shouldn’t Teal’c be getting his own office?”

“Siler has a guy setting it up tomorrow.” After all, his quarters were his private space. “You should’ve seen the look on Teal’c’s face when asked about desk preferences.”

“I’m sorry I missed it.”

Jack was happy he’d been around to witness it. “I’ve never seen his eyebrows at quite that angle before.”

Teal’c answered his door when Daniel knocked. “Come in,” he invited. Once the door shut he looked at the expectantly.

“Daniel, you’re on.” Being here was enough for Jack’s discomfort. He’d let Daniel do the talking.

Daniel very simply said, “We want you to know that we’re in a romantic relationship.” Short and to the point, the way Teal’c appreciated. “It’s a recent development.”

This got them a nod and a genuine Jaffa smile. “I believe congratulations are in order.”

So T was fine, too. Jack had figured he would be, after hearing the big guy express disapproval over DADT limiting personal freedoms.

He finally found his voice to say, “Thanks.”

“Only you, Sam, and General Hammond know,” Daniel went on. “Hammond because Jack has an exemption from Air Force policy.”

“It is a dishonorable policy,” stated Teal’c with his usual firm conviction. “Those who claim to cherish freedom ought not allow for it to be infringed upon.”

Teal’c and Carter knew and were fine with the relationship, just like Daniel had promised. Suddenly, Jack felt a little bit lighter.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the long wait on this chapter. My publisher put out an anthology call and I prioritized that at the expense of this story. The good news is my submission was accepted! =D
> 
> Meanwhile, I'm over 60,000 words on this now. I'm trying to tie it up but Jack's baggage keeps getting in the way.

“Murray and Carter know about me and Daniel,” Jack told Elaine at the beginning of his appointment. “They’re happy for us.”

“That’s excellent. Last I knew you weren’t quite ready to come out to them, though.”

“Carter figured it out, which worked for me because I wasn’t even there so I just got to hear from Daniel that she knows and she’s cool with it. A win-win, really.” Jack liked when situations worked out so beautifully. He also liked skipping heart-to-heart talks when possible, since more often than not he screwed them up, so Carter figuring them out suited him.

“And Murray is happy for you as well?”

“Yep.”

Teal’c found a quiet moment to ‘suggest’ Jack ensure he didn’t cause damage to Daniel’s heart, but Jack could admit that, going by past experience, Teal’c’s caution wasn’t unwarranted.

“How do you feel about this?” asked Elaine. Of course. Jack had been expecting the question.

“Relieved.”

“Because?”

“Because they’re happy for us.” Jack thought that would be obvious. “And I don’t have to worry about them knowing being something that means a lot to Daniel that I wasn’t giving him.”

“How do you feel about not being able to choose when to disclose your relationship to your friends?”

“We did choose for Murray. Carter didn’t tell him, and she knows how to keep her mouth shut. It was fine, though. Like I said, saved me some stress.” Of all the things in Jack’s life that he could worry about, this wasn’t one. As his grandmother said, all’s well that ends well.

“It sounds like the whole situation worked out for the best, then.”

“Yeah. I like it when that happens.”

Elaine cracked a smile. “I believe we all can agree on that. Now, did you talk with Daniel about being able to have more control in terms of physical intimacy?”

Jack nodded. “He’d already figured out that I’d want that, and it’s not a problem. He’s…” words failed him, as they had an annoying habit of doing. “He’s amazing.”

“It sounds like he’s a very patient and supportive partner,” Elaine said.

“Oh yeah.” He collected his thoughts for a second before he could voice them. “I need to remember this.”

“Why do you say that?” she asked.

“When he needs something from me, he’ll deserve to have a great and supportive boyfriend.” The use of ‘boyfriend’ was still new to Jack. It’d been a couple decades since he was a boyfriend, not to mention he’d never had one.

Regardless, he was determined to be the very best boyfriend he could be. Daniel deserved no less.

* * *

 

Daniel was the proud owner of a new car. Well, new to him, anyway. It was a two-year-old Mitsubishi which was a pleasure to drive and had a sunroof. It was also notably quieter than his old car.

“Your mechanic is gonna miss your old car,” noted Jack as Daniel pulled into his parking spot.

“No doubt.” His old car had been a cash cow for his mechanic. “Thanks for helping me find this one.”

“Of course,” said Jack.

“Is there any particular reason you tried to intimidate the salesmen, or was that just you having fun?”

“How they react tells me a lot about them. A decent salesman knows he’s got nothing to worry about. A scummy one gets worried.”

Interesting. It made a certain amount of sense, though it wasn’t Daniel’s style. “I can see that.”

“Works like a charm,” Jack said.

“Want to come try this new root beer I found?”

“Sure. Can’t stay too long, though. I’ve got a haircut in thirty-five minutes.”

A few days prior Daniel had craved a root beer float, but the big brands of root beer didn’t cut it for him so he went looking for a tastier brand. Happily he’d found one and while he was now out of ice cream, the soda was good on its own as well.

He grabbed the bottle opener out of the drawer and popped open two bottles.

Jack approved. “This is way better than A&W.”

“That’s a low bar, but yes it is.”

“I might have to get some of this,” said Jack, inspecting the label. “Not too often, though. Gotta watch my junk food intake now that I’m not burning so many calories running for my life.”

“You got Janet’s talk, then.” The same talk inspired Daniel to quit slacking on his gym routine. He might not need to run for his life often anymore, but he did want to keep himself in decent shape nonetheless.

“You too? I thought it was only for the over forty crowd,” said Jack.

Forty was closer than Daniel liked to admit. “I think it’s her general ‘moving to a less active job’ speech.”

“She’s not wrong. I have no intention of letting myself go.” Jack sipped his root beer. “Especially when I have a hot younger boyfriend.”

That was the first time Daniel heard Jack use the word and he smiled. “I’m not worried, Jack. We’re going to get older and bodies change. This is more than that.”

“I know. Still no reason to get into bad habits. Speaking of food that isn’t good for you, I bet this makes a damn good root beer float.”

“It does. That’s why I bought it.”

Jack checked his watch. “Mind if I take the rest to go?”

“No.”

“Good. Then I have time for this.”

Before Daniel could ask what ‘this’ was, Jack stepped in for a kiss. Unlike their previous kisses, this one lingered. When he felt Jack’s tongue on his lips, Daniel barely had the presence of mind to set his root beer on the counter.

Evidently ‘this’ was making out, a plan with which Daniel was very much on board. He moved his arms around Jack’s waist around the same time Jack’s enveloped his shoulders. It wasn’t how he’d imagined their first time making out – his back pressed against his kitchen counter, their mouths tasting of root beer – but it was real and therefore couldn’t have been better.

His body responded predictably. Daniel did his best to ignore the burgeoning erection, because this wasn’t about sex (at least he was fairly certain it wasn’t). It was about closeness and Jack being comfortable with the physical nature of their relationship, and it was so, so good just as it was. It didn’t need to be anything more.

Of course, certain parts of his anatomy disagreed, so after a minute and a half - or maybe two, he couldn’t keep track of time and make out simultaneously – when Jack stepped back and said, “See you later, Daniel,” he muttered a hopefully coherent reply and, once the door was locked behind Jack, he sat down to masturbate.

* * *

 

Nobody was happier about Jack’s new assignment than his mom. Not having any idea what he did was of no consequence. As soon as the phrase ‘mostly a desk job’ left his lips, she was thrilled. Then, better still, he hadn’t missed even a single Sunday phone call since he took the new job.

In truth, it hadn’t always been the job keeping him from talking to her before. Most of the time, yes, but not every time. He’d also grown lax, taking for granted that his mom would always be there even though he knew damn well she wouldn’t. Now he was making more of an effort to keep in touch, which was considerably easier with his post-SG-1 schedule.

It hadn’t taken very long for her to realize another perk of the new position. “You have more regular hours now,” she said.

“Yep.”

“Maybe you can meet someone.”

He groaned. “Mom, I’m perfectly happy.”

Jack did not want to get into this. He didn’t want to tell his mom about the whole bisexual thing because he wasn’t sure how she’d handle it. It felt weird to hide Daniel, yes. It also felt weird to worry about his mom not being okay with his choices, because she always had been before. All of this was uncharted territory of the emotional kind, which was the worst kind.

So far he’d avoided dealing with the situation, but he suspected that wouldn’t work forever. Honestly, Daniel deserved better than to be hidden.

At least Carter and Teal’c knowing should buy him a little time on the telling his mom front, Jack hoped.

“Your job has taken over your entire life the last few years,” his mom said, as though he hadn’t noticed. “Now you should have time to go meet a nice woman.”

In all likelihood there were plenty of nice women in Colorado Springs. Jack didn’t care enough to find out because he was entirely, head-over-heels in love with Daniel. Which, come to think of it, he hadn’t said out loud since that fateful night months ago. Maybe he ought to say it again soon, since they were in a relationship and all.

“You remember Patti Kincaid? Her niece Jennifer lives in Denver-”

“Uh-uh. No matchmaking, Mom.”

“I don’t want you to be lonely.”

“I’m not lonely. Really.”

“Just be open to meeting someone, at least.”

“I’m open,” he said. Which wasn’t entirely true and made him feel like a crappy son for hiding how happy he was in his relationship.

Damn it, he was too old for this coming out emotional minefield shit.

* * *

 

Teal’c would not claim to understand how Tau’ri military bureaucracy worked, nor politics. More often than not he found both to be perplexing and needlessly convoluted, and he did not find it enlightening when Daniel Jackson remarked that most humans would agree with his assessment.

Since he did not fully comprehend the process, he relied on Major Carter’s explanation of O’Neill’s exemption from the military policy which dishonorably limited the freedom of its members to choose their sexual and romantic partners. According to her, it was both ‘a step in the right direction’ towards ending said policy, and an indication of how greatly O’Neill’s contributions to the stargate program were valued.

This interpretation pleased Teal’c. He found working with O’Neill to be productive, notwithstanding the man’s peculiar sense of humor, and was gratified that O’Neill would continue to be his commanding officer. No matter what the Tau’ri protocol entailed, Teal’c would struggle to work with a superior he could not respect. It was sometimes challenging enough to have any superior, even one he regarded as highly as O’Neill.

Aside from SGC matters, O’Neill and Daniel Jackson were well-matched and Teal’c was glad his friends had found happiness together. He had only one concern arising from the revelation of their relationship.

He did not know what to give them as a gift.

It was a custom on Chulak, when two people made a formal announcement of their relationship, to present them with a gift. Many couples would never marry, since the privileges of marriage were given only as Apophis saw fit to reward his Jaffa. Therefore, the announcement of a relationship served to formalize it.

He was aware, of course, that this was not the case for the Tau’ri, and yet the custom seemed appropriate because in any event, his friends would not be allowed to marry. Now he needed to find a gift. It had never been so difficult to choose on Chulak, or perhaps he’d grown used to leaving that decision to Drey’auc.

At least, since he no longer bore Apophis’s mark, he was able to spend as much time as required in the mall without his head overheating under a hat.

* * *

 

Teal’c asked to meet Jack and Daniel before they left the base that evening for reasons he wouldn’t divulge. Jack was very curious, but there was no use trying to get T to spill anything before he was good and ready. You’d have better luck trying to get blood from a stone, though why anyone would want that, Jack couldn’t begin to guess.

“Any idea what this is about?” he asked Daniel while they loitered in the parking lot.

“None.”

“Do you know why anybody would want to get blood from a stone?”

Daniel gave him a look of complete confusion.

“You know, like the sayings. You can’t get blood from a stone. It’s easier to get blood from a stone.”

“I’ve heard those,” Daniel said. “It’s an indication of impossibility.”

“But why would anyone bother in the first place? At least use something impossible that’s cool, like turning trash into gold, or flying.”

“Flying would’ve been useful on a few missions.”

“I wonder if we could get jet packs,” mused Jack.

“I think jet pack technology has safety issues.”

“Maybe I should talk to Carter.” Okay, he was indulging a childhood fantasy now, but jet packs _would_ be useful. Great for escaping from Jaffa, he’d think.

Teal’c’s approach led to him shelving the idea of jet packs for the time being. The big guy strode forward holding a large gift bag, which piqued Jack’s curiosity even further.

“O’Neill, Daniel Jackson.” He passed the gift bag to Daniel after making sure nobody else was around. “On Chulak it is customary to show one’s approval of a relationship with a gift.”

It wasn’t customary on Earth, of course, but Jack wouldn’t turn down a present. Besides, it was nice to know T approved. “Should we open it now?”

Teal’c nodded.

Daniel held the bag while Jack reached in and pulled out… an ice cream maker. As gifts went, not a bad one.

“We might have to try this tonight,” said Jack. “Thanks, T.”

Teal’c nodded slightly. “You are welcome.”

“Thank you, Teal’c. It’s very thoughtful.” Daniel looked at the ice cream maker. “I bet I can make a really strong coffee ice cream in this.”

“I must report for a training exercise,” Teal’c said. “Enjoy your ice cream.”

“Oh, we will,” Jack assured him. Turning to Daniel he said, “Coffee ice cream, huh? Does this mean it’s staying at your place?”

“You have a nicer kitchen. Besides, I’d been meaning to talk with you about moving Friday nights to your place. I’ve got new neighbors with loud and prying children.”

“Ah,” said Jack, “the joys of apartment living. You’re always welcome at my place.”

The conversation was cut short when a couple airmen came down to their row in the parking lot, but that was okay. They’d already covered the important part.


	28. Chapter 28

The galaxy was full of scientific wonders. Sam looked over MALP and UAV data, trying to determine which scientific wonder was best suited for her new team’s first mission and struggling with the choice.

“Good morning, Carter.”

She looked up to see Colonel O’Neill stroll into her lab, which more often than not meant he wanted something.

“Good morning, Colonel.”

He glanced at a whiteboard she’d covered with calculations before turning to her. “What are your thoughts on jetpacks?”

You could always count on the colonel to come up with the unexpected. Sam would miss that – would miss SG-1 in general – even though she was thrilled to have her own command.

“I can’t say I’ve given them much thought, sir.”

“I think they could come in handy around here.”

She considered the idea. “Maybe.”

He leaned against a table. “Why only maybe?”

“There are safety issues to consider with jetpacks. You’re strapping a small combustion engine on your body. Although…” she imagined a device, envisioning the schematics in her head. “It’s possible that a very small naquadah generator could power a jet pack.”

The colonel grinned. “I like it. It’d help the strike teams get in and out quick.”

“They’d also allow us to explore more site on any given planet,” she added.

“And they’d be cool.”

“Yes,” she said, returning his smile. “Providing they work, of course.” She was already considering how they might shield a miniature naquadah generator.

“I have confidence in you, Carter.”

“Thank you, sir.” She flipped over the whiteboard and started sketching out an idea for trinium shielding, reflecting that it was SGC’s good fortune the colonel was still around. “I’m glad you didn’t have to retire.”

“Me too, Carter. Me too.”

* * *

 

Daniel was happy to move their regular Friday nights to Jack’s house, away from his increasingly loud and noisy neighbors. His building used to be much quieter, and if things kept up at their current rate he’d consider moving, much as he hated the process. He’d hoped not to move until he and Jack eventually moved in together. They would, he knew. It was too soon at the moment, but the time would come. Meanwhile, he was going to enjoy the peace at Jack’s house and the privacy which he hoped to take full advantage of in the near future.

He showed up with _Kramer vs. Kramer_ and two generous slices of cheesecake from a bakery Janet recommended. Jack welcomed him with a gentle kiss and said, “Dinner’s ready whenever you are.”

“I’m hungry.”

“Let’s eat, then.”

“It smells delicious.”

“Smelled great when I walked in, too. Gotta love the Crock Pot. I put everything in before work and dinner’s ready when I get home.”

“What if you have to stay late?”

“It’s on a timer,” Jack explained. “It’d be a shame to lose a good roast, but it’s not like the place is in danger of burning down.”

Dinner turned out to be a beef roast with potatoes and carrots. Daniel was hungry enough to be pleased that the roast was generously sized. While Jack sliced it he took the opportunity to remark, “I didn’t think you were serious about the jetpacks.”

“Why not? They could be useful.”

“So you’re not spending taxpayer money on wish fulfillment?”

He was teasing. Much as Jack might want to, he wouldn’t seriously pursue jetpacks unless he thought doing so would be of value to the program.

“I bet if you polled taxpayers, a clear majority would be in favor of jetpacks.”

Jack was probably right about that.

* * *

 

It was beginning to dawn on Jack just how much he’d grown accustomed to having a relaxing Friday evening with Daniel. This day had involved a mind-numbing amount of paperwork related to the new strike teams, at the request of someone at the Pentagon with too much time on his hands, followed by a never-relaxing appointment with Elaine discussing how to view another guy’s erection (meaning Daniel’s) as something good instead of a threat, plus a few minutes at the end on the stressful topic of telling Mom he was in love with a man. He definitely needed the relaxing evening watching _Kramer vs. Kramer_ , even if he wasn’t entirely sure why this movie won an Oscar. 

He was on the end of his couch with Daniel leaning in, half lying on him. “If we’re gonna keep having Fridays here, I think I’ll get an extra-wide couch,” he said. His couch wasn’t made for two men cuddling.

“I like it here. It’s quieter.”

Naturally. Apartment buildings weren’t known for being oases of calm, whereas Jack chose everything in his house to be just that. “Extra-wide couch it is, then. Want to come look with me tomorrow?”

“Sure,” said Daniel.

Shopping for furniture together was probably some kind of relationship milestone, but to his own surprise Jack wasn’t feeling remotely freaked out by how quickly they’d gotten to it. They might not have been officially together for very long, but the relationship had been in the works for quite a while.

Besides, he wanted Daniel to like the new couch, too.

* * *

 

It felt weird to be offworld without Jack.

Daniel was thrilled to be working with the Royal Archivist of Saluni, otherwise known as M4Z-968, and together they were making good headway translating the kingdom’s oldest written documents, which happened to be in the form of woven tapestries. The written language was based on ancient Greek, with not inconsiderable linguistic drift, and though time and war the Salunians had lost the ability to read their aged tapestries. When they learned that SG-1 came from their mythical land of origin, they promptly requested assistance deciphering the tapestries. Daniel liked them for this.

His command of ancient Greek was quite good, because it was a useful language for an Egyptologist, and he got along wonderfully with the Royal Archivist, trading stories about their respective cultures on their breaks and working on the tapestries from opposite ends of linguistic knowledge. It was by all accounts a successful, productive, and satisfying mission, except that Daniel felt wrong not having Jack nearby. Which, considering how much of a pain Jack could be when he was bored by scholarly pursuits, was a bit of a surprise.

Truthfully, part of this was a security issue. No disrespect to Sergeant Galletti, who according to Jack was an experienced Marine with an excellent record, but Daniel didn’t feel quite as safe as he would have if it was Jack standing on alert a few yards away all day.

The rest, though, was just missing Jack and their established comradery offworld, even his odd attempts at archaeolinguistic humor. Yes, Daniel knew that they’d never be able to have both SG-1 and a romantic relationship, and he’d pick the romantic relationship every time, but that didn’t stop him from missing the shared gate travels with the man he loved.

_Oh_. Loved. Lying in bed on a moon several dozen light-years from Earth, Daniel realized with absolute certainty that he loved Jack O’Neill.

* * *

 

Jack scowled at the phone in his hotel room for the crime of being unable to connect him to Daniel. Bad enough that he was stuck in DC explaining to politicians why the stargate program was necessary despite its great expense. He hated DC and disliked politicians on principle.

Since Daniel was offworld translating tapestries (that was a new one), Jack had nobody to call and vent his frustrations to. Sure, Teal’c would listen, but he didn’t have the cultural background and it wasn’t the same.

Worse still, Daniel was offworld _without Jack_. And without Teal’c or Carter, which would’ve been the next best option. Jack didn’t like this. He knew he had to get used to it, and he knew Galletti was a great choice to look out for Daniel (he’d handpicked the sergeant for the task), but he didn’t like it and no amount of rationalizing could make him.

Giving the phone a final glare, he headed down to the front desk. He needed to relax after dealing with politicians all day, and if he couldn’t talk to Daniel it was time to ask where the nearest sports bar could be found.

* * *

 

By the time Daniel returned to SGC, went through the standard post-mission check in the infirmary, and outlined the key points of his mission report, it was almost one o’clock Saturday afternoon. He swung by the mess hall for a sandwich and decided it was time to see Jack. He considered calling, but opted instead for the surprise factor. After all, he hadn’t been expected back for another day. The translation had gone quickly once they figured out the main points of linguistic shift.

Jack’s truck was in his driveway. Perfect. Daniel parked beside it and walked to the door.

“Daniel!” Jack hugged him right there on the doorstep, where any of the neighbors could see if they cared to look. Then he hauled Daniel inside for a long kiss.

“I take it you missed me?” he teased when they eventually stopped making out.

“Of course. At least you got to do something you like. You know how much I hate going to DC.”

He doubted there was a person on base who _didn’t_ know how much Jack hated going to DC. “Yes. I still missed you.”

“Wanna go take advantage of the new couch?”

So Jack was in the mood for physical closeness. That sounded wonderful, as long as Daniel did one thing first. Looking straight at Jack, he said, “I love you.”

Jack hugged him so hard he could barely breathe. “So damned glad to hear that,” he said, still squeezing. “Love you too. I’m not always good at saying it, but you mean everything to me.”

He couldn’t wiggle out of the hug. “Jack, you need to let me go so I can kiss you.”

That did the trick, and they kissed deeply before settling in on the very comfortable new couch, Jack lying behind with his arm around Daniel.

“I know you’re an actions speak louder than words man,” he told Jack. “It doesn’t bother me.”

“I don’t want you to ever doubt how I feel about you.”

He didn’t foresee it being an issue, but since Jack was worried about it he suggested, “I’m not worried about it, but I can always let you know if it becomes a problem.”

“Good.” Jack kissed his shoulder. “How would you feel about staying the night?”

“That would be nice.”

“I mean sleeping in my bed.”

“Even better.” He was thrilled to take that step, especially after the way he’d been missing Jack while offworld.

“Just to sleep. And maybe make out.”

“I’m strongly in favor of the making out.”

Jack hesitated. “I still have nightmares sometimes.”

“That’s not scaring me away.”

The arm around him tightened. “Good.”

* * *

 

Life was good. Daniel loved him and was spending the night in his bed, so Jack was a happy man. Maybe he wasn’t quite ready for the exciting, non-sleeping bed activities, but he was really happy to have Daniel sleep in the same bed, which he figured was a lot of progress from where he’d started.

“Cuddling is good now, but I can’t sleep that way,” Daniel informed him.

“ _I_ can’t sleep that way.” Not with Daniel, at least. The man moved around in his sleep more than anyone else Jack had ever seen. “I’d end up covered in bruises.”

“Probably.”

Tentatively, Jack scooted closer and put his arm around Daniel’s shoulders. “This okay?”

“More than okay,” said Daniel, pushing himself against Jack’s body. “And I’m still strongly in favor of making out, if it’s on the table.”

Because he was an actions speak louder than words guy, Jack’s answer was to press his lips to Daniel’s and start the fun.


	29. Chapter 29

Both Colonel O’Neill and Major Carter looked pleased with themselves as they entered Hammond’s office for the meeting they’d requested. The general thought this ought to make for an interesting meeting, because things that intrigued both of those two were few and far between. At the very least it promised to be more interesting than the meeting he’d just finished, if only because it wasn’t possible to be duller than a budget meeting. Besides, Jack O’Neill wasn’t one to ask for a boring meeting.

“Sir,” they both said as they came in.

“Have a seat,” he offered. “What’s on your minds?”

It was Jack who answered. “Jetpacks, sir.”

Hammond would not have guessed that.

“I think they could be very handy around here,” continued the colonel. “The strike teams could get in and out faster, we could explore more area on any given planet, even drop them from a UAV for evac.”

“I can certainly see the potential,” agreed Hammond. Several occasions came to mind where dropping jet packs for evacuation would’ve been very useful.

Jack nodded at Carter, who picked up the conversation. “Colonel O’Neill asked me if it’s possible to make jetpacks safe enough for use, and I think we can do it. We can’t risk a traditional combustion engine. Even a glancing hit from a staff weapon and the wearer would be shot down or go up in flames.”

“Teal’c and I figured out the minimum safe flying height to avoid staff blast range,” added Jack. “Twenty-one meters.”

Carter slid a schematic across his desk. Hammond didn’t need a great deal of technical expertise to see that it was for a jetpack. “I propose we make a prototype powered by a small naquadah generator, which will be shielded with trinium,” she said.

Hammond considered the idea. Jetpacks could be useful, and there was really no way to know if the idea would work without a prototype. “Do you have time in your schedule for this, Major?”

She grinned. “Absolutely, sir. It will probably take several weeks, since we’ve never built such a small naquadah generator before and I’ll need to fine-tune it.”

“Alright. One prototype. Colonel, since this was your idea, I assume you’re willing to oversee the testing?”

“Yes sir,” came the very enthusiastic response. No doubt some of that oversight would involve Jack personally flying the prototype. “I’ll need Major Carter to help.”

“Naturally.”

Two very happy officers smiled at Hammond from across his desk. Meanwhile, he wondered if he could justify trying the prototype out himself.

* * *

 

“The jetpack prototype is a go.”

Daniel looked up from his lunch as Jack slid into the seat across from him. “I’m glad to hear it. Imagine how many more significant sites we’ll be able to visit with jetpacks.”

“Might be hard to get a local escort, though.”

He made a valid point, but Daniel would overcome that obstacle when he came to it. “We’ll make do.”

“Don’t we always?”

“More or less.”

They ate their cheeseburgers in silence for a moment. Daniel’s mind was still half occupied on the broken plaque he was piecing together and Jack no doubt had jetpacks on the brain.

“You should’ve seen the new airmen in the gym this morning,” Jack said. “Jaws actually dropped when they saw how much weight Teal’c was lifting with one arm.”

“And you just loved that, didn’t you?”

“I take my entertainment where I can find it.”

“You can always join the group of us going to Echo Plaza Theater tomorrow night.” Daniel made the offer in jest. Echo Plaza Theater played almost exclusively foreign films of the variety Jack hated. Only once had he gone along with Daniel to watch an Argentine drama, and that was to practice his Spanish. He refused to watch anything that required reading subtitles because he said if he wanted to read, he’d get a book, not a movie ticket. Even Daniel, who didn’t mind subtitles, had to agree Jack made a reasonable point there.

“It’s not a movie if you have to read subtitles.”

“You don’t have to read the subtitles tomorrow if you speak French.” The movie was about the scholars on Napoleon’s Egyptian expedition. It really wasn’t Jack’s kind of movie and Daniel knew it. He was going with others from his department who would actually enjoy the film.

“You have fun with that. If I can leave this place on time I might get a little fishing in. I want to try that pond Sinclair told me about. Oh yeah, I meant to ask, what do you think about peanut butter ice cream?”

Daniel couldn’t begin to guess the logic behind that conversational turn. “I think I haven’t had any in years. Why do you ask?”

“Wanna try making some this weekend?”

Oh. Jack was already looking forward to spending the weekend together. Daniel smiled. “Sounds good.”

Jack’s answering smile made Daniel feel very, very special.

* * *

 

Jack figured he must’ve said something wrong when he told Elaine about Daniel spending the night in his bed, because while she thought that was great and all, she took the conversation into weird territory about not avoiding triggers, which was shit. He was aiming for less panic attacks, not more.

Crossing his arms, he said, “You’re telling me not to avoid things that I know freak me out? I’m so not on board with this plan.”

“No, no, I said that later in your recovery you may need to embrace triggers as indicators of where you have more healing to do.”

Jack remained unconvinced and gave her an incredulous look so she knew it.

“In the present, I think it’s important that you not avoid things because you’re afraid they _might_ trigger you. That doesn’t mean you need to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. What I’m suggesting is that you don’t let fear of possible discomfort drive all of your decisions.”

She paused in the way that meant she was waiting for him to say something. He didn’t have much to say, so he remarked, “That sounds better.”

“As long as you and Daniel both know that you can change your mind at any time, I think it’s good for you to test your boundaries. Don’t let the fear take control before you even try.”

“Okay. That makes sense. If I’m always afraid, I’m giving that bastard more power over me.” And Jack was determined to move forward with his life. He was damned if he was going to let that Iraqi guard win.

“That’s one was to look at it, yes. If you wanted to keep making choices out of fear, you’d never have made the first appointment with me.”

“I tried that. It didn’t work out very well.” Understatement of the month, right there.

“Just allow yourself the space to try and decide you’re not ready. There’s nothing wrong with trying something and realizing you’re not comfortable with it just yet. The tragedy is in never trying at all because you fear the realization.”

He considered this for a few seconds. “Yeah, I see that. I’m not worried about Daniel. He’ll never push me to do something that’s freaking me out.”

“Good. Having a supportive partner makes this entire process much easier.”

“I’d hate to see harder,” muttered Jack. “It sucks enough as it is.”

Elaine just gave him a knowing smile.

* * *

 

“This couch was a great idea,” Daniel said as he and Jack settled in to watch _Gandhi_. He liked that it was wide enough for them to lay spooning while they watched TV or a movie.

“I think so.” Jack paused before hitting the play button. “Elaine and I talked about not being afraid to try something just because it might freak me out.”

Jack rarely discussed the details of his therapy sessions, though Daniel had noticed he brought up the subject more now that they were officially together.

“That sounds like a good idea,” he said.

“So, y’know, I might try some things and then change my mind.”

Jack fiddled with the remote, an indicator that he wasn’t entirely comfortable with the conversation. Of course, it was the rare emotional conversation where Jack was entirely comfortable. Daniel had recently figured out this discomfort arose from Jack’s fear of screwing up such conversations, since he sometimes struggled to put his emotions into words.

He reached for Jack’s hand. “You know I never want you to do anything that bothers you. I’m happy to try anything you’d like, and if it turns out to be moving too fast, we’ll revisit it again later. No pressure, Jack.”

“You say that, but I feel like you’re getting the short end of the stick here.”

Now Daniel wished they were face-to-face so he could see Jack. “I’m not. I get you. If I was so worried about sex, I’d have been going out joining the Colorado Springs hookup scene. You’ll note I never did.”

“No,” agreed Jack, still sounding guilty.

“I’d rather wait until we both enjoy sex.” Yes, Daniel wanted Jack sexually. Very much, but it had to be mutual. He loved Jack far too much for anything less. “What’s a little longer, in the grand scheme of things?”

“You know how you told me I have to stop saying I don’t deserve you?”

“Yes.” He most certainly remembered. Whether it was lingering guilt over the time when he’d lashed out because of his trauma, or feeling bad about the slow pace of their physical relationship, Jack needed to stop undervaluing himself.

“I still haven’t figured out what I did to deserve you, but I’m damned glad I did it.”

“You’re you.”

“I’m a lucky man, is what I am.” Jack kissed Daniel’s neck. “You staying tonight?”

“I brought a bag this time. It’s in my car.” If he had to sleep in pajama bottoms, which Jack seemed to prefer at the moment, at least he’d wear his own. They were more comfortable than the pair he’d borrowed from Jack the previous week. Late May was too warm to be sleeping in flannel.

“Good,” said Jack. “I hoped you’d say yes. Put on clean sheets and everything.”

“Don’t tell me you’re turning into an optimist.”

“I’m a Daniel-specific optimist. Very limited.”

Daniel laughed and gave Jack’s hand a squeeze.

* * *

 

Jack’s cousin Beth was a NICU nurse, a job he couldn’t do in a million years. She had a conference in Denver about new medical technology and suggested they meet up for dinner one night, an offer Jack happily accepted.

They were waiting for dessert when she said, “I thought of something earlier today, something Mom told me just before she passed.”

“Oh?”

“At the time I was too upset to think about it much, but now I’m wondering.”

Jack waited for her to get to the point.

“She said when you were ready to date, I should ask you about your love life.”

He hadn’t expected that. A message from Aunt Hannah, something she’d arranged before she died to let him know Beth would accept him being with another man. Aunt Hannah must’ve sounded Beth out for him. Feeling confident that his aunt wouldn’t let him down, he leaned in and asked quietly, “You wanna meet my boyfriend?”

“You have a boyfriend?” Beth managed not to squeal loudly enough that the entire restaurant heard, though it was close for a second. “Tell me everything. I’m not leaving Colorado until I meet him, by the way.”

Maybe this coming out thing wasn’t going to be so bad, after all.

* * *

 

“Hi Jack,” Daniel said, having seen his Caller ID. “Did you have a good dinner with your cousin?”

“Yep. She’s refusing to leave the state until she meets you.”

That was a surprise. “You told her about me?”

“Aunt Hannah apparently told her to ask about my love life when I started dating. She knew about you. Aunt Hannah, I mean. This was her way of telling me Beth would be happy for me. Just like her, cutting out my reason to put it off.”

Daniel’s insides warmed in a way he’d only read about and thus always thought was exaggerated. Not only had Jack told his cousin about their relationship, he’d told his aunt before they were even together.

He knew the bigger concern was Jack’s mother. Her opinion mattered more than anyone else among his living family members. Still, this was good. Excellent, even. “I’m free for dinner tomorrow,” he said.

“She doesn’t have a rental car. Up for driving to Denver with me?”

“Of course.”

“Great. I’ll let her know.”

“Jack?”

“Yeah?”

“You know you have nothing to prove, right?”

“I have everything to prove. If not to you, then to myself.”

Daniel hoped someday soon Jack would ease up on himself a little.

* * *

 

“Daniel?”

“Yes?”

Jack finally got out the sentence he’d worked on in his head. “If there’s something you need from me, you’ll tell me, right?”

“Yes. Why do you ask?”

He changed lanes so they got to Denver before 10 pm, when he expected the Buick in from of him might arrive. “Because I feel like you’re doing it all.”

Daniel’s eyebrows pinched in confusion. “All the giving?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Why do you say that?”

Jack had hoped he wouldn’t ask. “You’re always waiting for me. To tell people about us – I know you want to tell Fraiser and Cassandra – to have sex, to be comfortable with, well, everything.”

There. That had actually made sense.

“So, what? You think I’m some time bomb of frustration waiting to go off?”

Uh-oh. That was not a happy tone of voice. Jack regretted starting this conversation. He tried to explain, “I don’t want to be needy. I hate neediness.”

Daniel’s shoulders relaxed slightly. That was a good sign. “So this is about your own frustrations, then.”

“Maybe?” Jack hedged, because he wasn’t entirely sure and he didn’t want to give the wrong answer.

“Yes, I will tell you what I need. I need you to accept me just as I am, which you already do. Do you know nobody else has ever really done that?” He paused for a second, probably trying not to disrespect Sha’re. “I think it’s because you understand me, and you’re not trying to…” he trailed off. Yep, definitely not saying something he thought could come off as disrespectful to his late wife who, Jack knew from a tipsy confession, had always wanted him to spend less time in the cartouche room on Abydos.

He picked up a different thread. “I need you to let me in, and you have been. I need you to be there for me when life gives me something unpleasant, and to remind me once in a while that there’s more to life than work. If something else comes up, I’ll tell you.”

“Okay.”

“But there’s one more thing: I need you to believe this is real for me, that I love you, and that I’m happy with you.”

“I do,” said Jack, which was the truth. “I just feel like I’m starting out as a mess of a boyfriend.”

“Now we get to the real issue,” said Daniel. “What we have now is really good. Am I looking forward to more? Yes. Yes, I want to tell Janet and Cassie, who’re going to be thrilled for us, by the way. Yes, I want to have sex. But I can wait, because what we have right now is amazing and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.”

Jack felt better already. He really did hate feeling this… well, call a spade a spade, this fucked-up. It messed with his head. “Me neither.”

“Not even for an easy relationship with a woman?”

“No! I only want you.” After a second realization dawned. “I see what you did there.” Daniel thought Jack was worth the complications, the same way Jack felt about him.

“Get it now?”

“Message received loud and clear.”

Look at that. He’d managed to get through a conversation about emotions, and he actually felt better now. Maybe an old dog could learn new tricks after all.

“Good,” said Daniel. “For the record, if you weren’t driving, I’d kiss you right now.”

“If I wasn’t driving, I’d kiss you right back.”

“I’m going to consider that a rain check.”

“We should be parking in about fifteen minutes,” estimated Jack.

“I guess I can wait that long.”

“I might be able to shave off a minute or two.”

Daniel shook his head. “Oh no. Safety first.”

“Yeah. You’re right.”

“Sometimes I hate being right.”

* * *

 

Their conversation in the car, if oddly timed, had been important. Daniel hoped it would increase Jack’s self-confidence about their relationship.

In any case, he wasn’t a saint either. More than once Jack had to come fetch him from his office after he got lost in work and missed a lunch date. (He was trying to remember to set alarms, but sometimes forgot that too.) Work could consume him and, efforts notwithstanding, that would never really change. He was grumpy before his coffee in the morning, occasionally thrashed in his sleep, and had some deep fear of abandonment issues which would probably enter their relationship at some point. Essentially, he was a flawed human being just like everyone else.

He claimed his kiss once Jack parked the truck, and then an extra for good measure.

“Maybe some parts of this – us – are more complicated,” Jack said, “but mostly it just feels right.”

This from a man who claimed to be no good at saying anything romantic. True, Jack let his actions speak for him more often than not, but he had his moments.

“Ready to meet Beth?”

“Yes.” He was happy to meet Jack’s cousin, and also to eat dinner because he was very hungry.

After what looked like a second of consideration, Jack reached for Daniel’s hand before they walked towards the door. “Discreet means not in the Springs,” he said. “Not paranoid means we don’t worry when we’re not there.”

“That seems reasonable.”

“I thought so,” said Jack with clear relief. “There’s Beth by the door.”

He exchanged waves with a petite brunette with whom he shared no physical resemblance that Daniel could see. “You don’t look anything alike.”

“Nope. I look like an O’Neill. Beth got the Flannigan looks. She’s almost a carbon copy of Aunt Hannah, actually, except Aunt Hannah had blonde hair.”

The cousins hugged just outside the restaurant. “Daniel, this is my cousin Beth. Beth, this is Daniel.”

Beth hugged Daniel, to his surprise. Evidently hugging ran in Jack’s maternal family. “Pleasure to meet you,” he said.

“I’m so glad to meet you, Daniel.” She finally let go and suggested, “Let’s go sit down and chat. Jack tells me you met at work.”

“Yes. I’m a civilian consultant for the Air Force.”

Jack told the hostess, “Reservation for three. Jack O’Neill.”

“So you can’t tell me anything more than he does, I imagine,” said Beth.

“Sorry, no.”

She shrugged as they followed the hostess to a table. “I assumed as much, but it never hurts to ask. None of us believe he’s actually working on deep space radar telemetry, so you don’t need to pretend.”

Daniel had absolutely no good answer for that. Jack came to his rescue by saying, “What, you mean you can’t picture me staring at a computer screen with data every day? I don’t know why not.”

When Beth chuckled and rolled her eyes, Daniel decided he liked her.

* * *

 

It was great to see Beth and Daniel happily talking. Jack was glad they got along and Beth liked Daniel as his boyfriend, even if she did feel the need to share the time when Jack was seventeen and got his hands on a couple pot brownies.

“So we made him share, of course,” she explained to Daniel, “we being me and my brother Mike.”

“That was my problem,” Jack said. “Mike was eighteen, but Beth was only fifteen at the time and I got in a world of trouble for sharing a pot brownie with my younger cousin.”

“Dad grounded Mike and Jack’s parents grounded him. I got away with extra chores.”

“I had to do extra chores too. Mom made me do a lot of weeding that week. Said it was appropriate that I remove weeds.”

Daniel got a good laugh out of that.

“I also got a long lecture from Dad about responsibility. And now you know the story of my first and last pot brownies.”

“The punishment worked, then,” Daniel said.

“If by worked you mean I decided I wanted to fly and wasn’t going to let anything get in the way, yes.” Pot brownies weren’t worth the risk, though as it happened he knew a couple cadets at the Academy who felt differently. One was subsequently discharged for selling ‘relaxation brownies.’ All things considered, it was just as well for Jack that he’d been busted at seventeen when the stakes were lower.

“Jack wasn’t always getting me into trouble, though,” said Beth.

“Please,” interjected Jack. “I got in way more trouble over the pot brownies than you did. I wasn’t even in trouble for trying it myself, just for corrupting you.”

Beth ignored that. “He also rescued me when I was babysitting the twins from hell.”

Oh yeah, Jack remembered that. “They might have been actual demons.”

“I learned later that they had a reputation in the neighborhood,” said Beth. “They liked to scare babysitters. Little psychos deliberately smashed glass hoping to draw blood.”

“I thought I was gonna have to sit on one of ‘em to keep him on the couch.” He hadn’t, but it’d be close. He managed to intimidate the demons into sitting with books until their parents came home while Beth cleaned up the glass and cuts.

“Jack taught me self-defense,” said Daniel, apparently deciding it was his turn to share a story. “And how to fire guns, though I prefer to avoid that whenever possible.”

“Mmm-hmm. I’m sure deep space radar telemetry is very dangerous like that,” Beth said with a wink.

This time Daniel was prepared for her comment and deadpanned, “You have no idea.”

Yep, the two of them were getting along just great. Jack grinned and reached for the dessert menu.


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: I cried while writing the first scene in this chapter. 
> 
> Thirty chapters and I'm not even done. I swear this fic will end someday.

One mistake changed Jack’s life forever.

One lapse in judgment. _Where’s the damn safe key? Sara’s gonna start rearranging the furniture without me and last time she almost broke the TV. I don’t know what’s wrong with the living room as it is, anyway. Who care what Joy McMillan thinks? If she doesn’t like our living room she doesn’t have to come over for dinner. Oh, hell, there Sara goes… I’ll just leave the gun, Charlie’s old enough to know better. I’ve taught him well, and I’ll come lock it up after. “I’m coming, I’m coming. Don’t drop the TV!”_

Jack had accepted, in theory, that one mistake – one utterly soul-destroying, world-shattering mistake – didn’t mean that he no longer deserved any happiness. He’d even let Elaine make him talk about it a few months earlier.

He was not quite at the point where he could let himself have the comfort of Daniel’s presence on the anniversary of Charlie’s death. So he had some tendencies to punish himself. It wasn’t like he didn’t deserve it.

He rubbed the scar on his right pinkie. He got that when he bashed the TV to smithereens with a baseball bat the day after Charlie died, when he realized he’d prioritized his son’s life over a fucking television.

Intellectually, he knew that his life was more than one mistake, and he’d learned that it was even okay for him to be happy, but he’d never forgive himself. Never.

Somewhere along the line, Jack had reached the conclusion that if it turned out there was some kind of afterlife (which he kind of doubted, but admittedly liked the idea of if it meant he’d get to see Charlie again), and if it was actually possible for people up there to look down (which he doubted even more but his mom swore by), then he didn’t want Charlie to look down and see his dad turn into a useless, self-loathing drunk. And yeah, maybe Charlie would actually want to see him happy. Daniel and the SGC had helped a lot there in the beginning, giving Jack the push he needed.

One of the great things about Daniel was that he planned for a quiet Sunday in his apartment, knowing Jack would want to be alone. He knew that Jack’s desire for solitude wasn’t a reflection on him or their relationship.

Jack’s routine was the same every year – well, minus the getting blind drunk part of the first two years. As soon as the cemetery opened he went to Charlie’s grave and opened a pack of baseball cards, then headed to fish at Charlie’s favorite fishing spot, the one Jack still couldn’t bring himself to visit any other time. He felt closer to his kid there than the cemetery.

“Saved the world again a few times,” he said, even though he knew talking to his dead son was ridiculous. “Been doing a lot of personal growth stuff, and it’s harder than saving the world. Still trying to make you proud, kiddo.”

He was glad when it started to rain because his tears blended right in.

* * *

 

Monday morning Daniel stopped by Jack’s office. “I have a question about the new requisition forms,” he said, even though they both knew it was a thinly-veiled excuse for him to check in on Jack.

“And you know how much I love bureaucratic requirements,” said Jack. “So obviously I’m the best person to ask. Come on in.”

Jack looked alright. A bit tired, perhaps, but not remotely hungover, which was good. Daniel couldn’t imagine what Jack went through losing his son. He knew it almost destroyed Jack, but somehow he’d managed to get through the tragedy and eventually let himself be happy. Daniel couldn’t think of anyone who deserved happiness more.

Interestingly, Jack had said the same thing about Daniel when Daniel had remarked that _he_ didn’t deserve happiness, since it was him unburying the gate which led to Sha’re’s death. It was always easier to forgive other people’s mistakes than one’s own. (Although in Daniel’s case, the final blame for Sha’re’s fate rested with Apophis, whereas Jack wouldn’t hear of anyone else bearing responsibility for Charlie’s death. Certainly not Charlie, even though Jack admitted he’d thought Charlie knew better than to play with his gun.)

“Now we have the 76-A and the 76-B,” he said, since they were ostensibly discussing requisition forms. “There’s one line of difference.”

“Yep. Didn’t you get the memo?”

“Yes, I got the memo. It didn’t explain why one slightly different line requires an additional form.”

Jack had an answer for that, if not one of which the military bureaucracy would approve. “Because once a department gets a budget, they have to justify it.”

“Our tax dollars at work. It’s not like we have anything better to do with the money. Our infrastructure is flawless, nobody is hungry or homeless, we finally built that long-term nuclear waste storage facility we’ve needed for decades…”

“Hey,” interrupted Jack, “I get it. This wasn’t my idea, so don’t blame the messenger. Write to our congressman.”

“I’ve already written him three times.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“I’ve never written him. I don’t think he’s has clearance to know about the stargate program, so I can’t ask him to tell his colleagues they have to stop whining that saving the entire planet is expensive.”

“He’d just ask where you think the money should come from.”

“Since we’re talking about the entire planet, I’m not picky. Off the top of my head, corporate tax loopholes. Maybe cut the budget of people who have time to redesign perfectly functional forms.”

“I’d vote for that,” said Daniel. “See you at lunch? I set my alarm.”

“Happy paperworking.”

Yes, if Jack was inventing words, he was really feeling okay. Never the same as before – Daniel understood that all too well – and maybe his smile was a touch forced, but he was moving forward.

It was too bad Daniel couldn’t hug him on base.

* * *

 

Teal’c did not care for salmon. He would, of course, eat it without complaint if necessary, but due to the generous Tau’rui attitudes about food preferences he rarely needed to. He made a habit of selecting the vegetarian option when the mess hall served salmon. This particular day the vegetarian option was a stuffed green pepper which, if not a particularly desirable meal, promised to be more palatable than salmon.

O’Neill and Daniel Jackson were both eating salmon. The former rarely chose vegetarian meals, with the notable exception of days when his other option was meatloaf. Meatloaf was not a popular dish at SGC, though Lieutenant Kaufman insisted it could be very good when cooked ‘by someone who knows what they’re doing.’ Teal’c would have thought the mess hall crew would fall into the category of individuals who knew what they were doing in terms of food preparation, but many SGC personnel did not find that to be the case.

Daniel Jackson waved him over, and Teal’c was happy to join them. He was gratified to use his knowledge against the Goa’uld on the new strike team, but he would miss his friends on SG-1.

“I hear your first mission is tomorrow,” said Daniel Jackson.

“Yes. It is a joint mission with Strike Team Bravo to disrupt one of Qebui’s naquadah mines.”

“Qebui,” repeated Daniel Jackson. “We haven’t run into him yet.”

“No. He is a minor Goa’uld who never achieved the rank of System Lord.”

“That’s probably why Egyptians considered him the god of the north wind.”

“North wind? That’s it?” asked O’Neill. “Doesn’t sound very intimidating to me.”

“He serves Ba’al,” Teal’c informed Daniel Jackson. O’Neill was already aware. “The Tok’ra believe that Ba’al is presently relying on Qebui’s naquadah mines after losing several of his own to Yu.”

Daniel Jackson nodded and ate more salmon. Teal’c decided it was an opportune moment to ask a question about the general reaction to news that Major Carter was attempting to create a personal non-winged flying device.

“I am curious,” he said, “as to why the prospect of ‘jetpacks’ had excited base personnel more than numerous other, arguably more advanced technologies.”

“That’s because we’ve been waiting decades for them,” said O’Neill. “It was a thing back in, oh, let’s say the fifties. When people talked about the future it always included jetpacks.”

“I thought you did not enjoy science fiction.”

“This wasn’t sci-fi. It was how the future was supposed to be. We waited and waited, and no jetpacks. Well, no jetpacks we could buy and use. People have made them.”

It was clear that O’Neill felt personally offended over his inability to acquire and utilize a personal jetpack. If others felt similarly, it would explain many reactions on base.

“You already complain about people driving in two dimensions,” remarked Daniel Jackson. “Do you really want to add a third?”

“You’re not supposed to introduce logic to childhood dreams,” replied O’Neill.

“Jetpacks are a childhood dream? Like the Tooth Fairy?” Teal’c had recently learned about the Tooth Fairy and concluded it was the most bizarre legend the Tau’ri had invented, no small feat from people who led their children to believe an omniscient man with flying reindeer delivered gifts via chimney. He still didn’t know why any child would believe a deity wished to collect discarded teeth, nor why parents would deliberately lie to their offspring about the existence of such deities.

O’Neill shook his head. “Not the same. You’re confusing something we thought we’d get with, uh, imaginary… help me out here, Daniel.”

“Mythical supernatural beings.”

“Right. What he said.”

Teal’c wondered if this was an example of what Major Carter considered ‘already acting like an old married couple.’

* * *

 

“How was your week?” asked Elaine.

“I stuck to my two-beer limit Sunday,” Jack reported. “Can’t say I wasn’t tempted to drink myself into forgetting for a while.”

“But you didn’t, and that’s excellent. I know you’re here to work on resolving the sexual trauma, but it’s important for your overall wellbeing that you learn healthy coping mechanisms.”

Yeah. Turned out poor coping mechanisms almost cost him Daniel in his life on any level, so Jack had learned _that_ lesson. “I guess I’m making progress.”

“You are. You’ve come a long way.”

“Doesn’t always feel like it.”

“Why do you say that?”

He stated the obvious. “Mainly on account of the sex we’re not having.”

“Have you tried fantasizing about that?”

Oh, no. This again. “Yes.”

“And?”

“It went well.”

“How well?”

“Sometimes it’s hard to believe I pay you for this,” he complained.

“Answer the question, Jack.”

“Really, really well. Happy ending well. Can we talk about something else now?”

“No. What did this fantasy involve?”

If he had to answer her question, he’d do it in as few words as possible. “Me, Daniel, no clothes, hands, dicks, and orgasms.”

“You do realize you don’t need to treat the details of your fantasies like national secrets.”

“If I talked about national secrets like I just talked about my fantasy, they’d throw my ass in Leavenworth before I made it home,” he countered.

Elaine raised an eyebrow but moved on, which counted as a victory in Jack’s book. “Have you discussed fantasies, or at least preferred real-life scenarios, with Daniel?”

“No.”

“You should. It might help if you talked about what you’d like before you do it, and I don’t mean thirty seconds before. You might feel more comfortable in the moment if the two of you have already had that conversation, so when the time is right you can go for it.”

Jack thought going for it sounded pretty damn good. Maybe he was closer to ready than he thought.

* * *

 

Daniel really enjoyed waking up in Jack’s bed on Saturday mornings. So much so, in fact, that in a very short time it had become one of his favorite things.

Jack woke up first, so Daniel usually woke up to find Jack either watching him sleep while smiling contentedly, or reading by the light coming in around the curtain. He’d invariably gotten up and brushed his teeth already, and he’d sidle up so he was spooned around Daniel. They didn’t really talk at this point.

After a minute or two, Daniel would get up, use the bathroom, brush his teeth, and return to bed. They’d kiss and cuddle more. Jack was, after all, a very physical person, so it came as no surprise that physical affection mattered a great deal to him. For his part, Daniel wasn’t used to that much touch, but had learned that with Jack it felt good. It most often seemed right, and if once in a while he needed a bit of space, Jack always respected that.  

The routine continued this morning. They made out lightly for a moment when Daniel returned to bed, and when they stopped, Jack finally said, “Good morning.”

“Morning.”

“I was thinking. We’re gonna have our summer leave in a couple months.”

“Yes.”

“What do you think about spending some of the time wherever you want, and then some at the cabin to decompress before we head back to the mountain?”

“You want to spend our vacation together?”

“Yes.” Now Jack looked nervous. “Too soon?”

“No. Not at all.”

“Good.” Jack’s body relaxed as he pulled Daniel up against him. “You don’t have to fish at the cabin if you don’t want to. It’s a nice place. Peaceful. I figure if you don’t want to fish you can bring a stack of books to catch up on.”

“I’ve never fished.”

“Never?”

“No.”

“I’ll get you a license,” Jack decided. “That way you can give it a try. If you don’t like it, you’ll have plenty of time to read without interruptions.”

“Do you have any preferences for where we go first?”

“Nah, that’s your choice.”

Daniel appreciated the effort Jack was making, as he’d probably prefer to spend all his leave at his cabin. “What do you think about Austria?”

“Biggest share of the blame in starting World War One.”

And Jack said Daniel’s brain was unpredictable. Pot, meet kettle.

“I meant for vacation. I’ve never been to central Europe.” It’d be a chance to see cultures on his own planet with which he wasn’t familiar, and practice his German while he was at it.

“Sure. But if we go to the Alps, I’m not yodeling.”

“That’s fine. I’m not particularly interested in yodeling myself. It’s an interesting cultural tradition, of course, but I don’t feel the need to try it myself.”

“Okay. I assume you’ll come up with things to see and do.”

“Yes. You should look into the country, too.” Surely Jack could find some things of interest in an entire country.

“I’ll put it on my to-do list.” Jack kissed the side of Daniel’s forehead. “Not really worried about what we do, though. I just want to spend the time with you.”

“That sounds really good.” He gave Jack a squeeze. “And I’m looking forward to seeing your cabin, since I know how much you love it.”

“It’s a great place, nice and low-tech.”

“This seems like a good time to ask if you have electricity and running water.”

“I do. Some technological advancements are too good to give up. No internet or computer, though. That would ruin my oasis of escape.”

“My books will fit right in with the low-tech atmosphere.”

“Yep.”

Daniel’s stomach rumbled. “Wanna make breakfast?” Jack asked. “I could go for French toast.”

“French toast sounds good. It does mean we have to move, unfortunately.”

“True. No rule against post-breakfast cuddling, though.”

Yes, Daniel’s Saturday mornings had improved drastically now that he woke up at Jack’s.


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm excited to announce that I have a new novella out. It's an M/M fantasy called _The Dragon Keeper_ and you can find it at the special release price of 25% off [from my publisher](http://www.evernightpublishing.com/the-dragon-keeper-by-jessie-pinkham/), or [buy on Amazon](https://www.amazon.com/Dragon-Keeper-Romance-Go-Book-ebook/dp/B075XNKJQJ/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8). 
> 
>  
> 
> Now on with the story. Thanks for reading.

Another Friday, another appointment with Elaine. Jack wasn’t at all surprised when she asked, “Have you spoken with Daniel about what your initial sexual encounters might look like?”

“Yes,” he said, and waited for the follow-up.

“How do you feel that conversation went?”

“Not bad. He said I can do whatever I want, and he’ll follow my lead. No pressure.”

“You sound like you’re less bothered by the idea of having sex with him than you used to be.”

“I am. About damn time, too.”

She gave him her ‘you know what I’m about to say’ look. “We’ve discussed this, Jack. You suffered a very real trauma, repeatedly, and didn’t address it for years. You can’t magically make that go away instantly.”

“I know.” Didn’t he ever. “It’d be nice if we could.”

“Unfortunately, the way our brains process traumatic events makes that highly unlikely.”

Right. They’d talked about that too. Because he hadn’t dealt with what happened in Iraq, his brain kind of froze those memories, like it didn’t realize that Iraq was in the past. His brain was finally starting to get the message, at least.

“I think my brain’s catching up to the present,” he told Elaine.

“Why do you say that?”

“Our making out has been getting more intense. Wednesday I felt Daniel’s hard-on and it didn’t freak me out.”

“That’s excellent. Did you experience any positive reaction to it, or ambivalence?”

“I thought it was hot.” He very much liked that Daniel was turned on by making out with him, for one thing. It’d been a _really_ good midweek date.

“You’ve come a long way, and I think it’s important you give yourself credit for the work you’ve been doing. I know it hasn’t been easy.”

It sure as hell hadn’t been easy, but Jack was starting to see that the payoff was more than worth it.

* * *

 

“I’ve decided we should tell Fraiser and Cassandra, and I’ll tell my mom,” Jack announced over dinner.

Daniel was surprised by this change of attitude. “Just like that?”

“I’ve decided to take the ripping off the Band-Aid approach.” He pointed at Daniel with his fork. “You’re in charge of Fraiser and Cassandra.”

“I can tell Janet I want her and Cassie to come to dinner and meet my boyfriend,” he said, more thinking out loud than speaking to Jack.

“That’d work.”

“They’re going to be happy for us. Janet is on the record calling Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell ‘a reflection of unfounded prejudice rather than anything resembling the truth about sexual minorities.’”

“That’s promising. Not so sure about Mom.” Jack stabbed his kung pao chicken, frowning. “Still, better to know and deal with whatever happens.”

“I don’t want you to feel that you have to come out before you’re ready on my account.”

“No. It’s not you. Mostly it’s me being tired of dodging her questions about my dating life, or presumed lack thereof. I’m too old for this lying and hiding shit.”

“I’d think you’d be used to it, what with your career.”

“That’s entirely different,” said Jack. “Work questions are off-limits, that’s not hard. This is the rest of my life. You know, the part I’m supposed to be able to talk about. And there’s only so long I can keep deflecting Mom’s questions.”

Daniel fervently hoped Mrs. O’Neill would accept their relationship, for Jack’s sake.

“Anyway,” continued Jack, “I don’t like treating you like you’re a dirty secret. On base is one thing, but I’m proud to be with you. If Mom can’t deal with it… us… me, it’ll suck, but it’ll be on her.”

“You know I’m proud to be with you too.” Even more so after Jack’s little speech. “Do you have any plans in mind?”

“I was thinking we could fly up in a couple weeks. Get a Friday night plane to Chicago and a hotel for two nights. I’ll go over and talk with Mom Saturday morning and if she takes it well, I’ll introduce you. If not, there’ve gotta be some museums I could let you drag me around. Maybe have dinner with Beth and her husband. Fly back Sunday afternoon.”

“There are definitely museums, but I’m hoping we’ll be busy.” It was touching, nevertheless, that Jack would go so far as to suggest museums.

“Me too,” said Jack. “Here’s hoping.”

* * *

 

“The Academy sure loves to give the Best Picture to downers,” Jack observed as the end credits of _Amadeus_ started rolling.

“On the plus side, it wasn’t a musical,” said Daniel, never one to pass up a chance to play devil’s advocate.

“That’s true. It could’ve been worse.”

It hadn’t been a terrible movie, but Jack wouldn’t call it great either. Hadn’t _This Is Spinal Tap_ come out in ’84? That was a good movie. Dumb, but funny.

Also, how the hell was 1984 eighteen years ago now? Time flew when you were saving the world.

Daniel stretched his arms and remarked, “You’ll probably like the next one even less.”

“Dare I ask why?”

“It’s _Out of Africa_.”

“Not ringing any bells.”

“A semi auto-biographical romance.”

“I didn’t think chick flicks usually won Oscars.”

“It’s not a traditional chick flick from what I saw,” said Daniel, “though in all honesty it’s not one I’m especially excited to watch either.”

“I better get good snacks.” If he had to watch a chick flick, traditional or not, Jack wanted plenty of good snacks to make the experience more enjoyable.

Daniel sat up. “Are you okay with my idea of inviting Janet and Cassie out to dinner to meet my boyfriend?”

“Sure.”

“I’ll see if they can make next weekend.”

“Sounds good.” Once Jack made the decision, he’d rather get it done as soon as possible.

He yawned, because it’d been a long week. “In the meantime, I think I’m gonna be ready for bed sooner as opposed to later.” Besides, he wanted to leave some kissing time before actually sleeping. He really liked having Daniel in his bed to kiss before sleep, and also to cuddle with when they woke up. Asking Daniel to stay Friday nights had been one of Jack’s better ideas.

“Okay,” said Daniel. “Can we make pancakes tomorrow morning? I haven’t had pancakes in forever.”

“We can definitely make pancakes.”

Jack stood, debating with himself. It seemed kind of silly that they were wearing long pajama bottoms to bed in June. Hell, he didn’t even wear them to bed in winter, though he’d lounge around in them occasionally. Finally he decided they could always put them back on if it bothered him.

“Kinda warm for the pajama bottoms, don’t you think?” he said. Usually he slept in boxers and a t-shirt, unless it was too hot for a shirt.

When Daniel answered, “I’m fine either way,” they both knew he wasn’t talking about the temperature.

* * *

 

It had been a big weekend. First Jack decided he wanted to come out to Janet, Cassie, and his mom, and then they slept without the added barrier of pajama bottoms. Sure, Jack may have covered some initial unease by joking that boxer briefs were for the unwilling to commit, and since when was Daniel unwilling to commit, but it was still a step in the right direction.

Hopefully they were moving towards having sex soon. Daniel didn’t want to rush Jack into something he was ready for, and he’d wait. All the same, he had his own needs and desires, and tending to them himself was starting to get old.

Janet was in the infirmary and, as luck would have it, not with a patient. “Daniel,” she said. “You’re not hurt, are you?”

“No. I came to talk with you.”

“I’m happy to see you come into my infirmary uninjured. It’s a pleasant change of pace.”

There wasn’t anyone nearby, but Daniel kept his voice low all the same. “I came to see if you and Cassie would like to meet my boyfriend this weekend.”

“You have a…” Janet lowered her voice as a nurse walked into sight. “Of course I would! How long has this been going on? It’s serious?”

“Long enough to be serious, yes.”

“What’s his name?” When Daniel didn’t answer, she said, “If you’d rather have this conversation off base, I understand.”

Actually, he just didn’t feel like lying, but her interpretation worked. “Does Saturday work? I thought we could meet for dinner.”

“Yes. I’ll make sure Cassie doesn’t make any plans, but I’m sure she’ll want to be there.”

Probably. It was always hard to be sure with teenagers. Still, Daniel and Cassie had bonded early on over losing their parents young and Cassie looked up to him. He loved her in a way he thought best correlated to a niece, though not having any comparisons this was only a guess.

“Olive Garden?” he suggested. In his opinion there were better Italian restaurants, but Cassie loved Olive Garden. Jack, of course, would eat anything.

“She’ll definitely want to be there,” confirmed Janet. “I’m looking forward to it.”

He hoped she wouldn’t feel tricked when she found out Jack was the boyfriend in question.

* * *

 

Daniel had been right. Jack didn’t especially like _Out of Africa_ , except for some nice scenery. It was another depressing film – what was with the Oscars and downer movies, anyway? – and the entire plot seemed to revolve around different ways this woman’s life sucked.

That wasn’t the biggest problem Friday night, though. No, the biggest problem was the bad nightmare he had, the first since Daniel started staying nights. In it he was back in Iraq, but instead of escaping he was still there, in 2002, with the same guard yanking down his pants again…

“Jack.”

… and if this happened one more time he thought he’d rather die…

“Jack, wake up.”

Huh. That voice didn’t belong in the prison.

“You’re having a nightmare.”

Daniel. Daniel was never in the Iraqi prison.

“You can wake up. You’re safe.”

Jack cautiously opened his eyes. “Daniel?”

“Yes,” came his voice, relieve evident in his tone. “Those were some very inventive Arabic curses.”

“I learned from some of Iraq’s most skilled cursers,” he said, stalling while he tried to remember that this was reality. Home, in his own bed, with soft, comfortable sheets. As his eyes adjusted he could just make out the framed picture of his pond that Charlie had taken, the one with a little boy fingertip in the bottom right corner. Yes, he was definitely in his own bedroom.

He flinched when Daniel’s hand touched his shoulder. “Sorry,” said Daniel, pulling his hand away. “I thought it might help.”

No. It wouldn’t. Even the thought of being touched right now made Jack’s skin crawl. “I can’t,” he said. “I’m sorry. I…”

“… have nothing to apologize for,” finished Daniel. “Do you want to talk?”

“Not about the dream.”

“How about our vacation? Have you had a chance to look into Austria?”

Jack gratefully accepted the change of subject. “I looked online briefly. There are some ice caves which might be neat to check out.” His search pulled up lots of cultural experiences, but he figured Daniel would pick those and he had no strong opinions. Ice caves sounded different, and probably refreshing in August.

“We can definitely visit ice caves,” said Daniel. “I’ll make sure to pack a good coat. I’d like to go to Vienna, too.”

“I figured. What’s good food there? I’m a fan of cultural experience through eating.”

“We’ll look into it.”

Jack’s heartrate had returned to normal, though the same couldn’t be said for his emotional state. He hated these fucking nightmares, hated that the bastard Iraqi guard still had so much power over him, hated that it was interfering with his relationship despite his best efforts.

“Do you want me to move to the spare bed?” asked Daniel.

“No. I like having you here. It’s just the touching I can’t do right now… unless you’d rather move.”

“No.” Daniel adjusted his pillow. “I’d rather stay here.”

That, at least, made Jack happy. “I’ll be awake for a little bit, but you don’t need to stay awake with me. Go back to sleep.”

“If you’re sure,” Daniel said through a yawn.

“I’m sure.” Besides, just having Daniel there was a pleasant reminder that his nightmare was no longer real. His life wasn’t perfect, and he still had some issues, but it was pretty damn good all the same.

* * *

 

In the morning, when Jack was spooned around Daniel, he said, “Thanks for last night.”

“Of course.” He hadn’t been sure what to do, and in hindsight they should’ve discussed that in advance. At least the situation turned out reasonably well. “If there’s something you need me to do, or not do, please tell me.”

“You did well. Didn’t touch me, talked me awake. I get nightmares a lot less often now, but I haven’t kicked them entirely.”

“I doubt anyone who’s been on a gate team is entirely free of nightmares,” he said. He certainly wasn’t. From time to time his own brain dragged Hathor and being locked in a psych ward into his dreams.

“Good point. It was months before I stopped dreaming that I didn’t get to you in time and you jumped off your balcony.”

He squeezed Jack’s hand, the one draped over his stomach. “We’ve had a lot of close calls.”

“Too many to count. But we’re still here.”

In Jack’s bed and arms, Daniel felt everything they’d suffered had been worth it in the end.

* * *

 

Jack tried not to be nervous about letting Fraiser and Cassandra in on their relationship, with mixed success. His stomach was doing an uncomfortable dance as he got out of Daniel’s car in the Olive Garden parking lot.

“Hello Colonel, Daniel,” said Fraiser.  

“Are you here to meet Daniel’s boyfriend, too?” asked Cassie.

“Nope.”

“Jack _is_ my boyfriend,” said Daniel, while Jack reminded himself to breathe.

Cassie squealed and did her best to hug both of them at once. “That’s so exciting!”

Fraiser gave them an unsurprised smile. “I’m very happy for you both, though I can’t say I didn’t have my suspicions. You two spent a considerable amount of time at each other’s side in the infirmary.”

Jack’s stomach stopped dancing. So far, so good on the coming out front. He still had to tell his mom, but the people he was closest to in Colorado Springs knew and were happy for him and Daniel. Hell, even Hammond was okay with it.

With diminished nerves, his appetite came back. “Anyone else hungry?” he asked.

Cassandra turned to her mom. “Can I get extra alfredo sauce to go with my breadsticks?”

Jack answered before Fraiser. “Sure you can. I’m treating.”

“Thanks, Jack,” said Cassie.

Yeah, all that hard therapy work really was paying off well if this was his life now.


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is now officially the longest single story I've ever written. When I started thinking of past sexual assault as the reason for Jack's behavior in season 4, I decided I wanted to write a more realistic depiction of the slow recovery process. I didn't realize it would end up being this long, but here we are. Thanks to everyone who has let me know they're enjoying, it means a lot.

Jack’s Tuesday had so far consisted of paperwork and an unnecessarily long phone conference which Hammond insisted he sit in on. He was more than ready to have lunch with a little conversation. Unfortunately, his usual lunch buddies weren’t around. Daniel was offworld exploring someplace even Jack could tell was Stonehenge’s long-distance twin. Teal’c was in another part of the galaxy on a recon mission. You could always count on Ferretti to talk baseball, except he’d turned into a giant bruise after rolling down a ravine the day before, so he was home resting. Sinclair shared Jack’s love of fishing, but he wasn’t around to talk either, off on his honeymoon.

Well, Siler was in the infirmary. He’d fallen off a ladder that morning and Fraiser was keeping an eye on him for a concussion. Jack figured he’d stop by and discuss _The Simpsons_ for a bit.

He was locking up his office (the Air Force insisted on it) when Carter walked up. “Oh. I guess it’s a bad time, sir?”

Carter would do alright for a conversation. She wasn’t one of Jack’s go-to choices, because they didn’t exactly have a lot in common to chat about. Currently they had the jetpack project, and Jack had offered to be there if she needed any mentoring in command (or, as he’d actually told her, “if you need to vent to a sympathetic ear.”)

“It’s not a bad time if you don’t mind joining me for lunch,” he said. “But aren’t you supposed to be poking around an old wind farm?” As he recalled, it was an especially interesting wind farm – words he’d never envisioned being used together. Something about still operating even though it’d been abandoned for who knew how long. He hadn’t worried about the details.

“We were scheduled for that, sir. Unfortunately it’s in the middle of a blizzard right now.”

“Ah. That explains why you’re here. Lunch?”

“Sure. I thought you’d like to hear my update on the jetpacks.”

“You thought right.” He couldn’t wait to try one of those babies out.

“I’ve finished scaling down a naquadah generator to the appropriate size. Another benefit of using naquadah is that it will allow for considerably longer flying time than a combustion engine.”

“I like the sound of that. How long are we talking?”

“I won’t know for sure until we test it, but I think somewhere in the range of forty hours.”

Jack liked the sound of that, alright. “That’s some damn good naquadah mileage.”

Carter’s lips curled up in a slight smile which, as far as Jack could tell, meant she was amused in spite of herself. “We can double it by bringing a second piece of naquadah.”

“Isn’t it heavy to be lugging around spares?”

“Naquadah has an unusually high mass, yes,” she said, very politically correcting him on the weight vs. mass issue. “However, we’re talking a very small amount. It would only weigh 100 grams.”

Jack could convert metric distances in his head with reasonable accuracy. Carter lost him on weight… correction, mass. “Which is?”

“Approximately three and a half ounces.”

“That’s no problem. Great work, Carter. It’s too bad you can’t get a Nobel Prize for this stuff.”

She smiled at the compliment. “Thank you, sir. I’m still working on the trinium shielding, which is obviously crucial.”

“Right. Jetpacks are good. Jetpacks not likely to blow up from the slightest hit are better.”

“I’ve also had multiple offers for test pilots.”

So had he, but those people were going to have to get in line. Now, technically Jack couldn’t be the first person to test the prototype – the downside to being a full-bird colonel not on field duty – but he was damn sure going to be one of the first three.

* * *

 

Instead of their usual Friday night movie date, Daniel and Jack were on a plane to Chicago, where Jack was antsy enough that Daniel found it difficult to read on the flight.

“Jack,” he began.

“Don’t tell me I can still change my mind.”

He’d been about to. Jack knew him too well, and while Daniel knew this really wasn’t about him personally, he also hated to be the catalyst which might disrupt Jack’s relationship with his mother. “Alright, I won’t.”

“If Mom doesn’t take it well, that’s in her.” Jack reached over and grabbed Daniel’s hand.

He wasn’t wrong. Daniel just didn’t care for the consequences Jack would suffer if his mom didn’t take the news well.

* * *

 

Sitting in a rental car in front of his mom’s condo, Jack didn’t want to get out and walk to her front door. He would, because it had to be done. Basing his relationship with his mom on lies and deception was a) exhausting, b) unfair to Daniel, and c) not giving his mom a chance to have an authentic relationship with him or with Daniel, to use Elaine’s words.

He made himself get out of the car, into her condo building, and up the elevator to the second floor where she lived. After another brief hesitation in front of her door, he knocked. Ripping off the Band-Aid, he reminded himself.

“Jack!” She hugged him in the doorway. “Come in! Why didn’t you tell me you were coming? You always call before you come up. Is everything alright?”

“Yeah. Things are great, actually. Just wanted to talk to you about something.”

“Coffee?”

“No thanks.” He didn’t think adding anything to his churning stomach was a good idea at the moment.

They sat in the living room. “So, what’s this you want to talk about?” asked Mom.

Jack, never confident in his ability to have emotional discussions, had worked out what he wanted to say ahead of time. “You’ve been talking about me dating again.”

“Yes. Oh! Do you have a girlfriend?” She leaned forward, obviously excited.

“Not exactly.”

“Well, I’m all ears.”

He took a deep breath, which sadly did nothing to calm his nerves. “You know how I’ve talked about Daniel.”

“Of course. Your friend who was on your team.”

“Right. He’s, uh, my boyfriend.”

There. Band-Aid ripped off.

She said nothing for a long moment, blinking several times. “Your – I’m sorry, what?”

“My boyfriend.”

“Are you… are you trying to tell me you’re gay?”

“Bi, actually.” He plowed ahead to get his little speech over with. “I figured that out years ago. It didn’t matter then, because I was married, and I may not have always been the best husband I could’ve been to Sara, but I never cheated.

“And I know you’ve probably got questions, so here you go. It’s a fairly new relationship, but we’ve been moving toward it for a long time. It’s serious. As in, I love him and I want to be with him for the rest of my life. I was gonna retire, but the Air Force wanted me to stick around so they gave me an exemption. As long as we’re discreet, we’re fine.”

“And Daniel…”

“He feels the same way.”

He left out the rest, about how amazingly supporting and forgiving Daniel had been as he dealt with his issues. That was a conversation for another day, or maybe never. Jack had a strong preference for never.

“This, Jack, this is…” She trailed off. Jack didn’t think her trouble speaking in whole sentences was a good sign.

“It’s real, Mom. He makes me so happy, and by some miracle I make him happy too.”

She sunk back into her chair. “I’m going to need some time to wrap my head around this.”

“Okay,” Jack said, standing. “We don’t have to be at the airport until 6:20 tomorrow, so call me if you want to catch up before then.”

“You’re leaving? You came up and I don’t get to see more of you?”

“No. Daniel’s here too.”

“That’s not fair, Jack. You can’t drop a bomb like this and then tell me I can’t see you without meeting him immediately.”

Jack thought he’d prefer to be dealing with a real bomb. Then he might have some clue what the hell he was doing. “So, what? You don’t think I deserve to have someone in my corner?”

“This isn’t a fight.”

“Sure feels like one.”

Mom stood up and hugged him. “I’m sorry. It shouldn’t. I just… this is so unexpected, and I’m trying to be happy for you but…”

“Yeah,” said Jack, nodding. “But.”

He headed for the door. The conversation technically could’ve gone worse, but it also could’ve gone a whole lot better.

“Jack,” his mom said. “I love you. That’s never going to change.”

It was something. Not enough, though. “Love you too, Mom. We’re having dinner with Beth and Jeremy tonight. She said you’re welcome to join us.”

When she didn’t have anything to say, he walked out the door, got into his rental car, and punched the passenger seat.

* * *

 

One look at Jack’s expression told Daniel most of what he needed to know. “It didn’t go well?” he asked.

Jack threw the car keys on their hotel bureau. “She needs time to process this. Kinda got mad that I’m up here but not visiting her, then apologized for making it feel like a fight. Said she loves me, and she’s trying to be happy for me, but.”

He wrapped Jack in a hug. “I’m sorry.”

“I guess it could’ve been worse. She didn’t disown me or anything.”

It could’ve been a lot better, too. “She might come around,” said Daniel, trying to be optimistic.

“Yeah, sure. Right after the Pope does.”

Not having any living family members (excluding Nick, but he’d hardly counted even before he went off on another planet), Daniel couldn’t relate to Jack’s struggle. Everyone whose approval mattered to Daniel already knew about their relationship and was happy for them. Maybe, in a perfect world, other people in his department could know, but Daniel didn’t get himself worked up about it.

And maybe it helped to know his parents would have approved, if they’d been alive. One of their good friends and frequent collaborators was gay, and they’d explained to Daniel at a young age that some people simply preferred their own sex. Granted, they’d left out bisexuality, which Daniel identified as when he bothered to identify, but he still had no doubt they’d have embraced his relationship with Jack.

“Let’s get some flowers for Aunt Hannah’s grave,” said Jack, “then we can go to that exhibit you talked about.”

“If you don’t want -” Daniel didn’t get very far in that thought before Jack interjected.

“I’m not going to sit around and mope all day. Flowers, exhibit, maybe a deep-dish pizza for lunch. Sound good?”

If Jack wanted to get out and enjoy Chicago, Daniel was more than willing. “Sounds good. Is your dad buried in the area?”

“Nope. He insisted Mom donate his body to science, said he hoped his lungs ended up in one of those pictures they use to scare kids away from cigarettes. Mom’s got his ashes.”

Keeping ashes seemed morbid to Daniel. He didn’t care what happened to his body once he died, since he’d be done with it, but he didn’t like the idea of keeping someone’s remains in his house. If it worked for some people, though, that was their choice.

Speaking of wishes, though, this reminded him that he ought to change his will, which still left his estate to Sha’re. Obviously it was time for an update, leaving most of his assets to Jack and a bit to Cassie. 

“We’re still on for dinner with Beth and her husband, right?” he asked.

“Yep. I’m sure we’ll have Jeremy’s famous wine-marinated scallops.”

Daniel wasn’t sure what he thought of wine-soaked scallops. On the other hand, they couldn’t be nearly as awful as some of the things he’d eaten offworld.

At some point Jack would have to deal with his mom’s reaction, but it didn’t have to be right then. Besides, Daniel wanted to put flowers on Aunt Hannah’s grave, to honor the woman who meant so much to Jack, and they should take advantage of the time they had to visit with Jack’s relatives who embraced both his expanded sexuality and his relationship. 

* * *

 

Jack had a hard time falling asleep that night. Yes, they’d had a great visit with Beth and Jeremy, Daniel had a blast looking at ancient Egyptian artifacts including new and, to him anyway, exciting finds from the 1st Intermediate Period (Jack thought Egyptology could stand to come up with slightly more exciting names for its eras), and it’d felt good to put flowers on Aunt Hannah’s grave with Daniel, since she’d wanted them to get together.

He still couldn’t stop seeing the sad, horrified look on Mom’s face when he told her about loving Daniel.

“Can’t sleep?” asked Daniel quietly.

“Nope. Thought you were, though.”

“I was. I need to go to the bathroom.”

When he returned to bed, Daniel draped himself over half of Jack’s torso. “What’s on your mind?”

“Three guesses.”

“Your mom?”

“Got it in one.” Jack sighed. “It just sucks.”

Hey, he’d never claimed to be eloquent about this stuff.

“I’m sorry,” said Daniel. “And I hope she’ll come around, but you’re right, it sucks.”

“Nothing I can do, though.” That was one of the worst parts of emotional conflict. Jack liked problems with solutions, or at least courses of actions which could end up being solutions. He hated this ‘sit and hope for the best’ business.

“No,” agreed Daniel. “I don’t think we can do anything until your mom decides to open her mind.”

“Damn. You know I hate being helpless.”

“It’s not my favorite thing either.”

“Well,” said Jack, “here we are anyway. Yay.”

He wished for something, anything he could _do_.

* * *

 

Sam didn’t waste time going to Daniel’s office come Monday morning. She’d have called the night before, but their flight from Chicago got in fairly late.

“Daniel?”

“Hi Sam.”

She took that as an invitation and closed the door behind her. “So, how’d it go?”

“Jack’s mom needs time to process this revelation. I didn’t get to meet her, though we had a very nice dinner with his cousin and her husband, who makes surprisingly good wine-soaked scallops.”

“I’m sorry the colonel’s mom didn’t want to meet you. She’s the one missing out, you know.” In many ways Daniel was like a brother to Sam, far closer than her own biological brother, in fact, though that wasn’t difficult. She had a vested interest in his happiness.

“I wish she had, for his sake.”

Sam was no psychologist, and wouldn’t even claim to be particularly talented when it came to emotional intelligence, but it didn’t take much to know Daniel was an expert at self-denial regarding his own desires. He had a tendency to confuse ‘alright’ with ‘good,’ and Sam appreciated that Colonel O’Neill made him truly happy.

“It’s okay to wish she had for your sake, too,” she said, hoping she managed to get the sentiment expressed right.

Daniel just gave that statement a quick nod and said, “Hopefully she’ll come around.”

“It’s easy to see how happy you are together.” At least, it was for Sam and Teal’c who spent five years with them, day in and day out. Janet could tell, too, so Sam would hope it was similarly obvious to the colonel’s mother.

When you’d seen – and survived – what Sam had, all that mattered was how happy Daniel and the Colonel were together.


	33. Chapter 33

“May I ask a personal question?” inquired Teal’c as O’Neill drove them to the movie theater.

“Sure.”

“Why do you and Daniel Jackson maintain separate residences? Did the ‘brass’ demand it?”

O’Neill looked surprised, which Teal’c did not understand. It was a very obvious question. “That’s moving a little fast.”

“On Chulak, when two people commit to a relationship and make it publicly known, they promptly begin to share a home.”

“Ah, see, it doesn’t always work like that here.”

Clearly this was another incidence of the Tau’ri failing to adhere to obvious social customs. He often wondered how they knew anything about the people they encountered and lived near.

“At what point do couples cohabitate?” he asked.

“When the time is right.”

It was a vague and typically human answer. “That is not a helpful estimate.”

“It’s how we work, though.”

“You are a very inexact people, O’Neill.”

“Not all of us. It’s actually part of having freedom in the US of A. We don’t have to follow all kinds of rules which don’t work for us.”

“One wonders how you maintain social order.”

“Well, that’s why every generation says the next one or the one after that is going to be the downfall of civilization.”

 Teal’c suspected he was missing some kind of cultural context inherent in the remark.

“We have decided to update our wills, though,” continued O’Neill. “Daniel and I.”

“The instructions for distribution of your possessions upon your death.” It was a concept unknown among Jaffa, and not required because the protocol for inheritance never changed.

“That, and power of attorney for medical decisions.”

“It is not ‘moving too fast?’”

“No.”

“And yet cohabitation is.”

“Yep.”

Mystifying. “I do not believe I will ever fully understand the Tau’ri.”

“Look, living together is a huge step. We’ll get there, but not right now. Wills are just precautions.”

Teal’c could not understand this attitude, but O’Neill’s tone had grown slightly defensive so he thought it best to cease the line of questioning. “Very well.”

The change of subject suited O’Neill, who pulled into the movie theater parking lot. “Ready to watch Matt Damon kick some ass?”

“Yes.” He still believed the plot of _The Bourne Identity_ to be improbable. It looked like an entertaining film nevertheless, and promised to expand his understanding of how the Tau’ri viewed secret government operations.

“Just try not to overanalyze it. It’s a movie, not a dissertation,” said O’Neill.

Teal’c made no promises.

* * *

 

Jack eyed the printout Daniel showed him on their latest mess hall lunch date. “So that’s what Stonehenge would look like whole, huh?”

“Presuming that Earth’s Stonehenge is in fact identical to this one, which all indications suggest it is.”

There was something to be said for seeing the entire thing. “Too bad ours isn’t whole anymore,” he said between bites of his turkey club. “Why isn’t it, anyway?”

“Short version?” asked Daniel.

“Of course.”

“It was easily accessible stone for building material.”

Right. Quarrying was a lot of work when there were perfectly good stones already standing in a field. “So, not special enough to leave alone back then?”

“Appreciation for sites of historic significance is relatively new. Well, it comes and goes, but the way we think of it now, and protecting sites like Stonehenge, is very new. It hasn’t even been a hundred years since Stonehenge was auctioned off to the highest bidder, who fortunately donated the site to the nation.”

“If I had a choice between quarrying rocks by hand or taking from Stonehenge, I’d have helped myself too,” said Jack.

Daniel gave him a look.

“What? You’re always talking about considering the past through its own lens, not our modern views.”

“And you picked pillaging ancient sites to start following that advice?”

“I was just being realistic.”

“You’re unfortunately right,” agreed Daniel. “That’s exactly the mindset which led to Stonehenge in its current state.”

“On the plus side, now you have this one to give you archaeological insight.”

“We didn’t get much by way of insight, unfortunately. Barring a months-long excavation of the site, which isn’t likely to happen, there’s not a great deal we can add to the scholarly discussion on Stonehenge.”

Jack tapped the picture. “You can add what it looks like without missing pieces. I mean, other than the classified problem.”

Daniel sighed. The classified problem bugged him to no end. “I know the implications of the stargate are staggering, and I understand the upheaval it could cause, but…”

“But you still wish you could share all the cool stuff you learn,” finished Jack.

“Yes.”

Personally, he was more concerned with all the ways shit could hit the fan if people found out about the program. Then again, Daniel was the optimist in their relationship.

And damn, thinking in terms of their relationship just did not get old. Whatever his mom thought – and he was actively trying not to revisit _that_ subject in his mind – being with Daniel was the best thing to happen to Jack in years.

* * *

 

When Daniel knocked on Jack’s front door, he could just make out Jack holler, “It’s open.” He walked in and found Jack in the kitchen putting away groceries.

“Had to stop at the store if we plan on eating breakfast tomorrow,” Jack explained, head in the fridge.

“I brought Chinese for dinner.”

“Great.”

He set the takeout bag on the kitchen counter, where he noticed a paperback _World Traveler: Austria_. “You got a travel guide?”

“Thought it’d help us plan our trip. I still have to figure out what I’m going to do for cultural experience through food.”

Daniel flipped through the introduction until he found a section entitled ‘Cuisine.’ “Apparently the Sachertorte isn’t to be missed.”

“And that is?”

“Chocolate cake with a layer of apricot jam.”

Jack approved. “Oh yeah, we’re definitely gonna try that.”

“So you don’t mind going to Austria?”

“Why would I mind?” asked Jack, genuinely perplexed as far as Daniel could tell.

“It’s not your usual style.”

Yes, he was well aware that all successful relationships required compromise, a lesson he’d learned the hard way early in his dating life. He’d also been told by more than one significant other that he didn’t know how to relax and have fun, and though he didn’t think Jack had any issues with him in this regard, previous experience left him a bit nervous.

“I’ll be with you,” said Jack, as though it explained everything.

“You wouldn’t rather be fishing the whole time?”

“I like to travel. It’s just not much fun alone. What, do you think I’m dreading Austria or something?”

“Not exactly the country so much as my interests.”

“Hey, I know we don’t like all the same things. That’s fine. Speaking of which, when I was looking at the guide in the store I saw something about a museum full of medieval weapons which we both might like, but that’s not the point here.”

“What is the point?” asked Daniel.

Jack came up and hugged him from behind, chin on Daniel’s shoulder. “We’re going to have fun on vacation together. Emphasis on together. Sure, there will be some compromise involved, because that’s how these things work, but I’m really looking forward to it.”

“I’ve been told I don’t know how to relax and have fun,” Daniel confessed.

“You do. Besides, one thing I’ve learned at SGC is just how many different ways people can define ‘fun.’”

“Says the man who kept telling Sam to get a life.”

“That was career advice.”

“What? How?”

“First of all, socializing does matter in the military, you know. Genius will only get her so far. Second of all, if she’s seen as a lab rat, they’ll worry about her ability to command. She’s got her own team now so I think she’ll be fine.”

All that time Daniel wondered why Jack told Sam to get a life, he also wondered why he never received the same admonition. It all made perfect sense with Jack’s explanation.

“Are you still worried, or can we eat now?” asked Jack.

Daniel smiled and reached for the takeout bag. He should’ve known Jack accepted him the way he was, but he supposed he was allowed a little relationship baggage of his own. “We can eat.”

“Good. I’m starving. I didn’t get to finish my lunch today because you apparently can’t wait to call back two-star generals. If I’d known I was going to be interrupted, I’d have eaten faster and debated Teal’c less.”

“What were you debating this time?”

“ _The Bourne Identity_.”

“Still?”

“Now, I don’t know much about black ops, and I don’t want to,” began Jack. “But I know special ops, and it makes no sense to kill a highly trained asset without at least trying to bring him in and get him back in action. Teal’c disagrees, and that’s not even getting into his thoughts on how the CIA compares to certain System Lords.”

“System Lords? I’ll have to ask him about the similarities.”

“I’m sure he’ll be happy to explain in detail, if you don’t mind him ignoring the legal work the CIA does.”

Interesting as the conversation with Teal’c had the potential to be, Daniel was ready to eat and work on their vacation planning, especially now that he was reassured Jack truly shared his excitement. It promised to be a great vacation.

* * *

 

Jack’s mom called on Sunday. He knew it was her thanks to Caller ID, which was a great invention.

“Hello.”

“Hi Jack,” she said.

“Hi.”

“How are you?” She didn’t sound quite like her usual self, but she had called. That had to be good, right?

“Good.”

“What did you do this weekend?”

“Some vacation planning.”

“Oh? Where are you going?”

“Going to Austria in August.”

“With Daniel?” she asked, hesitating.

“Yes.”

There was an awkward pause before she said, “I’m trying to wrap my head around this, Jackie. Really I am.”

He sat on his couch and frowned. “I was afraid you wouldn’t take it well.”

“I talked to Beth. She said Daniel is a wonderful man, and the two of you make a great couple.”

“He is, and we do.”

“I was disappointed I didn’t get to see you more when you were up last weekend, but I understand that you didn’t want to abandon him. I’m hoping we can still talk on the phone.”

“Of course we can.” It wasn’t like he wanted to cut his mom out of his life. “But I’m not going to pretend Daniel means less to me than he does.”

“I wouldn’t ask you to.”

“Okay.”

“Are you really happy, Jack?”

“Yeah. I really, really am.”

“Well, that’s… good.”

He thought her pause spoke volumes. “Do you really think so?”

“Yes. I want you to be happy! I just expected it would be with a woman.”

“That’s not how it worked out.”

“Obviously.” She sighed. “Beth told me that since you two are happy together, if I have a problem, it’s my problem, not yours. I’m working on it.”

“If you give Daniel half a chance you’ll love him.”

“Just give me some time.”

He didn’t see why she needed time. Either she wanted to accept his relationship with Daniel, or she didn’t. Still, there was nothing else he could say besides, “Okay.”

And if he went out and yanked up some weeds around his foundation after the conversation, well, at least he was channeling his frustration productively.

* * *

 

“Hi Sam.”

She looked up from her work on the trinium shielding for the jetpacks. “Hi Daniel. How was your weekend?”

“Good. We did some vacation planning.”

Sam couldn’t say Austria sounded especially exciting. Then again, she spent most of her leave offworld visiting her dad or in California spoiling her niece and nephew, enjoying that she got to be in their lives now. Anyway, Daniel was excited to visit Austria with Colonel O’Neill, who he said was also looking forward to the trip, and that was what mattered.

Daniel peered at a stack of trinium sheets. “Did you know Jack telling you to get a life was career advice?”

She had no idea. “It was?”

He nodded. “Apparently being viewed as a ‘lab rat’ would hurt your chances of getting your own command, though that’s obviously not an issue anymore.”

“I thought that was just the colonel being, well, the colonel.” As far as Sam was concerned, figuring out his motivation for some actions and statements was a lost cause.

“I wondered why he said it to you frequently, but never to me.”

That made sense. Daniel shared her enthusiasm for work and therefore, like her, most of his life revolved around SGC. “I assumed he told you to get a life, too.”

“No.”

Sam wondered about the context in which this conversation came up, but it was neither the time nor the place to ask, not to mention the answer might well be none of her business. “It’s nice to know he was looking out for me,” she said, honestly.

“Jack has unique methods of demonstrating that he cares,” said Daniel. “Sometimes so unique nobody else realizes that’s what he’s doing.”

“Except Teal’c, I think.”

“True. They’re on the same wavelength.”

“I think you get him, too,” she pointed out.

“Most of the time,” agreed Daniel, before he changed the subject to safer ground. “How was your weekend?”

“I’ve got my bike running better than ever.” Honestly, she enjoyed tinkering with it as much as she enjoyed riding it.

“You say that a lot.”

Sam grinned. “I keep making improvements. It’s entirely custom at this point. Want to ride it and see for yourself?”

“Are you going to find the sharpest turns you can again?”

“Maybe.”

“At least I’ll be prepared this time,” he said. “I have new appreciation for why helmets are so important.”

Sam had been in an accident when she was twenty where her helmet had saved her from serious brain injury, and consequently she wouldn’t take any passengers without helmets. She wanted to get one for Cassie and take her out, but Janet’s uncle died in a motorcycle crash (where he hadn’t worn a helmet), so she wouldn’t let her daughter on a bike, and Sam was still working on that prohibition. Speaking of which…

“Will you put in a good word with Janet about my riding?” she asked. “I’m trying to convince her Cassie will be perfectly safe with me.”

“I’ll mention it, but I don’t think it’ll change her mind.”

“It’s worth a try.”

“Okay,” he said, heading toward the door.

“Thanks for letting me know it was career advice.”

“No problem.”

“And I’ll expect a postcard from Austria.”

“I’ll add it to the itinerary.”

She chuckled and went back to her trinium shielding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're getting near when the guys finally get naked (yay!) and I'm curious if readers would prefer me to refer to that and keep the present rating, or write the scene(s) and up the rating to Explicit. My inclination is the latter because Jack's issues with sex have been such a huge theme in the story, but if readers really don't want those scenes, I can probably do without them.   
> What do you think?


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to all who responded to my question at the end of the last chapter. Most of you wanted to read the sex scene, which was my original plan. For those who don't want to, I'm going to make it easy to skip. This chapter ends with the "fade to black," if you will. Chapter 35 will consist ONLY of the sex scene, and then 36 will pick up right after.

It didn’t escape Hammond’s notice that Colonel O’Neill and Dr. Jackson requested leave at the same time in August. He made no comment. Truthfully, he was pleased with how Jack’s arrangement with the Air Force was working out thus far. The colonel’s personal life wasn’t impacting his job performance one iota, and if he chose to vacation with his lover, that was their business.

Hammond was a product of his time, a time when men who loved men were considered shameful, but he refused to ossify. He was willing to accept that attitudes changed and reconsider his previously held notions. In any case, he took practical matters into consideration first, and he absolutely felt that Jack O’Neill was an asset to SGC regardless of his choice in romantic companion. The new strike teams were off to an excellent start under Jack’s leadership, and while God knew Hammond didn’t have time to oversee them himself, he wouldn’t want just anyone in charge of them either, so he was happy to leave them in Jack’s capable hands.

As for Hammond personally, he found the idea of intimacy with another man unappealing to say the least, but that distaste was only for himself and did not transfer to either the colonel or Dr. Jackson. He maintained his longstanding good working relationships with both men.

He approved Jack’s request for leave and moved on to matters of actual concern, like the fact that some penny pinchers at the Pentagon were trying to cut corners on planetary defense again.

* * *

 

It was good to work offworld with Sam again. Their current mission was half archaeological, half scientific, as they worked to uncover a crashed ship of unknown origin and explore its technology. Currently neither Sam nor Daniel was making much progress.

“This language is completely new,” he said. “And I don’t have much to go on.” Something he presumed to be a computer screen refused to turn on, which meant he had only a few samples of the writing with which to work. The characters looked like nothing so much as the scribbles of someone trying to make a pen work again, which wasn’t an encouraging comparison.

Sam nodded. “So is the technology. I think this is an entirely unknown metal, and the design is…” she trailed off, deep in thought. “Do you think the pilots could’ve been quadrupeds?”

He considered the ship. “It’s hard to tell, the way the nose is crushed. I guess we can’t rule it out.”

Jack would love that. He’d call a quadrupedal species something insulting like ‘Dog People,’ ‘Cat People,’ or, God forbid, ‘Cow People.’

Sam was thinking along the same lines. “I hate to think what the colonel would call a race of quadrupeds.”

“That makes two of us,” said Daniel, who wished Jack was there to come up with ridiculous names all the same.

* * *

 

Daniel had been offworld most of the week, which was great for him, having fun exploring sites, but no so great for Jack who didn’t get to see much of him. While the crashed mystery ship had been a bust in terms of learning much, Daniel had rounded out his week by discovering one of the Goa’uld tank thingies Teal’c called ned’ron, and in the process secured himself funding for the next year or so. He also found what he insisted were very important bas reliefs, which were far more exciting to him than the ned’ron. As for Jack, he would’ve been more excited if he’d been able to spend more time with his boyfriend, even though he knew full well this was how their lives worked.

The good news was that Daniel was back on Earth and ready to meet at Jack’s house. Dinner was in the Crock Pot, so Jack just had his appointment with Elaine to get through and then he could go see Daniel.

The bad news was that Elaine was working hard to make sure the session felt as long as possible.

“What scares you most about the idea of having sex with Daniel?” she asked.

Jack looked at his watch. Damn, it’d only been ten minutes since they started. He was starting to miss talking about his mom’s reaction to learning about his relationship, like they had last week.

“Jack. You’re allowed to feel, remember?”

“Right. I’m still on that step.”

“As opposed to?”

“The figuring out what I’m feeling and why steps.”

“We’ve never talked about this as a multi-step system, but if that’s a useful framework for you, great.”

“It seemed obvious,” he said.

“Alright. I want you to take a minute to think about having sex with Daniel.”

“Are we talking a specific kind of sex?” he asked, because he really was trying to help her help him.

“Whatever you’d be most comfortable with to start.”

“Hand jobs, then.” That was pretty much the entirety of his comfort zone at this point.

“I thought you might say that. Think for a moment.”

He did.

“How does it make you feel?” she asked. “More than one emotion is perfectly reasonable.”

“Excited. Nervous. Overwhelmed.” He thought that was a pretty good list to start with.

“Good. Now let’s take those one at a time. Why are you excited?”

“Isn’t it obvious?”

She gave him a little smile which suggested it was, in fact, obvious. “Humor me.”

“There’d be something wrong if I wasn’t excited by the idea of having sex with my boyfriend.”

“So that one’s fairly self-explanatory. Let’s move on to nervous.”

Jack really preferred the self-explanatory emotions, as he was shit at explaining them. “I don’t want to be a tease,” he said.

“In what way?”

“You know, seeing his dick and having a flashback.”

“You’re concerned that you aren’t ready,” she said.

“Yeah.”

“That’s not how you put it, though.”

“You know I’m no good at explaining this stuff.”

“You misunderstand me. The way you worded it – ‘being a tease’ – suggests a focus on Daniel.”

Oh, that. “It’d suck for him if he’s waited all this time and then I say nope, sorry, he’s gotta wait even longer.”

“So you’re worried about disappointing Daniel.”

Okay, he hadn’t thought of it in those terms, but, “Yeah.”

“Therefore your plan is what, exactly? Wait until some point in the future when you’re absolutely sure you’ve completely processed your assault to the point it will never interfere with your sex life?”

“Uh, I hadn’t really gotten that far.” Jack was good at planning at work, when it involved neater concerns like firepower and distance. Somehow this skill didn’t transfer to planning of the emotional kind, probably because he had a lot more practice at tactical preparations, which was anyway easier by all standards he could come up with.

Elaine asked, “Does what I said sound like a good idea?”

“In theory, it sounds great, but that point is far off.” Or possibly never. Another lousy Jack O’Neill life plan. They were becoming a specialty, dammit.

“And knowing it’s far off, do you think you should keep waiting out of fear of a setback?” When he didn’t say anything, Elaine continued, “Only you can know when you’re ready, Jack. However, ready means ready to try. It doesn’t mean there are guarantees, because we get precious few guarantees in life.”

He’d have made a quip about death and taxes, except death had proved remarkably temporary for SG-1.

“What’s the worst that can happen?” she asked.

“I can’t do it.”

“Let’s reframe that into something temporary.”

“I can’t do it the first time?” he tried.

“Very good. And the best thing that can happen?”

Again, obvious. “We have a _really_ good time.”

“I want you to think about why you’re making the choices you are. You experienced something profoundly traumatic and it’s natural that it will have an impact on your sex life. You’re not ready to jump in for a night of wild and crazy sex, but sex isn’t an all or nothing event.”

“You’re saying I should focus on what I can do.”

“And I’m saying that at some point, you have to be brave enough to try without one hundred percent certainty that you’ll be able to go through with it on the first attempt. You have to give yourself permission to try…”

“And fail?” cut in Jack.

“Failure sounds permanent. Let’s say try and realize you need more time.”

“I was kinda hoping I’d hit a point where I’d just know for sure I’d be good to go.”

“I’m afraid it rarely works out so neatly.”

That wasn’t what Jack wanted to hear. Sometimes, life really was a bitch.

* * *

 

Saturday evening found Daniel on Jack’s roof. They originally went up so Jack could show him Mars, and then they ended up taking in various parts of the night sky through Jack’s telescope.

Moving their Friday nights, and then Saturdays, to Jack’s house had been a good idea. It was more peaceful and private than Daniel’s apartment, in large part thanks to his new neighbors but also because a house was inevitably more private than an apartment. He’d always liked Jack’s house, since he first stayed there when he got back from Abydos. Besides, they couldn’t stargaze on the roof at Daniel’s place.

It was clear by Jack’s body language that something was on his mind. Daniel knew better than to push, and eventually Jack said, “Uh, Daniel?”

“Yes?”

“I kinda want us to get naked soon. Thing is, I can’t promise it’ll go the way we want it to.”

He felt like cheering. Instead he said, “Okay. We’ll see how it goes. No pressure, remember?”

“Yeah, I know. Thanks.”

“You’re worth waiting for.”

Jack smiled. “I’m so glad you think so, ‘cause I’m crazy about you.”

He leaned in for a kiss, very much hoping the getting naked would happen sooner rather than later. Sure, sex wasn’t the most important aspect of life to Daniel, but when he was in a relationship he did enjoy it, and he wanted to share that with Jack, wanted to show him how good it could be.

“It’s getting late,” said Jack when they stopped kissing.

Daniel was slightly irritated at the change of subject. “Is that a hint that I should go?”

“No. I thought you might as well stay again tonight. If you want to, I mean.”

His irritation, never warranted as it turned out, melted away. “I’d like that.”

“I was hoping you would. Want to see a constellation I invented? I call it the Bass.”

Of course Jack’s constellation was a fish. “Sure.”

“Give me a minute to line it up in the telescope so you can see the gills.”

“No rush. We have all night, remember?”

* * *

 

Jack’s weekend was turning out to be great. He’d made some kick-ass turkey legs in his smoker, got to stargaze on the roof with Daniel, and now, best of all, it was Sunday morning and Daniel was once again in his bed.

He could really get used to waking up next to Daniel. Especially when waking up next to him led into making out with him, as was the case this morning. Okay, most mornings, because they were still in that stage.

Jack had never had a relationship like this, where someone saw all that could be seen of him and still loved him. It was an indescribably wonderful feeling, and he hoped Daniel knew the same was true of Jack’s love.

Oh, right. He was supposed to be _saying_ this sort of thing instead of assuming it was clear. It’d never be his strongest point, but he at least wanted Daniel to know how much he was loved.

“Love you,” he said. “So much.”

Yeah, saying it was good, because Daniel’s face lit up. “I love you too, Jack,” he replied, with that heart-melting smile on his face.

Really, the only thing better than seeing that smile was making out. Well. Technically sex would be better than making out, a fact both of their anatomies were making pretty clear and not for the first time.

Something was different now, though. Every time before, Jack’s fear overrode his desire. This time, he wanted more than he was afraid, and hot damn did that make him happy. He wasn’t entirely without nerves, but now they weren’t insurmountable.

Mind made up, he announced, “I vote we get rid of these damn clothes.”

Daniel’s face registered surprise for half a second, then definite agreement. “What do you know? It’s unanimous.”

Jack would’ve been worried if it wasn’t.


	35. The Sex Scene

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter consists only of the explicit sex scene. If that's not your cup of tea, you can skip to the next chapter and pick up with the post-sex scene, and while I think there's a huge significance in the physical act itself, I've written in such a way that you can appreciate the momentous impact of sex without reading it.

If you got technical about it, Jack had seen Daniel naked before. Never like this, though. Any previous time he couldn’t look, other than your standard injury check, whereas now he got to _look_.

Also, Daniel had never been sporting an erection before. When Jack saw it, he was able to quiet the panicky voice which equated another guy’s hard-on with danger, pushing it away, and his brain finally, _finally_ seemed to accept that Iraq was in the past, at least insofar as hand jobs went.

“Like what you see?” asked Daniel.

Jack gestured down at his own hard-on, which had been more than pleased to escape his boxers. “Isn’t that obvious?”

It wasn’t exactly news that Daniel was a handsome guy. He’d always been easy on the eyes, and Jack enjoyed that, of course. Thing was, Daniel was so much more than good-looking. He was a kind, generous, and crazy smart man who Jack absolutely adored.

Better than looking, he could touch now, too. He pulled Daniel close so they could resume making out, this time with their chests touching skin-to-skin. Yep, it was better without clothes in the way. Jack put his hands to work traveling around Daniel’s back, tracing light patterns around his warm skin. As for Daniel’s hands, they were pushing through Jack’s hair and didn’t seem likely to leave anytime soon, which was just fine by Jack.

Eventually, after a few minutes of kissing and touching, Jack wanted more contact so he threw one leg over Daniels’ and in the process he bounced his dick against Daniel’s thigh. That was really good, and he decided more dick-touching was going to be in order sooner rather than later.

And he wanted to touch Daniel’s, wanted to learn what kind of noises and expressions he could draw out, to see what Daniel looked like when he came, where and how he liked to be touched. All of those important secrets of intimacy, just waiting to be explored.

When they stopped kissing to catch their breath, he peeked down to admire Daniel’s very hard erection.

“Anything you want to do, Jack,” said Daniel.

Perfect. Jack scooted back just enough to get the space so he could reach down and start running his fingers around Daniel’s dick. This got a sharp gasp from Daniel, which Jack liked. A lot. He’d like to hear that often, he decided.

The most notable differences between them were that Daniel had a slight curve to his dick, and his head was more purple whereas Jack’s tended to the redder side when erect. It was new, of course, for Jack to touch a hard-on which wasn’t his own, but it was a good new. He liked the feel of it and loved the little cues telling him how much Daniel was enjoying, from his quick breathing to the dilation of his pupils.

“I tend to get, uh, vocal,” said Daniel.

Jack was not remotely surprised. “That’s hot.”

Apparently reassured, Daniel gave a little moan and said, “This is great.”

“How do you like it?” He repositioned his body so he could roll Daniel’s balls in his other hand.

“A little firmer.”

He adjusted his grip accordingly and got a sexy ‘ohhh’ noise, so he must’ve done a good job. The drop of precome was also a very promising sign.

“If you want this to last longer, you’ll have to let go of my sac.”

Jack wasn’t sure they needed to drag it out, because they’d been waiting quite a long time already. Weeks of making out was plenty of foreplay. “Do you want me to?’

“I’m not complaining. Just not going to last.”

Alright then. “I want to make you come,” Jack declared.

Daniel groaned and shivered. God, he was gorgeous. Jack was a lucky, lucky man.

“Faster?” asked Jack some thirty seconds later, when Daniel was getting sweatier and panting more.

“Please.” When Jack obliged, Daniel arched his hips. “Yes, that’s – yeah, Jack.”

Very turned on himself, Jack continued to soak in the moment. Daniel was vocal for sure, making a variety of mewling sounds, moans, and various other sexy noises, and he was a mesmerizing sight as his hands scrabbled at the sheets. When he moved his hips, his balls bounced around in Jack’s hands. Balls were evidently a hot spot for Daniel, a detail with which Jack intended to have a lot of fun.

“Harder. There,” he said when Jack tightened his grip. “Ah, yes. So good. Mmm, I’m about to…. Urgh!”

Daniel came, his face lengthening as he moaned out his pleasure, neck thrown back. Jack stroked as his lover pumped out a generous amount of come, happy that he got to do this. At long last, he got to be the one to make Daniel feel so incredible.

“Mmm,” said Daniel, movements slowing at last.

When Daniel’s dick twitched and he let go of his handfuls of sheet, Jack slowed his stroking to a stop and reached for the tissues. Daniel lay back and gasped for breath while Jack wiped of his hands. Was he supposed to clean Daniel up too? He didn’t know the etiquette for this.

“Hand me a couple?” asked Daniel, reaching toward the tissues.

“I can do it, if you want.”

“By all means. No energy.”

Jack chuckled and very carefully wiped Daniel clean.

“Give me a minute,” said Daniel, “and I’ll be happy to reciprocate.”

His dick jumped at the promise. “Sounds good.”

It was more like two or three minutes, but that was okay. Jack was happy to admire Daniel and revel in what they’d done.

Eventually Daniel rolled to his side and asked, “Any requests?”

“Just touch me.” Jack wanted to be face to face, so he could see this was Daniel, but that base was already covered. More, he saw the love in Daniel’s eyes, the tenderness with which he reached out to lay his hand on Jack’s dick.

He didn’t seem fazed when Jack started at the touch, instead saying, “It was so good when you stroked me. I want to learn what you like.”

“My balls aren’t as sensitive, and when you really want me to come, angle it out a little more.”

Daniel smiled and started stroking in earnest. Jack’s erection, which had softened a touch while waiting for Daniel’s energy to return, came roaring back full staff.

He relaxed into the moment. The memories of Iraq made only the briefest appearance because God, the way Daniel was looking at him was _nothing_ like Iraq. This was adoration and love and all that sentimental stuff Jack was never good at putting into words, but that was okay because they didn’t need words then. It was in Daniel’s expression, in his touch, and the kisses his placed on Jack’s whole face.

“Faster?” Jack requested after – well, shit, he wasn’t sure how long. His internal clock, usually reliable, had gone offline.

Daniel obliged. “Naked and aroused is a good look on you.”

“You think? It works for you, too. Really well.”

Being an explorer at heart, Daniel started making subtle alterations in his motion, observing Jack’s reaction. Some made no difference. One wasn’t as good and he picked up on that, abandoning it when Jack shifted his hips to compensate. The little twisting motion he added around the head, now that was a game-changer. It bumped Jack’s dick out at the angle he liked, and Daniel grinned.

“I think you’re going to come for me soon.”

“Yeah.” He was right, no doubt about it.

“That’s so sexy.” He sped up his strokes. “I want to learn your body so I know what will make you come quickly and what will let me tease you for a while first.”

Daniel had a good bedroom voice, and combined with even faster strokes, Jack reached the point of no return. Grunting, he spurted come into Daniel’s hand.

It was a nice, long orgasm, the kind which wasn’t the most intense but more than made up for that by going on forever, washing over him in several waves of delight. By the time it ended, Jack was thoroughly blissed out.

He let Daniel clean up, content to lie there and enjoy the moment. When Daniel lay beside him, he said, “Woah.”

“I agree,” said Daniel, putting his head on Jack’s shoulder.

Jack was sure he’d be able to speak again. Eventually.


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A shorter chapter, to tie up the afterglow for those who skipped the previous chapter.

Jack was extremely satisfied, and not all of it had to do with the orgasm he’d enjoyed. Sure, that never hurt, but this was bigger. At long last, he and Daniel had sex. He wasn’t entirely done fighting with his demons yet – if he was, the thought of giving his boyfriend a blowjob wouldn’t freak him out – but he was wrestling the bastards into submission.

Yeah, this was a whole different kind of post-sex satisfaction. He couldn’t help but smile as he looked at Daniel and said, “We have to do that again soon.”

“I’m free the rest of the day and all next weekend.”

The following Sunday was Daniel’s birthday. “Birthday sex next weekend,” Jack said, wondering how Daniel would feel about getting breakfast in bed.

“Oh, right.”

How very Daniel to remember the names, reigns, and major accomplishments of several dozen pharaohs but forget his own birthday. “I have plans,” announced Jack. “How do you feel about breakfast in bed?”

“I don’t know. I’ve never had it.”

This didn’t make Jack think highly of Daniel’s previous significant others, though if he was being entirely fair he’d have to admit that perhaps it wasn’t a thing on Abydos. No matter. “We’ll give it a whirl, see how you like it.”

“I’m on board with that plan.”

“Good.” Jack twirled a finger in Daniel’s chest hair. Chest hair other than his own was new to Jack, whose opinion so far was basically neutral. It wasn’t a turn-on or a turn-off, it just was. He had more than Daniel (also more gray ones whereas Daniel had about three, though he chose not to focus on that).

Now, legs, that was a different matter. Jack cast an appreciative glance down to Daniel’s very nice calves. “You know I’m a leg man.”

“So you’ve said.”

“You never said what you are.”

“I don’t have a specific body part that way,” said Daniel. “I guess you could say I’m a whole package man.”

Jack had never heard of such a thing. “You’re not giving me much to go on here.”

Daniel almost laughed. “Don’t worry. It means any part of you is a turn-on.”

Okay, when he put it that way… “I can work with that.”

“Yes, well,” said Daniel, snuggling in closer. “So can I.”

* * *

 

Daniel couldn’t think of a sexual experience which had meant as much as this one. Yes, some people would say they’d ‘only’ stroked each other, but this was so much more. Not only was it a triumph over Jack’s assailant and the result of his hard work, it was something they’d both been wanting for some time, and it eased the worries they didn’t like to talk about that Jack might never be ready.

By now Daniel was good at judging when Jack was uncomfortable, and it didn’t seem to be the case at all. In the afterglow, Jack was relaxed, happy and tactile as ever, playing with Daniel’s chest hair. When stressed or nervous Jack wasn’t prone to touch, so all was well.

“Thank you,” said Jack. “For waiting, and… everything.”

Daniel kissed him. “I told you, you were worth waiting for.” When Jack grew slightly pensive, he added, “Anyway, there’s something hot about being your first man.”

Jack brightened. “You like that?”

“Very much.”

“I’m thinking more ‘only’ than first, here. I want us to be together even when we’re old and gray. Or in my case, older and grayer.”

For someone who claimed not to be romantic, Jack certainly managed to come out with wonderfully touching heartfelt statements. “Me, too,” said Daniel. “It’s a deal.”

* * *

 

Eventually they got out of bed. Jack would’ve been content to stay a lot longer if only he wasn’t hungry.

“I’ve been meaning to ask,” said Daniel as he pulled on his shirt. “Boxers at night, briefs during the day?”

“Yep.” Jack liked support during the day. It’d been more important in his running-for-his-life days, but still, it was hell to be stuck in a meeting with his junk flopped at an uncomfortable angle and no chance to discreetly adjust. At night he preferred less restriction.

“And you say I’m indecisive.”

“Boxer-briefs won’t commit. I have different underwear for different occasions, which isn't the same.”

“I’m committed to the best of both worlds,” countered Daniel.

“Isn’t trying to have the best of both worlds pretty much the definition of not committing?”

It was a good point and Daniel knew it, though he was too stubborn to come out and admit defeat. “Only if you insist on a strictly dichotomous worldview.”

“So you concede that I have a point.”

“I’m not conceding anything. I need coffee.”

It didn’t matter. They were happy, they were together for the long haul, and they were both still enjoying the afterglow of their first time. Life was damn good.


	37. Chapter 37

Jack whistled as he loaded his dishwasher. Daniel had just left, because even great weekends had to come to an end, but they were looking forward to a lot more great weekends. Now including sex.

The phone rang. Abandoning the dishes, he went to check Caller ID. It was his mom, so he picked up.

“Hello.”

“Hi Jack.”

“Hey Mom.”

“How are you?” She sounded nervous when asking, which was kind of weird. Then again, everything with Mom had been kind of weird since he told her about Daniel.

“Really good. You?”

“I’ve been thinking.” Yeah, plenty of weirdness, alright. After a pause, she continued, “If you’re serious about Daniel…”

“I am. Couldn’t be more serious.”

“Right. Then I want to meet him. The idea is going to take some getting used to, but I want to get to know the person who means so much to you.”

This made Jack happy. More awkwardness was bound to ensue – he could tell that just by the tone of her voice – but at least she was ready to meet Daniel as his boyfriend. It seemed like a start, anyway.

“That’d be great,” he said.

“I thought I could come down for a weekend. What’s your schedule look like?”

“Next weekend won’t work.” Spending Daniel’s birthday being awkward with Mom was not going to happen.

“How about the weekend after that?”

“Fine for me. I’ll need to check with Daniel.”

“Please do.” Another pause, and then, “I am glad you’ve found someone who makes you happy, Jack, and I’m slowly getting used to the idea that the person is a man. Beth got me in touch with the local PFLAG.”

“PFLAG?”

“Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays.”

Oh yeah, he’d heard of them. The thing was, Jack hadn’t wrestled with his sexuality that much. Maybe it was because that took a backseat to dealing with his assault in Iraq, or maybe because he’d accepted he could swing either way a long time ago, albeit in a “but it’s never going to happen because I have a wife” way. Hell, it could’ve been that he’d seen and been through too much to turn his sexuality into drama (and he hated drama anyway). He didn’t need organizations or whatever, but if it helped his mom, he was grateful.

“They’re supportive of bisexuals, too,” Mom rambled, “and it’s given me some perspective.”

“I’m glad,” he said sincerely. “He’s an amazing guy, I’m damned lucky to have him, and he’s not going anywhere.”

“Have you met his parents?”

“Can’t. They’re both dead.”

“Oh. How sad.”

She had no idea.

“Well, please check with him so I can buy my ticket.”

“Will do, and I’ll get the guest room ready.”

“Thank you. It will be so good to see you and meet Daniel.”

Jack decided things were looking up with his mom, awkwardness and all.

* * *

 

Daniel had barely gotten home when Jack called. “Hi Jack,” he said, balancing his cell phone between his ear and shoulder while putting away a bag of groceries.

“Mom called. She wants to come down and meet you.”

This was heartening news. “I’d like that.”

“Still gonna be plenty of weirdness,” warned Jack.

“She’s making an effort to move past her prejudice. I can respect that.”

“Yeah, it’s a good sign. How’s the weekend after next look for you?”

“I have the charity dinner with Janet that Saturday.” She was good friends with the director of a shelter for abused women, and it hadn’t taken much to talk Daniel into being her date for a fundraiser. It was for a good cause. If she hadn’t known he was with Jack, Daniel wouldn’t have felt as comfortable, but since she did know, all parties understood this was a platonic date and nobody minded at all.

“Oh yeah.”

“That might be a good thing. It will give you some time alone with your mom. Although,” he said as the thought occurred, “I shouldn’t stay overnight that weekend.”

He could envision Jack sulking. “You always stay overnight now.”

“Yes, but your mom is going well outside her comfort zone, not to mention a deeply ingrained mindset, because she cares. I think the least we can do is give her this.” In a perfect world it wouldn’t be a problem. Daniel hoped Mrs. O’Neill would come around so when she visited in the future she wouldn’t mind if he stayed as well, but for this first time he didn’t want to overwhelm her. No matter what Jack said, it would be Daniel she considered the bad guy if she was uncomfortable.

“Sometimes I hate it when you’re considerate and reasonable.”

“We’ll survive one weekend.”

“She couldn’t have done this before we were having sex,” grumbled Jack. “Thanks a lot, Mom.”

Despite his agreement, Daniel had to laugh.

* * *

 

O’Neill hosted a barbecue for a Fourth of July celebration, though Teal’c did not entirely understand the correlation between cooking meat outdoors and independence from a colonial power.

In truth, he still hadn’t mastered the nuances of historical Tau’ri politics, because compared to the Goa’uld he found it difficult to comprehend why British rule was considered so tyrannical. Teal’c paid taxes on his purchases, and while the concept confused him at first, he deemed it greatly preferable to having a false god forcibly claim tribute. Daniel Jackson agreed that “the British really weren’t tyrannical, it was more that we grew apart,” while O’Neill unhelpfully attempted to explain, “It’s the principle of the thing. Taxation without representation.”

Furthermore, Teal’c thought the proper anniversary to commemorate would not be the date when independence was announced, but when it had been secured through action, and he could not fathom what anyone hoped to achieve by throwing tea into the ocean.

Nevertheless, he did not object to a gathering based on large quantities of good food. O’Neill’s barbecued meat reliably tasted better than its mess hall counterpart, which made the event that much more appealing.

Major Carter was there, as was Dr. Fraiser. Teal’c suspected the physician was invited on account of her friendship with Daniel Jackson rather than for O’Neill’s sake. Cassandra Fraiser was not in attendance, having already promised to join a gathering with her schoolmates.

“You sure are good with meat, Colonel.” Dr. Fraiser informed O’Neill.

Daniel Jackson’s eyebrows flew up, Major Carter nearly choked on her iced tea, and O’Neill stopped stacking plates to give Dr. Fraiser an incredulous look.

“I meant the steak and ribs,” added the doctor, flushing pink. Curious. “I probably shouldn’t have spiked that last glass of tea.”

“I do not understand,” announced Teal’c. Major Carter continued to cough, so he used his open palm to give her three light hits on the back, as was the Tau’ri custom.

“Thanks, Teal’c,” she said, cough subsiding.

When no one else explained, Daniel Jackson finally enlightened Teal’c. “Meat is sometimes used as a slang term for male genitals.”

“That is a very peculiar use of terminology.” The list of colloquial terms for Tau’ri reproductive anatomy was puzzlingly long and diverse. Another such word came to mind. “Is this related to a ‘sausage fest?’”

Dr. Fraiser said, “Daniel, next time, do me a favor and remind me to stop after two drinks.”

“I don’t think you put _that_ much rum in,” said O’Neill.

She replied, “Cut me some slack and let me have this excuse. Sir.”

“Don’t read too much into this stuff, T,” advised O’Neill. “It doesn’t always make sense.”

“I am well aware.”

Out of respect for Dr. Fraiser’s obvious embarrassment, he declined to pursue the subject any further. Instead, when Major Carter suggested, “We should have a watermelon seed spitting contest,” Teal’c assisted in the change of subject.

“I have never heard of this challenge,” he said.

Daniel Jackson replied, “You’ll probably win.”

“Give the rest of us a chance,” said O’Neill.

It was another strange Tau’ri custom, but Teal’c found this competition agreeable, not least because he did, in fact, emerge victorious.

* * *

 

Daniel liked waking up in Jack’s bed better when he didn’t wake up alone. On the other hand, there had been talk the previous weekend of breakfast in bed, so he made a quick trip to the bathroom and made himself comfortable again. There were worse things to do on one’s birthday than lounge around in bed. He liked it when his birthday feel on a weekend.

Several minutes later Jack came in holding a cup of coffee and a plate. “Do I smell pancakes?” asked Daniel, sitting up.

“You sure do. Happy birthday.” Jack set the coffee on the nightstand, put the plate on the bed, and leaned in for a kiss.

“Thank you.”

“Be right back.”

It took two more trips for Jack to bring his own breakfast and glasses of juice. During this time Daniel made two discoveries: one, Jack had gone through the extra trouble of slicing fresh strawberries to put on top of the pancakes, and two, the coffee was better than his usual.

Daniel approved of the coffee upgrade. “This isn’t your usual,” he said.

“You don’t think the best part of wakin’ up is Folgers in your cup.”

“No.”

“So I figured I’d better start keeping some of your coffee around.”

“That’s very thoughtful of you. As is this breakfast.”

“Glad you like it. Dig in.”

“Mmm,” he said appreciatively on his first bite, and once he swallowed, “this is delicious.”

Jack smiled and nodded, mouth full of his own breakfast.

It was a very enjoyable breakfast, not just because the food was great, though it was. The time and effort Jack put into the meal was the best part.

“So,” asked Jack when they finished, “what’s the verdict on breakfast in bed?”

“It’s indulgent and enjoyable. Thank you.”

Jack came in for another quick kiss, this time tasting of strawberries and maple syrup. “You’re welcome. Let me take the dishes out and I’ll give you your present.”

“I’ll help.”

“Ah ah ah.” Jack waggled a finger. “Part of breakfast in bed is that you don’t have to worry about the cleanup.” Through judicious stacking, he got all of the dishes in one armful.

When he got back to the bedroom, he retrieved a small gift bag and card from his closet, looking oddly nervous. Daniel opened the card first, which turned out to be a fairly standard Hallmark birthday card. He reached into the bag and pulled out a jewelry box.

It was a tie pin, a simple gold design with either a diamond or a faux diamond (he couldn’t tell the difference). Daniel had never worn a tie pin in his life and never intended to, so as gifts went it wasn’t particularly exciting. He tried not to show any disappointment over hoping Jack knew him better than this.

“Nana, my dad’s mom, had two sons and three grandsons,” said Jack, apropos of nothing. “No girls. So when she died my cousins and I ended up with her jewelry. I had the diamond taken out of a necklace for this.”

Daniel was immediately and intensely ashamed of himself for ever thinking badly of the gift. It wasn’t merely a tie pin. It was Jack giving him a family heirloom, telling him he was part of Jack’s family now.

“Jack O’Neill, you romantic.” He gave his wonderfully thoughtful boyfriend a kiss. “It’s perfect. Thank you.”

“Oh good. I started to second-guess myself over it being too soon.”

So that’s why he’d been nervous. “No. I’ll wear it to the fundraiser next weekend with great pride.”

Actually, he’d wear it with great pride on every occasion that called for a tie.

“And hey, if one of your diplomatic functions at work ever goes to shit, at least your tie won’t be flapping in your face.”

Daniel laughed and counted himself a lucky man.

* * *

 

Jack had a hard time falling asleep the previous night, worrying that it was too early in their relationship for his gift. He hadn’t needed to stress. Daniel kept looking at the tie pin and smiling, so he really liked it.

The original idea, which turned out to be a damn good one, was that Daniel would appreciate the sentiment of Nana’s diamond. You didn’t give someone your grandmother’s jewelry unless they meant a lot to you, and Jack wanted to demonstrate just how special Daniel was to him. Problem with dating a guy was that you couldn’t just give him earrings or a necklace like Jack was used to, so he’d figured a tie pin was the best way to go. It was that or cuff links, which were too pretentious.

Jack had no use for his grandmother’s jewelry but hadn’t been able to make himself sell it. Sara used to wear some of the stuff, but she refused to keep any when she left. Jack chose the diamond from a necklace he couldn’t recall her wearing, just so this gift was between him and Daniel. Sara had a new husband now, Jack had Daniel. They’d both moved forward with their lives.

It was good to spoil Daniel on his birthday. At one point Jack had considered a dinner with Teal’c and Carter, maybe Fraiser if she promised not to get Teal’c curious about more slang, but Carter and T were both offworld so he abandoned that idea. Anyway, now he got Daniel to himself, which was a very appealing prospect.  

Speaking of activities better done without company… “I’m thinking after breakfast settles would be a good time for birthday sex.”

“I like the way you think,” said Daniel.

Yeah, this ‘just the two of them birthday’ was working out great.


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me so long to write this chapter. My muse felt like a Christmas story so I paused this one to write All I Want for Christmas (Is to Save the World Again).

To the best of Hammond’s recollection, Colonel O’Neill and Major Carter had never been so excited about the same project. He took that as an indication that the initial jetpack testing went well, an assumption O’Neill confirmed when the debriefing started.

“It’s promising, sir. There are still some details to be worked out, and we’ll need to construct another to subject to staff blasts for safety testing.”

“Details?”

Major Carter answered. “The controls are too sensitive.”

“Di Pietro shot straight into the air when he touched them,” explained O’Neill.

“That’s not difficult to fix, sir,” said Carter.

“And we probably should put in an emergency parachute to be on the safe side.”

She nodded. “Also doable, though it will add some weight.”

“But first, staff blasts.” O’Neill tapped his fingers on the table. “We need to know what these things can stand up to.”

“Agreed,” said Hammond. “I trust this was an enjoyable testing session.” It wasn’t every day you got to make a childhood dream come true, after all.

They both nodded, and O’Neill replied, “Absolute blast, sir.”

Considering the tedious meeting he’d been forced to endure, Hammond was frankly envious.

* * *

 

After Jack outlined his weekend plans with his mom, Elaine asked, “How do you feel about her visit?”

“Nervous.” The admission stuck in his throat a little.

“Why?”

“You do love asking me to state the obvious.”

“Obvious is subjective. What’s clear to one person can be a surprise to another.”

Okay, maybe in some circumstances. Jack was pretty sure for the current question, the answer was universally obvious. “I want the weekend to go well.”

“Define ‘well.’”

“Daniel means the world to me.” He thought for a second, trying to find the right words. “If everything else was the same but he was a woman, Mom would be thrilled. I want her to give him the same chance. Get to know him as the person I love. Ball’s in her court, though.”

“I agree that you can’t control your mother’s reactions or emotions. On the other hand, don’t discount what you and Daniel have done to make this easier for her. You gave her space to process the redefinition of your sexuality, and you and Daniel have thoughtfully planned the weekend to give her one-on-one time with you. Nothing you’ve said indicates you’re trying to force her to into instantly adoring Daniel.”

That had never occurred to Jack as an option. “I’m glad I have your stamp of approval,” he said.

“There’s no one-size fits all approach to coming out, Jack. You’re respecting yourself, Daniel, and your mother, so I’d say you’re doing fine.”

“It’s gonna be an awkward weekend.”

“Possibly, and that’s alright. In the long run it’s better to allow for awkwardness, I think, than to paper over it.”

“At least coming down to visit was Mom’s idea. That has to be a good sign, right?”

“I’d say so.”

Jack still wished everything with his mom wasn’t so damn weird now.

* * *

 

While driving to the restaurant where he was going to meet Jack and Mrs. O’Neill, Daniel began to have serious doubts about the wisdom of meeting over food. He was so nervous he wasn’t sure he could manage more than a few bites.

By then Jack should’ve picked his mom up from the airport, from which he was heading to the restaurant. The plan was that the three of them would have dinner together, then go their separate ways for the evening. In the morning, they’d spend the day at the Garden of the Gods before Daniel left for the charity dinner.

They hadn’t made plans for Sunday, preferring to wait and see how the earlier meetings went. Lunch before Mrs. O’Neill flew back was an option.

Daniel wanted Jack’s mom to accept his role in her son’s life. He loved Jack, and they were committed to each other, so her continuing disapproval wouldn’t change their relationship. It would, however, change her relationship with Jack, and Daniel hated for that to happen. He hoped she would be willing to see how good they were together and how much he loved Jack.

He pulled into the parking lot, noticing Jack’s truck in the next row. He took a deep breath and got out of his car. There was only so much he could do, but he’d put his best foot forward and hope for the best.

Jack had selected a restaurant new to Daniel, a local family-run place his mother enjoyed on a previous visit. It offered Peruvian food, which didn’t matter much because Daniel still wasn’t convinced how much he’d be able to eat.

Jack stood with a woman who had to be his mother, though they didn’t look much alike. Then again, he always said he took after his dad more.

“Hi,” said Jack.

He answered, “Hi.” Oh yes, this was just as awkward as they’d feared.

“Mom, this is Daniel. Daniel, my mom, Barb O’Neill.”

He reached out to shake her hand. “Pleased to meet you.”

“And you,” she replied. Her handshake was firmer than her voice.

“I hope you weren’t waiting long.”

“We got here about a minute before you did,” said Jack. “Ready to go in?”

Daniel and Mrs. O’Neill both nodded. While Jack told the hostess about his reservation, his mom took the opportunity to say, “This is all quite a change for me, but I hope you haven’t taken it personally.”

“I haven’t.” It couldn’t have been personal before she even met him.

“I am glad Jack found someone who makes him happy. I never expected, well, you know.”

He did. “Thank you for coming down to visit, Mrs. O’Neill.”

“Please, call me Barb.”

As they followed the hostess to their table, he decided the evening was off to a fairly good start. Yes, it was awkward, but on the other hand Barb appeared to be making a genuine effort to move past her preconceived notions and that was all Daniel wanted.

“Jack says you were on his team until recently,” she said once they were seated.

“Yes.”

“But you’re not in the military.”

“No, I’m a civilian consultant.”

She nodded. “I won’t bother you with more questions you can’t answer.”

“Mom’s used to not being able to know much about what I do,” explained Jack.

“I still don’t like it, but I am used to it.”

Daniel said, “I think it helps that we can talk about it with each other. We don’t have to keep secrets about our work.”

“I imagine that would make things easier.”

Their waitress interrupted another strained silence. She filled their glasses with water, Jack ordered empanadas de pollo, and they were left to look at menus none of them were paying much attention to, wondering what to say next.

Daniel resorted to the classic line, “How was your flight?”

“Average, I’d say. The gentleman next to me was snoring rather loudly, but there weren’t any crying babies, so I can’t complain too much.” The conversation fell into another awkward lull for a moment until she asked, “So, where are you from?”

“New York State, but I spent much of my early childhood in Egypt on my parents’ archaeological expeditions.”

“Jack’s father wanted to see the pyramids for years,” said Barb. “He always said one day we’d go. Once he got his diagnosis, he booked the flights the next morning, and I’m so glad he did. I got to share his lifelong dream with him before he passed.”

Daniel turned to Jack. “Is that when he got your magnet?” A few years ago a clichéd souvenir magnet showing the pyramids appeared on Jack’s fridge, where it’d been ever since. Daniel had asked and was told it was a gift from Jack’s dad.

“Yep.”

Barb smiled. “He picked out the cheesiest one he could find, just because he knew how much cheesy souvenirs annoy Jack.”

“And it’s still on my fridge, so Dad got the last laugh.”

“I trust you enjoyed yourselves,” said Daniel to Barb.

“Very much. It’s astonishing to realize how old the pyramids are.”

It was even more astonishing to know the whole truth about the Goa’uld. Daniel smiled and nodded in his best impression of somebody who didn’t know the real story about the pyramids. “Most people don’t understand just how ancient they truly are,” he said. “People don’t tend to appreciate just how far back the history of Egypt stretches. The pyramids of Giza were thirteen hundred years old when Tutankhamun was pharaoh.”

He stopped himself before delving into why, while Tutankhamun’s tomb was an important find, as a pharaoh his fame wasn’t really justified. He doubted Barb was terribly interested.

She said, “I take it you have more than a passing interest in ancient Egypt.”

“That’s one way to put it,” answered Jack. “Daniel here is a linguist and an archaeologist.”

“An archaeologist working for the military?”

“The USAF employs plenty of linguists and translators,” Jack said smoothly.

“I suppose you do.” Thankfully, she left the subject of his job description and went back to Egyptology, opening her menu at the same time. “Our tour guide said that Cleopatra lived closer to the modern era than the time of the pyramids. Astounding. Now where’s that fish I liked last time?”

Daniel thought he might be able to eat now. Egypt had broken the ice, so he and Jack joined Barb in reading the menu.

* * *

 

All things considered, Jack thought dinner went well. Daniel and Mom spent the first part of it talking about Egypt which was slightly weird when he mentioned Ra, because he and Jack knew Ra was an evil alien (a dead one, thankfully) and Mom just thought he was an old myth. Still, their interactions got progressively less awkward as the evening went on, so he counted it as a win.

Once he and Mom took off for home, she had more questions. He’d expected that.

“He was on your team before?”

“If you’re asking if we were seeing each other while he was under my command – nominal though my command over Daniel may have been – the answer is no. I did this right. Separate assignments, got my dispensation and everything before our first date.”

“But not before you had feelings for him. You’ve mentioned him more than other teammates.”

“We’ve been friends for years.” Not that Mom was wrong about the feelings part.

“He’s a very nice man,” said Mom.

“But?” Jack prompted, because he knew one was coming.

“But I don’t understand why he’s your boyfriend instead of your friend.”

“I know,” he said.

“You always dated women before.”

“Yep.”

“Why Daniel?”

“Because I love him.” When she didn’t respond, he tried to explain. “Look, I realized I could go either way when I was married. It didn’t matter then, and with DADT, it wasn’t an option later even if I’d had time to date.”

“That’s another thing. You must be doing something very important if you managed to get official permission to see Daniel.”

Jack tried to address the comment without confirming or denying it. “I put in for retirement, they asked me what it would take to keep me in. Didn’t think it’d happen, but it did. I wasn’t going to ask Daniel to be my dirty secret.”

“So you’re allowed…”

“We’re allowed to be together with the understanding that we’ll be discreet, not paranoid.”

“He’s worth that much to you.”

“Yes.”

“I may not understand it,” said Mom after a minute, “but I am glad you found someone who makes you so happy.”

Yeah, dinner had definitely been a huge step in the right direction.

* * *

 

It felt weird to spend a Friday night in his own bed. Unable to sleep, Daniel sent Jack a text. He wasn’t generally a big texter, but it seemed more discreet in this case. He didn’t want to interrupt if Jack and Barb were talking.

 _Please tell me that went reasonably well._ He thought it had. On the other hand, it was possible that Barb was a good actress.

 _It did_ , replied Jack, to his considerable relief. _Mom still doesn’t understand, but she likes you. Said she’s glad I found someone who makes me happy._

The knot in Daniel’s stomach eased, because this was what he’d hoped for from their initial meeting. Maybe even more than he’d hoped.

_Good._

_Falling asleep here_ , read Jack’s next text.

Daniel imagined Jack with his sleepy face. _Goodnight._

_Night._

He wasn’t falling asleep beside Jack, so he hung on to his mental image of tired Jack until he drifted off himself.

* * *

 

“Do you garden, Daniel?” asked Barb.

They were walking around the Garden of the Gods early in the morning, before the day got too hot. Since the previous topic of conversation had been Barb updating Jack on his grandmother, the question caught Daniel by surprise.

“No. Why do you ask?”

“I noticed a garden in Jack’s backyard this morning, and he’s never had one before.”

“It’s our friend Murray’s,” explained Jack. “He wanted to try one and can’t grow anything where he lives.”

Living hundreds of feet definitely underground ruled out gardening. Teal’c was curious about growing food, something with which he had no experience. If Jaffa were going to be free of their Goa’uld masters, they wouldn’t be able to rely on having food grown by human subjects, so Teal’c wanted to get an idea what producing food entailed. A garden was just the tip of the iceberg, but it was a start.

“He’s not keeping up with the weeds,” remarked Barb.

Jack said, “He doesn’t have much time.”

“He also tried to be efficient by taking big handfuls of weeds at once, and in the process he yanked up a third of his corn.” Daniel didn’t know much about gardening, since he wasn’t especially interested in it. He did know that you were supposed to leave corn plants in the ground. “I think that soured him on weeding.”

“I think the weeds have soured him on gardening,” said Jack, and he was probably right.

“What do you do for fun, then?” Barb asked Daniel.

“I love my job,” he said.

“That’s an understatement,” Jack told his mother.

“I read extensively. Jack and I have been watching all the movies to ever win an Academy Award for Best Picture.”

“Almost done those. Maybe we’ll move on to Best Actor and Best Actress next,” said Jack.

“And I love to travel.” To other planets, especially.

“Jack mentioned that you’re going to Austria next month.”

“Yes, I’m looking forward to it.” Not just because Austria promised to be a great trip, though it did. This would also be their first time taking a vacation as a couple.

“We’ll send you a postcard,” said Jack.

“I’d like that. It’s always nice to receive something in the mail other than bills.”

“Or advertisements,” said Daniel. “I get something from a pizza place at least once a week.”

“Is that the place with crappy pizza?” asked Jack.

“Yes.”

“Never mind advertising, they should invest in crust that doesn’t taste like cardboard.”

Barb stopped to admire a butterfly. They were sticking to the easy central trail so it was more crowded, with plenty of families around. One of these days Daniel thought he’d like to come out and try a tougher trail, because he was actively working to stay in shape now that he wasn’t going through the gate all the time. He never knew when he’d need to run for his life again, and the gym on base was a boring way to get exercise.

“Do you come to this park often?” asked Barb.

“No,” said Jack. “We should come more often.”

“We should,” agreed Daniel. “There’s nowhere to fish, though.”

“Do you fish also?” asked Barb.

“Not really.” He’d tried it a few weeks earlier and decided it wasn’t for him. Sitting with Jack and talking or reading was more his style. “I tried it and didn’t see the appeal.”

“He’s good with the rest of it,” Jack said. “The peace and quiet part, getting away from it all.”

“So, fishing without fishing?” Barb’s comment made sense only to someone who knew Jack’s stance on his favorite pastime. 

“Exactly,” said Jack.

“I think fishing is boring.”

Jack shook his head at his mom. “Sacrilege.”

“And then if I did catch something, neither the fish nor I knew what to do next. Jack’s father despaired of me fishing around the time Jack was born,” Barb told Daniel. “Honestly, I think his fishing trips were probably less stressful without me.”

“I didn’t get to the point where wondering what to do with the fish was a problem.” This lack of success hadn’t bothered Daniel in the least.

“I always felt rather badly for the poor things.”

“They’re fish, Mom.”

“It’s still a living creature struggling for its survival.”

Jack was unbothered. “Food chain.”

“I’m more concerned about being eaten alive by mosquitos,” Daniel said. He’d heard from Teal’c that this was a possibility at the cabin.

“Mom’s one of those people the mosquitos practically ignore.” Jack’s tone held more than a touch of envy as he made this comment.

“I am very fortunate in that regard.”

“Too bad you didn’t inherit that, Jack,” said Daniel.

“Tell me about it.”

Barb chuckled. “I think you managed alright with your genetic inheritance, mosquitos notwithstanding.”

Daniel was about to agree and make a comment about how handsome Jack was, but he stopped himself. Barb was relaxing a bit and he didn’t want to make her uncomfortable again over something which didn’t really need to be said.

It wasn’t a perfect world. All the same, he appreciated that she’d reached the point where the three of them could walk through the Garden of the Gods without tremendous awkwardness.

* * *

 

While Daniel went to the charity dinner with Fraiser, Jack cooked steaks for himself and his mom.

“He’s very nice,” said Mom. “I just don’t understand why he’s your boyfriend instead of a friend. Maybe you’ve known otherwise for years, but until last month I thought you were strictly heterosexual. Is it… this is a real relationship?”

That had better not be a veiled question about his sex life, a topic Jack was not going to discuss with his mom. He never had before and wasn’t about to start now. “Yes. We’re planning on the rest of our lives together.”

“Hmm.” She bit into a cucumber coin, so it was a moment before she finished the thought. “I’ve learned some things at my PFLAG meetings.”

“Oh?”

“At first I thought I did something wrong, that I failed as a mother somehow.”

“You didn’t,” he promised. “It’s nothing like that. I’m just… flexible, I guess.”

“I realized part of my reaction was based on Church teachings, but on further reflection that didn’t hold up very well.”

“It didn’t?” Jack was surprised, because he’d expected that to be one of Mom’s biggest stumbling blocks.

“The Church also teaches that birth control is a sin, and I was the one who encouraged your Aunt Lucy to go on it when she didn’t know how they’d manage another baby.”

Aunt Lucy, his dad’s youngest sister, had three kids in under four years, so he could see why birth control had been appealing.

“And I can’t say I always obeyed your father, either. My relationship with God remains unchanged, but my relationship with the Church has become more complicated over the years. Some of the things that have come out of Boston… well, that’s not Christian.”

Jack could agree there. Few things were more heinous than sexually abusing kids.

“So my point is, I still don’t understand, and I’m not sure about the theology of your relationship, but you’re happy. I can see how happy you are, and I’ve wanted that for you, so this old dog is trying to learn new tricks.”

He flipped the steaks and gave her a hug. “It means a lot to me that you’re here. Daniel, too.”

“The two of you haven’t acted like a couple.”

“Discreet in public, remember? At least in the Springs.”

“I didn’t know if that was for my benefit.”

“Maybe a little.” Mostly the part where Daniel didn’t stay over.

“Thank you. For giving me time to adjust.”

“I’m just glad you’re adjusting.”

“I’m a work in progress,” she said. “I’ll admit I would be uncomfortable about physical displays of affection that never bothered me when you were with Sara.”

“So are a lot of people.” He didn’t like it, but Jack firmly believed in dealing with reality.

“You’re the last person I would’ve expected to be, ah, flexible.”

He shrugged. “Stranger things have happened.” He saw them pretty much every day at work.

“I suppose.” She picked up another slice of cucumber. “In any event, if you’re going to have a boyfriend, I’m glad you picked a good one.”

“I’m a lucky man,” he said, and decided to count this weekend as a win.


	39. Chapter 39

Tuesday morning found Daniel on a joint mission with Sam, always enjoyable. UAV footage appeared to show a city well into the process of being swallowed by the ocean, and what writing could be seen looked to be Ancient. Therefore, a large team under Sam’s overall command was dispatched to learn and salvage as much as possible.

Daniel was in charge of the archaeological aspect, naturally, and he’d assigned Nyan the task of documenting the city on video. His Bedrosian assistant would probably be returning home soon – lately he’d been communicating with a friend via the stargate, and it seemed that opinions were changing enough that it would soon be safe for Nyan to go home and share his knowledge. Daniel would miss him, but he knew how much Nyan missed his family and was happy they’d be reunited.

In the meantime, Nyan applied himself assiduously to his task. With a well-armed airman to look out for him, he was slowly making his way down the main avenue into city by boat, with the video camera recording everything. Daniel trusted that task was in good hands, so he turned his attention to other matters.

“We’ll have to take the inflatable raft out to the island,” said Sam, looking through her binoculars. “UAV footage showed some interesting tech on that tower.”

“It’s going to be our best chance to learn more about the Ancients,” agreed Daniel. Except for the very outskirts, the city was underwater. The outlying residential areas were only submerged for a foot or two at low tide, but the more revealing sites – libraries, public buildings, and such – were in deeper water.

So far, Daniel had learned that Ancient homes apparently ran on technology that had died over time, or was flooded. Unless, of course, the residents had taken everything with them when they abandoned the city, which was also possible.

While the raft inflated Sam remarked, “You’re on leave soon, right?”

“Yes. In three weeks.” He and Jack were both looking forward to their Austrian vacation, and then relaxing at the cabin.

Considering how well Barb’s visit had gone, Daniel thought they should send her more than a postcard from Austria. A souvenir of some kind seemed to be in order, though he wouldn’t claim to have the faintest idea what kind of souvenir. That would be up to Jack.

“I’m going to California the following week,” said Sam.

“Spoiling your niece and nephew again?”

“That’s the plan.” She smiled. “This time I’m watching them for a long weekend while my brother and his wife have a little getaway. I hope it goes well.”

“I imagine it will.”

“They’re leaving on Friday and coming back Monday night, so I think I can manage. I’m bringing everything we need to make a robot.”

“A robot?”

She shrugged. “I thought it would be nice to have something we could do together. I’ve also promised a trip to the bumper cars.”

If anyone could build a functional robot in a weekend with two kids, it would be Sam. Daniel said, “I bet not many of their classmates will be able to say they made a robot over summer break.”

“Probably not.”

“We’re ready to go, Major,” said Airman Faulkner. He held the raft while Sam and Daniel got in. Half of their team, including Nyan, stayed behind to explore the as-yet partially aboveground edge of the city, while the rest of them headed out to the island which had once been a hill.

In the second raft, Bill Lee asked, “You guys aren’t going to scrape across a submerged spire or something and puncture the raft, are you?”

“Not planning on it, sir,” replied Lieutenant Williamson. “But we do have life vests in case of emergency.”

“A life vest isn’t going to protect my equipment,” he retorted. Lee did love machines of all types.

“Ancient architecture isn’t noted for spires,” said Daniel.

That seemed to reassure Lee slightly, and he started scanning with a device unknown to Daniel.

“What’s that?” asked Daniel.

Lee didn’t answer, so Sam explained. “It’s his naquadah detector. He designed it himself.”

Lee could probably build a robot in a weekend, too.

* * *

 

In addition to the strike teams, Jack was in charge of SGC’s training programs. He was meeting with Hammond to establish goals when he heard the familiar sound of an incoming wormhole.

He followed Hammond to see who was coming in.

“Receiving IDC,” said Harriman. “It’s SG-17, sir.”

SG-17 was Carter’s science team, now offworld with Daniel.

“Open the iris,” said Hammond.

About twenty seconds later Lee stepped through, followed closely by others, including Daniel who, to Jack’s relief, looked just fine.

“There was an earthquake,” explained Lee. “Carter thought we should evacuate in case it causes a tsunami.”

Carter was the last one through the gate. “All accounted for, sir. This is just a precaution.”

“A sensible one,” said Hammond. “Was anyone injured in the earthquake?”

“Bumps and bruises. Nothing serious.”

Jack decided to check this for himself as far as Daniel was concerned. After Hammond dismissed him he made his way to Daniel’s office.

“Hey.”

Daniel looked up from the pictures he was studying. “Hi Jack.”

“So, earthquake?”

“I’m fine.”

“You always say that.”

Daniel pushed up one of his sleeves. “This is my injury.”

It didn’t even qualify as an injury, since it was just a tiny scratch. “Glad you’re okay,” he said.

Daniel nodded. “We were sitting down finishing breakfast, so we were fine. The only real casualty was Dr. Lee’s electroscope.”

“Which I’m sure he’s bitching about as we speak.”

“Probably. We have learned that Ancient architecture is capable of standing up to a moderate earthquake, more or less. There was some damage, but this city has to be over ten thousand years old, maybe far older.”

Jack was no archaeologist, but he recognized solid craftsmanship. “That’s some lifespan for an abandoned city.”

“I hope we can go back soon,” said Daniel, of course.

“Tsunamis don’t take that long, do they?”

“I don’t think so, but then I’m basing that on very limited knowledge from Earth.”

Ah. Fair point. “Who knows about alien tsunamis?”

“We might be about to learn more,” said Daniel.

“I’m sure the geologists would be thrilled.”

Daniel scowled a bit. “I’d like the city intact.”

“Well, yeah. But if it’s going to crumble, better you’re not in it.”

“Always.”

Daniel was eyeing his pictures again, so Jack headed for the door. He had training exercises to plan, and Daniel had… whatever those pictures showed. Looked like a giant mural, but who knew? Not Jack. “See you later.”

“Later,” said Daniel, taking out his magnifying glass.

Yep, all was well.

* * *

 

O’Neill had permitted Teal’c to plant a garden in his backyard, so long as it was understood that O’Neill would not care for the plants. This evening, he joined Teal’c in walking toward the garden, citing curiosity.

“Did you increase your money in the poker game?” asked Teal’c. O’Neill had stated his intention to join Colonel Ferretti’s ‘Poker Night’ the previous evening. Evidently this was a common pastime among males of the Tau’ri when their wives were not at home.

“I ended the night up five bucks.”

“That is a small profit.”

“It’s not about the profit, it’s about the experience.”

“Like fishing?”

“Exactly,” said O’Neill. “If you ever want to join, you’d have a hell of a poker face.”

He did not understand the appeal. “Perhaps during the next lockdown.”

O’Neill correctly interpreted the statement as one of disinterest. Teal’c would have to be very bored before resorting to poker playing. “That’s a no, then,” said O’Neill.

They arrived at the garden. Teal’c’s experiment in gardening had given him new appreciation for those who produced food, along with no small amount of concern as to how Jaffa would feed themselves when they won freedom from the false gods. Currently, he thought their best chance would be to secure freedom for populations of human slaves who grew food and create an alliance, because farming was tedious, challenging work and Teal’c was not skilled at it.

His corn plants, those which remained after he inadvertently removed many along with weeds, were a failure.

“Maybe corn doesn’t like this soil,” said O’Neill.

“Is corn known for being a difficult crop?”

“I don’t think so.”

Discouraging.

O’Neill went on, “I’m no gardener, but we always had one when I was a kid. Some plants are picky about what kind of soil they grow in, how much shade and water they get, that stuff.”

“There are more variables in gardening than I anticipated.” He looked across the garden. “My zucchini is thriving.” It was the one crop he felt confident was a success. The tomato plants might yet yield, and he had only small hope for the cucumbers.

“Hate to break it to you, T, but zucchini grows just about anywhere. My grandmother used to have a hard time giving it away at church because everyone else already had too much.”

Teal’c resolved to speak with Master Bra’tac about the difficulties free Jaffa would face in feeding themselves.

* * *

 

Sam had been right about the tsunami, and considering the damaged it had done to the Ancient city, Daniel was glad they’d hurried back through the gate.

The island was completely wrecked and looked so unstable they gave it wide berth. Most of the buildings suffered tremendous damage. It took them several days to find artifacts worth bringing back to Earth, and hadn’t Jack complained about another sexless weekend while Daniel was offworld. “I finally get my act together and now the universe is conspiring against us,” were his exact words.

Daniel’s response had been to go over to Jack’s house Tuesday night when he got back and surprise his partner by showing up ready to get naked, which had been highly enjoyable for both of them.

The following evening saw him at his desk, poring over an artifact, when Jack entered his office. “I’m heading out. You wanna grab pizza?”

Jack was in charge during Hammond’s annual summer vacation, so it had to have been a quiet day if he left on time. “Give me a few minutes?” asked Daniel.

In another minute Jack was standing beside him, looking down at the artifact. It was a flat oval, three inches high, sixteen across, and eight wide. Daniel had a gut feeling that this was an important object, but he couldn’t for the life of him figure out what it was.

“What’s this?” asked Jack.

“I have no idea.”

“Does it do anything?”

“Not so far.”

“Did you try pressing the button?”

“Yes, Jack. A dozen times.” There was a small indent which could conceivably be a button, but if it was, maybe the power died long ago.

“Huh.” Jack poked it anyway, and the device came to life, lighting up and making a kind of humming noise. “Are you sure you pressed the button hard enough?”

“You hardly touched it. I wonder what I was doing wrong.” He picked up the artifact, which did nothing further. “Don’t go anywhere, I might need you again.”

Jack sighed. “This means we’re having dinner from the mess hall, doesn’t it?”

* * *

 

Sam couldn’t get anywhere with the Ancient technology salvaged from the ruins of the tsunami, so when Daniel called to tell her he found something, she didn’t waste time getting to his office.

One of his artifacts had powered up and was now depicting a rotating 3D image of a stargate and DHD. Sam’s mouth dropped.

“How did you do it?”

“I didn’t. Jack did.”

She hadn’t noticed the colonel, sitting off to the side and muttering, “Should’ve kept my hands to myself until tomorrow. It’s tuna casserole night.”

Sam wasn’t sure what the mess hall menu had to do with anything, but she had enough experience with Colonel O’Neill to ignore the comment. “You recorded it?” she asked Daniel, in case the device died on them.

“Of course. Watch this. Jack?”

The colonel put his hand on a button she knew hadn’t been visible before, and the display spun out to galactic map which filled the entire room with white dots. Daniel hit the lights, allowing Sam to see that some dots were actually blue. She was awed. “Is this… a map of the gate system?”

“I think so,” said Daniel.

“Check this out.” Colonel O’Neill pressed a button again, and the galaxy collapsed. Now the lights showed four different galaxies, each a mass of white dots with some blue.

“We need to get video of the whole schematic.” Daniel reached for his camcorder. “But I couldn’t wait to show you.”

“I’m glad you didn’t. This is amazing!”

“Right. You two have fun.”

“But sir, you can’t leave,” Sam protested, only to realize he could, because for one thing he was the full bird colonel, and for another this wasn’t time-critical and it was past 1800 hours.

“If I’m gonna spend my evening as a human remote instead of watching the game, I’m doing it on a full stomach. You two do your thing. I’ll be back.” With that, he left Daniel’s office in the direction of the elevator.

They’d almost finished recording every angle of the four galaxies when he came back, covered tray in hand. The tray held three generously portioned ham and cheese melts with pickles on the side, plus three M&M cookies.  “I’m not the only one who needs to eat,” he said. “Daniel, hand me some of your cups.”

Daniel passed three plastic cups, which the colonel filled at the water fountain. He must’ve pulled rank in the mess hall, because hot sandwiches usually weren’t available unless they were the featured meal.

“Thanks, Jack.”

“Thank you, sir.”

“Yeah, well, someone has to remind you two to eat when you find something exciting.” He gave Daniel a fond look, and another piece of the puzzle fell into place for Sam.

He wasn’t giving up whatever game was on that night to be a ‘human remote’ as a matter of duty, because as much as Sam didn’t like to admit it, the artifact could have waited. He was staying because it made Daniel happy, and making Daniel happy made the colonel happy, even happier than watching a game.

Daniel knew this, too. He gave the colonel a grateful smile. “I appreciate you staying.”

Colonel O’Neill shrugged through a bite of sandwich, then said, “Maybe we’ll find blueprints for some cool weapons.”

Sam and Daniel both knew that had nothing to do with his motives, but they played along with the façade.

* * *

 

It’d been a good night for Daniel. Eventually Jack pressed the button enough that the display gave them a whole presentation, complete with narration. This was very exciting to Daniel because it was their first encounter with spoken Ancient, and Jack had a feeling the video was going to be played a lot while Daniel worked on deciphering the audio.

At the end of the presentation, they got back the 3D model of the gate and DHD, which the image then dove inside of to show schematics. Jack wasn’t sure he’d ever seen Carter so ecstatic.

So now they had a comprehensive map of the gate system in four galaxies (Jack pressed the button enough times that they got the individual view of each galaxy), spoken Ancient, and gate schematics. A good night’s work.

“It must’ve been some kind of educational device,” said Daniel.

“I wonder why it only responds to the colonel,” Carter mused. “And if the other tech will. Holy Hannah, what if everything we thought was dead would react to him?”

It was 2100 hours and Jack was ready to go home. Actually, he’d been ready to go home hours ago. Getting the thing to work was cool at first, and the maps were pretty sweet, but it’d been a long day. Daniel was so damn thrilled he stuck around to press more buttons anyway.

“You can test that theory tomorrow, Carter. Right now I hear my bed calling me. As for going offworld, that’ll have to wait a few weeks.”

Jack was in command during Hammond’s annual summer leave, which meant no going offworld, and then it was his turn to go on leave. Whatever was left of the Ancient city would just have to wait until they got back from Austria and the cabin.

“We didn’t find many smaller devices intact,” said Carter, “but there might be more you can activate in the city.”

“A whole mission of playing remote control. I can hardly wait.”

Daniel’s eyebrows went up. “Please. You’re not fooling us, we know you’re looking forward to going through the gate again.”

Carter just smirked. Busted.

“Don’t stay up all night, kids.” With that, he headed out of Daniel’s office. He really was tired, and while he wondered why only he could make the doohickey work, he pushed the thought out of his mind in the parking lot. If he was lucky, he’d catch the end of the Cubs game on sports radio.

* * *

 

“I think this one’s dead too,” said Jack. That made five inoperable artifacts. They’d yet to find another he could operate, and Daniel entertained the thought that the previous night’s working device was an exception.

Sam handed over a small sphere with a flat bottom, about the size of a golf ball. “Try this one.”

“It doesn’t have any buttons,” said Jack.

Evidently it didn’t need any, because the sphere started playing noise. Maybe it was music to the Ancients, but it offended Daniel’s ears. There had to be three completely different and non-complimentary pieces being played over each other.

“Huh,” said Jack. “How do you turn this thing down?”

The music got much quieter.

Jack eyed the device with surprise. “It speaks English?”

“That’s unlikely,” replied Daniel. More like impossible. “The city was abandoned before English existed.”

“So how did it know to turn down? I didn’t do anything else.”

It was a good question. After a moment Sam said, “You did _think_ about wanting the volume down.”

It was a wild guess, but it made sense. “That would explain the lack of physical interface,” said Daniel.

Jack looked at the sphere. The volume went up, down again, and then changed to play something completely different. Only two different pieces of music this time.

“It can even play something simpler,” said Jack. “I’m not sure how I feel about this.”

He might not have been. Sam was delighted. “Does it respond if you’re not touching it?”

Jack handed her the device. Nothing happened. “That’s a no.”

Daniel’s mind started racing with implications. “The Ancients could have been telepathic.”

“Didn’t need to be,” pointed out Jack. “I’m not.”

“You could be pre-telepathic,” mused Sam. “You could be a step forward in human evolution, sir!”

“God, I hope not.”

The device seemed to be the Ancient equivalent of a boom box, and it was the last of the artifacts they’d salvaged, so Daniel headed with Jack toward the elevator. He wanted to work on the spoken Ancient some more, and Jack had a briefing.

In the elevator Jack was on edge. “I don’t want to be the next step in human evolution,” he said. “I just want to be me.”

“You are you, regardless. Anyway, it’s only a theory, and there could be another explanation. We’ve encountered telepathic races who haven’t given any indication that you had that ability.”

Jack’s unease lightened visibly. “That’s true.”

“What would be so terrible about being the next step in human evolution?” he asked, genuinely curious.

“You mean besides being a lab rat?”

“Well, yes.”

Jack gave him a meaningful look. “I don’t want my life to change.”

Oh. _Oh._ He was worried about Daniel’s reaction. Unable to hug or kiss him, Daniel settled for an uncharacteristic shoulder bump. “Don’t worry about it. You’d still be you, remember?”

He honestly doubted Sam was right about this, but if she was, it wouldn’t make a difference as far as his love for Jack was concerned. None at all.

Now Jack looked much less concerned. “Yeah.” He bumped Daniel’s shoulder back. Message received and understood.

* * *

 

Freyr stopped by on Friday. One minute Jack was discussing possible strike team targets with Teal’c, and the next there was an Asgard in his office, which he didn’t realize until he heard, “Greetings.”

He looked over. It wasn’t Thor, but the face was familiar. “Freyr?”

“It is I.”

Crap. Last time they’d met, Jack had insulted Freyr’s parentage. “Uh, about last time…”

One frail gray hand waved slightly. “It is of no consequence. Such things happen in young races.”

Phew. Off the hook. “So, what brings you to our neighborhood?”

“I have come to request two of your solar system’s asteroids.”

That was a new one. Jack guessed they were talking via hologram, because a piece of paper appeared on his desk. “You guys have printers?”

“I thought you would like a permanent record of which asteroids I wish to take. Electronic displays will last indefinitely aboard an Asgard ship, but only a matter of months on Earth.”

A matter of months would’ve been plenty of time to get the info, and then Carter would’ve had a grand time poking around the tech until it died, but oh well.

“For what purpose do you require the asteroids?” asked Teal’c while Jack looked at the paper. Looked like Freyr had picked two from the asteroid belt between Earth and Mars.

“They contain iskaran.”

“Which is?” asked Jack.

“A relatively rare mineral in this galaxy. It forms only in the absence of naquadah.”

So their solar system’s lack of naquadah was good for something, at least to the Asgard.

“Asgard hyperdrive technology requires small amounts of iskaran. I cannot repair my hyperdrive without it.”

With Hammond gone the decision fell to Jack, who weighed options in his head. As far as he knew, there was no protocol for giving away asteroids, though knowing the bureaucracy at the Pentagon, one would probably be created after this. If he passed the request up, who knew how long it would take to get an official okay? The Asgard were Earth’s best allies and annoying them didn’t seem like a good idea. Worst case scenario, someone came back and told Jack not to give away any more asteroids.

“How about this: you take the asteroids you need, and give us some information on this iskaran.”

“I can provide you with a small sample if I take a slightly larger asteroid.”

“Even better.” This way, if someone up the chain of command wasn’t happy about Jack handing over asteroids, he could always point to what Earth got out of the deal. Rare minerals had to be good, he figured.

“I am identifying a suitable asteroid.”

While Freyr or his computer did that, Jack saw a chance to get a couple answers. “Carter and Daniel brought back some stuff from an Ancient city,” he said. “Ancient the race, not just really old. Though it was really old too. Anyway, nobody but me can activate their devices, and we think one is telepathically controlled.”

“Later Ancient technology was controlled telepathically,” confirmed Freyr.

“Okay, but do you know why I’m the only one who can make it work?” This had been bugging Jack for days now.

“Yes. The Ancients also keyed much of their technology to respond only to the genetic code of their race. You possess a notably strong expression of the required gene.”

“I’m part Ancient?” That was slightly better than being Carter’s next step in human evolution. Still weird, though.

“All humans are. The Ancients interbred with your distant ancestors.”

Oh boy. The biologists were gonna freak over this. “So, we’re all part Ancient, but I’m more than most?”

“Or you simply inherited strong expressions from both your parents. It is impossible to say with certainty based on the available data.”

That raised a good point. “Where’d this data come from?”

“We scanned your genetic code when we wondered why you were able to access the repository of Ancient knowledge.”

Made sense. Jack was still considering the implications of this when another piece of paper appeared on his desk.

“Is this asteroid available?” asked Freyr, as though Jack was familiar with the entire asteroid belt, or any of them _weren’t_ available.

“Yeah, sure.”

“Thank you, O’Neill. I will contact you when I have the sample.”

“See you soon.”

Freyr’s hologram blinked out, leaving Jack and Teal’c alone again. “I’m part alien,” he said.

“Indeed. As is every other human.”

“I’ve got a strong Ancient gene.”

“It is fortunate the Air Force allowed you to remain to discover this information, and operate Ancient devices.”

“This puts a whole new spin on my uncle’s genealogy research.” Jack was still trying to wrap his head around the fact that part of what made humans human was, in fact, alien. It was a lot to take in. He shook his head and picked up the phone. “Hey Daniel, you’re not gonna believe what Freyr just told me…”

* * *

 

Freyr’s revelations about humans having Ancient ancestry and Jack’s strong gene expression was all very interesting, but Daniel had more personal matters on his mind. He’d received notice that it was time to renew his lease, which had gotten him thinking about his living arrangements.

He showed up at Jack’s with _Gladiator._ After this it was one more movie before they’d finished the Best Picture winners, and they’d be going back to the 1920s films for Best Actor and Best Actress.

Jack greeted him with a kiss, as he usually did. “I’ve got the grill going. Burgers sound good?”

“Yes. I brought ice cream and root beer.”

“Root beer floats? Good idea.”

After putting the ice cream in the freezer, he followed Jack out to the porch. “Grill’s almost hot enough,” Jack declared, looking at Daniel. “Something on your mind?”

“I got the notice to renew my lease. My current lease is through the end of September.”

Jack took a moment to select his words. “Thinking about looking for a new place? I know you haven’t been thrilled with your new neighbors.”

He hadn’t, because they brought considerably noise to a previously quiet building. That, however, was not the bigger point. Daniel wanted to live with Jack. He wanted to go to bed with him, wake up beside him, and give up lonely nights in his apartment thinking how much he’d rather be with his partner.

Over the hammering of his heart, he said, “Is it too soon?”

Next thing he knew he was being pulled into a very enthusiastic hug. “No. Move in. I’ve been thinking, if you want we can finish half the basement, turn it into your office. Or we can make that the spare bedroom and you can have the current one for your office, if you’d rather.”

It clearly wasn’t too soon if Jack had been thinking about renovating his house for Daniel. “Either one.” As long as he had a place where he could retreat when Jack was watching a game, he’d be perfectly happy.

“You can even put out your historic knick-knacks.”

“Artifacts and art, and you hate ‘clutter.’”

“Yeah, but I love you. I’m not dusting all your stuff, though. You want knick-knacks, you have to dust them.”

“Deal.” Daniel sealed it with a kiss. “I’ll tell the leasing office I’m not renewing.”

“And I’ll look for a good contractor for the basement. You’ll have to think about what you want for your office.”

“A quiet space with a desk and bookshelves.”

Jack gave him a soft, happy smile. “I’m really glad. I want you around all the time. Hell, if you wanted to find a new place together, we could do that too.”

“I like it here,” said Daniel. He’d always liked Jack’s house, and as long as he got his own space and could put out some of his possessions in the rest of the rooms, he’d be very happy. “It’s peaceful.”

“It is,” agreed Jack. “It’s a good place. It’ll be even better once you move in.”

Daniel could hardly wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Over a year later, this story is finally wrapping up. One more chapter and an epilogue to come, I think.


	40. Chapter 40

The last appointment before vacation, Elaine asked, “Have you ever thought about what you would say to your assailant?”

“No,” said Jack. He wasn’t one to waste time thinking about the impossible.

She gave him a look.

“I’m being honest, not avoiding the question.”

“There’s something you’re not telling me.”

She was entirely too perceptive. “Doesn’t mean I’m lying.”

“You’re not helping yourself by hiding.”

“I’m not hurting myself either.” All he was doing was declining to share something which might make her uncomfortable.

“You haven’t been this resistant in quite a while. Would you mind telling me what’s changed?”

Always with the questions. “This isn’t something you need to know.”

“I’m fairly sure it is.”

“You won’t like it,” he said.

“That’s irrelevant.”

“I don’t want to have to find a new therapist.”

That got her attention. “You’re afraid of telling me something that will make me give up on you?”

Not so much give up on as be afraid of, but it was close enough. Jack nodded.

“I’m not going to give up on you. I’m proud of the work you’ve been doing with me and I want to help you finish it, but you have to talk to me.”

Fine. He could find another therapist if he really had to. “I killed him. No point in thinking about what I’d say to a dead man.”

She didn’t recoil, but said calmly, “This is important information, Jack.”

“I don’t want you to be afraid of me.” Some people could handle the theory that soldiers took lives, but not sitting next to a man they knew for a fact had killed.

Elaine raised an eyebrow. “Do I need to be afraid of you?”

“No. I’m a soldier, not a murderer.” Hell, if anyone came in and tried to hurt Elaine, Jack would protect her. It was what his did, who he was.

“I know, and I’m well aware of the difference. Tell me what happened. I’m not afraid of you, Jack.”

She didn’t seem freaked out, so he complied. “He started to get sloppy, so I let him think he broke me. The day he barely bothered to tie my hands, I saw my chance. I killed him, took his weapons, and escaped that hellhole.”

It’d been a faster, cleaner death than the fucker deserved, but Jack couldn’t take a chance the guard would warn others. He added, “It wasn’t revenge. It was survival. I’m not sorry, though.”

“Understandably. Did that provide some closure for you?”

Seemed like a dumb question. “Not enough, or I wouldn’t be here.”

She almost smiled at that. “How do you feel, knowing he’s dead?”

“Relieved that he can’t hurt me or anyone else."

“You made sure of that.”

“I made sure I got the hell out of there. Killing him was the means to the end.” A satisfying means, yeah. Jack had no illusions that he was a saint.

“Thank you for trusting me with this, Jack.”

He didn’t know what to say to that, so he said nothing.

“I often suggest people write a letter to their assailant as a form of closure. It can then be burned, or just put away, in some cases given to the assailant. Do you think that would be helpful?”

“No. I’d rather not give that bastard any more of my time.”

Elaine nodded. “Fair enough. I think you got more closure from killing him and escaping than you would from a letter, if I’m being honest.”

Jack sure thought so.

* * *

 

The annoying thing about flying with Jack was how nothing bothered him in the air. Their flight from New York to Paris went through some severe turbulence, leaving most people fighting nausea. Not Jack, who slept through most of it. So when the rest of them finally deplaned looking much the worse for wear, Jack was refreshed and alert.

On the plus side, Jack being alert meant it was no big deal that Daniel wasn’t, and he didn’t need to worry about finding the gate for their flight to Vienna. He just followed Jack.

“Coffee,” he said as they passed a food court.

“You know you won’t sleep once we get there if you get coffee,” warned Jack, who was unfortunately right.

“Pastries, then.”

“That I can get behind. You wanna order, or you think they speak English?”

“It’s Europe. If they don’t speak English, you could probably speak to one of them in Spanish, but I’ll order.” He didn’t mind practicing his French.

For airport food, the pastries were good. After eating and going to the bathroom, Daniel was more than ready to sleep. In a couple hours they’d be in Vienna, and it might only be seven o’clock at night local time but he was going to crash hard. He could barely stay awake as it was.

Jack checked his watch, which he’d put on Paris time. “Forty-five minutes to boarding.”

Daniel just yawned. “I’ll try to stay awake.”

“You can sleep.”

He wasn’t so sure. The seats were uncomfortable.

“Lean on me if you want.”

Now there was a tempting offer. “You don’t mind?” he asked, because it would scream ‘couple’ and Europe was more open-minded on the whole, but Jack was still not used to this kind of thing.

“Nope,” said Jack. When Daniel hesitated, he added, “I’m proud to be with you, Daniel. If anyone doesn’t like it they can go to hell.”

Daniel smiled and leaned on Jack’s shoulder. “I don’t think hell is available anymore. We did a good job there.”

“We did,” agreed Jack. “Get some rest. I’ll wake you up when it’s time to board.”

He fell asleep in under a minute.

* * *

 

It was a beautiful summer morning in Vienna, and they still hadn’t made it out of the hotel room. Jack couldn’t have cared less. They got some much-needed sleep, especially Daniel who didn’t sleep well on planes, and then once they were awake Jack had the brilliant idea to join his lover in the shower for some fooling around. It’d been a long shower.

“I’m hungry, but I don’t want to move yet,” said Daniel.

That was fine by Jack, even though he was ready to eat. Going to get food would mean putting clothes on, and he liked having Daniel sprawled out naked. It also seemed like a good time for his next step. “Can I try something?” he asked.

“Anything that doesn’t require me moving.”

Jack scooted down to lay his head low on Daniel’s belly. It was a little stressful to have his face so close to another man’s dick, which was why he wanted to do it when he was all happy after an orgasm.

Daniel must’ve picked up on his stress, because he sounded concerned when asking, “Jack?”

“I’m desensitizing.” Eventually he wanted to get to the point where he could give Daniel a blowjob. That was a few more steps down the road, because blowjobs still equaled Iraq as far as his brain was concerned.

“Is there anything you want me to do?”

“Not moving would be good.” Daniel not moving meant Jack was in control, and he needed to be in control.

“I can definitely do that,” said Daniel. “And then we’ll get breakfast?”

“Yeah.” The talking seemed to be good, too. It helped Jack remember this was Daniel, who loved him and would never force him to do anything he wasn’t okay with. “We have that walking tour today, right?”

“The historic district tour, yes. It’s not until four o’clock though.”

“And I want to get one of those… what were they called? Sack-torts?”

“Sachertortes,” supplied Daniel.

“Right. One of those.”

This was okay, he told himself. He wasn’t completely freaking out, which was good, even if he didn’t feel entirely comfortable either.

“I’m glad we didn’t plan anything for the earlier part of today,” said Daniel.

“Vacations should never be over-planned.”

“Maybe we can just go out and see what catches our interest?”

“Sounds good to me.”

They had four days in Vienna before heading to Salzburg for the remainder of their trip, including the ice caves Jack wanted to check out. Most of their plans for Vienna revolved around doing whatever they wanted, whenever they wanted, though Daniel had a list of places he thought looked interesting. For his part, Jack had a list of famous Austrian foods he wanted to try.

He moved back up to lay parallel to Daniel. The first step in desensitizing was a success, he decided, though the thought of having his face next to Daniel’s hard-on was more stressful. One thing at a time. This was another small victory.

“Desensitizing go alright?”

“Not bad.”

Daniel reached out and gave Jack’s hand a squeeze. “When I say ‘good,’ I mean that for you, not in a selfish way.”

“You can look forward to blowjobs.” Jack was.

“Speaking of which,” said Daniel, “Remember that I’m happy to give you oral.”

“Even if I can’t?” It seemed unfair.

“Yes. It’s fun, and it might be good for you to see that giving oral can be fun, but I don’t mean that in a pressuring way.”

“I know.” Daniel had never even come close to pressuring him. “Still doesn’t seem fair.”

“Nothing about what happened to you is fair. Don’t worry about it.”

“Okay,” said Jack, who did like the idea a lot. “In the meantime, I’m hungry. Let’s go find breakfast.”

“You mean I have to move?”

“You can send me out to find breakfast and bring it back, but you’re the one who speaks German, so I can’t promise you’ll like what you get.”

“I’m fairly certain at least some of the hotel staff speak English.”

“Breakfast ended half an hour ago.”

“Room service?”

“We didn’t come all the way to Austria to sit in a hotel room,” pointed out Jack. “We could’ve done that at home.”

“Sometimes I hate it when you’re reasonable,” Daniel grumbled, but he got out of bed.

“I know the feeling.”

Daniel threw a pillow at him before going to his suitcase for clothes. Jack manfully took this without retaliation.

* * *

 

Kunsthistorisches Museum was a must-see for Daniel, who’d read high praise for the Egyptian and Near Eastern exhibit as well as Greek and Roman Antiquities collection.

Jack tolerated Daniel’s lengthy exploration with good grace and a bare minimum of sarcastic remarks. Being that this was Jack, a few quips were to be expected. He was particularly amused by the name Ka-ni-nisut for reasons Daniel couldn’t fathom and honestly, when faced with such an impressive Old Kingdom artifact, didn’t care about in the least. (He did once stop his admiration of the artifacts to express disapproval when Jack shortened Ka-ni-nisut to ‘Old Ninny.’)

The Imperial Armory exhibit was more to Jack’s liking. Of course it was, there were weapons involved. More ceremonial weapons than ones used in battle, but he didn’t mind. Jack’s museum appreciation occurred faster than Daniel’s. For his part, Daniel liked the armor but was not especially enthralled with it. Armor and weapons weren’t particular interests of his, so he was ready to leave when Jack was.

Looking at the brochure, Jack asked, “Do we need to go look at the paintings?” His tone suggested he was hoping for a no while bracing himself for a yes.

Left to his own devices Daniel would have checked out a few of the highlights, but they weren’t must-sees and Jack had let him spend four hours in the Egyptian and Near Eastern and Greek and Roman Antiquities exhibits with no real complaint. Compromise was in order.

“No.”

Jack brightened. “Nothing else you want to see?”

“Maybe the water fountain.”

Jack pulled out his map. “There’s one not far. We should make a quick trip to the gift shop.”

“Who are you and what did you do to Jack? He hates gift shops.”

“I said we should, I didn’t say I wanted to,” corrected Jack. “I promised Mom a postcard, remember?”

That sounded more like the Jack he knew and loved. “I’ll get one for Cassie while we’re at it.”

After the water fountain, they went to the gift shop and grabbed a couple postcards. On the way to the checkout Daniel saw a book display. He stopped to look and immediately picked up the paperback which promised pictures of the entire Egyptian and Near Eastern collection. He’d purchase that one for sure, and as it was available in five languages, he took English. There was another book, this one in German, which piqued his interest as well. The back blurb was promising. Intrigued, he flipped to the introduction, only for Jack to pluck the book from his hands.

He fixed his partner with a glare intended to convey that a satisfactory explanation was required immediately. If Jack wanted to go, he could at least be polite about it.

“We’ll buy the book,” said Jack. “If we get stuck behind that tour group we’ll be in line until closing.”

There was in fact a large tour group of at least fifty people all crowding into the gift shop. Daniel conceded to Jack’s tactical mind and walked toward the checkout.

The line was set up to present more merchandise, of course. Jack took a pen from the display. It was one of the pens designed so an image floated up and down depending on how you held it.

“That seem like a waste of a pen,” said Daniel. “It can’t hold very much ink.”

“True, but I bet T will get a kick out of it.” Jack held on to the pen, apparently deciding to buy it for Teal’c.

“Grab one for Sam, too,” Daniel said, in the interest of fairness.

“I don’t think she’ll be as intrigued.” Jack picked up another anyway.

“She’s always misplacing her pens, so another one can’t hurt.”

“Great, we’ll get her another pen to lose. We’re really buying into this impulse purchase scheme of theirs, aren’t we?”

“I’m afraid we are.”

“No more,” said Jack.

Daniel teased, “You’re not going to get your mom one?”

“I’m hoping we can find a transportation-friendly Sachertorte,” said Jack, with truly horrendous pronunciation. “She’d like that.”

The Sachertorte was good, if so rich Daniel couldn’t eat a large serving, but that wasn’t what he focused on. “You’re not even trying to get the German accent right.”

“Nope. I’m on vacation.”

Jack didn’t ever worry about pronunciation, so Daniel doubted vacation had anything to do with it.

* * *

 

The ice cave had been a good choice, if one that involved more climbing than either Jack or Daniel had expected. That was okay in one respect; they had to work off those Austrian desserts. Jack had probably indulged in a few more Schaumrollen than was wise. On the other hand, walking back down would be a bitch on his bad knee.

The place was called Eisriesenwelt which, according to Daniel, worked out to ‘World of the Ice Giants.’ According to their tour guide, it was only in the last ninety years or so that the cave got much attention. Before that, it was ignored because the locals considered it an entrance to Hell.

Jack frowned at that. “Keep an eye out for rings,” he said to Daniel, sotto voce.

“I think this one’s just a legend.”

He hoped so. The more likely scenario was that someone got lost exploring the cave, died of exposure and never returned, spawning a legend about hell. Or possibly toxic gasses. If Jack remembered correctly, those could lurk in caves. Then again, visitors weren’t allowed to explore the entire cave, so Jack wasn’t willing to rule out a hidden set of Goa’uld transport rings.

Ahead, their tour guide imparted more information in her crisp accent. “The Great Ice Embankment is twenty-five meters high. This is the area with the most ice growth.”

It was impressive. The cave seemed to have missed the memo that it was August and hot out, so Jack was glad he’d lugged up a warm coat, hat, and gloves. A great big wall of ice rose in front of them. It glimmered under the beams from their headlamps.

“This is cool,” he told Daniel. “And I don’t mean the temperature.”

“The temperature is past cool and into cold.” Daniel tugged his hat down over his ears. “The ice is remarkable, though. Very aesthetically pleasing.”

Jack liked this vacation. He’d put his ass on the line for Earth far too many times to count, so it was satisfying to get out and see more of the neat places on their home planet. (And yeah, he thought some pride in helping save what he was seeing, and the people, was justified.) There was a lot of great stuff out there in the galaxy, sure, but there was also a lot to be said for Earth. He’d be happy to do this traveling thing again, as long as he traveled with Daniel.

“Penny for your thoughts?” asked Daniel.

Most of his thoughts were classified, so he stuck with the basics. “This is good. The vacation with you thing, seeing more of good ol’ planet Earth. We should do it again, maybe make it an annual tradition.”

Daniel smiled over his scarf. “I’d like that.”

He considered options. Maybe a Grand Dessert Tour of Earth? Every summer they could find someplace new with great desserts… yeah, that could work.

In the meantime, he’d enjoy the ice cave.

* * *

 

When they left Austria, Daniel had wished for more time there and would’ve happily traded their time at the cabin. Now he realized the relaxing time out in the middle of nowhere was exactly what they needed.

Jack had actually caught a fish earlier, the first time Daniel had heard of the pond actually producing a fish even if it wasn’t an eating variety. While Jack fished, Daniel read a book with no relevance to anything currently on his plate at SGC, just because he could.

They were presently lazing around in the pond, floating on their backs in the middle where the water was over their heads because Daniel hated the slimy pond mud of the shallows. It occurred to Daniel that Jack hadn’t been visiting his cabin as much as he used to, followed by the guilty realization this was probably due to Daniel himself even though he’d said he would come.

“Jack?”

“Hmm?”

“We should come here more often.”

“You wouldn’t mind?”

“I’d like to. Maybe not for two weeks at a time,” he said, opting for complete honesty, “but it’s a nice place to decompress.”

“So, maybe next time we can swing a four day weekend we should head up here?”

“Yes.”

“Sweet.”

Another concern had been on Daniel’s mind, and he decided to stop fretting by himself and air the issue. “Do you think me moving in with you is breaking our promise to be discreet? Don’t get me wrong, I want to. I just don’t want you to get in trouble for it.”

“I won’t. They asked me not to retire, remember? And now there’s the Ancient tech nobody else can operate.”

This was true. As of their leaving SGC for vacation, Lt. St. Pierre was the only other person who could get Ancient devices to do anything, and she only managed to get the music player to turn on a third of the time. The stellar map wouldn’t respond to her at all.

“Were you planning to invite half the base to a moving party?” asked Jack. “Announce it over the PA system?”

“Of course not. I was going to quietly notify Personnel that my address changed, and I don’t mean telling them to look up yours for the street number. I don’t see why anyone other than Sam, Teal’c, and Janet needs to know.”

“Exactly. That’s discreet but not paranoid, just like we said. We’ll be fine.”

He felt better for the reassurance. “Good. I do want to.”

Jack smiled. “Me too."

By mutual silent agreement, they went back to relaxing.

* * *

 

Jack was glad Daniel appreciated the cabin. Fishing as an activity might not be Daniel’s thing, but that was okay. He got the fish-ING part, just without bothering to cast out a line.

As promised, he took Daniel out in the canoe, and Daniel liked canoeing once he got the hang of it. He was particularly pleased with the almost-hidden waterways which connected Jack’s pond to others.

So yeah, extended trips to the cabin might not be Daniel’s thing, but as long as they could visit from time to time, Jack would be happy. Besides, he was thinking about turning one corner of the living/dining room into a mini-office, maybe set it up as a place Daniel could work on those books he wanted to write without interruption. Then, if Jack was lucky, Daniel would be willing to spend more time at the cabin later, once Jack finally retired for real.

“You know what this place needs?” asked Daniel.

“Uh, no.” In Jack’s opinion, the cabin was just about perfect exactly as it was.

“An ice cream maker, like the one we have at home.”

The ice cream maker was at Jack’s house and damn, did he ever like to hear Daniel call it ‘home.’ “We can get one,” he said. He was strongly pro-ice cream and relieved Daniel wasn’t going to start, he didn’t know, remodeling the kitchen or something.

Daniel looked at him for a second and realized what his comment had suggested. “I didn’t mean I want to change your cabin. I know you love this place just the way it is.”

He nodded. “Maybe a desk and a bookshelf over there, though.”

“For me?”

It sure wasn’t for himself. “Yeah. You always say you wish you had time to write the books you can’t publish anyway.”

Daniel grasped Jack’s vision, thankfully. “A place I could write without interruptions.”

“Exactly.”

“I’d like that.” He must’ve been really touched, because Jack got one of Daniel’s special ‘you just made me feel loved’ kisses, and earning those was one of the best feelings in the world. “You’re a very considerate boyfriend.”

“I try.”

“You succeed. I know I’m not always the easiest person to be with. I can get caught up in my work with the past and forget about the present.”

Jack shrugged. “It’s part of who you are. You’re brilliant.” Nobody ever said it’d be easy to live with a genius, and Jack was happily signing up for it anyway.

Daniel worried at his lower lip. “I don’t want you to feel like you take second place in my life. I’ve made that mistake before, and I’m doing my best not to repeat it, but will you tell me if I am?

“Okay,” agreed Jack. Promising to talk about his feelings? He really was getting soft in his old age.

“I mean it, Jack. I couldn’t bear to lose you, least of all over my own obsessive tendencies.”

Ah. Clearly this had been on his mind for a while. “I’m not going anywhere, and I’ll tell you if I’m feeling neglected. Like I said, though, I know your work is important to you. Doesn’t mean I’m not, just that once in a while…” he tried to phrase it delicately… “your priorities need a little realignment.”

“I’m aware of this pattern, and I’m making a conscious effort to do better.”

“Hey, we’re both works in progress. It’s okay.” He gave Daniel another kiss. “It’s not about being perfect, it’s about being together.”

“That’s an excellent way to put it.” More kissing, of the heading-to-the-bedroom-soon variety. “Jack?”

“Yeah?”

“I understand if you don’t feel ready yet, but if you’re only worried about equality, I’d really like to give you oral.”

Jack’s dick was wholeheartedly in favor of the proposition. “I think I can be persuaded.”

Daniel grinned. “I’ve been told I can be very convincing.”

Jack already knew this, but he was up for further demonstrations. Pun very much intended.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue to follow.


	41. Epilogue

It was a beautiful day on P4Z-285 and Jack was in a great mood. It was nice to be out exploring another planet again. He missed it. Didn’t miss running for his life, and his knee thanked him for stopping his weekly mad dash to the gate, but staying in the mountain wasn’t the same as being out in the galaxy.

It’d have been like old times if Teal’c wasn’t in a completely different galactic neighborhood on a recon mission. No T, but several very excited scientists from Bill Lee, openly envious of Jack’s Ancient gene, to Nyan, Daniel’s designated cameraman. And they all wanted Jack to pursue their interests first. It was kind of a pain. Still, Jack would be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy the ego boost.

Meanwhile, back on Earth, the contractor was starting in on the basement. The right half would remain a storage area, and the left would be Daniel’s office, for which he was now seeking the perfect desk.

All in all, life was damn good. Not perfect – Jack knew he wasn’t done dealing with the issues he’d brought back from Iraq, he hoped his mom would eventually be more at ease with him spending the rest of his life with Daniel, and there was that discretion business until he retired.

So not perfect, but really good all the same. He had a desk job that wasn’t completely soul-sucking. Sure, it entailed more paperwork than he’d like, but he was still contributing something useful to Earth’s protection and he felt good about it. Most of all, he had Daniel, and somehow (he still didn’t know quite how Hammond managed it) even with official okay. Being with Daniel made Jack happier than he’d honestly thought possible at this point in his life.

And hey, since he was the VIP on this mission, he didn’t have to make camp. A couple airmen were doing that.

In a great mood, he looked around the ruined city and asked, “Where to first?”

Carter pointed to a very bent tower which Jack decided to call the Leaning Tower of P4Z-285. “Daniel and I think that area in front of the hill would be a good place to start, sir. The hill might have offered some protection from the tsunami, as the incomplete destruction of the tower suggests.”

“And I think one of the buildings used to be a museum,” added Daniel, who’d yet to encounter a museum he didn’t want to check out. “It could provide us with more information about the Ancients.”

Carter nodded. “If the tech works, I’d love to see it in action.”

“Sounds like a plan,” said Jack, who hoped they’d find handy Ancient defenses, weapons, or ship blueprints. Something really awesome that would help defeat the Goa’uld.

Under his breath, Lee muttered, “Nobody asked me. Carter and Jackson have an unfair advantage here.”

He wasn’t entirely wrong, so Jack pretended not to have heard.

* * *

 

Daniel had spent hundreds of nights sleeping next to Jack in a tent offworld, but never when Jack was his partner. Not that they intended to engage in anything remotely sexual – there were others on either side of their tent, after all. Still, it was different.

Jack was sketching a small mammal for his Squirrels of the Galaxy collection. Along with some observations about the planets, Daniel could envision the collection as a coffee table book if and when the program went public, despite Jack’s claims that ‘nobody will care about my scribbles.’

While his partner drew, Daniel compared the text he’d found that day to some of his earlier notes on the Ancient language, of which he still had only a very rough grasp. It was earlier than they’d usually go to bed when Jack yawned.

“Ready for bed soon?” Daniel asked.

“If you don’t mind,” said Jack. “Operating that gizmo was more tiring than you’d expect.”

The artifact he referred to was one they’d found attached to a wall inside the building Daniel believed to be a museum. In all, it was capable of projecting one hundred and seventeen unique two-dimensional holographic images, and they’d gone through each one individually, recording on video. Sam was dying to figure out how the telepathic technology allowed Jack to change the display by thinking ‘next.’ This was the first Jack mentioned that operating the device was tiring, which was no surprise. To his mind it probably equated weakness, and Jack was very choosy about who he’d allow to see any weakness.

In the past, Daniel would have asked for fifteen more minutes, which then would’ve turned into at least twenty. Now he finished his thought and set down the notebooks. Part of being a good partner, he’d concluded, was not being selfish about bedtime.

It pleased him to no end that nobody could use Ancient tech as well as Jack. This alone was a great vindication of the exemption he’d gotten from the Air Force, and Daniel would admit that being the partner of a DADT exemption experiment did come with a bit of pressure to prove themselves.

That experiment status, with the reminder that they could influence future decisions, was another reason to keep their hands to themselves offworld. They wanted to demonstrate to the military leadership that sexuality had no bearing on a person’s ability to perform, which meant no stupid risks like sex offworld.

Thus they turned off the light and shared a single brief kiss before settling in their separate sleeping bags.

“It’s a shame the photos don’t have captions,” Daniel remarked.

“Want to hear something crazy?”

As if he’d say no. “Yes.”

Jack said, “I think there used to be audio, and it’s broken.”

“That’s not remotely crazy.”

“The crazy part is that I tried thinking about audio, since we didn’t see captions, and it was like the machine kinda… I don’t know exactly how to explain it. It told me it was unable to comply.”

“Telepathically?”

“It’s the only explanation I can come up with.”

“This technology is amazing.” Of course, the Ancients built the gate system, so their technology was far beyond human comprehension. “It’s a good thing you’re here.”

“Yeah,” said Jack. “I hope it doesn’t drain me all the time once I get used to it.”

“We’ll take it into account. Just let us know.”

Jack nodded, which Daniel knew meant he’d say something approximately two minutes before he couldn’t stand up any longer. Weakness again. Daniel would mention it to Sam, quietly and between the two of them, so they didn’t overtax Jack.

It was good to sleep next to Jack, even in separate sleeping bags. Daniel was looking forward to the next month, when he’d move in and be spending most of his nights beside Jack. He’d already started packing. His winter clothes were in boxes in his living room and he’d started in on the artifacts and art.

It was hard to believe there’d been a time he thought Jack couldn’t stand him. Yes, it had taken a lot of work (on Jack’s part) and patience (on Daniel’s) to wrestled with Jack’s demons and get where they were. The time and effort were indisputably worth it. He reached over and grabbed Jack’s hand to give it a squeeze in lieu of all the things they couldn’t say offworld in a flimsy tent.

Jack lifted their joined hands, giving Daniel’s knuckles a kiss. “Night, Daniel.”

“Goodnight, Jack.”

For the first time in longer than he cared to recall, Daniel was absolutely happy with both his professional and personal lives, and it was truly amazing how much of a difference being loved and understood made. He was convinced the future would hold more fantastic adventures, and together with Jack, he could take on anything the universe would throw at them.

He fell asleep smiling, still holding Jack’s hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story has been quite the journey, turning into my longest ever and taking over a year to complete. Many thanks to everyone who's been along for the ride with me, and hugs for all the kind comments which have inspired me to keep going when it got tough.


End file.
